Tag Archives: weirdos

Say What?

There are times I’ll hear a song I’ve heard a million times before and suddenly realize I’ve been singing the wrong lyrics every single time. 

It doesn’t bother me that much because my version usually makes more sense anyway, but this means that when I hear someone else say them  “correctly,” I’m just as confused as when I found out John Fogerty was singing “Put me in, Coach” and not “Put me in a coma” in his song, “Centerfield.”

At any rate, things always sound better in my head—including a bunch of regular words and phrases I assign a certain phonetic pronunciation to that no one else has a clue about.

In other words, I nail 90s rap songs and pronounce “Worcestershire sauce” perfectly in my head every single time.

But there are some words that I know how to say correctly—the “real” correct and not the “Abby” correct—that I still occasionally choose to say somewhat phonetically from time to time, simply because it’s more fun.

Most of them are foreign. This means I sound fancy AND well-traveled in my own head when, for example, I talk about:

Tar-jay (Target), burr-rettes (berets), Vide-ul Sass-in (Vidal Sassoon) shampoo,  tore-tillahs (tortillas), whores de-vores (hors d’oeuvres), a kayfe (café), par-fits (parfaits), Chee-waa-waa or Chee-wah (Chihuahua) or la-zag-na (lasagna.)

Why am I telling you about a bunch of words that I say wrong because I’m easily amused? Good question, and I probably wouldn’t be if it wasn’t for an experience I had recently while at Tar-jay.

Follow along now, but don’t throw anything in the cart that’s not on the list.

So I was checking out at Tar-jay and told the cashier—“Stacey,” according to her name tag— that yes, Stacey, I did find everything I was looking for along with three dozen other things I never knew I needed. 

Because I said this out loud and know how to read, I was confident that her name was actually Stacey. However, she quickly informed me that, “It’s pronounced ‘C’, like in ‘cantaloupe.’  The s, t, a and y are all kind of silent. It’s easier that way!”

For cripe’s sake.

To preserve my own sanity and what little faith I had left in the human race, I had to believe that she thought that sounded better in her head. And while I probably should have thanked her for giving me something to blog about, I think you know me better than that.

So instead I told her, “That’s so funny! If you replace the s, t, c and e in your name, but add in two b’s, you have my name! The a, b’s and y are all silent though. It’s easier that way.”

Was that mean? Possibly, but she gave me a giggle along with my receipt so I doubt that much damage was done.

And after all, you know what they say: “S’est lah vye!”

Or to get technical: “C’est la vie” with a “c,” like in “cantaloupe.”

Put me in a coma.

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Sharing Victoria’s Secret

A few of you mentioned that given the nature of some of the search terms for my blog, I must write about underwear a lot.

In reality, I only did one post about a year ago in which I mentioned some underwear survey I read about and then wished for a pair of underwear I could slip on that would magically help me find a metaphorical emotional balance somewhere between a thong and granny panties.

The post was lame, but it apparently brings in some interesting search terms, and a few weeks ago it brought in one interesting email. I am not including the name of the other person, as I’m sure she’s a nice (or a psycho that would seek revenge) and it’s not my intent to poke fun of her.

However, this email thread was weird and went exactly as I have it below.

HER: I have a silly question, so please forgive the oddness of my request.  I’ve been trying to find the old second skin panties Victoria’s Secret used to make. I some how ended up with a pair a while back and ever since I’ve been on this ridiculous hunt trying to find them all. Of course VS stopped making them years ago.

I noticed you had a lot of them in one of your photos from a post in 2010. Is there any chance you still have them? I’ve been trying so hard to find them, but the only way to get them now is from someone who bought them originally.

I’m sorry if that sounded odd,

Thanks!

ME: Yikes! I wasn’t expecting that question, and I’m afraid you’ll be bummed by my answer. First of all, I bought those years ago, so I’m not sure if they still sell them or not. Second, I’m not too into sending my underwear to other people, as nice as those people may be. Maybe you can get some online?
Good luck!

HER: I hope I didn’t offend you or anything with that question. 😦

ME: It was a bit odd and I’m not sure if you were serious, but it takes a lot to offend me. Good luck with your search!

HER: Aww. Come on! They stopped making them years ago 😦 I’m sorry, I know it’s an odd question but it would mean sooooooooo much too me. I’ve been looking for years trying to find them all. Please consider it Abby!

ME: What am I supposed to be considering? Giving you my underwear? Are you serious? Yes, now this is weird. It’s not like I have a stash of discontinued VS underwear I’m hoarding and not selling to you. It’s a couple pairs of underwear–my underwear–that have been worn. Why would you want those?

HER: I’m sorry. Don’t get the wrong idea. I’m not up to any evil shenanigans. It’s just that Victoria’s Secret discontinued them a long time ago and after writing them many times they said they don’t bring back old styles. Most of the ones I have were given to me by other women and they were all happy to part with them.

It may seem odd to you but I don’t mind if they’re used and I’m sorry you found that weird.They’re just one of those odd favorites in life. I would love to see what ones you have and even buy them if they’re the right ones, but if you’re not ready to part with them or have an issue with it again I’m sorry for being so blunt.

ME: That’s okay. To be honest, I’m not even sure which pair we’re talking about, but I think I would like to keep them anyway. But like I said, I wish you luck with your search.

HER: OK. For the sake of it, the leopard prints along with the two blue pairs with flowers are second skin from VS. I think 6-7 of what I can see in that photo are Second Skin. Anyway, those are what I’m looking so hard for.

Take care and if you change your mind, I would still love for you to send them my way!

undies

Picture from that post.

For the record, I wear almost none of these—they were gifts and have a long backstory—but I refuse to send my underwear to a complete stranger who requests them over the Internet.

Unless, of course, that stranger is a hot Canadian hockey player. Then those suckers are headed for the mail.

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(Book does not include complimentary pair of underwear.)