Tag Archives: Victoria’s Secret

A Letter to the One “Real” Bra That I Wear

Hello Bosom Buddy,

We’ve been together more than a decade, which is technically a longer and more intimate relationship than I’ve had with anyone who isn’t related to me and I thank you for your support. I’m writing you this letter today because although it’s a little embarrassing, you deserve my honesty.

I have been faking it.

The fact of the matter is, I really don’t need you that much. Now before you go getting all weepy, let me clarify that I’m keeping you around—you’re pretty much all that I have—but the last few years of our relationship have really been based more out of social convention than physical necessity.

It wasn’t like this in the beginning.

You were one of many with a very important job to do. I had more meat on my frame and an actual need for your support—physical and not just moral. The fact that you were from Victoria’s Secret, dark, mysterious and didn’t contain underwire was a winning combination.

I kept you in the rotation among a few others who, sadly, have not lasted nearly as long. Multiple washings wore out their lace, their straps, their comfort, and yet you stuck around like a champ.

We’ve had a lot of good times and some questionable moments — let’s not talk about that night in college when we woke up hung-over in a frat house and I frantically searched for you before eventually finding you stuck in a fan. If only you could have held my hair back instead of my boobs as I hovered over the toilet and swore off ever drinking again.

There’s a seasonal nature to our relationship and you accept that when it’s cold, I can defer to my preferred sports bra under the layers of clothes that I wear. But when the weather starts to heat up and your straps might just show, I don’t revert to the drawer full of lace, silk and padded cotton that pretty much now goes untouched.

No, I go to you.

Much like my yoga pants, I’m sure you had higher goals and expected to feel more fulfilled—both emotionally and physically—and I share in your disappointment. After all, Victoria’s Secret promoted you as helping to turn me into a “bombshell,” but I think both of us know that the only way that will happen is if your cups are packed with explosives.

Yet you try, and for that my bosom buddy, I give you an “A” for effort. Or more accurately, a 34 A. Ha!

At any rate, while I might not need you around, I’ll happily keep you around as long as you hold up your end of the deal—and the two little bumps on my chest.

Sincerely,

Abby

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Sharing Victoria’s Secret

A few of you mentioned that given the nature of some of the search terms for my blog, I must write about underwear a lot.

In reality, I only did one post about a year ago in which I mentioned some underwear survey I read about and then wished for a pair of underwear I could slip on that would magically help me find a metaphorical emotional balance somewhere between a thong and granny panties.

The post was lame, but it apparently brings in some interesting search terms, and a few weeks ago it brought in one interesting email. I am not including the name of the other person, as I’m sure she’s a nice (or a psycho that would seek revenge) and it’s not my intent to poke fun of her.

However, this email thread was weird and went exactly as I have it below.

HER: I have a silly question, so please forgive the oddness of my request.  I’ve been trying to find the old second skin panties Victoria’s Secret used to make. I some how ended up with a pair a while back and ever since I’ve been on this ridiculous hunt trying to find them all. Of course VS stopped making them years ago.

I noticed you had a lot of them in one of your photos from a post in 2010. Is there any chance you still have them? I’ve been trying so hard to find them, but the only way to get them now is from someone who bought them originally.

I’m sorry if that sounded odd,

Thanks!

ME: Yikes! I wasn’t expecting that question, and I’m afraid you’ll be bummed by my answer. First of all, I bought those years ago, so I’m not sure if they still sell them or not. Second, I’m not too into sending my underwear to other people, as nice as those people may be. Maybe you can get some online?
Good luck!

HER: I hope I didn’t offend you or anything with that question. 😦

ME: It was a bit odd and I’m not sure if you were serious, but it takes a lot to offend me. Good luck with your search!

HER: Aww. Come on! They stopped making them years ago 😦 I’m sorry, I know it’s an odd question but it would mean sooooooooo much too me. I’ve been looking for years trying to find them all. Please consider it Abby!

ME: What am I supposed to be considering? Giving you my underwear? Are you serious? Yes, now this is weird. It’s not like I have a stash of discontinued VS underwear I’m hoarding and not selling to you. It’s a couple pairs of underwear–my underwear–that have been worn. Why would you want those?

HER: I’m sorry. Don’t get the wrong idea. I’m not up to any evil shenanigans. It’s just that Victoria’s Secret discontinued them a long time ago and after writing them many times they said they don’t bring back old styles. Most of the ones I have were given to me by other women and they were all happy to part with them.

It may seem odd to you but I don’t mind if they’re used and I’m sorry you found that weird.They’re just one of those odd favorites in life. I would love to see what ones you have and even buy them if they’re the right ones, but if you’re not ready to part with them or have an issue with it again I’m sorry for being so blunt.

ME: That’s okay. To be honest, I’m not even sure which pair we’re talking about, but I think I would like to keep them anyway. But like I said, I wish you luck with your search.

HER: OK. For the sake of it, the leopard prints along with the two blue pairs with flowers are second skin from VS. I think 6-7 of what I can see in that photo are Second Skin. Anyway, those are what I’m looking so hard for.

Take care and if you change your mind, I would still love for you to send them my way!

undies

Picture from that post.

For the record, I wear almost none of these—they were gifts and have a long backstory—but I refuse to send my underwear to a complete stranger who requests them over the Internet.

Unless, of course, that stranger is a hot Canadian hockey player. Then those suckers are headed for the mail.

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