Tag Archives: texting

Use Your Words

Today’s post is brought to you by whoever decided that the “Milford” street sign in my neighborhood had suddenly graduated into something else a little sexier.

milf

Let’s pretend MILF stands for: Masking Identifiable Letters Fashionably

It also got me thinking about how our language has become full of a bunch of words and abbreviations that almost seem like a second language in and of themselves, one that often mandates a (humorous and educational) trip to Urban Dictionary.

Because I’m an editor, I do read and write most things in AP style and have a few pet peeves when it comes to grammar and language. But the whole modern text/Twitter speak thing leaves me RME, which I recently learned is “rolling my eyes” and not just some dyslexic adaptation for “REM sleep” or a rock group. 

I know “RT” means “retweet,” but had no clue “MT” meant “modified tweet” and not “mountain time.” And although I am fully aware of the meaning assigned to “WTF,” I prefer it to mean “Where’s the food?”

Plus, I’m pretty sure people just start making up their own acronyms simply to confuse people, which makes me want to KTCOOT (kick the crap out of them.)

Now I understand that this bastardization of the language is going to happen with texts and Tweets and I’m not so old that I’ll complain about that. But just for the record, “was” is just as many letters as “wuz,” so there’s absolutely no excuse for that one.

Anyway, I am going to complain about the fact that some people have taken to using acronyms in verbal communication—as in, when talking face-to-face (IRL, for those of you confused by the verbiage.)

I’m not talking about the old school ASAP or FYI—those actually have a concrete meaning in the conversation—but rather things like LOL, ROFLMAO and OMG. In my opinion (IMO), they are just about the most ridiculous things adults can use in a conversation.

If you reply to what I said with “ROFLMAO,” I can clearly see that you are not actually rolling on the floor laughing your ass off and “BRB” is just as many syllables as “be right back.”

This epidemic has also spread into abbreviating other words that shouldn’t be abbreviated—“adorbs,” “obvs” and “addy” come to mind—as if it’s physically too much work to add on the extra syllables to say “adorable,” “obviously” and “address.”

Then there are those people who actually say ‘”hashtag,” as in “I ran into my ex— ‘Hashtag’ awkward!” This makes me immediately want to “unfollow” them so I don’t sink into the depths of language bastardization that leaves them sounding like Valley Girls…or a Target cashier. 

At any rate, I miss the days when people actually laughed out loud or completed whole sentences. Then again, if these things hadn’t crept up into our modern vernacular, a street sign with cleverly placed masking tape wouldn’t have inspired a ranting blog post.

And that, my friends, would have been totes ridic.

#rantover

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Uncle June Dreams the Dream

For purposes of this post, I’m going to request that you pronounce the word “theatre” as “THE-a-tah” so that we can sound fancy and class.

Let’s sip our tea with our pinkies in the air and begin.

Christmas morning will be lame in the gift department this year, as I’ve pretty much given my mom her gifts already. Along with the book, I bought us tickets to see Les Miserables last week—our absolute favorite show of all time.

lesmiz1

(If you’ll remember, I’ve had the songs memorized since I was a mini-Lovely Lady.)

So last week we geared up to go see the show, and I’ll tell you right now that it was phenomenal. There really are no words. We’ve both seen it a couple times before, but this production was amazing. That’s the end of my review, as this post is not about the show itself. 

Plus, you know, there are no words.

While I was excited to go, I was also slightly dreading it for a couple of reasons. One being the fact it was a weeknight and interrupting my normal routine in which I do nothing of significant importance except maybe work out, possibly write some drivel, run errands and bond with my couch before going to bed at 10 so I can get up at 5. 

In other words, OCD.

But the main reason was that it’s a THREE HOUR show. 

Three hours, people! I can sit for about 1 1/2 in one spot without having to get up and move, so three hours in the cramped quarters of the theatre (pronunciation!) was a task comparable to breaking through the barricades myself.

However, ‘tis the season for sacrifice and culture—and using the word “tis”—so I anxiously went, sat and thoroughly enjoyed my experience, an experience that almost didn’t happen due to my mom’s insistence on the addition of one thing—Uncle June.

june

It’s an old picture, but you get the idea. 

It started with a text message from my mom about how she had nothing to wear. I had no sympathy, seeing as she still has a gift card to Kohl’s — we know how that went. The text came while I was eating, something she knows is strike one (do not interrupt my meals), but I know she was excited so this behavior was excused.

I texted her back about how no one cares what we wear to the theatre (pronunciation!), that I was eating and that I would see her in 30 minutes. Approximately 2.3 seconds later I heard the “ting” of my phone once again and this text exchange began:

Mom: Uncle June wants to go to the show! Bring Uncle June so he can “Hear the People Sing!”

Me: Ha! (Thinking she was kidding and trying to be polite, seeing as I was eating. See rule above.)

Mom: No, I’m serious. Bring Uncle June. I want to take his picture at the show.

Me, realizing she was entering crazy mode: Mom, I’m not bringing a pocket gnome to the theatre. Or my camera, since they’re not allowed. I’ll see you in a bit.

Mom: If he doesn’t go, I’m not going. I’m not kidding either. Bring Uncle June.

Me, realizing she was progressing into stubborn bitch mode, and leaning that way myself: No gnome. Zip it. I’ll see you in a bit.

Then my phone rang, the sound of which filled every cell of my being with the urge to fling the damn phone out into my backyard, a yard several small woodland creatures are currently “occupying” with small picket signs in a show of solidarity again my bird seed of choice.

The details of said phone conversation are not important, as she hung up on me. So I called again, and to avoid another tantrum I relented and told her Uncle June could go if she would a) shut up about it b) take responsibility for him and c) promise to be on her best behavior.

Summary: I am a 30 year old woman who had to bribe her mom with a gnome.

So we  left, her bouncing in the passenger’s seat with excitement, gnome securely placed in her purse. All was going well until I went to use the bathroom before they started seating, leaving my mom in the crowded lobby.

Upon my return I found her propping Uncle June up on a lobby chair, artfully arranging him with the program and ticket stub for his impromptu photo shoot. She had no camera, but she had her phone, a phone that doesn’t have Internet to transfer the photo for others to see.

But she also had a group of elderly patrons gathered around watching this woman take a picture of a gnome with the camera on her phone.

junelesmis

This was taken at home, not at the theatre.

Like I said, there are no words.

This post was partly based of the Studio 30 Plus prompt this week:

The Gift

It was also partly based on the fact that I took my mom to Les Miserables as part of her Christmas gift and she refused to go unless I brought a gnome—mostly that.

Speaking of gifts: Buy the Book. Save a Kitten.

Smiling is My Favorite

True story.

I had to buy a new phone and qualified for an upgrade discount, so I went to the Verizon store and bought a new one. When I got home, I had an email with an online offer that confused me. Thinking I got screwed out of money, I decided to participate in a “live support chat” session online.

I copied the text and pasted it below.

Please wait for a Chat Representative to respond.

Thank you for contacting Verizon Wireless. My name is ‘Gina’, how may I assist you?

Abby: I just returned home from the Verizon store because I was told I qualified for an upgrade. So I purchased the new phone, got home and just saw that there was an online discount for the same phone that I just bought! How can I get that $50 discount? It seems unfair to have to pay the full price if I’m a returning customer…

Gina: I’m sorry for the misunderstanding about online pricing vs. store pricing. I can gladly assist you.

(Insert boring details here.)

Gina: Thank you. First I wanted to mention so you understand why this happened.  Stores have their own pricing. Now if you did purchase the phone at a company owned store I can see if I can credit your account.

Gina: One moment.

Gina: Great you did upgrade at a company owned store. I’m trying to see what you paid for the phone. $30?

Abby: $(insert amount much greater than $30)!

Gina: Oh. Gosh. Thank you. Please give me a few moments.

(Insert a few moments here.)

Abby: I’m still here…

Gina: Good news. We are unable to match online pricing as it’s for online orders only. Once you return you’re phone, place the order in My Verizon and it will be free.

Abby: But I already cut the UPC off the box and sent it in for the rebate. And it’s “your,” not “you’re,” just for future reference. I’m not trying to be rude, but it’s a pet peeve of mine.

Gina: Ha. Okay. You can still return phones after submitting the rebate. Your refund will be less the rebate.

Abby: So if I take the phone back, do they simply refund me what I paid for this phone and then I order the new one online for $X?

Gina: Yes, I see what you mean now. Hmm. The store will refund your money less the $50 rebate then you will get the $50 on a Visa card.  Once they process your return, you can then order the phone in My Verizon for $X.

Abby: What do I tell them when I go there?

Gina: Exactly what you told me. Wait. You mentioned a $50 rebate. Online orders offer instant rebates and the stores instead have mail in rebates. In the end your price is still the same. I thought at first you found it was free.

Sidenote: Who mentioned a free phone?

Gina: Do you follow me?

Abby: Like on Twitter? I just starting Tweeting last week and don’t really know what I’m doing.

Gina: Ha. No, not on Twitter.

Abby: In fact, it’s kind of like this—typing back and forth—except you have to add in things like @ and # every once in awhile.

Gina: That sounds nice. Do you understand about the phone?

Abby:  I think so. So there’s no difference between ordering it online or in the store. One is with a mail-in rebate and one is instant, so this whole conversation was for nothing?

Gina: You were under impression that you would get an additional $50 off but online there’s no mail in rebate in addition. It would be worth it if you saw it was free online.

(pause)

Gina: I just caught that now. You never mentioned seeing a free phone online. 

Abby: Right…so it’s the same price either way then.

Gina: I guess so! Are you familiar with how to track your rebate submission online? I can give you the direct link.

Abby: I sent it in already. It will come in the mail. As long as I’m not getting screwed by ordering in store instead of online, I guess this whole thing was a moot point!

Gina: I’m glad it works out the same. I included the link above to help you track the status.

Abby: I just mailed it an hour ago, so I don’t think I can check yet. However, I will keep the link for future use. Thanks.

Gina: Yes, exactly. Save it to your favorites.

Abby: Smiling is my favorite.

Gina: In 4-6 weeks you will receive your Visa card that can be used anywhere to further smiles!

Abby: Yay for smiles!

Gina: I hope you are enjoying your new phone. Did you have any additional questions or concerns for me at this time?

Abby: Thank you Gina. I plan on enjoying my new phone by not answering it when it rings and dying a little inside when the little text thing goes off.

Gina: You can change your text notifications in the Sounds setting menu if it is bothering you at the wrong times.

Abby: No, it’s people that bother me. The noises are fine.

Gina: Oh no! Well you go and have a great peaceful day by yourself with lots of smiles. If you have no other questions, I thank you for being a valued Verizon Wireless customer.