Tag Archives: rap

Kanye West: “Weed Digger”

It’s been awhile since I’ve serenaded you with veggie verses, so it’s my pleasure to present to you my take on Kanye West’s Golddigger,” with a gardening spin.

 Weed Digger”

weeddigger

She gives me veggies, when I’m in need

Yeah she’s a gardening friend indeed

Oh she’s a weed digger, way over town

That digs on me.

Chorus:

(She gives me veggies.)

Now I ain’t sayin’ she a weed digger (when I’m in need)

But all these plants are getting bigger, bigger.

(She gives me veggies)

Now I ain’t sayin’ she a weed digger (when I’m in need)

But all these plants are getting bigger, bigger.

Get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)

Get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)

Get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)

Get down girl gone head

18 plants, 18 plants

She got one of every kind, about 18 plants

I know somebody putting stakes up for all of those beans,

Her green thumb mamma helps secure it so that it never leans.

You will see her there outside on any given day

Digging up the dandelions out from the clay.

She was supposed to buy some new clothes with some of her money

But went down to the greenhouse and got seeds with that money

Now she keeping her plants safe from that meddling bunny,

So that it doesn’t eat the greens she bought with all of her money.

If you ain’t no punk, holla “We want turnips!

WE WANT TURNIPS!” Yeah.

It’s something that you need to know

‘Cause what you’ll see when you go to her home.

18 plants, 18 plants

And in her flowers you can find a happy little gnome.

Chorus:

Now I ain’t saying she’s a weed digger (she got needs)

She don’t want her yard to suck, so she pulls those weeds

Her OCD compels her every day to rake up the leaves,

There’s green beans in the back, so she rolls up her sleeves

She got that ambition, baby, look in her eyes

This week she’s picking peppers you would normally buy.

So, stick by her side

I know this girl is crazy, but the garden is nice

And she gonna keep weeding and trying

But you stay right there

‘Cause when you need some good tomatoes she is willing to share.

Get down girl go head get down

Get down girl go head get down

Get down girl go head get down

Get down girl go head

(lemme hear that back)

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Introducing ‘Veginem’

I enjoy vegan food. I enjoy Eminem. It seemed like a natural combination, so I present to you my debut as “Veginem.”

(This will only make sense if you’re familiar with his hit, “Lose Yourself,” so please read it with the same rhythm—minus a middle stanza—and do the gangsta lean, yo.)


LOSE YOURSELF (in plant-based food)

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity,

to seize every great food you ever wanted—one moment.

Would you capture it? Or just let it slip?

Yo.

My stomach is growling, knees weak, arms are heavy,

I could have a rice bowl or sandwich, maybe spaghetti.

(Sorry for the pictures. I’m not a food blogger.)

Eating plant-based isn’t hard and I am always ready,

to enjoy whatever foods people keep on forgetting.

You say “vegan,” the whole crowd objects so loud,

I open my mouth, and the words come right out,

It’s just food, people! Made without animals now.

Like grains, veggies and nuts. I can show you how!”

 pantryfood

Silk Almond Milk, Larabars, BumbleBars, Wild Garden hummus, Once Again Sunflower Seed Butter, Earthly Choice farro

 Snap back to reality, Oh there goes dairy,

Oh there goes eggs, I said,

I love food, and I won’t give that up.

People don’t know, and dismiss veggies in haste,

It don’t matter,  I know how good plant-based can taste.

Use websites and blogs, yo,

Nothing’s stagnant, you know.

wrapavo

When I go to start cooking, that’s when it’s

back to the store again, off to the grocery.

Better go capture those sales and hope it don’t pass me by, yo.

 

Hook [x2]

You better lose yourself in the plant foods, the great taste,

You own it, you better never let it go.

You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to glow,

This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo.

 

No more games. I’ma change what you call taste,

Eat this motherfreaking salad gone and leave no waste.

salad2

I tried kale in the beginning, the mood all changed.

I chewed it up and spit it out and booed that leaf off stage.

But I’ve always loved spinach and every other green,

And grains and nuts and fruits, with other stuff in between.

All that taste inside amplified by the fact,

that I can get by, with my 5-9 servings.

sbbswich

 SunButter and banana sandwich on Ezekiel bread.

And I can consume the right foods that will please,

Cause man, there are meatless burgers with “cheese,”

and pizza tastes great, and legumes rule my plate, this is my life.

People say that’s it’s hard, but you have to reconcile,

If I can do it so can you, while

Never getting caught up between being a vegan and a prima donna

All the preachy drama screaming on and

I just never really wanna

frozenvegan

 Amy’s Kitchen, Daiya, Earth Balance, Ezekiel Bread

 Put you on the spot, but days of “Ugh, vegan food?”

Has gotten me to the point, I’m like “Hey dude,

You’ve got to formulate a plot and give plant-based a shot.

Better health is now your option, heart failure’s not.

Say for one meal a day, ‘this meat has got to go,’

Small changes add up to more than you know.”

So here you go it’s your shot,

food fail you not, this is the only body that you got.

 

  Hook [x2]

You better lose yourself in the plant foods, the great taste,

You own it, you better never let it go.

You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to glow,

This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo.

 

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P.S. I respect everyone’s choices. This post is supposed to be fun. Play nice.

Stop, Collaborate and Listen

You wouldn’t know it by looking at me, but I’m kind of like the skinny white Polish girl version of Snoop Dogg.

snoop-dogg

This is where I add the mandatory disclaimer or “Hugs, not drugs.”

No, I don’t have dreads, a criminal record or say “shizzle my nizzle”that often, anyway—and my skills leaned more towards piano than profanity-laced rap when I was younger, but straight up yo.  I’m kind of hardcore.

Okay, not “hardcore” exactly. But for what it’s worth, I’m not one of those people that thinks the word “rap” is missing a silent “c” at the beginning.

True to my commitment issues, there’s no one kind of music I like enough to claim as the best. There’s good country and then there’s “poke your eyes out with a pitchfork” country. There’s good alternative, and then there’s “poke someone else in the eye with a guitar pick” alternative. Each genre has ups and it’s downs—including rap.

But this girl loves her Eminem, so much so that she would put aside her spinsterhood for him and engage in a long distance relationship that involved a weekly phone call and mandatory date night that did not involve sleeping over.

Eminem

I still need my space.

I also like Kid Rock, so as you can tell I’m a Michigan girl who lived in Detroit for a bit at heart. However, I have no interest in creating a lukewarm distant semi-romantic relationship with Kid Rock.

I would rather date an actual rock.

But unfortunately, other than a menacing looking gnome in my garden, that’s about where my street cred ends.

I have no idea what Drake “sings”—for lack of a better term—but if some old school LL Cool J comes on, I can bust out with every word and be instantly transported back to middle/high school.

Then once the horror-filled memories of middle school seep from my brain, I can put on a thugtastic version of Salt-n-Pepa’s “Shoop,” “ Push It” or “Whatta Man.” And even though I can’t remember why I put my keys in the fridge, I can rap every word to Arrested Development’s “Mr. Wendal” from 1992, the song from which our ghetto rescue cat Wendell (spelling change) was named, may her one-toothed, crooked crotched furry little body RIP.

But you have to understand where I’m coming from.

Vanilla-Ice

Nice eyebrows, Homeboy.

I grew up with a white boy from Dallas telling me to, “Stop, collaborate and listen”—all three at the same time?—and a black dude named Stanley wearing Hammer pants reminding me I was, “Too Legit to Quit.” There was hardly any profanity and instead of their pants hanging off of their asses, they pretty much just wore them backwards a la Kris Kross.

Now they have “99 Problems” and one of mine is the fact that I can’t understand a damn word that most of them say.  Another one is the fact that when flipping around on the radio recently, both “Baby Got Back” and “Bust a Move” were playing ON THE OLDIES STATION. 

Sigh.

Shizzle my nizzle, indeed.

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