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Let’s Wrap It Up

It’s been established that I’m not a fan of Top Ten lists or New Year’s resolutions, so this “holiday” isn’t a big deal to me.

And after an unfortunate incident that involved two measly vodka gimlets and a low tolerance on Christmas Eve with a couple of friends, I have also established that even though I only drink once or twice a year, I am never drinking again.


In other words, my actual New Year’s Eve will be low-key—as usual.

I’m going to be on the local news at 7:30 Saturday morning talking about the book again (here’s the link to my debut last week. Don’t judge.) This time it’s live TV, so I’m thinking I’m guaranteed to either ramble incessantly, sneeze uncontrollably or bust out with my own personal rendition of “Dancing Queen” while showing how I can do the splits all three ways.

It’s a toss-up.

After that I’ll go on with my day and wait for “America’s Got Talent” to call, spill various things on whatever sweatshirt I’m wearing and crash in bed by 10:30 like every other Saturday night. However, my mom is having the nun over on New Year’s Day, so that could be exciting.

But the point of this post wasn’t to point out that I am the reason I can’t have nice things or why I’m single—or as I prefer to call it, “independently owned and operated—but rather to break my own rule and do a pseudo-Top Ten list from the past year on this blog for the five people who are regularly reading blogs this week.

(waves) Hello, spam commenter “Galinda” who declared, “Heckuva job there, gal! Real brain power on display! Sex toys at my site!”

Anyway, don’t worry. Even though it was kind of a big year for me in some ways—I did turn 30, marry my couch and kind of figure out how to make pictures bigger on my blog—I’m too lazy to actually go back through the last year. So below is just a short list of stats from WordPress.

And because I kind of feel like doing something rebellious and out of character to shock you people, instead of 10 things, I’ll go with nine.

Nine Most Commented Posts in 2011

This list actually surprised me a bit, as I’m not sure I would classify all these as my nine favorite posts, but you were feeling chatty with these evidently:

Top Nine WTF Search Terms Since the Last Recap

  • But what about my needs, you chauvinist squirrel?
  • Look at that bitch eat her cracker like she owns the place
  • Drunk nuns are my favorite
  • Mardi Gras costumes for large dogs and midget squirrels
  • Bend me over while I do the dishes
  • You are my Google, you have everything I’m searching for
  • Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken (yay for Fight Club posts!)
  • Gilad’s thong drawer
  • Expiration date for yogurt and grandma

Let’s Wrap It Up Already


All in all, I think 2011 was neither detrimental nor monumental, but just kind of mental.

I won’t go through and rehash everything I’ve written or thought about—that’s what archives and the Issue Index are for—and I won’t try and summarize 365 days in one post.  I also won’t make any hard and fast resolutions for 2012 or try and predict where I’ll be 365 days from now, mostly because I get distracted and won’t remember where I am five minutes from now.

Instead I’ll thank you for reading my rambles and invite you to continue to join me for the next 365 days—or until I run out of things to say, which could be much sooner than that or an excruciatingly longer period of time more than that.

It’s a toss up.

All aboard.


Forget your own resolutions. Whether it’s women taking pictures of themselves with their phones and posting them on Facebook, meteorologists freaking out over a drop of rain, people using the word “epic” or me rambling, what resolution would you like to see someone ELSE make in 2012?

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