Tag Archives: NickMom

Nicole Leigh Shaw Has Issues

Friday means another blogger sharing their issues!

Today is none other than the Ninja Mom herself, Nicole Leigh Shaw. So without further ado, I’m going to let her take over because, well, she’s a ninja. You never mess with a ninja.

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Name: Nicole Leigh Shaw

Blog: Well, that’s a bit tricky. I started blogging, publicly, as NinjaMomBlog.com. I still do. But, I’ve recently launched NicoleLeighShaw.com, because it turns out I’m not only interested in writing about mommy things. Who knew?

Where, what and why do you write?

Why? Because I’m an incurable egotist who likes the metaphoric sound of her own voice. That’s the truth of it. The shine I like to put on it is that I might have things to write about that are interesting to other people. This proves to be true, some of the time.

I write essay-style humor and internet-friendly humor and even mime humor. I derive a certain pleasure from making fun of mimes. In fact, the more humor you write, the more you realize there are particular punch lines you can’t let go of. Mimes feature more than they should.

Also, dead pet jokes. I write a lot of those. Particularly about the unflushability of certain pets, say, ferrets. You can flush a goldfish, not so a ferret. This amuses me. It’s probably a topic my therapist would like to hear more about, but for now I let it play out in my humor writing.

Specifically, I currently write for NickMom.com, WeAreTeachers.com, Moms.FortWayne.com (as well as their print incarnation), Swimmingly.com, Mamalode.com, InThePowderRoom.com, and have written for Fandango’s Family Room and I don’t even know where else but if someone owes me a paycheck, would you kindly pay me?

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

First thing? I’ve never noticed. Gosh, what would be a great answer here? “I think about how I can put out positive energy for the day and end each night as a better person.” The truth is that I probably think about the Keurig.

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

Professionally, I need a benefactor who will provide me a house-cleaning and babysitting stipend while I write. Not available on Craigslist. I’ve looked.

Personally, I have a nagging feeling I’ll have to initiate the sex talk with my oldest soon, because despite my telepathic messages “just ask me point-blank and I’ll tell you!” she seems to be waiting until her wedding night when I will be forced to tell her about things like “penetration.”

Three websites you visit every day.

NickMom.com, where I can see that all of my writer colleagues have been so very much funnier than I am.

Does Facebook count?

I’m not really good at consistency, truth be told. I visit different sites every day. I like Swimmingly.com lately, because the writing is sharp, and no I don’t mean my own writing, but sure, that too. I also like to hit up Medium, which is always loaded with thinky pieces. But, mainly, I use the Internet like a cat uses chopsticks.

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

I can contort my tongue into three little folds. I’m not the only one, but it’s not like there’s a ton of tri-fold tongues running around out there. I also have only one-and-a-half toenails, but I hardly call that a talent or an accomplishment.

Favorite place to be?

Home, mostly. Unless it’s filthy, which it usually is. So, someone else’s home.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

Well, there’d be very clear signs indicating that you can make a left turn on red if you’re turning onto a one-way road because that always makes me break out in nervous sweats. Turn, don’t? Wait for green? Why is this so hard?

What TV show would you want to appear on?

Can I pick none? Unless I can magically become a dancer with years and years of training, then I’ll be on “So You Think You Can Dance.”

Best and worst things I could find in your refrigerator right now?

All relative. Am I PMSing? Then the best thing in my fridge is cheese and dips for things, including more cheese. If I’m not PMSing, then it’s the veggies. I have a fair amount of veggies and fruits and also Greek yogurt, because if the current yogurt-marketing machine is to be believed, Greek yogurt cures everything from cancer to plantar warts.

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

I wish you had asked me if you could give me money. I would have said “yes.”

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Robyn from Hollow Tree Ventures Has Issues

Today I’m excited to introduce a new weekly feature here on the blog. After all, as much as I delight in entertaining my dozens of readers with posts serenading asparagus or letters to my yoga pants, it doesn’t always have to be ALL ABOUT ME.

Well, it kind of does but that’s not the point.

The point is that I also love the bloggers I’ve met and want everyone else to think they like me as much as I like them. That’s why I’m starting a weekly feature—(Insert name here) Has Issues—where I ask interesting people the same questions each week and share their awesomeness with you.

For example, when I get Tina Fey to do it, it would say “Tina Fey Has Issues” and then I would ask her questions about her writing, embarrassing moments, food and why she issued that restraining order against me.

That way my readers can meet someone new or learn something about people they know and I have a fun post to publish in between my own ramblings about washing a yard gnome in my bird bath.

Plus, I’m nosy and like to know ALL the things.

So without further ado, here’s Robyn!

Name: Robyn Welling Esquire, III

Blog : Hollow Tree Ventures

Where, what and why do you write?

I write humor at my house while wearing socks because my feet are cold, which I thought I’d throw in there even though you didn’t ask what I was wearing. I put the stuff I write on the Internet, either on my blog or on the website of the highest bidder (and/or the blogs of dear, dear friends). Right now I’m most often found on NickMom and CraftFail, but I also write for LifetimeMoms and In The Powder Room, and I have a woefully neglected Huffington Post blog. I write out of a continued amazement that people sometimes think I’m funny, and because I like food and indoor plumbing.

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

WHAT TIME IS IT?!?!? Oh, I could sleep for another two hours? Well, now that I’ve had a panic attack, I might as well get up.

What’s the one “issue” annoying you right now?

That I’m tired. I know, that’s so boring – I’m pretty sure a good two-thirds of the Internet is dedicated to people talking about how tired they are. But seriously. I need a nap.

Three websites you visit every day.

Mine. Mine again to fix a typo. Then mine a third time to pad my page views.

What’s an unusual talent you could never put on a resume?

I’m double jointed. I actually had to quit playing the clarinet because my fingers would get stuck on a note and I wouldn’t be able to bend them! Wait, that’s the opposite of an accomplishment.

Favorite place to be?

At home. Which is a good thing because that’s the only place I ever am.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

It would take me ALL DAY just trying to fix the other drivers. TURN SIGNALS, PEOPLE. It’s not rocket science.

What TV show would you want to appear on?

This is the part where I have to say, “I don’t know because we don’t watch TV” and sound like one of those jerky new-age Gwyneth types who doesn’t believe in technology and only keeps an old cathode ray tube television in the living room for ironic hipster-related reasons. What it really means is that we’re too poor for cable, and local TV is too boring to watch. (Also, since I don’t watch TV I’m not 100 percent sure the cultural references I used in this paragraph make any sense.)

Best and worst things I could find in your refrigerator right now?

Hmm, the best thing would have to be all fresh fruit. My kids seem to really be into nourishment, and they ALWAYS ask for fruit from the store. That’s not a humble brag, that’s just facts right there. The worst thing in my fridge would be all the fruit that’s gone bad, because my kids are always more interested in eating fruit when I’m making the grocery list than they are later when it’s time to eat it.

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

Least offensive/almost slightly endearing or at least not completely annoying neurosis: I am absolutely unable to open a straw without tying the paper wrapper in a knot and pulling the ends to see if it comes untied. I’ve tried to force myself to just throw the wrapper away without doing the knot thing, but I can’t. I get this odd feeling that something terrible will happen, and even though I know that’s completely ridiculous, I figure there’s no harm in being just a teeny bit crazy.


See? She’s hilarious—and brave for being the first person I’m featuring on here. Who will it be next Friday? You’ll just have to wait and see (call me, Tina.)

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