Tag Archives: independence

Single in the suburbs

Apparently, some people have a problem with this.

Mind you these are most likely the same people who are in a relationship built on convenience with expectations for someone else to “complete” them and fill in the gaps, usually resulting in disappointment with a dash of resentment thrown in.

Or they’re just nosy.

Either way, some people have a problem with other people being single. I can understand it when the “older” generation expresses confusion over hearing that someone my age is choosing to be single. Most of them married young, and while in love, it was also a strategic and expected move for financial and generational security. Heck, if you didn’t have kids, who would work on the farm?

But even today, most of society expects both men and women to get married, preferably before age 30 and have at least two children (one boy, one girl.) Being single is seldom seen as a choice, but rather the result of bad luck or crappy effort. Being alone is more often seen as boring, depressing, negative and a condition to remain in for only a short period of time.

Kind of like the flu.

To shorten this period of self-imposed spinsterhood, single women are supposed to date with regularity. If they don’t have a full dance card or at least a couple horror stories each month, people seem to take that as a go-ahead sign to join together the only two single people they know in an unfortunate event called a “blind date.”

Every time I get my hair cut, my hairdresser asks me, “So, are you seeing anyone special?” When I tell her no (just a whole bunch of unspecial people, ha ha) she will giggle conspiratorially–with scissors in hand, mind you. She will then proceed to tell me about another single client that would be perfect for me. Considering we have a 20-minute conversation every five weeks, I’m sure she’s more than qualified to make that judgment.

I smile until she puts down the sharp objects.

Don’t get me wrong! I appreciate the concern expressed by couples everywhere when they find out I pay my own mortgage, sleep alone in my bed or have no bridal registry to send them so they can go buy me a set of towels or a wok. It’s just that I don’t really see what’s so wrong with being single in the suburbs.

When you’re single, you can do what you want, when you want, with whom you want without having to answer to anyone. It allows you time to quietly sit and attempt to complete a thought, clean your house naked without worrying your partner’s friends will walk in and to never have to worry about the position of the toilet seat.

Being single also forces you to clean, (kind of) decorate, take an unnatural interest in home improvement stores, plan your own meals and activities, keep yourself entertained and take responsibility for paying your bills.

You can become intoxicated on the smell of a man’s cologne as he walks by without getting the evil eye (unless it’s from his girlfriend…or boyfriend.)

And if you have a headache, you don’t need to pack your bags for a guilt trip.

Is there anything wrong with being in a relationship? Of course not, and I would be remiss if I didn’t add that I do miss the companionship sometimes. With a partner you have a built-in confidant/therapist, baseball-watching buddy and standing weekend date. If both parties share the same values, goals and commitment towards once another, it can be spectacular. For this to happen, they also have to be okay with being alone.

In my opinion, the whole point of a relationship should be to share yourself with another person. The point shouldn’t be to try and get from someone what you think you’re lacking in yourself. For some reason, people often find this concept hard to grasp.

I am not one of them.

I’m okay with being single and can handle the quizzical looks and questions, even patiently explaining that I will in fact survive without someone to boot off my end of the couch. If it happens? Great. If it doesn’t? That just means I enjoy the middle of the bed a little more.

Apparently, some people have a problem with this.

I am not one of them.

What’s the best part about being in a relationship for you? Do you ever miss being single?


If you’re single, are you okay with it or always searching?