Tag Archives: confidence

Keeping It Real

This is one of those posts that I started to write a few times and then just got annoyed and stopped, as between Ashley Judd and a pregnant Jessica Simpson being in the news for their weight, the topic of  body shaming is old.

But yet I feel compelled to at least weigh in on the topic—no pun intended, unless it makes me sound witty—and offer a slightly different perspective on the topic.

We don’t need to rehash my own history with OCD and weight and health. Bottom line—the fact is that right now I’m still underweight. I hate that I’m so thin and would pay large sums of money to release myself from my OCD prison and gain a quick 30 lbs. I would have no issue with that.

What I do have an issue with is letting go of those routines that would allow me to gain the weight. It’s not vanity. It’s psychology and anxiety and a million things unrelated to how someone else thinks I should look.

The fact that the common assumption that these behaviors stem from a place of vanity and dissatisfaction with a physical ideal is the very reason I’ve always refrained from classifying my OCD as anything directly related to food and exercise, as it’s so much more complex than that.

I really couldn’t care less what is classified as “beauty” and not fitting some socially (unattainable) ideal has no bearing on how I think of myself. 

Regardless of my weight, I think I’m a pretty cool person.

And although it doesn’t thrill me to share that convoluted background information, it’s important to know in relation to the fact that while “shaming” women for being a little overweight is looked upon as cruel, the flip side of the coin is rarely discussed.

In trying to push acceptance of people who are of “normal” weight and size—in other words, not naturally thin—the reassurance is thrown out that “men don’t like stick thin women” and “thin is unattractive.” And of course, the classic “real women have curves.”

Well, thank you for that.

I’m going to add that real women also have opinions, and I believe that being told to go eat a cheeseburger or that “thin isn’t in” and shaming thin women for their body shape is no different than shaming larger women for their body shape,  yet the former is overlooked and often accepted.

Yes, “real” women do often have curves and I understand that a lot of women—big and small—do have body image issues and seek out reassurance and external validation. Please know I’m not dismissing that at all.

But although I have issues, I do not have curves. This does not make me any less of a “real” woman.

In my humble opinion, real women have confidence.

Real women have a focus on health and not perfection.

Real women have compassion—towards themselves and towards others.

If curves are part of the package, more power to you. But at the end of the day, real women don’t care.

Like the blog? Buy the book.

The last couple posts have been kind of serious, and I promise the next one is lighter and a feeble attempt at humor.  However, I needed to get this off my chest—a chest that is not ample, but that I embrace nonetheless.

The secret’s out-I pose with produce

This isn’t a big deal to anyone but me, but I actually posted a link to my last post on Facebook. Why is that weird? Because I hadn’t shared my blog with anyone in “real” life—even my mom.

Good lord, the woman took pictures of me dressed as a hippie and posing with asparagus and avocados in my living room without even asking me what the heck it was for. I told her in general terms, but haven’t showed her the finished product because my blog was on there.

Cover

There were a couple reasons I kept the blog to myself for the most part, one of them selfishly being that I kind of liked having some place to go where I could vent without pissing off anyone that I had to face the next day after they read too much into something.

Another reason was that as much as I embrace myself in all my “issued” glory, I guess there’s a small part of me that’s still not OK with sharing where I’ve been or am trying to go. That’s ridiculous, as what makes me who I am is where I’ve been and how I’ve used it to strengthen my character. I am and always will be a work in progress.

However, the fact is that I hate the labels and don’t want anyone to think anything less of me for reading about my issues. I feel like a label and the fact I’m so thin is an external reflection of a weak internal state, which couldn’t be farther from the truth.

In other words, that self-consciousness is also ridiculous.

But lets be honest. It’s hard to admit that you have vulnerabilities and struggles, especially to those you interact with on a daily basis. But if there’s one thing that I’ve learned from the blogging community the past year, it’s that the best relationships come from complete honesty and vulnerability. These people know all my crap and like me anyway. Those are the only kind of people I would like to have in my life on a personal level.

So while I’m not vain enough to think that any of my Facebook friends/family will take an interest in my occasional ramblings, for me, it’s kind of nice to just put my issues out there and be honest.

It’s not that I was ever dishonest about anything, but this breaks down one of the many walls in my fortress force field of fickleness.

Anyway, if they choose, I want people to know me as I am and not how I think I should be. So if you’re new here, I indexed some of the highlights according to category one afternoon when I was bored. Whenever I get the urge, I write about food. I write about random observances. I write about serious things and then might follow it up by writing about cleaning the house naked .

Because despite my various degrees of awesomeness, I do have issues—we all do. But there is also a hell of a lot more to me than that and sometimes I have really cool stuff to say.

And, well, I pose with produce.

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We will return to our regularly unscheduled ramblings in the next post. You’ve been warned.