Tag Archives: blogging

Some News and Some Links

I’ve been waiting almost four months to write this post and now I’m not quite sure what I should say so I’ll just blurt out that I finally have a new job!

While it’s a contractor position and nothing is permanent (and I’m creating scenarios in my head that don’t exist because I have so much to learn,) I’ve been brought on as a full-time Writer and Viral Content Creator at 22 Words—a site I’ve been freelancing for for the past couple of weeks. 

What is 22 Words, you ask?  

This Esquire story is a couple of years old, it interviews the creator and explains it better than I probably can. Basically it’s ranked among one of the top viral aggregations sites online with millions of page views a day and shares everything funny, heartfelt and relevant to every type of reader.

The difference between 22 Words and other sites is that it’s run by a relatively small staff, meaning there’s always that human angle and it’s not nearly so corporate or bland. Yay!

Anyway, I’m going to be writing there full-time, and to say I’m thrilled would be an understatement. Of course I will have much more to say on this whole journey, but right now I need some time to gather up my thoughts and settle into a new routine and reflect a bit. Plus, now I’m freaking busy. 

Deal? Deal.

vocab

This picture has nothing to do with anything, but the page needed some color. 

What does that mean for this blog? Not much. I promise not to completely skimp out on you and am sure I’ll have ridiculous insights and lame attempts at humor just as much as I have in the past here and on Facebook and Twitter.

And even though I would love for all of you to follow 22 Words on Facebook or check the site on a daily basis, I also know that’s not possible for everyone.

So I think once a week—maybe Sundays—I’ll do a quick recap post of what I wrote over there during the week so that you can click on the links and read my stuff and I can keep my job.

But humor aside, I’m still completely humbled, not just by the support everyone has shown me here but by the whole experience. It’s far from over and I still have a lot of uncertainty in the future, but at least I’m waking up every morning now excited to work, excited to see what else I can do and being rewarded for my efforts with respect.

I think that’s the big thing right there. So far I have been nothing but impressed with the people there and am excited to work with them going forward–and you know I don’t just say things to say things. 

Anyway, I’ll try and get my thoughts together in the next couple of weeks, but for today…yay!

And here’s what I’ve got for you to read. Like I said, I have two or three posts go up there every day–including some on dog restaurants, infomercial products and inappropriate children’s books in the next week, among others– so I would advise you to stalk the site when possible and share my stuff.

Deal? Deal.

The Fun Stories Behind 40 Famous Company Names

25 Dollar Store Hacks to Make Every Parent’s Life Easier

The Foodnited States of America

15 Brilliantly Creative Ways to Use Leftover Wine

16 Versions of Normal Animals That Prove Mother Nature is Drunk

Vince Vaughn is Promoting His New Movie By Posing in Hilarious Stock Photos

15 Unexpected Ways Your House is Trying to Make You Sick

15 Sneaky Ways Grocery Stores Try and Control Your Mind and Your Money

Meet the Funniest Russian Brother-In-Law on the Internet

The First Covers of 30 Famous Magazines

And of course, thank you again. 

Like the blog? Buy the books and cool things!

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P.S. Facebook has changed it’s reach AGAIN and only 5-10 percent of people are seeing my updates. To ensure you’re not missing a thing, add my Facebook page to your “Interests” lists, subscribe to my blog or follow me on  Twitter.

Meghan of “Clean Eats, Fast Feets” Has Issues

Today is the last Friday in my Blogger Issues series, and before I present today’s blogger, I want to thank everyone who has participated. This doesn’t mean I’ll never do these things again, but I’m going to take a break for a bit. Sorry, but you’re going to be stuck with only my rambles for at least the next few months.

But today I’m so excited to introduce you to one of my favorite food bloggers. You might not know this about me, but a majority of the blogs that I read are vegan/veggie/food/health related.

Go figure. 

However,  I also think that a lot of health blogs are full of crap and promote restrictive, fad lifestyles that are ridiculous and, well, full of crap. That’s why I enjoy Meghan, as she loves veggies but also loves cheese. She loves exercise but also loves rest. On top of all that, she’s funny, so you know that we get along well.

So without further ado, here she is!

Meg_&_the_Pretzel

That’s a pretzel. Carbs are my soul mate. 

Name: Meghan McCarthy

Blog: Clean Eats, Fast Feets

Give us a little bit of background about yourself in three sentences or less.

Yeah, about those three sentences…

Meghan is a number cruncher by day and a Blogging Ninjress by night. She lives in Cleveland, Ohio with her two felines and occasional Hubby. Her favorite activities include cooking, exercising, and farmers marketing. In her spare time, she enjoys making a mockery of sentence structure and twisting words and phrases to better meet her devilish needs and more closely align with her nefarious ways.

Meghan’s blog posts are virtual kitchen parties, music included, veggies always welcome. She’s been known to swear a holy crapton, and just recently saved the life of a budding young chipmunk. She’s a modern day Joan of Arc without the martyr part. Or the Saint part. Or the French part. Or perhaps the Joan of Arc part.      

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

For the love of all that is good and holy, Snooze!

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

My inability to crack the space-time continuum. As much as I try to squeeze this research into my days, I always seem to run out of yep, you guessed it, time. I blame the snooze button. 

Three websites you visit every day.

AOL because I’m retro or as I prefer to be known, The Original Hipster. Facebook, where I’ll be the first to admit I have a problem, and Weather.Com because windows are so ’90s.

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

I’m hypermobile, which means I can bend my body like a pretzel. I make Gumby look stiff.   

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

Inappropriate shenanigans make me happy. Therefore, I would deem all bananas should be consumed publicly. Bonus points for making and maintaining eye contact. 

You can only eat three foods for a week. What are they?

I’m a freaking food blogger. There’s no way I could limit myself to three foods for a week. Three types maybe: vegetables, cheese, fruit, potatoes, eggs…oh crap, I’ve blown it already.

The last thing you Googled? 

Swass, which Urban Dictionary defines as “a non gender-specific term used to describe the sweat found in and around a person’s ass crack.” You’re welcome. 

Given your blog name, I have to ask: What’s your favorite recipe post and your favorite fitness post and why?

Stuffed Artichoke Soup with Brown Rice & Asiago in part because it’s the bomb diggety, but really because I talk an awful lot about flatulence. To give you a little perspective, my opening sentence is “I ingest enough fiber on a weekly basis to keep a small horse in the bathroom for days.”   

 Vanilla Gorilla also known as the time my itty-bitty ass did a Tough Mudder. This post is the perfect combination of brute physical strength and raw mental determination, coupled with a side of story telling. I also inadvertently mooned the crowd, so there’s that.

What has been your most memorable recipe disaster?

Oh wow, where to begin, there’s been so many. I made homemade ravioli which resembled hockey pucks, zucchini fritters that tasted like blobs of flour, egg rolls that went right into the trash and brownies my brother’s dog wouldn’t touch, and he licks his own ass.  

(Editor’s note: She means the dog, not her brother. I think.)

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

You probably should have asked, “Why are you incapable of following instructions?” To which I would respond, “That’s a great question.”  

There you go! Whether you want to find a workout, a recipe, a laugh or a cute cat picture, I suggest you go visit her blog and Facebook page and show her some love.

Like the blog? Buy the books and cool things!

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P.S. Facebook has changed it’s reach AGAIN and only 5-10 percent of people are seeing my updates. To ensure you’re not missing a thing, add my Facebook page to your “Interests” lists, subscribe to my blog or follow me on Twitter.

Darcy of “So Then Stories” Has Issues

I will assume you’ve all caught up on your movie watching and are ready to spend the rest of your time reading the blog of the second to last blogger to be a part of my Blogger Issues series–Darcy of So Then Stories.

You can read the specifics here, but basically she’s lived all over the world, was taught French with a Southern accent, has worked everywhere from Fortune 500 companies to small entrepreneurial firms and doesn’t use real names when she blogs. 

That’s a sign that she has some good stories. 

Darcy Perdu

Name:          Darcy Perdu

Blog:              So Then Stories 

Where and why do you write?

On my yacht, in the nude, of course.

OK, the real answers:

The Where:  I write in my home office, in between juggling outrageous demands from my clients, coworkers and kids.  (Does “home office” mean that I participate in conference calls while still in my pajamas, eating ice cream, checking Facebook, and occasionally chiming in with a well-placed “very synergistic!” and “that’ll really resonate with our key demo!”  Why, yes.  Yes, it does.)

The Why:  One of my favorite things to do is pull up a bar stool and swap hilarious stories with my friends about embarrassing kids, exasperating coworkers, vexing relationships and the ever-perplexing public.  Each story reminds someone of a SIMILAR funny tale, so the stories and laughs just keep rolling. I wanted to create a site where I could share my bodacious blunders and funny stories – then encourage readers to post their RELATED stories so we can all entertain each other.  So I started SoThenStories.com – and I LOVE reading the comments on the blog – those people crack me up DAILY.

 First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

 Ryan Gosling, stop hogging the sheets! 

 Then I really wake up.  And have a moment of sadness ‘cuz I really miss that damn sheet-hogger.

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

It’s frustrating that my blogger buddies and I create such cool comedic/compelling content, virtually for free – for readers who enthusiastically follow our Facebook blog pages because they want to READ those posts – but Facebook only SHOWS our postings to a TINY percentage of our followers.  What the hell, Facebook?  So to all the awesome readers out there who enjoy blogs, please subscribe by email to the blogs – or mark “Get Notifications” on the Facebook pages of your favorite bloggers  so you can enjoy all the fabulous nonsense we post!   

Editor’s note: You know my feelings on this. Amen.

Three websites you visit every day.

German Dungeon Porn.  Swedish Dungeon Porn.  Cats Who Solve Mysteries. But when I’m on porn/cat overload, I visit Facebook, NetFlix, and lots of blog sites of funny bloggers, including Abby Has Issues.

Another note: I didn’t even pay her to say that (the porn part, not a mention of this blog.)

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

Admittedly lacking in culinary prowess, I nonetheless once asked my daughter what her favorite dish is that I make.  She hemmed and hawed, stalled and stammered, then finally said, “Well, you open a mean can of corn.”

So I guess that’s a talent I probably wouldn’t mention on a resume:  Expert Corn Can Opener.

Me again: Unless that was the job you were applying for. There might be a market—you never know.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

No bullies.  No wars, poverty, or illness.  No calories.  Ice cream for everybody!

 You can only eat three foods for a week. What are they?

1) Ben & Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Chunk paired with Baskin-Robbins Pralines & Cream

2) PF Chang’s Mongolian Beef & Chang’s Spicy Chicken & Garlic Snap Peas

3) Maggiano’s Lobster Carbonara featuring angel hair pasta, lobster, smoked bacon, snap peas & garlic cream sauce

*Please note snap peas figure prominently in two of the three meals.  HEALTH FOOD FOR THE WIN!

 The last thing you Googled?  

“Comparative penis sizes of populations indigenous to New Guinea vs. Trinidad.” But that might be a little TMI, so let’s go with “decorative bath mats at BedBathandBeyond.com.”

 What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply? 

Can I please send you $10,000 in small bills and craft a macramé potholder in your likeness? 

Why yes, yes you may, Abby.  How perfectly delightful of you.   My kitchen colors are white and green so please plan accordingly. 

So there you have So Then Stories! (See what I did there?) Anyway, go check out her blog and her Facebook page after answering the question below because no one ever answers the question even though sharing is caring:

Who is the celebrity you would never kick out of bed for spilling crumbs or hogging the sheets?

 Like the blog? Buy the books and cool things!

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P.S. Facebook has changed it’s reach AGAIN and only 5-10 percent of people are seeing my updates. To ensure you’re not missing a thing, add my Facebook page to your “Interests” lists, subscribe to my blog or follow me on Twitter.

Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms Has Issues

You know how I love a good deal, so today you get two for the price of one in terms of bloggers spilling their issues! You also get the third to final interview in this series because I’m going to wrap this up at the end of the month and you’ll be stuck with just me again. 

But today—and the next two Fridays—you still get to indulge in a behind-the-scenes look at a blogger to keep on your radar. Well, two bloggers, but one blog. And a podcast, Sensible Moms Soundbites, described as “sensible parenting advice delivered with a light touch. We are your girlfriends on call, 24/7, for honest, funny chats about all of the things that matter to you.”

So without further ado, here they are!

Podcast_12_darkedges

Name: Ellen Williams and Erin Dymowski

Blog: Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

How did you two start blogging together? 

Ellen: Well, we met in prison. Or was it in the waiting room of our kids’ gymnastic class? It’s hard to remember because they both smell like feet. 

Erin: Anyway, one day, three years ago, we were talking on the phone and I said, “We should start a blog.” 

Ellen: And I replied, “What’s a blog?”

Erin: Fast forward three years and I said, “We should start a podcast.” 

Ellen: And I replied, “What’s a podcast?”

Erin: Apparently I’m the big ideas gal . .. 

Ellen: And I’m the one who only goes on the Internet when forced.

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning. 

Ellen: I am a January resolutions cliche. My first thought is “I have to put my Fitbit Zip on so my steps to the bathroom are recorded.”

Erin: Apparently we are a cliche that shares the same brain. I think of my Fitbit too!

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

Erin: I forget to put on my Fitbit until half of my morning is gone! While my Fitbit is my first thought, it is immediately trampled by worries of college scholarship deadlines, lesson plans, and angst over wondering if my mismatched sock bag will ever be sorted.

Ellen: I have to listen to the caterwauling about the “missed” steps. And the sock bag of shame.

Three websites you visit every day.

Recited in unison because remember, we share the same brain: 
Blubrry Podcasting Plugin Help Site because *sigh*.
Fitbit and My Fitness Pal because if you’re going to be a cliche, go all the way.

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume? 

Erin: Breaking websites.

Ellen: Not killing people who break websites.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

Erin: Why stop at ruling the land? I want to bend the laws of energy! No Calorie Double Fudge Mocha Whip Cheesecake for all!

Ellen: Did you just basically say “let them eat cake”? Anyway, I would decree that all tech help is free, instantaneous, and spoken in English, not tech-ese. Although it might be easier to decree that websites are not allowed to be broken. Actually, that law would only be for Erin.

You can only eat three foods for a week. What are they? 

Erin: A couple of weeks ago it would have been Sour Patch Kids, Diet Coke, and bread. Now it’s sadness, despair, and guilt.

Ellen: Mine are avocados, vegetable soup, and almond milk. Do I get extra credit on My Fitness Pal just for uttering that?

The last thing you Googled? 

Erin: “How to make organic, low calorie Sour Patch Kids from scratch using only the tears of doves.”

Ellen: “How to fix an RSS feed.” Because podcasting is all about the RSS feed. Or at least that’s what Erin’s sad doves told me.

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

Erin: “Can you get rich from podcasting?”

Ellen: “Why yes, yes you can!”

Erin: We felt like a fantasy question deserved a fantasy answer.

So there you have it! I’ve only listened to probably three podcasts in my whole life, but now I have the guilt of this post to go check theirs out and assume you all will go do the same—and check out their blog and Facebook page, of course. Oh! And humor me by answering this question: 

Your turn. If you could make any food completely calorie-free, what food would it be?

See you back here Sunday!

Like the blog? Buy the books and cool things!

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P.S. Facebook has changed it’s reach AGAIN and only 5-10 percent of people are seeing my updates. To ensure you’re not missing a thing, add my Facebook page to your “Interests” lists, subscribe to my blog or follow me on Twitter.

Simon Holland Has Issues & a Giveaway!

To all of you who resolved to spend less time on the Internet for the New Year, I would like to welcome you back.

In honor of your return, this week I’m featuring a blogger that I actually “met” on Twitter a few months ago. He’s hilarious—yes, another guy on the blog!—and along with blogging, he’s a contributor to the very funny “The Big Book of Parenting Tweets” along with a bunch of other entertaining people (giveaway at the end of this post.)

But before you go check out the book, Simon Says read the post below and show him some love in a non-creepy, no-touchy way.

Simon

Name: Simon Holland

Blog: Sweetandweak.com

 Where, what and why do you write?

I usually write from my office at home and I like to write about things that I find funny, most of this tends to be observations of every day family life. I write to share something that I think will entertain someone. I’d like to be one of the people that has to write because their creativity is bursting at the seams and they need to let it loose, but for me it is more about wanting to tell a joke or a funny story and needing someone to listen and pretend that they think what I am saying has value. Ha Ha.

 First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

Muttered profanity and the snooze button. Is there any other thought that real live people have when they wake up? I like to think I am more the rule than the exception on this one.

 What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

Is there anything worse than gift bags? I mean seriously, there is a certain unabashed joy that you experience when you tear the wrapping paper off of a present to reveal your prize. Gift bags steal all of that. They ruin Christmas and they ruin birthdays. If anyone out there is thinking about giving me a present and putting it in a gift bag, just tape $3 to the gift. Trust me, I will appreciate that way more than a bag with some tissue paper in it.

Editor’s note: Yes, actually. I dated a guy once that actually had a wood box built to put my gift in and then screwed the whole damn thing shut. He is no longer around.

 Three websites you visit every day.

Twitter

Reddit

Would Netflix still be considered a website? If so, that is my answer. If not, probably a website about karate or lasers or sports cars or some other stuff that would make me seem less lame than I am.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

Probably that days now last forever. This is kind of like wishing for more wishes, but let’s be honest.  One day is not enough time to rule the land. I would first make days last for the rest of time and then probably make someone bring me Skittles.

You can only eat three foods for a week. What are they?

Tacos. Tacos. Tacos

Don’t mess with perfection. Tacos are proof that there is a God that loves us.

 You’re pretty much a Twitter rock star. What are your three “best” tweets?

Wow, I don’t know if I can be the judge of what is best, but here are three that I don’t hate.

“My wife brought home low-sodium bacon and know I understand what it means when someone says they love you but aren’t IN LOVE with you.”

 “I don’t know. Everything was going great and had been perfect for as long as I can remember. But then in 2012…”  -Gluten, talking to his therapist

“One time I listened to my wife tell a whole story without mentioning that I had a video game paused in the other room.”

 What would your life be in a tweet?

This probably sums it up pretty well: “Imagine having kids. Wrong. You don’t have time to imagine anymore.” 

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

I kind of wish you would have asked what I was wearing because I am wearing a hipster wolf T-shirt right now.

hipster wolf

YOUR TURN TO WIN FREE STUFF!

In honor of “The Big Book of Parenting Tweets,”   Simon has agreed to give away a copy of the book to a random person who lives in the United States and leaves a comment to the question below. The winner will be randomly chosen Monday night. 

What would your life be in a tweet? (140 characters or less)  

Like the blog? Buy the books and cool things!

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P.S. Facebook has changed it’s reach AGAIN and only 5-10 percent of people are seeing my updates. To ensure you’re not missing a thing, add my Facebook page to your “Interests” lists, subscribe to my blog or follow me on Twitter.

Dana from “The Kitchen Witch” Has Issues

I know it’s the day after Christmas, but I’m going to assume you need something to distract you from your holiday hangover and that one relative that is still trying to perfectly unwrap a gift so that the paper doesn’t tear and can be reused again next year.

You know who you are.

Lucky for you, I have a fabulous blogger spilling her issues today! Yes, she’s funny. Yes, she can cook. But to be honest, I am always in awe when I read her “serious” writing—both on her blog, The Kitchen Witch, and on The Huffington Post. 

kitch

 Plus, this is her blog icon. Even though I don’t mind Rachael Ray,  I still love it. 

I don’t say this often, but I have admired her writing for years and read every damn thing she writes. The way she can command language and weave so much emotion and detail into her words is nothing short of pure talent.

(And no, she didn’t pay me to say that, although at this point I’m not above bribes.)

But enough with the mushy crap. Let’s bring on The Kitchen Witch!

 Dana

Name: Dana Talusani

Blog: The Kitchen Witch

Where, what and why do you write? 

I write on my laptop, which is on the kitchen table. It’s a totally stupid place to write because writing in the kitchen guarantees constant interruption and demands for snacks. And that’s just the dog! I write about food sometimes, but I also write about my crazy family, my many neuroses, and stories from my childhood. And my dog.

I don’t really know why I write. Probably because I’m a narcissist in constant need of attention and validation.

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.  

“Okay, when I look in the mirror this morning, what’s it gonna be? Am I going to look like a 40-something woman or a 90-year old hooker? If I look anything like how I feel, it’s gonna be the hooker.”

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now? 

What is it with the shocking nose hair growth that happens when you turn 40? I’m serious! For 40 years, I went through life blissfully unaware of nose hair, and now I can’t get away from the suckers. They’ve gone renegade! I had to invest in industrial strength clippers, which was kind of a humiliating purchase.

Three websites you visit every day. 

Facebook, MSN and Serious Eats. I have a bit of a Serious Eats addiction.

Editor’s note: As do I, or I did before they changed their site and focus. Now it’s pretty hit or miss for me, to be honest. Moving on…

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume? 

I am the owner of the world’s ugliest feet. I’ve broken my toes so many times that they’re twisted and misshapen like a fresh ginger root.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce? 

National Cheeto Day. Everyone would get National Cheeto Day off from work so they could stay home, eat Cheetos in their pajamas and binge-watch “Sherlock” on Netflix.

You can only eat three foods for a week. What are they? 

Burgers, Nachos and BLT’s. The last one is so I don’t die of scurvy.

Me again: No Cheetos? 

The last thing you Googled? 

This is kind of sad. It was “what’s the best no-boil lasagna noodle?”  I am the kind of girl who considers herself entirely too busy to boil a lasagna noodle.

Another note: My mom has always used oven ready lasagna noodles and she made the best lasagna in the world, so no shame on your game, my friend. 

It’s the holidays–best and worst gift you’ve been given? 

The best was last year’s Christmas present–my Bichon Frise puppy, Mozzy. I never, ever thought I’d be a dog person, but now all I want to do is hang around on the floor and make out with my dog all day long. He’s delicious.

The worst was the year my mother bought my older daughter (then 3) the Singing Yo Gabba Gabba Guitar for Christmas. That toy is an abomination. I still have not forgiven my mother, and that was 10 years ago.

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

I wish you’d asked me to make us cocktails. Day drinking! Yeah!

Thank you, Dana! Everyone else, go do yourself a favor and go check out her blog,  follow her on Twitter and thank me later (see above: not above bribes and commissions at this point in time.)

And of course, I hope you had a great holiday. If you have any funny stories to share, feel free to vent in the comments below!

Like the blog? Buy the books and cool things!

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P.S. Facebook has changed it’s reach AGAIN and only 5  percent of people are seeing my updates. To ensure you’re not missing a thing, add my Facebook page to your “Interests” lists, subscribe to my blog or follow me on Twitter.

A Writer’s Days Before Christmas

Since most of you aren’t on the Internet this week and my brain is fried, I decided to write you a poem instead. 

(Clears throat, dims the lights and takes a sip of her holiday tea.)

THE WRITE BEFORE

‘Twas the days before Christmas, and all through my place.

Not an idea was stirring to share on this space.

My stocking was hung by the chimney with care,

(Which meant there would be no more dusting right there.)

And then there was me, wearing what I wear best.

Yoga pants, sweatshirt, well you know the rest.

When out from the driveway, I heard something clatter,

And turned to the window to tend to the matter.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear?

But a Lexus that made me ask, “Who the heck’s here?”

The lost-looking driver sped off in a fit,

And I knew those commercials were still full of shit.

Speaking of cars and a holiday ruse,

Those dressed up like reindeer that Santa might use?

The antlers on top and a red nose to boot,

Send mixed messages when drivers give the one-fingered salute.

“Freaking merge!” “Learn to park!” They all shout and they call!

‘Tis the season for road rage for those at the mall.

But back to the story of writing this post.

Even though all the readers are logged off, like most.

I had an idea of where things could be going,

In my head all the words just kept flowing and flowing.

But then in a twinkling, I heard in my head.

The prancing and pawing of something instead.

“Did I put back the Swiffer I used on the floors?

Of course I should check, and then clean out some drawers.

Perhaps now the shower could use a good scrub?

I’ll keep writing as soon as I clean out that tub.

And now the mirror’s streaky, so that gets cleaned, too.

What’s with my eyebrows? Let’s pluck one or two.”

My eyes looked quite tired, my hair still a mess.

My chest most resembling a flat iron press.

A shirt stained with hummus not hiding that stealth.

But I laughed when I saw it in spite of myself.

Then I remembered I wanted to bake,

There were cookies and candies I still had to make!

Once that was over, with treats wrapped up tight,

I had no more excuses to not sit and write.

“Okay, back to work.” I decided right then.

I resolved to see this post right through to the end.

But then laying the cursor aside of my lines,

I somehow clicked over to go back online.

To Facebook I sprang, and of course, then to Twitter.

As long as I’m there, e-mail too. (I’m no quitter.)

My train of thought suddenly derailed again,

I figured that yoga might help me feel Zen.

Down dog and pigeon and side planks galore,

I couldn’t help notice a string on the floor.

Out came the vacuum to suck up that stuff,

And at that point I figured enough was enough.

Clearly this poem wasn’t going that great,

A much better post would just have to then wait.

So I sighed and I shrugged and then turned on TV,

And crashed on the couch for a Food Network spree.

Now where was I going with this rambling spiel?

Oh yes, for you people I like a great deal:

May your holiday bring you much joy and delight,

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

See you back here Friday with another blogger sharing their issues!

Like the blog? Buy the books and cool things!

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P.S. Facebook has changed it’s reach AGAIN and only 5-10 percent of people are seeing my updates. To ensure you’re not missing a thing, add my Facebook page to your “Interests” lists, subscribe to my blog or follow me on Twitter.

Rebecca from “Frugalista Blog” Has Issues

I prefer to say that I’m not cheap, I’m frugal—both financially and emotionally, if we’re being honest—so it makes sense that a blog called “Frugalista” would capture my attention.

Well, today’s blogger spilling her issues is THE Frugalista and also a co-writer in two of the anthologies I’m in—“I Just Want to Be Alone” and “You Have Lipstick On Your Teeth.”

She describes her blog as being “confessions of a middle aged drama queen, stuck in the burbs, running to PTA meetings and scooping cat poop. It’s a glamorous life. Join me.”

Minus the PTA meetings and scooping cat poop, we’re practically twins. Well, except she is married, has kids, is gorgeous and actually wears makeup. I guess what I’m saying is we’re both drama queens who live in the suburbs—frugally. 

Frugalista

Name: Rebecca Tipper Gallagher

Blog: Frugalista Blog (It’s a stupid name because it sounds weird to my ears when I say it. When folks ask me what it’s called, I always have to repeat myself.)

Where, what and why do you write?

I write on my couch with my laptop and my dog next to me. Sometimes my cat sits on the back of my couch judging me. He doesn’t cuddle, just sleeps from afar. I write about whatever suits me, which can be complaining about my husband, sharing my opinion regarding an issue or sharing beauty tips and makeup deals. I like to keep it funny and real. So sometimes I show myself topless or in Spanx. Why I write is mostly to entertain myself and embarrass my family.

 First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

Is this when Madonna does her yoga? I heard she does yoga first thing in the morning and before she goes to bed. I can barely get my feet to move down the stairs to the kitchen to make my tea. Of course, maybe if I did the yoga, I would feel better.

 What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

If we’re talking ‘global issue’ it would have to be human trafficking, which is not a joking matter. If we’re talking close to home, I’m pretty irritated with myself that I still have a roasting pan of baked penne in the back of my fridge that I’m too scared to clean out.

Three websites you visit every day.

Is this a trick question? Does social media count because there’s about four of those. So, Facebook. Duh. Yahoo, because I need my news BUT I like a bit of pop culture mixed in. Pinterest. Twitter. And Sephora. That’s more than three. Sorry.

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

*Wink, wink.* I’ll let my husband answer that. *eyebrow raises*

Editor’s note: I think she means replacing the toilet paper in the bathroom, right?

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

I would make dental care for old people free of charge. Why is it that old people who need dental work never can afford insurance? It’s horrible. Also, I would make Tuesdays free donut days. I think everyone would be happier with free donuts in their lives.

And, I would ban leaf blowers. When I see six yard guys at the apartment complex down the street blowing leaves all over the place at the same time and it’s a windy day, it chaps my hide.

Who would play you in the movie of your life?

If the movie is portraying my life now, I would say Amy Poehler. I think she would do it incredible justice. If the movie is portraying me as a younger version, I would pick Emma Stone because she is so gosh darn cute. And I would like to think that in my 20s, I was that cute too.

You can only eat three foods for a week. What are they?

Oh that’s easy because I only eat about five things a week. Is this like a Cambodian prison thing three things? Or like if I was at Martha Stewart’s for a week? I would have a seafood Louis salad, donuts and granola.

 The last thing you Googled?

Porn. Just kidding. It was water heater companies sadly.

Me again: If you say it with air quotes, it can maybe sound a bit sexy…? “Water” “heater” “company” *wink wink*

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

What do you think are more overrated? Unicorns or Mermaids? And I would answer mermaids. I don’t see the big deal over a woman or man who has no legs. I don’t know where the babies come out, or how the babies are made and it confuses me.

Deep thoughts, my friend. Deep thoughts. Now it’s your turn to go check out her blog after you answer our question:

What food would you want given away free every Tuesday?

Want a fun holiday gift? Buy the books and cool things!

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 P.S. Facebook has changed it’s reach AGAIN and only 5-10 percent of people are seeing my updates. To ensure you’re not missing a thing, add my Facebook page to your “Interests” lists, subscribe to my blog or follow me on Twitter.

Kristen from “Abandoning Pretense” Has Issues

Happy Friday! At least it is over here, as we got about 18 inches of snow and I spent the majority of the week hoping to get plowed—and that’s not an euphemism for anything, unfortunately—and it’s finally stopped snowing for a day or so.

Lucky for all of us, today’s blogger sharing her issues is from Florida and so I’m going to pretend things will warm up here simply by osmosis. Well, that and the fact that Kristen’s a woman, mother, wife, adventurer, humor writer and blogger, among other things.

I liked her from the first minute I read that “The goal of Abandoning Pretense is for me to encourage you (and remind myself) to do away with the mind-numbing (and total bullshit) small-talk, white lies, half-truths and exaggerations that we–as mothers, as women–are expected to feed to one another every day.”

Preach it, sister.

Kristen

Where, what and why do you write?

I write at Abandoning Pretense, the blog I began a couple of years ago in hopes of writing myself out of my disturbing and impractical make-everyone-happy-but-for-god’s-sake-don’t-look-like-a-f*cking-weirdo-while-doing-it unintentional life mantra. I’m also a part of the editorial team at Bluntmoms.com and I write for Nickmom.com.

Usually, I write funny/deep/WTF type pieces laced with equal parts sexual innuendo and debilitating self-doubt. Or sometimes I just write about vaginas or boobs outright and call it a day.

The reason I write is the same reason I run long distance: It’s cheaper than therapy.

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

“WHY IS MY HUSBAND NOT TURNING OFF HIS MOTHERF*CKING ALARM CLOCK. Oh, wait, never mind, that’s my alarm. Son of a…

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

Oh crap, now I’m going to get all serious on you people. My son has ADHD and is having a difficult time in third grade. He goes to this uppity super-high-expectation school for science, which he loves and is really an awesome school, but he’s a basket case in the classroom and drives his teachers insane. And I yell at him sometimes (okay, daily) and hate myself for it. So that kind of sucks and is constantly on my mind. I write about that sometimes, and it’s the only time I write without sexual innuendo, because it would weird and creepy if I did that.

Three websites you visit every day.

CNN, Washington Post and The New York Times.

Kidding. I’m totally gonna start reading those though, like as soon as Facebook implodes and I get tired of books. I mainly spend time browsing my Facebook feed for interesting articles my friends and fellow bloggers have shared. I know the general consensus is that you can’t get reliable news via your Facebook feed, but I think the people who say that just need to up the ante on their friend list, ya know what I mean? Less cousin-Jim-Bob-because-it’s-Facebook-and-I’m-supposed-to-be-‘friends’-with-my-family, and more that-blogger-friend-I-adore-because-she-too-owns-a-tattered-copy-of-Catcher in the Rye.

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

Ugh! I don’t have any! I only have stupid real talents, like drawing and playing the violin and viola. I never learned to tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue though, and I feel like I’ve really missed out on some good times as a result of this.

Oh WAIT! I do have a weird talent: I can move my ears! Yes. I can move my ears. So I am trivially talented after all. Thank god. I almost had a panic attack for a second there.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

Just one: Don’t be a dick.

Best and worst things I could find in your refrigerator right now?

Health-wise, or taste-wise? Health-wise best would be kale. I juice that stuff because I’m trying to live to be 100. It’s on my bucket list. Like I’ll literally turn 100 then die right on the spot, and I’ll be satisfied with that. Worst would be my husband’s disgusting chemical-laden Mountain Dew energy drink. I can’t even look at it without getting osteoporosis. Taste-wise, the best would be queso fresco. I could eat that shit by the brick. The worst would be olives. I would rather eat a squirming grub than an olive. Blech.

Given the holiday season, what are your favorite and least favorite Thanksgiving foods?

Pie. I am one of those people who will have “a little sliver” of the eight different kinds of pie brought by the various different guests at a potluck-style Thanksgiving. Love that shit.

My least favorite … also pie. My neighbor once made this Shepard’s pie that had some kind of liquor in it and it was so strong I almost threw up when I took a bite of it. I was like, “Dude, that is not what pie is supposed to taste like,” and he was like, “Here, you just need to add some whipped cream.” And because I’m a huge pansy and I hate confrontation, I said, “Oh, okay. Sure, lemme try it with the whipped cream.” And I did, and it was still disgusting. Also, after those two bites, I was drunk. That’s how much liquor was in it. Never again.

Editor’s note: My favorite pie is pizza. Carry on.

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

I wish you had asked, “Would you like some cheesecake now?” I would have said yes.

So hide your desserts and go check out her blog and Facebook page, AFTER you answer our question:

What are your favorite and least favorite holiday foods?

 P.S. Because next Friday is Black Friday (eye roll,) I won’t be featuring a blogger seeing as no one will be on the Internet. However, I will still have a new post up Sunday and Tuesday, so come back and visit. Bring pizza.

Like the blog? Buy the books and cool things!

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P.P.S. If you don’t want to miss anything, be sure to subscribe here on the blog and/or follow me on Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest.

Rodney Lacroix of “Mental Poo” Has Issues

Guess what? We actually have a MAN on the blog today spilling his issues. I know. Craziness. But given the title of his books—Things Go Wrong For Me and Perhaps I’ve Said Too Much—he’ll fit in rather nicely.

Now, I don’t remember how I “met” Rodney other than we have mutual online friends, but as soon as I saw him on Twitter I knew I had to follow this dude. He’s hilarious, and although his blog is currently on hiatus, his tweets and books are still going strong (and yes, I’ve read his book and laughed entirely too much at how not politically correct but completely honest it was.)

So without further ado, let’s crawl into his mental man cave.

rodney

Name: Rodney Lacroix
Blog: Mental Poo (currently on hiatus)

Where, what and why do you write?

I do most of my writing at work where I write about how to look like you’re working but are, in fact, actually writing. This usually creates a wormhole. Also, I’m from the future.

I write because my head is so full of absolute garbage that if I don’t write it ends up coming out in speech. Usually this happens at awkward times like at parties or during my own wedding vows. True story, when prompted for the “I Do” answer at my wedding, I actually responded “I like trains.” This is the direct result of what happens when you promise your children you are going to do something that only they know about and now you look like an a-hole in front of all your friends. Good times.

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now? 

It’s no secret that I actually really hate working and the whole process of earning money that doesn’t involve writing. I’ve actually started a third book (on Romance Tips – I’m not joking) but haven’t had time to get past the first chapter.

Editor’s note: Nope, can’t relate to that work thing at all (twiddles thumbs, looks up, whistles to herself…)

Three websites you visit every day.

1) Twitter

2) Facebook

3) Google – so I can Google my name and see if my photo comes up in any article that also mentions Mila Kunis or Kate Upton.

Another editor’s note: You mean besides the restraining order?

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

I can juggle. I learned how to juggle when my kids were little because I thought it would be neat that they could say, “Hey, my dad can juggle.” Who they would tell this to that would actually be impressed, I have no idea.

I also am 7 months in on learning electric guitar. I kind of suck at it so I may resort to just juggling guitars if this shit doesn’t pan out.

Because you’re a Twitter All Star, are there any celebrities that follow you?

Jenny McCarthy follows me which is probably a direct result of her reviewing and giving me a quote on my first book. We still have yet to make sweet sweet love, but I assume that’s coming right after she gets out of this “Donny Wahlberg” phase.

Editor again: Don’t worry, Rodney. You’ve got the Right Stuff

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

Anyone who answers, “How are you?” or “How you doing?” with “It’s <insert day of week here>” would be immediately put to death. I know it’s Monday, asshole. I didn’t just Quantum Leap.

Me again: Yup, you work in an office.

Who would play you in the movie of your life?  

The guy who played Bernie in the “Weekend at Bernie’s” movies because that’s pretty much how I look every single day. Dead tired with kids literally dragging me all over the goddamn place and that guy really pulled it off.

You can only eat three foods for a week. What are they?

Kate Upton, Mila Ku…OH. Foods.

Teriyaki (beef – not the gross chicken one because I’m pretty sure that is not chicken or if it is it’s some weird undiscovered part of the chicken).

Nutella – duh.

Something healthy to even it all out – probably like grilled chicken salad but it has to have bacon on it. You know what? Scratch that. I’ll just have the bacon. Bacon dipped in Nutella and served on a Teriyaki stick. Also, you didn’t mention anything about drinks so I assume they’re included and it’s open bar all week. This is turning out to be the best week EVER.

What would your life be in a tweet?

Give me your tired, your poor. Your huddled masses. Make them all 5’4″ tall and that’s pretty much me in a nutshell.


So there you have it—Rodney in a nutshell. As a bonus, you can take a piece of his nut home with you—in the form of his books, you weirdo—after answering the question below.

What would your life be in a tweet?

Like the blog? Buy the books and other things!

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P.S. Facebook has changed it’s reach AGAIN and only 5-10 percent of people are seeing my updates. To ensure you’re not missing a thing, be sure to read the post at the top of my  Facebook page or follow me on Twitter.