Tag Archives: avocado

Snackin’ Around the Christmas Tree

It’s been a while since I’ve serenaded vegan food in song or questionable rhymes, so I figured a seasonal selection of holiday hymns were in order. So fa-la-la and bon appetite!

songs

Oh Broccoli Tree

(Sung to O Christmas Tree)

Oh broccoli tree, Oh broccoli tree,

I steam you every dinner.

Oh broccoli tree, Oh broccoli tree,

To me you are a winner.

Not only green when summer’s here,

But also when it’s cold and drear.

Oh broccoli tree, Oh broccoli tree,

To me you are a winner.

Oh broccoli tree, Oh broccoli tree,

Such flavor do you bring me!

Oh broccoli tree, Oh broccoli tree,

Such pleasure do you bring me!

Each fresh floret,

Each diced up crown.

Completes a meal I want to down.

Oh broccoli tree, Oh broccoli tree,

To me you are a winner.

Pizza Pie Rocks

(Sung to “Jingle Bell Rock”)

Pizza pie, pizza pie, pizza pie rocks.

Pizza with cheese or the toppings you please.

Turn on the oven to preheat the fun,

Now the pizza love has begun.

Pizza pie, pizza pie, pizza pie rocks.

Pizza’s sublime at just any time.

Cooking and smelling the oregano there,

Wafting through the air.

What a bright time, it’s the right time,

To snack the night away.

Pizza pie time is a swell time,

To go eating and improve on your day.

Hurry-up, oven, come and pick up the pace.

I want to stuff my face.

Put on yoga pants and kick up my feet.Because pizza pie,

Because pizza pie,

Because pizza pie rocks.

Hummus Night

(Sung to “Silent Night”)

Hummus last night, hummus tonight.

You’re so smooth, and so light.

Round yon chickpeas and tahini paste,

Add some garlic for that perfect taste.

Eat it any way you please.

Eat it any way you please.

Hummus last night, hummus tonight.

Any time, is pure delight.

Eaten in salad or slathered on grains,

Pita or crackers or just spooned up plain.

Hummus, you do no wrong.

Hummus, you do no wrong.

Hummus last night, hummus tonight.

Taste buds quake, at the sight.

Glories stream from X above

Those who eat it know it tastes like love.

A snacking savior is born.

A snacking savoir is born.

Have Yourself a Perfect Avocado

(Sung to “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”)

Have yourself a perfect avocado,

That is ripe and right.

Not too dark,

but also not too hard and light.

Have yourself a perfect avocado,

Make a wrap or dips,

Smashed on bread,

or served along with healthy chips.

Here we are in the grocery store,

Choosing our new fruit and more.

Faithful foods that are dear to us

Will come home with us once more.

Through the years our tastes may change a little,

But I must avow.

An avocado is a food I’ll keep somehow.

So have yourself a perfect avocado now.

Snackin’ Around the Christmas Tree

(Sung to “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”)

Snackin’ around the Christmas tree

At the Christmas party hop,

Tables of food that you can see,

And at which you have to stop.

Snackin’ around the Christmas tree,

Let the Christmas “spirits” ring,

We’ll have a glass of red and white,

And screw the caroling.

You will get a sentimental feeling when you hear,

Voices singing, “Let’s be merry!”

Look! There’s bread and cake with berries.

Snackin’ around the Christmas tree,

Have a happy holiday.

Everyone eating merrily,

In the true food lovers way!

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Desperado for Avocado

Ladies and gentlemen, “Veginem” will be back with an Ode to Asparagus in a couple of posts. But today we are going to honor the amazing avocado with a song I ask be sung to the “Eagles” tune “Desperado”).

Avocado, why don’t you come to your ripeness?
You’ve been out on my counter for so long now.

Oh, you’re a hard one,
I know that you got your reasons
But this isn’t pleasin’ me,
So get ripe right now.

Don’t you want to be enjoyed by me?
I’ll eat you if I’m able,
I know the sandwich route is always my best bet.

avosandwich1_thumb.jpg

Now it seems to me, some other things
Have been laid upon my table
But I only want the ones that I can’t get.

Avocado, oh, I ain’t gettin’ no younger.
My pain and my hunger, they’re drivin’ me mad.
And freedom, oh freedom well, that’s just some people talkin’
Your purpose is being part of the food that I had.

Don’t you want to be used at my dinner time?
I’ll smash you up and make your flavors shine.
It’s hard to do when you aren’t ripe today.

I’m feeling all the hunger pangs.
And this feeling, it won’t ever go away.

Avocado, why don’t you come to your senses?
Come down from my counter, get on my plate.

It may be scary, when there’s a knife poised above you,
But you better let somebody eat you, before it’s too late.

Side note: If you do want to hurry along the “ripening” process, you can stick an avocado in a brown paper bag. I can vouch for that one.

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Introducing ‘Veginem’

I enjoy vegan food. I enjoy Eminem. It seemed like a natural combination, so I present to you my debut as “Veginem.”

(This will only make sense if you’re familiar with his hit, “Lose Yourself,” so please read it with the same rhythm—minus a middle stanza—and do the gangsta lean, yo.)


LOSE YOURSELF (in plant-based food)

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity,

to seize every great food you ever wanted—one moment.

Would you capture it? Or just let it slip?

Yo.

My stomach is growling, knees weak, arms are heavy,

I could have a rice bowl or sandwich, maybe spaghetti.

(Sorry for the pictures. I’m not a food blogger.)

Eating plant-based isn’t hard and I am always ready,

to enjoy whatever foods people keep on forgetting.

You say “vegan,” the whole crowd objects so loud,

I open my mouth, and the words come right out,

It’s just food, people! Made without animals now.

Like grains, veggies and nuts. I can show you how!”

 pantryfood

Silk Almond Milk, Larabars, BumbleBars, Wild Garden hummus, Once Again Sunflower Seed Butter, Earthly Choice farro

 Snap back to reality, Oh there goes dairy,

Oh there goes eggs, I said,

I love food, and I won’t give that up.

People don’t know, and dismiss veggies in haste,

It don’t matter,  I know how good plant-based can taste.

Use websites and blogs, yo,

Nothing’s stagnant, you know.

wrapavo

When I go to start cooking, that’s when it’s

back to the store again, off to the grocery.

Better go capture those sales and hope it don’t pass me by, yo.

 

Hook [x2]

You better lose yourself in the plant foods, the great taste,

You own it, you better never let it go.

You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to glow,

This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo.

 

No more games. I’ma change what you call taste,

Eat this motherfreaking salad gone and leave no waste.

salad2

I tried kale in the beginning, the mood all changed.

I chewed it up and spit it out and booed that leaf off stage.

But I’ve always loved spinach and every other green,

And grains and nuts and fruits, with other stuff in between.

All that taste inside amplified by the fact,

that I can get by, with my 5-9 servings.

sbbswich

 SunButter and banana sandwich on Ezekiel bread.

And I can consume the right foods that will please,

Cause man, there are meatless burgers with “cheese,”

and pizza tastes great, and legumes rule my plate, this is my life.

People say that’s it’s hard, but you have to reconcile,

If I can do it so can you, while

Never getting caught up between being a vegan and a prima donna

All the preachy drama screaming on and

I just never really wanna

frozenvegan

 Amy’s Kitchen, Daiya, Earth Balance, Ezekiel Bread

 Put you on the spot, but days of “Ugh, vegan food?”

Has gotten me to the point, I’m like “Hey dude,

You’ve got to formulate a plot and give plant-based a shot.

Better health is now your option, heart failure’s not.

Say for one meal a day, ‘this meat has got to go,’

Small changes add up to more than you know.”

So here you go it’s your shot,

food fail you not, this is the only body that you got.

 

  Hook [x2]

You better lose yourself in the plant foods, the great taste,

You own it, you better never let it go.

You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to glow,

This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo.

 

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P.S. I respect everyone’s choices. This post is supposed to be fun. Play nice.

It’s the Little Things

We’ve all had those days when nothing monumentally bad happens, but yet there are a bunch of little things that simply make you want to absolutely lose your shit, so to speak.

so-not-funny-i-forgot-to-not-laugh

Big picture? They’re not a big deal.

Small picture in that moment? The straw that broke the camel’s back. The last thing you need. THE BIGGEST DEAL EVER!

Let’s begin, perhaps with someone overusing CAPITAL LETTERS and exclamation points!!!

Anyway, I love my hooded sweatshirts. When it’s freezing outside and I want to pretend I’m a turtle with the option to retract myself back into my shell, the hood serves as my delusional means of escape. Plus, it’s warm.

But there are times when the string of my hoodie will mysteriously disappear into the depths of the hood itself. Sound the alarm! Call in the rescue squad! This is a traumatic turn of events, as it will then require me to somehow try and manipulate the string back to the opening through the use of tweezers and profanity.

By the time I prove myself as a hoodie hero and restore balance to my universe through the miraculous string rescue, I’m exhausted and ready to retreat back into the comfort of my cotton cocoon. I think I should start a support group.

Let’s journey down to the other end of the clothing spectrum and the socks I’ve already shamed.

If you’ve ever worn snow boots outside, you know the scenario. You come in, try and slip your boots off and move on with your life and find that your sock has been swallowed up into the depths of the boot. Of course you discover this when you pull out your foot and step down into the pile of snow that your boot has just left on the floor.

The only thing that makes this situation worse is when you go to put your sock back on and discover you have a jagged little piece of toenail that gets stuck on a string inside of the sock, creating a painful, snag-filled scenario or a new hole in the sock and your sanity.

Sigh…let’s move on.

Like most people, I enjoy a hot shower. What I don’t enjoy is turning off the water of said shower, discovering that although I’ve just spent 10 minutes in the direct stream of water I’ve neglected to rinse out my shampoo and that I also forgot to put a new towel on the rack.

The cat is no help, as you know.

Then there’s this food situation, and for me, anything that involves food is usually a highly-serious “situation” not to be messed with. There’s nothing more disappointing than cutting into an avocado and discovering that it’s a) 50 percent pit or b) bruised beyond belief. This can apply to other fruits and vegetables as well, but it will usually only happen to the one item you were REALLY looking forward to eating at that exact moment.

Put down the sharp kitchen objects and slowly back away from the counter. It’s not worth it.

And while I could add a million and 12 different technology-related items to this short list, I will narrow it down to leaving a very long and insightful/witty comment on a blog only to be confronted with a captcha. Not just any captcha, but one that completely resets the page—erasing your comment in the process—every time you fail the captcha (one that looks like an impossible Rorschach test, I might add.)

Adding insult to injury? Having to look up how to spell “captcha” in order to complain about it. At that point, it’s the straw that broke the camel’s back. The last thing you need. THE BIGGEST DEAL EVER!

Just take a deep breath and retreat into your hoodie. Everything will probably work out—except that flipping captcha.

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Inspector Gadget

Unless you’re brand new here, you know I love my avocadoes. If you’re brand new here, I love my avocados.

So imagine my delight when I won a Facebook fan prize from Haas Avocados a couple weeks ago—an avocado cutter. I was excited, but not because I got an avocado cutter. We’ll get to that in a minute. No, being randomly selected and called out by name by “the avocado” was like requited love, if only for a moment.

Anyway, it came in the mail the other day.

gnomeavocutter

Uncle June made an appearance for photo purposes only.

As I suspected, I’ll probably never use it.

Why? Because when I look at an avocado, I think, “Where’s my knife?” I then proceed to slice the avocado, dig the pit out of and then either slice it with the knife or mash with a fork.

I do not look at it and think, “What a complex looking piece of food! In order to break through this enigma, I will require a full set of tools!”

And when I looked at the cutter, I had no idea what I was supposed to do with it (other than pose a gnome next to it and snap a picture, of course.) However, there are instructions on the website.

avoinstructions

Not to sound ungrateful for my prize, but is this really a necessary thing? How hard is it to cut an avocado in the first place? We need tools?

I did a little research and found out that not only is this “keep in your purse for emergency situations” 3-in-1 avocado cutter available, but there are more things to add to your avocado tool box:

avoslicer

A slicer that also helps scoop out the pit, you know, like a spoon.

williams_sonoma_avocado_cuber2

A cuber that looks like a lacrosse mallet.

Avocado Masher

A masher.

avoknife

And a “special” knife/4-in-one tool that “opens, pits, dices and removes the peel.”

I realize that my minimalism leaves my kitchen gadget collection limited to a can opener, but I think four or five tools to cut and serve an avocado is a bit much. If something only does one job, it just doesn’t seem practical, especially if it’s a pain to wash.

Despite my domestic disability, I can separate eggs or cut an apple into slices on my own.

Now that doesn’t mean I can’t spend hours in Bed, Bath & Beyond looking at all the fun gadgets and imagining what unnecessary things I would register for if I ever convinced someone to take me on as their consolation prize wife, but I would never actually buy them for myself.

Then there are “practical” things like spoon rests, which I guess I see the point of, even though I think a small plate does the same job. However, my grandma used to have one, so that gives it some cred. My grandma never had a citrus slicer or an electronic fork that twirled spaghetti, although that would be a fun experiment to try in the dining room

Anyway, this avocado cutter was free and I’m happy to try it out. If I somehow manage to maim myself or get it stuck in my hair, at least I’ll have material for another blog post.

Stay tuned.

When it comes to kitchen gadgets—not appliances like toasters or sandwich makers, but one-job gadgets—what do you have and what would you want?

False Advertising

Anticipation. Cut into an avocado and it was 50 percent pit. Disappointment. I totally know how guys feel when encountering a padded bra.


This post was written for Write on Edge’s Red Writing Hood writing prompt.

This week’s assignment will require the fewest number of words ever: we want you to write a story – your choice of topic – as a tweet.
That’s right. One hundred and forty characters. Not words. Characters.

Why I Don’t Have a Cooking Show

This was the temperature in my air conditionless living room this week, which meant there was no way the oven was going on.

temp

Well, let’s be honest.

The oven doesn’t go on the often anyway. If something requires more than five ingredients, I’ll usually pass and default to my usual rotation of several different plant-based meals and snacks.  

My criteria? It has to be easy and healthy(ish.)

Fittingly, the Studio 30 Plus prompt this week was “A Taste of Summer,” so even though I can’t take good pictures, I figured I would share a few of the things I whip up when it’s warm—and even when it’s not.*

Breakfast

When it’s too hot for a warm bowl of oatmeal, take it to the fridge/freezer and your problem is solved. This also makes an easy take-along breakfast for those of us who eat at work.

oatmeal

 

Simply use the same ratio of oats and liquid (water, milk, Vodka—I won’t judge) that you would use for stovetops oats and combine them in a container. Stick it in the fridge for a couple hours or the freezer for 10 minutes. When you’re ready to eat them, add in your fat (tahini, nut butters, etc.) and whatever else you prefer—fruit, spices, etc. and you’re good to go.

I did not post a picture of these because a) you know what a bowl of oatmeal looks like and b) mine are never pretty. 

Lunch

If you’ve read this blog for more than a week or skimmed over my “About” page, you know that a majority of my favorite foods are green. This quick lunch combines a couple of them and requires only two or three ingredients as a base, but feel free to improvise and pile on the goodies.

avosandwich

All I do is take a whole avocado and smash it up, toast two pieces of bread, add the avocado and some spinach to the bread and put it all together. Because of the magnitude of this sandwich, I usually cut it in half and then eat it open-faced with a fork and knife (because I’m fancy.)

Great additions include a mild cheese, hummus and various spices.

Dinner

Rice is a staple for me and I always have a batch in my fridge to use throughout the week.

This little number comes together by sautéing vegetables in a pan until softened, adding chickpeas until slightly toasted and then adding in the rice and spices. Once it all comes together, I dump it in a bowl, add in butter and proceed to inhale it with digestive delight.

I put this under “dinner,” but I take variations of this one to work for my lunch just about every day. You could sub in tofu or meat for the chickpeas, swap the rice for pasta or even throw it all into a big salad.

Unlike my culinary creativity and preferences, the possibilities are endless.

Banana Soft Serve

This isn’t ice cream, but it is a healthy frozen treat that can hit the spot when you’re too lazy or cheap to actually go to Dairy Queen.

bananass

Take 2-3 frozen bananas and toss them into a food processor. Let it process for about five minutes, stopping every so often to scrape down the sides. As each minute passes, the bananas will get light, fluffy and take on a creamy texture–sort of like soft serve ice cream.

I pimp it out with Sunbutter or a few Newman’s Own Oreo-like cookies, but you can throw anything into the mix. After all, it’s bananas—healthy fruit!—so that completely negates any candy you might add.  

If anyone questions this logic, that just means more for you.

*This list is not conclusive by any stretch of the imagination—even mine. While the items below are nothing new or revolutionary and can be found anywhere on the Interwebs—or in your pantry/fridge—they are easy and healthy and make me happy.

Win-win!

What are your favorite easy tastes of summer?