This Post Is Completely Awkward

Ironically, even spelling the word “awkward” is, well, awkward. It’s just one of the small annoyingly awkward things that we’ve all faced at some point in time—usually multiple times throughout a day.

They’re unavoidable. They’re consistently awkward. They’re part of everyday life. And fortunately—unfortunately?—we can all relate…awkwardly.

hello

Bumping into someone at the grocery store and saying goodbye, only to see them in every single aisle after that.

Passing a slow driver and then getting stuck next to them at a red light where you have to pretend to busy yourself and avoid awkward eye contact.

When someone catches you accidentally staring at them…twice.

Watching a movie rated anything above PG with people you’re not that familiar with and having a steamy scene last a little too long.

When you see someone waving and think its directed to you and begin to wave back just to learn it was meant for the person behind you.

Giving an automatic reply, such as “You, too,” “Love ya, “ etc. in situations where it absolutely makes no sense.

Trying to hurry up and put your change back in your wallet while people are waiting in line behind you.

Having to go around the room and say something random about yourself while everyone sits there staring pretending to care.

Pushing on a pull door. There is always a witness.

When the dental hygienist continues to make small talk that you can’t reply to because her hand is stuffed in your mouth.

Crafting the perfect voicemail and then having someone actually pick up the phone.

When people show you a picture of a wrinkly newborn and they’re like, “Isn’t she/he cute?!?”

Putting a dirty plate in the sink when someone is doing the dishes.

When you run into someone you should probably acknowledge and talk to, but they’re talking to someone else and you have to stand there waiting for them to finish.

Thinking there is one more step than there is and taking a giant awkward step/fall over seemingly nothing.

Walking down a hallway, an aisle, etc.—and someone you know is coming towards you, but you don’t want to make eye contact too soon. But you don’t want to miss that window, so you look at them , quickly look away, then look up again a second later.

Being with a group of people or in a quiet room, taking a drink of water, and having it go down the wrong pipe causing you to launch into a spastic coughing fit.

Trying to walk past someone on a motorized scooter without looking like you’re trying to race them.

When something you’re wearing or sitting on makes a noise that sounds like it could’ve been a fart and then trying to cover it up so everyone knows it wasn’t a fart.

Being stuck in the break room with a coworker you don’t know that well and forcing small talk while you wait to use the microwave.

Talking on the phone and interrupting each other over and over, eventually ending up with dead air, and “no, you go ahead” back and forth.

Accidentally walking into the wrong bathroom, or walking into the right one and making incidental eye contact with someone through the crack of the stall door.

Asking a question, ignoring the answer and being too ashamed to ask again because they’ll know you weren’t paying attention the first time.

Running into someone you’ve met a few times, having them call you by name, and having no clue what their name is.

Making eye contact with the store employee while trying to refold a shirt and put it back on the shelf.

Standing there on the other end of the leash while you wait for your dog to do his “business,” and then waving at someone with the plastic bag full of dog poop in your hand.

Being left alone with a person you kind of know yet have no interest in getting to know better while the third mutual friend steps out of the room.

The complex decision-making process of figuring out the right time to go into the revolving door, and if there’s time to go in there with someone or wait it out.

Having the toilet clog or not flush anywhere other than at your own house and being forced to let someone know.

Say goodbye to somebody and then realizing that you’re both walking the same way at the same pace.

Going into a store and deciding not to buy anything and being paranoid the staff thinks you’re shoplifting.

What would you add to the list?

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P.S. For some reason the text with this post runs over onto the images on the right for a few people. I don’t know why because I’m not a freaking genius. However, I’ve found if you refresh the page, that weirdness goes away–not the weirdness of the post, but of the spacing. 

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40 responses to “This Post Is Completely Awkward

  1. diaryreinvented

    Trying to step around someone only to have them move in the same direction as you, and doing that confused tango until one of you just decides to stop moving and let the other person go on their way.
    Texting/messaging someone and have them say the exact thing you were going to say, only you’re still typing and you don’t know if you should still send the message and be redundant or just delete the entire message you were writing.
    Trying to get someone’s attention in a public space and having everyone except the person you need notice you calling their name or flailing your arms or waving you hands. You just get to look like idiot.
    Saying “bless you” when someone coughs even though that is the appropriate response only for after a sneeze.

  2. -Sending someone a text that was meant for someone else entirely and then trying to explain away your embarrassment.
    -Listening to a waiter explain the specials after you’ve already picked your order and feigning enough interest to make them feel like you’re not dismissing what they’re saying.
    -Eating popcorn in a public place and then inevitably having to fish some of it out of your shirt/bra (what, just me?)

  3. All of the awkward situations you mentioned had me laughing…so true… here’s one… laughing hysterically at something you find funny, but no one else is laughing…just looking at you like what’s wrong with you…and that makes it funnier and you just can’t stop…;-)

  4. Love this – so true!

  5. Proper laugh inducing post, this!
    Here one more: Waving at someone you met only a while ago, and they just stare through you. *awkward*

  6. Yes to all of these! The toilet clogging is the worst. I’d add, being told to re-tell an ‘hilarious’ story, like, “Oh my god you have to get Carly to tell you about the time, this happened, it is the funniest thing you’ll ever hear.” Everyone is all excited for the funny story that your ‘friend’ has now built up, then you tell the story and nobody laughs.

    • Yup. Then you wonder if everyone heard you or if they heard you and think that you’re lame. Well, that’s what I’ve heard anyway…

  7. That spastic coughing fit is just so much worse when you’re afraid you’re going to pee your pants while that annoying co-worker asks if you’re “going to be okay?”

  8. Ann Hedington

    re: having food go down into your bra — I have a couple co-workers that are (ahem) well-endowed. While they don’t wear too revealing tops, sometimes while we’re eating lunch bits fall down. We have taken to calling it our snacks for later. (within our group it’s not awkward, it’s hilarious) (guess you have to be there).

  9. Reblogged this on You're Fine and commented:
    Everyday occurrences.

  10. -furthermore to the fart one.. accidentally farting and trying to cover it up with something that sounds like a fart
    -going to the bathroom at someone else’s place and finding that there is no toilet paper there
    -finding that you have food spill down your top and having to do a presentation while trying to cover the stain

  11. girlwithgoldenheart

    haha…. this is awkwardly good!
    I too got one-* putting your best effort while cracking a joke and looking around to find that nobody except you is laughing*

  12. I had the name thing happen on Friday! Also, yesterday I was at the ATM and there was a line behind me and I couldn’t get my stupid card to go in the machine right and i know everyone behind me was impatiently waiting for the girl who can’t work her debit card to finish up.

  13. All of them brilliant! I have a terrible time remembering names, and find that to be among the most awkward.

  14. YourAwkwardDiva

    Man this is HILARIOUS!!! Just explained my life :”)

  15. darshitagoyal

    This is so relatable! Love your posts.

  16. I can totally relate! LMAO

  17. Trusting your cousins to pick a movie to watch and then having to sit through The 40 Year Old Virgin with your grandparents. First there was the awkward jokes about closing your eyes, and then there was silence. Lots and lots of silence.

  18. I’m the world’s worst about saying “you’re welcome” when the other person didn’t say “thank you”, but I thought they were going to. Painfully awkward, and I’m forever worried I sound rude.

  19. – having to stop while walking and pretend you’re not trying to stop yourself from possibly peeing as you cough/sneeze because your kid wrecked you
    – wearing a skirt out on to the shop floor where you work, not realizing that they’ve turned on all the summer time floor fans
    – staring off into space thinking about super serious stuff and not realizing until they move or say something that you’ve been mean mugging a stranger the whole time

  20. First timer. This is quite funny. You had me with the grocery aisle story. Well done, BTG

  21. Okay, I’m hooked.

  22. I loveee this blog !!! Abby you ara amazing jajajaaj it make me laugh a lot ..

  23. lailadarkness

    I think you pretty much covered every and possible awkward moments. There’s something very natural about the voice of your writing. Just out of curiosity, why choose the name “Abby Has Issues”?

    • As in “Dear Abby” who dished out advice in a column, circa mid ’50s. You get the irony of the advice giver having issues–this is comedy gold!
      The author is also an “Abby,” Abby Heugel. Great double entendre!

  24. College Christian

    One time I was visiting a church with my “at the time” love interest… and his parents. I went to shift my legs and the movement of the cushion on the pew made a farting noise. So of course, I continued to make those movements just to clarify it was not me passing gas… I thought it would make the situation better but I just made it more awkward, sitting there fidgeting and making multiple small toot noises.. at church.

  25. How about this? Someone approaching you and reaching out his hand for a shake in your direction, only to be shaking someone else’s hand by the time you reach yours out.

  26. This is so perfect. Yes to all of the above!

  27. These are all true. What about –
    Sending an intentionally (probably innapropriately) funny email to the wrong person… or even worse, to your boss

  28. Bro Looks Like A Lady

    Working in a fastfood restaurant at the cash register. And the customer licks his burger just to make sure it’s his… #thatawkwardfaceyoumake

  29. Accidentally telling your crush that you miss them instead of your best friend that is on vacation.

  30. Sending a bitchy text to the person you were complaining about and then trying to pass it off as a joke the next day when you see them.

  31. Writing a comment you find hilarious and then no one replies or acknowledges your existence… happens quite frequently.

  32. This is so relatable.

  33. I can relate to almost all of these. This post had me rolling!!!!

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