Be honest. How many times have you done something like run out of the house in your robe and flip-flops in the snow to drag the trash bin out to the curb, had your neighbor notice you and think, “Oh, please. You know it happens at your house, too.”
Just me? No, I don’t think so, my friends.
She has a farmer husband, five kids, a love for wine and a strong affection for Johnny Depp. She enjoys humor and dislikes uptight people. She drinks an absurd amount of coffee and depending on the day, an absurd amount of wine.
Lucky for us, I caught her on one of those latter days and she agreed to share her issues—and her talents with catching bodily fluids—with us.
Name: I usually go by “Hey *insert child’s name here* mom*, but for these purposes I’ll go by Tara
Where, what, and why do you write?
I write really great stuff in my mind, usually while in the shower which explains why it never makes it to paper. I try my best to write the funny stuff, because I have hopes that somewhere someone will find me funny because my family really doesn’t.
(Editor’s note: We find you funny, Tara. The Internet is your family. Come back to us now, my friend.)
First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
Why have I not put a coffee maker on my night stand programmed to come on at the sound of the Red Hot Chili Peppers yelling at me to get up?
What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?
Chin hair. Women should NOT have chin hair. We have babies, the monthly “special time” and saggy boobs. We should absolutely NOT have to spend our free time looking for rogue hairs. It’s bullshit really.
(Another note: Great. Another blogger rubbing it in that they have boobs and don’t have to resort to have a sock stuffed in their bra while sporting a mullet.)
Three websites you visit every day.
The Facebook–because if it isn’t on the Facebook, it never happened
The Twitter–because after being on the Facebook, I need to laugh about something.
One other reputable news source like Buzzfeed or The Onion.
What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?
I can change an explodo-poo diaper in the dark with absolutely no spillage and I can catch vomit in my hands. Both incredibly useful, yet completely useless.
If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?
All Targets would be required to have an open bar next to Starbucks, because for the amount of money we spend in there they could at least buy us a drink or six.
Who would play you in the movie of your life?
I think my family would agree that we don’t need more than one of me, so I would play myself. The important question here is who would play Farmer Bob? There is really only one answer to that. Johnny Depp–because Johnny Depp.
You can only eat three foods for a week. What are they?
Nachos, burritos and Milk Duds. I wish I had a funny reason why, but really I just put those down because it’s all I’ve been able to think about since I read this question.
What’s the last thing you Googled?
How to spell the word restrant, restraint, resturant. You know, those places where we go to eat.
What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?
Quite frankly, I couldn’t have handled one more question. All I hear all day are questions: Mom, when’s lunch? Mom, where’s my shoe? Mom, does my underwear stink? Mom, why is she touching me? Mom, when can we eat again? Mom, do you need more wine? I’m questioned out, except for that last one in which the answer is always yes.
So there you have it. Go check her out and show her some love on her blog and Facebook so when she goes on Shark Tank to pitch her coffee maker alarm clock, you can say you knew her back in the day. I’ll be back here on Sunday with more rambles.
First though, humor me. What’s the last thing you Googled?
P.S. Facebook has changed it’s reach AGAIN and only 5-10 percent of people are seeing my updates. To ensure you’re not missing a thing, add my Facebook page to your “Interests” lists, subscribe to my blog or follow me on Twitter.