At first glance, you might think that you hopped onto the wrong blog because it would appear that the blogger spilling her issues today and yours truly don’t have much in common.
After all, I’m the childless, snarky spinster and she’s a mom who blogs about her family and running the PTA. However, I also know that all my dear readers aren’t moms who drink and swear or childless, snarky spinsters, so I’m deviating from the norm and featuring someone a few of you might relate to.
Don’t worry. Sunday’s post will be my dysfunctional business as usual.
But along with being funny, she’s also a bulldog. We were in “I Just Want to Be Alone” together and this woman could sell ass implants to Kim Kardashian and is as dedicated to what she’s passionate about as I am to not reading anything about the Kardashians. And pesto. Now you know that I mean business.
So without further ado, I present to you the Keeper of the Fruit Loops.
Name: Christine Burke
First thing you think of when you wake up?
That depends. My “during the week” answer is: “How can I get downstairs ninja-style to avoid waking the kids so I can have coffee for five minutes in peace?” My “weekend” answer is exactly the same, only I’m thinking it an hour later than I usually do during the week.
What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?
The Ebola crisis. I mean, more people died going to work this morning than any American currently infected with the disease. And please, I can’t be bothered with Ebola minutia when Amal Alamuddin took George Clooney’s last name. Priorities, people. Priorities. Now, if George Clooney came down with Ebola, THAT’D be something worthy of my attention.
Three websites you visit every day?
Real Life Parenting is like reading the dialogue in my head and she’s writing the words I’m about to say. It’s actually a little creepy, but I still check her goings on every day because it’s fun to see what I’m thinking.
Finally, I’m embarrassed to say I check MSN’s celebrity coverage every day. It’s like brain candy. I skip all the Kardashian stories though, because…Kardashians.
(Editor’s note: If we could combine Ebola and Kardashians, we might be on to something.)
What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?
I have been to all 48 states by car, the majority of which were while riding the hump seat squished between my two brothers in an early ’80s Chevy Cavalier. Though I suppose I could put that on my resume if I ever applied to a travel agency.
I can write backwards fluently and am adept at reading things upside down. That’s especially helpful for magazine quizzes because I’m too lazy to turn the magazine around to confirm I got the answers correct.
(Another editor’s note: She said, “hump seat.” Tee-hee.)
Favorite place to be?
The beach. Preferably with no kids near me asking for Fritos, sand toys and ice cream. Also preferable: a cocktail, book and no one else’s kids asking me for Fritos, sand toys and ice cream.
(Editor’s note again: Give the kids a cocktail. Problem solved.)
If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?
Everyone would be forced encouraged to read my blog, Random House would be forced encouraged to give me a book deal and absolutely NO ONE would be allowed to eat candy corn or circus peanuts. And anyone caught judging me would be subject to listen to Justin Bieber’s “Baby” on continuous loop until my reign ended.
What TV show would you want to appear on?
I have always wanted to be on The Today Show, because…Matt Lauer. Well, the Matt Lauer before all the Ann Curry ugliness.
Best/Worst Thing in your refrigerator right now?
Best: A kickass, slap your grandma delicious, homemade by moi chicken noodle soup. I made it last night from scratch and I’m already craving the leftovers.
Worst: A forty of Old English 800 given to my Hubby as a joke from a friend. So ridiculous.
What question do you wish I had asked and what would your reply be?
Q: How did you find my blog and what do you love about it?
A: I was delighted to find your blog after being accepted as a contributor to IJWTBA. I fell in love with your hysterical Facebook updates and your blog makes me giggle all the time. In fact, your Facebook page is one of the few that I have in my personal feed AND my fan page feed (that’s huge, FYI). And, also, I’m so totally doing an “Abby Has Issues” Christmas for my friends…your quotes on mugs bring me great joy.
(Last editor’s note: I SWEAR I didn’t pay her to say that as I’m not rich enough to bribe people and even if I was, I would probably spend the extra money on additional snacks. My point is that I’m embarrassed that’s what she chose to reply with because I don’t really handle compliments well—or rejections, which means I pretty much don’t handle anything well—but I humbly accept this response.)
And because she’s a giver, we’re giving away a copy of “I Just Want to Be Alone” to a random person who comments on this post answering the question below. The giveaway is open to U.S. residents and a random winner will be drawn on Monday morning and notified via email.
Even if you have a copy of the book, play along and then go check out her blog. I’ll see you back here Sunday.
In the spirit of Fruit Loops, what was your favorite cereal as a kid?