The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva Has Issues

It’s Friday! Another blogger is spilling their issues, and seeing as I’m domestically disabled myself, it only makes sense that today’s blogger is here to help show me the way.

As you can see from the picture below, Susan actually puts curlers IN HER HAIR which makes her super fancy considering I’ve been known to leave the house with one still stuck in my head.

It happened once, okay? Let’s move on.

Anyway, I now present Susan—Mom. Blogger. Humorist.

susanawkward2

Name: Susan McLean

Blog: The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva

Where, what and why do you write?

Generally I try to stick to writing humor only and I’m coming to you live from Delaware. I started writing to keep my brain from atrophying when I quit my full time career to stay at home with a four year old, two year old and an infant.  They were really cute, but not much for conversation.

Before staying home, then transitioning into my current social media role, I used to be in corporate training. I created training materials, played system administrator (which was surprisingly a lot like Atari’s Space Invaders), and mostly practiced my stand-up and passed out lots of candy when I would facilitate classes in hopes of winning over the hearts and minds of my captive audience. (Seriously, they were captives. They had to be there).

Mostly you’ll find me writing for myself on my blog because when I actually have something that I think is funny, I like to make sure I’m getting full credit.  I’m also officially a Huffington Post Blogger, and every once in a while you’ll see me popping up someplace reputable like Redbook (seriously, that happened).

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

Plotting how and when I can drink my first cup of coffee.

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

My kids are getting older, smarter and they keep finding my best hiding places.  I’m worried they’ll find my stash of high-fructose, non-organic, GMO snacks soon that I’ll be forced to share.

Three websites you visit every day.

The Facebook, Pinterest and The Weather Channel.

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

I’m double jointed.  It’s not as sexy as it sounds.

Favorite place to be?

I like going to yoga, or as I like to call it, my “book club for one!” You see, when I “go to yoga” instead of doing classical yoga poses, I drive myself to Dunkin Donuts for a coffee and a snack then sit in my car for about an hour reading a book. I wish I had listened to people and done this sooner. Yoga is so refreshing.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

If I could take a swipe at the Internet troll population, I’d try to ban as many of them as I could from the Web in one day.

What TV show would you want to appear on?

I love the Walking Dead!  I’d make a great love interest for Daryl or I’d even settle for being a zombie extra. I’d also do unspeakable things to be on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. (Call me, Jimmy!)

Best and worst things I could find in your refrigerator right now?

Lots of fruits and veggies – and lots of cheese.  I special order my cheese from Vermont, not because I’m fancy, but because I’m lactose intolerant. Also, I’m intolerant of my lactose intolerance, so I searched high and low until I found a great naturally aged and lactose free cheese from Cabot.  I order about 15lbs at a time. Don’t judge.

Editor’s Note: I’m a vegan with OCD who will spend more time picking out a head of broccoli than picking out her clothes. I don’t judge.

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

I wish you would have asked me if I always looked like this and the answer would have been “no.”  I used to be fit and sort of fabulous.  Now I’m usually frizzy and frazzled.  I once had legs that were long and lean, but now that more accurately describes my breasts.  Whoever said “kids keep you young” must have never had them.


I’ll assume by “never had them” she means kids and that this isn’t another blogger taking a swipe at the fact that my chest is concave. Perhaps I’m projecting.

At any rate, do yourself a favor and go check her out after answering the following question:

What’s one snack that you hate to share and would hide from anyone else if you could? (We’ll pretend that you always share.)

Like the blog? Buy the books!

P.S. If you don’t want to miss anything, be sure to subscribe here on the blog and/or follow me on Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest.

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18 responses to “The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva Has Issues

  1. Oh my gosh, that yoga class sounds AMAZING.

  2. Oddly enough – today is Jimmy Fallon’s birthday. Thanks for the morning laugh.

  3. If by “snack that you hate to share” you mean “snack that you are embarrassed you can eat in such large quantities” the answer would be cookies. Almost any kind of cookies. Sigh.

  4. My chocolate covered almonds, popcorn, and ice cream. I’m greedy.

  5. I’m working on not salivating every time someone says “snacks,” so I plead the 5th. Diva’s book club for one/yoga class made me scream out loud. She is so fabulous.

  6. Fritos and Dean’s French Onion Dip. The Fritos are easy to hide but since the dip needs to be refrigerated, that presents more of a challenge.

  7. i totally want to go to that Yoga class, and in fact, i may start a local one here. The one snack i’d never share is bing cherries when they are in season. OMGosh. i think i can eat my weight in them in a day! So good. Chocolate is good, too.

  8. Trolli gummy worms/octopus/eggs because I’m secretly 7. I also hail from teeny tiny Delaware, so thanks for sharing a fellow blogger from the First State!

  9. Ice cream and birthday cake. Together…separate…I don’t care–I’m not sharing.

  10. Susan is still fabulous even with long boobs. I’ve never had long anything, except leg hair, so I’m kinda jealous…

    Oh, and chocolate. Any kind of chocolate.

  11. Dark chocolate peanut M&M’s. I hide them from my kids in the back of the cabinet behind the wheat bread where they will never find them.

    “Going to Yoga” is a great idea. I’m signing up today.

  12. I don’t have to hide my favorite snack, Lindoor irresistibly smooth dark chocolate truffles because I have learned to eat the whole 5.1 oz. bag at one sitting.

  13. Finally understand yoga. And if I bought a Reese’s peanut butter cup, you can bet I’m not sharing. Don’t care that they usually come in pairs. I have two hands.

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