I have to admit that lately I haven’t been feeling that confident. But then one morning I looked at the number of staplers on my desk at work—two—and thought, “Abby, you lucky bastard. You’ve really made something of yourself.”
So with that said, I decided to think of other things that should earn A Major Award. Congrats to you!
Not only remembering to put your reusable grocery bag in your car, but remembering to actually bring it in with you before you’re checking out in the store.
Spelling “definitely,” “vacuum” or “conscientious” right on the first try.
Actually using the OveGlove on your hand instead of grabbing the hot pan with the hand not wearing the OveGlove.
Making a list before going to the store and remembering to take it with you instead of coming home to be reminded about what you forgot to buy.
Realizing you’re out of toilet paper but finding you stocked an extra roll in the cabinet next to the toilet.
Getting less than 15 tissues out on the first pull from a new box of Kleenex.
Perfectly timing use of the automatic soap dispenser instead of putting your hand under there, waiting, pulling hand away and then having soap shoot out onto the counter.
Pumping gas and stopping on the exact dollar amount instead of spending an extra $10 trying to get it to stop on an even dollar amount.
Remembering the names of your neighbors and not just the names of your neighbors’ dogs.
Unpeeling a banana and getting all those stringy things off in the process (bonus points if you can rip a banana off the bunch without feeling like you’re ripping it away from its family, creating an orphan banana, of sorts.)
Dropping a piece of buttered/cheesy/messy toast and for once, not having the buttered/cheesy/messy side hit the carpet.
Not saying what you’re thinking out loud two seconds after your brain says, “Don’t say that out loud.”
Remembering to take out both trash and recycle on the same day.
Catching something as it falls off the table without knocking something else off the table.
Putting away the clean laundry on the same day it was washed.
When someone tells you, “Great question!” actually hearing their answer because you’re not busy congratulating yourself for asking such a great question.
And of course, for commenting below on what you deserve A Major Award for today.