I’m a Weather Wimp

We’ve been lucky lately in that aside from a rare tornado, the weather has been pretty pleasant this summer. However, we’ve still had days when if I get any closer to my window air conditioning unit I’m going to have to change my status to “in a relationship.”

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I know.

The me that made it through the harshest most brutal winter in my history just slapped the me complaining about summer weather, but this just goes to solidify my declaration that I hate weather.*

*Excluding days between 60-80 degrees with no rain and a gentle breeze lightly tinged with the scent of cut grass.

I hate sweating or driving on three inches of ice, and while I know I won’t melt if I get rained on, I will be wet and uncomfortable which is pretty much just as bad.

Living in Michigan, this is an unfortunate situation seeing as everyone loves to say, “If you hate the weather, wait five minutes! It will change!” and then laugh and laugh while I shoot daggers with my eyes.

Why?

Because with any severe weather situation, there is the chance that I will lose power, and ergo, lose my shit.

I’m not high maintenance, but when the power goes out, all rationality and Zen-like tendencies go right along with it not to be restored until Consumer’s Energy plugs things back in.

And you can be sure I obsessively call Consumer’s Energy to get a restoration estimate, usually being told it will happen at some point hours or days after the time I totally freak out (which is, of course, the second that I lose power.)

So when the semi-creepy weather rolls in, I get on high alert, assuming that rumbles in the distance are an impending weather-related disaster headed directly for my house.

If I’m at home, everything not related to obsessively watching the weather channel and lighting candles ceases while I play out various scenarios in my head that will necessitate a reenactment of events on the news.

If I’m at work, all productivity ceases while check radar online and take into account exactly what I have in my fridge/freezer at home, as food waste is my main concern with possible loss of power. If it’s winter, I figure I can throw things outside and warm up some food on the stove. If it’s summer, I freak out and pack that bitch up like an igloo.

In part, I blame the meteorologist.

Yes, we’re blaming him now, as he delights entirely too much in delivering potentially catastrophic (see food situation above) news.

Plus, he makes me feel like a social reject with absolutely no life (on this he’s only halfway right—as usual.) Every forecast is prefaced with something along the lines of, “If you’re getting ready to go out to dinner tonight” or “If you’re planning a picnic followed by a long walk on the beach tomorrow” etc.

Never does he say, “If you’re planning on sitting on your couch in your yoga pants watching the ball game and writing a blog post while trying to find that piece of food you just dropped down your shirt,” plan on partly sunny skies.

I’m fully aware that a) it’s not his fault and b) there’s nothing we can do about weather anyway, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Mini-blinds will be shut and the TV will be turned up loud to drown out the sound of the thunder.

I will perfectly situate my flashlights under my blankie fort and wait, making promises to unseen higher powers that as long as I don’t lose power, I will be fine and work on saving the world in the morning (a task that would conceivably require electricity, therefore eliminating me from the impending power outage.)

Then again, maybe I just have to wait five more minutes. There’s always the chance it will change.

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17 responses to “I’m a Weather Wimp

  1. I have decided that the only good seasons are Spring in North Carolina and Fall in New England. Plan accordingly.

  2. I always knew we had a lot in common. Currently I am whimpering my way through an unpleasant heat spell. I do not have AC, but I am in danger of becoming unnaturally friendly with a small fan, and I don’t mean another blogger !

  3. OMG Abby. We are weather sisters. Last year we lost power for 5 days. 5 DAYS. I went insane. And yes, it’s okay to complain about summer despite that hellacious winter we had, because it just is. My beef with the weather guys is their sheer joy over hot temps, and how they demand that we GET OUT THERE AND ENJOY IT. No thanks, buddy. I like a/c, cable and a fridge within waddling distance. You enjoy it, Mr White Teeth/Big Head.

    Oh dear…it seems as though you’ve struck a nerve with this one. Sorry.

    • Ha! I actually have legit PTSD over a four-day blackout in Detroit about 10 years ago, but I didn’t add that in here. However, that’s what I blame my current neurosis on 😉

  4. Living in South Florida, we always have the possibility of hurricanes. The last one was in 2005. In the Spring, the weather forecast is usually announced: We don’t expect too much activity in the Atlantic this summer. Boom! We can have several storms that the weather people didn’t “expect.” I’m worried about this season, though. It was announced that there wasn’t much “activity” expected. That forecast scares me.

  5. After 8 days of no electricity following Hurricane Sandy, I completely understand. When we lost power during one of the many blizzards this past winter we bit the bullet and installed a natural gas powered generator. That will guarantee that I won’t lose power, but that a tree will now fall on my house.

  6. Brought a smile to my face re your relationship with the AC unit. Please, please post pictures of the nuptials, ha ha.

  7. You need to come out here to California, girl. The land of no weather.

  8. New idea for a way to fame: Start a Weather Channel for Singles. This way, we’ll all stop being so mad at the weather man for pointing out our loneliness. I’m just saying… this could be a stepping stone to other great shows for singles. Anderson Cooper 360 for Singles (who are we kidding, that’s already what it is), Jeopardy for Singles, Dateline for Singles (terrifying).
    The possibilities are endless.
    I’m not saying all of these are good ideas. But they’re ideas.

  9. I hate weather also, with a passion, in fact. You are not alone.

  10. If it could be spring all year I’d be happy. Well as long as it wasn’t this spring when it didn’t stop raining and everything flooded. This was the year I discovered waterproof boots are only useful when the water doesn’t come over the top! 😦

  11. I feel like I’m living the worst of both worlds– the office AC is so horrifying at my work that I have to keep two space heaters in an L around my desk. And wear a sweater. It’s evil. Or I like complaining. One of those.

  12. We actually lost power for four days a couple years back. I lost all the food in my fridge and it got so damn cold, I could see my breath inside the house. Of course, I refused to leave (other than to go to work) because I couldn’t leave my cats behind. Damn weather. I waited a hell of a lot longer than five minutes, and it didn’t change. 🙂

  13. I lost power one night this winter and just watched movies on my laptop until it and my cell phone died (from all the FB’ing and texting I was doing about not having power). I’m not a planner. I guess the good news is that I’m 5 blocks from 3 grocery stores so I never REALLY feel like I’ll waste away.

    Also, I’m regularly digging food out of my shirt. I once snacked on chips before a date, went to dinner on said date, came home (alone) and found some chips that had been hanging out in the cleave all evening. I’m classy.

  14. My work buddy recently moved to Midwest from Seattle and has every reaction you describe to inclement weather. You two would have lots to talk about. My AC just went out due to a fan motor fail, so our Family is surviving on electrically run fans and the grace of a unexpected cool spell until the AC is fixed, at which point all systems will be turned back on cuz I hate humidity.

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