It’s Friday, which means it’s time to showcase another fabulous blogger’s issues. I’ve even added a tab up at the top so you can catch up because I’m super fancy like that.
But today, it’s all about Twitter queen Kelley.
Name: Kelley Nettles
Blog: Kelley’s Break Room
Where, what and why do you write?
Where: Many times I write my posts out using the app on my iPhone. It’s sort of a pain, but it allows me to write things out while I’m in the car at a baseball practice or having my 6-year-old shine my shoes or something. If I’m not writing on that, I use my laptop and write while I’m watching The First 48 or The Bachelorette. That means that I stop and start a gazillion times and then fall asleep with my laptop charring my thighs.
What: I write about random things that happen to me or random observations, everything from Chinese foot massages to being stuck in The Home Depot forever.
Why: It’s part of my Witness Protection Program Agreement. If I can write things up to lead people to believe that I actually live this life, they’re less likely to recognize me as the Russian lady who shoplifted over 1,429,302 KitKats by hiding them in MC Hammer pants in a period of one month back in 1991.
First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.
“I hope my 6-year-old found something to eat for breakfast.” My 9-year-old is a pro at getting a bowl of cereal made or heating up a Toaster Strudel, but he sometimes leaves his brother hanging. This is probably because my 6-year-old is a little high maintenance. “I WANT EGGS ON TOAST” (a fried egg over buttered toast.) He thinks he’s a pharaoh.
What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?
That it is the middle of the summer and I still haven’t done half of the things on my “summer to do list”. It’s all cleaning and organizing and decorating related. This is the ugly side of life.
Three websites you visit every day.
Get ready to fall asleep. I visit Facebook, Gmail and chron.com (the Houston Chronicle website) every day. I have to visit that last one so that I can stay on the up and up about which convenience stores have been robbed. The Dollar General really got it handed to them recently. (Pretty sure The Dollar General needs to go back to boot camp and learn how to protect himself from thugs.)
Favorite place to be?
This one is a tough one. On the one hand, I want to say my favorite place to be is at my grandmother’s house while all the family is around and we are laughing or reminiscing or at a table playing Scrabble with my dad or floating down a river with my husband and boys, but the truth is that I really like being in front of a fully stocked refrigerator and freezer with a bib around my neck.
If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?
I would totally make it illegal to steal things out of people’s cars and I would also make it illegal to break into their houses. That mess has got to stop.
Hold on minute. That’s already illegal? Well, I’ll be…
Okay, um, I would make it illegal for people to lightly tap me on the shoulder. Ohhhhhhh, I can’t stand that. I need a firm pressing of the shoulder or I need you to take a few steps back while I get in my Kung Fu stance.
What TV show would you want to appear on?
SNL, SNL, SNL. The freedom to act the fool and make crazy faces all night while getting paid THE BUCKS is almost intoxicating.
Best and worst things I could find in your refrigerator right now?
You should’ve asked me this yesterday when I cleaned out my refrigerator after being gone a week. If I had cleaned it before we left, I wouldn’t have found some really old broccoli gettin’ his stank on. The best thing you can find is Noosa yogurt. I am so in love with it. It is the best yogurt ever. We may elope.
What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?
See? She’s hilarious. Be sure to check out her blog and her links. Who will be featured next week? You’ll just have to wait and see. (Jimmy Fallon, have your people call my people…that would be me.)
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