Robyn from Hollow Tree Ventures Has Issues

Today I’m excited to introduce a new weekly feature here on the blog. After all, as much as I delight in entertaining my dozens of readers with posts serenading asparagus or letters to my yoga pants, it doesn’t always have to be ALL ABOUT ME.

Well, it kind of does but that’s not the point.

The point is that I also love the bloggers I’ve met and want everyone else to think they like me as much as I like them. That’s why I’m starting a weekly feature—(Insert name here) Has Issues—where I ask interesting people the same questions each week and share their awesomeness with you.

For example, when I get Tina Fey to do it, it would say “Tina Fey Has Issues” and then I would ask her questions about her writing, embarrassing moments, food and why she issued that restraining order against me.

That way my readers can meet someone new or learn something about people they know and I have a fun post to publish in between my own ramblings about washing a yard gnome in my bird bath.

Plus, I’m nosy and like to know ALL the things.

So without further ado, here’s Robyn!

Name: Robyn Welling Esquire, III

Blog : Hollow Tree Ventures

Where, what and why do you write?

I write humor at my house while wearing socks because my feet are cold, which I thought I’d throw in there even though you didn’t ask what I was wearing. I put the stuff I write on the Internet, either on my blog or on the website of the highest bidder (and/or the blogs of dear, dear friends). Right now I’m most often found on NickMom and CraftFail, but I also write for LifetimeMoms and In The Powder Room, and I have a woefully neglected Huffington Post blog. I write out of a continued amazement that people sometimes think I’m funny, and because I like food and indoor plumbing.

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

WHAT TIME IS IT?!?!? Oh, I could sleep for another two hours? Well, now that I’ve had a panic attack, I might as well get up.

What’s the one “issue” annoying you right now?

That I’m tired. I know, that’s so boring – I’m pretty sure a good two-thirds of the Internet is dedicated to people talking about how tired they are. But seriously. I need a nap.

Three websites you visit every day.

Mine. Mine again to fix a typo. Then mine a third time to pad my page views.

What’s an unusual talent you could never put on a resume?

I’m double jointed. I actually had to quit playing the clarinet because my fingers would get stuck on a note and I wouldn’t be able to bend them! Wait, that’s the opposite of an accomplishment.

Favorite place to be?

At home. Which is a good thing because that’s the only place I ever am.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

It would take me ALL DAY just trying to fix the other drivers. TURN SIGNALS, PEOPLE. It’s not rocket science.

What TV show would you want to appear on?

This is the part where I have to say, “I don’t know because we don’t watch TV” and sound like one of those jerky new-age Gwyneth types who doesn’t believe in technology and only keeps an old cathode ray tube television in the living room for ironic hipster-related reasons. What it really means is that we’re too poor for cable, and local TV is too boring to watch. (Also, since I don’t watch TV I’m not 100 percent sure the cultural references I used in this paragraph make any sense.)

Best and worst things I could find in your refrigerator right now?

Hmm, the best thing would have to be all fresh fruit. My kids seem to really be into nourishment, and they ALWAYS ask for fruit from the store. That’s not a humble brag, that’s just facts right there. The worst thing in my fridge would be all the fruit that’s gone bad, because my kids are always more interested in eating fruit when I’m making the grocery list than they are later when it’s time to eat it.

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

Least offensive/almost slightly endearing or at least not completely annoying neurosis: I am absolutely unable to open a straw without tying the paper wrapper in a knot and pulling the ends to see if it comes untied. I’ve tried to force myself to just throw the wrapper away without doing the knot thing, but I can’t. I get this odd feeling that something terrible will happen, and even though I know that’s completely ridiculous, I figure there’s no harm in being just a teeny bit crazy.


See? She’s hilarious—and brave for being the first person I’m featuring on here. Who will it be next Friday? You’ll just have to wait and see (call me, Tina.)

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25 responses to “Robyn from Hollow Tree Ventures Has Issues

  1. Wow, these are pretty much the same answers I would have given to those questions (well, except for the double jointed thing). That is just plain freaky. I especially love the “three websites I visit” question – exactly what I do every single day!

    • hollowtreeventures

      That’s exactly why I wanted to go first, @cordeliasmom – I knew once I read someone else’s answers I’d be like, “ME TOO! So, just put me down for a ‘ditto’ on their interview.”

  2. What a great idea! Can’t wait for next Friday.

  3. Haha about the websites you visit and the rotting fruit in your refrigerator (says the girl with rotting strawberries in her refrigerator). Nice to see you here!

    • hollowtreeventures

      Nice to see you, too! Strawberries were on sale the last time we were at the store, so we have the potential to have up to two pounds of smushy, sour berries within the next few days, instead of our usual, regularly-priced half pound. What a savings!

  4. hollowtreeventures

    Thanks for inviting me over, Abby! I’m still sitting in my car in your driveway, though, so don’t think this gets you out of inviting me over to your real, non-Internet house. And hurry up, please – my binoculars are fogging up.

  5. We keep booze in the fridge, too. Can’t believe that didn’t make the cut. – Also I’m calling shenanigans on the “grocery list.”

  6. When you say you’ve ‘met’ them, I wonder if that is in person or via the net. I’ve met a couple of Bloggers and its a nice experience. I think the interview is a great idea, and I enjoyed this one

  7. Brilliant idea for a weekly feature!

    “…old cathode ray tube television in the living room for ironic hipster-related reasons.”
    Loved this line! So true.

  8. Just don’t ever let her be your roommate. She makes you laugh too much, force feeds you jelly beans and picks up after herself. Horrible.

  9. What a fun idea! We can let our hair down and no one (we really know) will be the wiser – is that how it works? Hmmm. On second thought, I think there are some people who would be the wiser. BTW, enjoyed this very much. Am anticipating next Friday’s fun!

  10. I will never look at a straw wrapper the same way now. Thank. You! I need another obsession like I need a straw wrapper blown into my eye. Nice to learn more about Robyn!

  11. I really enjoyed those responses.

  12. Oh gee, thanks for starting with a post that sets the bar low for everyone else. I started off thinking, “self, make a mental note to beg Abby to let you come and answer her questions,” and ended thinking, “self, scratch that, pack up all of your toys and just head home, you cannot compete with the cool kids.” And yes, this is my passive aggressive way of saying I love all of this.

  13. Awesome, Robyn! I feel like I “know” you now! xoxo

  14. When you interview Tina Fey, ask her about the restraining against me as well, m’kay.

    Robyn – I always tie a knot in my straw wrapper. Always, and I believe if the knot comes out, then someone, somewhere is thinking about you. If the know stays firmly secure, well then you’re SOL. Totally rational behavior. Obviously.

  15. I love this sort of thing! It’s a great way to be introduced to super-cool bloggers (that’s right, Robyn – I called you “super-cool!”)

  16. This is awesome! Great idea!!

    And I’m laughing at the fresh fruit comment. My son is the same – grapes look great at the grocery store but not at home. Do these kids take a certification course before coming into the world with their kid license?!

  17. Love this! And OMG the straw wrappers. I tear the very end off of them and then “shoot” whoever is next to me with the wrapper by blowing on the straw. My kids hate this. And oh the rotten strawberries. I’ve always enjoyed Hollow Tree and now feel like I know you better in a non-creepy way, Robyn.

    Great feature, Abby. Looking forward to finding out who else has issues 🙂

  18. I also love to know “ALL the things.” Great idea. And, my kids are the exact same way w/ the fruit. Well, maybe not exactly the same as they don’t really request fruit. I ask them what fruit they want & then I buy it & then no one eats it & then I get stressed that I just bought all this healthy fruit & it’s going bad & what a waste.

  19. My feet also get cold all the time! We currently have the AC on high but I’m rocking my socks. We’re such kindred spirits.

    I also have tons of expired fruit in my fridge and I can’t even blame it on my imaginary kids. Even when I see it start to go bad I tell myself to keep it and that I’ll eat it.

    I never eat it.

  20. funnyisfamily

    Are there people who don’t tie the straw wrapper? Savages.

  21. This is a really great idea! And I love finding new blogs to stalk…err…I mean enjoy!

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