Talking Trash

When the weather permits, I do a lot of walking. And even though I’ve ranted before about the perils of pedestrian life, there is another facet of this endeavor that I have neglected to address until now.

I’ve held off addressing this in hopes that my eternal annoyance would disappear like my motivation to write has in the past couple of weeks. However, while walking the other day I was hit with another bolt of inspiration.

Wait. It wasn’t a bolt of inspiration. It was a mother freaking 7-11 Slurpee cup thrown out of a car going way too fast and blasting ridiculous music.

I WAS HIT IN THE BACK WITH TRASH!!!

Yes, my friends, one of my biggest pet peeves EVER is that of litter and the idiots who perform this inconsiderate and absolutely revolting act of using the world as their dumpster.

Now I ask you, what type of person just throws their shit out the window? What do they think is going to happen to it? It’s just going to magically disappear and that McDonald’s bag is going to be composted back into the soil that will later harvest the potatoes used to make the greasy French fries that once occupied said bag thrown on the side of the road?

I’ll tell you what type of person—a lazy person.

And I can just about guarantee that this lazy person is not driving a high-end sports car with delicate white satin seats that cannot be soiled by caviar juice, therefore necessitating the immediate removal of whatever caviar comes in out the car window.

In other words, I think the 1996 Ford pick-up with the window decal of Calvin pissing on the “Dodge” logo can handle having a burger wrapper on the floor for an hour.

But it’s not just getting blasted in the back with a Slurpee cup or a fast food bag, as there is litter all over the place. Between cigarette butts, junk food wrappers and even the occasional roadside bra that would likely have a more exciting story to tell than I ever will, crap is all over the place.

And I don’t know about you, but there are plenty of trashcans in my house. Maybe I’m fancy, but I have never been to the house of someone who doesn’t own a trashcan, and every gas station I have ever been to has had a trashcan.

There really is just no excuse, other than laziness.

OK. I have to admit that while I’ve never chucked a cup out the window or a wrapper on the grass, I used to have a habit of spitting out my gum in random places. It was part mini-rebellion, part lack of piece of paper to throw it in.

But I tried one too many times to throw it out my car window only to have it fly right back in or get stuck on the outside of the window and took it as a sign from the universe to change my ways. I realized that my actions could hurt people and some ant family could get stuck in that wad on their way to go ruin a picnic.

Or at the very least, gum would get stuck in my hair. Again.

Anyway, my point is that I WAS HIT IN THE BACK WITH TRASH!!! Pelted with dried Icee and disgust at the state of society! Forced to use both caps lock and exclamation points!

The world is not your trashcan and you should treat it as such. The last thing we need is a chipmunk picking up discarded cigarette butts and a nicotine addiction.

Or even worse—gum in her hair.

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29 responses to “Talking Trash

  1. Ha! Reminds me of “Fat Amy” being drive-by pelted in Pitch Perfect!

  2. I love this and hate it at the same time. Both for the same reason. IT’S SO FLIPPING TRUE! I’ve been lucky in that I haven’t actually been hit with it, but I’ve seen it way too many times. Take the bag you got your food in and use it as a trash bag in your car. Then guess what you’ve cleaned your car out and not littered, and successfully avoided the chance at a ticket of over $1500 for littering!

  3. I bet that slurpee cup was relieved to not have to be in the company of the littering douchebag anymore, but that still doesn’t make it ok.

  4. > That would be wicked cool though, wouldn’t it? A lot of the world’s problems would be solved!

  5. I live on a riverbank which is a popular picnic and fishing spot and visitors often leave behind their trash, from fast food containers to used prophylactics after their, ahem, discreet encounters. Some even go the extra mile by chucking it into the river itself. Your use of caps lock and exclamation marks is warranted and excused. I’ll even overlook the triple-exclamation, which I normally interpret as a sign of insanity.

  6. Abby,
    Don’t feel like the lone ranger here. Litter loitering along the roadways goes back to the Roman days of occupation in Europe. Where would much of our knowledge of their lives, knowledge of materials and methods of manufacturing come from if not from the trash they left behind?
    ‘One mans trash is another man’s treasure’, I think the saying goes. Who knows, that Slurpee container might just become an artifact depicting our expansive knowledge some day in the distant future.

    • If that’s the case, I fear for future generations 😉 Actually, I do that anyway…

      • My comment was tongue-in-cheek, but it’s unfortunately true. I live in Hawaii and it’s disgusting what has become of the roads and beaches. Everybody wants paradise, but nobody wants to manage it…

  7. I don’t know what it’s like in the US, but in Europe there are certain parts where you have to litter. Just yesterday I was looking for somewhere to throw away my iced coffee cup, before remembering that there are no trashcans! I work in Kensington, which is also where all the embassies and rich and famous live, and there are no bins anywhere. You literally are expected to just drop your garbage on the ground, and street sweepers come and pick it up. I still feel weird every time I do it.

    Have you ever been to Paris? Sitting and looking up and down the Champs Elysees is a remarkable sight! Again, no trashcans (to prevent bombings of one of the most famous streets in the world) so people just chuck all their rubbish into the road and the sweeper comes every 10 minutes or so. It’s quite disgusting really!

  8. No no no, Abby, you are doing it all wrong! It’s supposed to be a slushie to the FACE. That’s how the cool kids on Glee do it. Try harder next time. There really is no excuse.

  9. I’m like this too. I’m turning into my 86 year-old grandfather, walking around the neighborhood picking up cans and papers and throwing them away.

    Last Friday, leaving an out of town football game Tay cheered for, some teens threw trash out their window, Bobina ran over some of it, and got a flat tire. Long night.

    • I think that sounds like a blog post, no? And my mom has actually yelled at people we’ve witnessed throwing trash in a parking lot, so I suppose part of it is just genetic 😉

  10. Please at least tell me that the slurpee cup was EMPTY?

  11. “In other words, I think the 1996 Ford pick-up with the window decal of Calvin pissing on the “Dodge” logo can handle having a burger wrapper on the floor for an hour.”

    God bless our state. If that isn’t a beautiful synapsis of it then I don’t know what is.

    (Oh, I’m kidding. I’m kidding.)

    But when my husband first moved here, he marveled at all the men in baseball hats and goatees.

  12. A friend witnessed a Prius driver throw trash out the window last week. So much for their eco-friendliness!

  13. Abby! Yeah!!! Eff the litterers! Seriously, eff ’em. It is most unfortunate litter is but one of many signs of human laziness, but it’s a mighty infuriating one. I love when at the coffee shop, I go to refill and see s crumpled napkin 2 inches from the trash hole. Always gets me.

  14. I cannot believe you actually got hit in the back with trash! Abby, this is craziness paired with laziness!

    Now, back when I was in high school, my friend and I were walking down the street. I got hit with an egg which bounced off my jean jacket and hit her in the side of the head. She was unharmed as the egg dripped off her HIGHLY hair-sprayed “feather” do! 80’s rule!

    Now, back to those lazy losers and their severely limited potential as human beings….

  15. What the hell is wrong with people… throwing trash out the window at my blogging friends! Did he/she not see your “World’s Greatest Blogger” t-shirt?

    Perhaps it was all a ploy to get famous. Right now he/she is sitting home, smiling smugly because of the immortalization on your blog. “I hit Abby of Abby Has Issues with a Slurpee cup. I’m FAMOUS!!!!”

  16. This reminds me of my ‘Pedestrian etiquette’ post. I like your style 🙂

  17. People who litter are assholes. The end.

    Seriously, I cannot even get over the fact that you were HIT with a Slurpee. That’s just awful.

  18. Litterbugs make me crazy. Seriously, throw your shit in a garbage can like everybody else. If I got hit in the back with trash, I’d hunt down the car that did it and attack them. I don’t have anger issues though. 🙂

  19. GROSS!!! Caps and multiple exclamation points are absolutely necessary.

  20. Holy crap! At least if they were going to litter, couldn’t they use the good sense God gave a rabbit and at least be covert about it? I’m sorry, my friend. And now I’m wondering how many ant villages I’ve inadvertently stuck together.

  21. I do this a lot myself, not the throwing the picking up.
    I truly hate waste and litter even in my own house. I take things out of boxes, condense the boxes and haul them to the garage for trash nights, or if we’re in the car, I make a pile of gas receipts, wrappers from various snacks , empty diet coke bottles (only finished moments before) and I also carry extra grocery shopping bags in the car (from the time before I took mountains of reusable bags everywhere I went ) so that I can make a “garbage bag” of stuff and throw it as we walk into the mall or the grocery store or while we stop to get gas. You’re right, there are PLENTY of places to throw things away, you DO NOT need to throw it out the window.

    I am so sorry that happened to you, I’m sorry that they are people that stupid and lazy. Honestly.

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