I wrote another book.
You probably have questions, like “Why in the world did you think that’s a good idea?” “Why should anyone buy this? and “How did it feel to find a picture of yourself as a toddler in a bathing suit and realize your boobs are still the same size?”
Well—you little ray of sunshine, you—perhaps writing this book wasn’t a good idea and maybe no one will buy it. But people actually buy Snuggies, so I figured it was worth giving it a go once again.
I say “again” because there are a few of you out there I roped into buying my first book (or that found it propping open the door of a portable toilet at a campground somewhere in the rural Midwest) who read it and might decide to give this one a go in the comfort of indoor plumbing.
If you do, I thank you in advance for reading this book, the second compilation of neurotic essays from this blog.
(“Neurotic,” not “erotic,” although if that will help sell some copies, I can try and slip in a few pictures of me longingly gazing at a new jar of vegan pesto or something equally lusty. Just let me know.)
Will anyone buy it? I don’t know.
But I’ve had at least 12 people ask me to write another book, and 7 of them weren’t even related to me or drunk at the time of request. Because I’m a people pleaser when that pleasing will validate my many insecurities, I decided to cater to my audience of dozens.
You’re welcome Mom and that creepy guy from Facebook.
Actually, I did it because writing is the one thing I really take pride in, the thing that keeps me afloat when I feel like I can barely keep my head above water (ahem, every day.) So while this book is far from perfect or fancy—much like me, it has some issues — if I can share a little humor with even a dozen people that I am or am not related to that are either sober or half in the bag, then it’s been worth it to me.
And I hope it’s worth it to you.
But if you hate this new book, I suggest you drink while reading it or use it to prop open the door of a portable toilet at a campground somewhere for someone to find.
I’m all about paying it forward.
Speaking of which, here’s the deal.
First, you buy this book HERE in paperback, HERE in Kindle or out of the back of my car if you see me in person. Then you share this post via Twitter, Facebook, running up and down the street yelling that you just bought a book, etc. Finally, leave a comment below telling me what you did or plan to do.*
Because you’ll be entered in a random drawing for a $20 Amazon gift card you can use to buy another copy of my book (since you’re buying it right now) or a life-sized Justin Bieber cutout. Your call. I won’t judge…that much.
I will announce the winner in a post on June 4, so get thee to the Amazon.com!
*If you don’t plan on doing anything but still want to leave a comment, that’s fine. But if you win, I will demand that the gift card can only be used to buy a life-sized Justin Bieber cutout. Although future posts here include underwear and pick-up lines at Home Depot, I do have some dignity, my friends.