Spoon Me

There’s something I need to get off my chest—and that would mostly likely be a hunk of food that failed to make it into my mouth.

While I’m generally a pretty neat person, sometimes that gets lost in translation somewhere between my mind and my mouth. Actually, a lot gets lost in translation between my mind and my mouth, but let’s move on.

I do my best to avoid any spillage and eat a majority of my meals out of bowls for that very reason. Putting most things on a plate without edges acting as little barriers increases the likelihood that I will be wearing a piece of the meal.

asp

But I do sometimes use this awesomeness my mom got me a couple of years ago.

And while most people thrive on variety—it’s the spice of life!—I’m one who is perfectly content eating the same things over and over again. In fact a majority of my meals are the same few things with an easy variation on the staples. It’s not that there’s no variety available with a vegan lifestyle—the complete opposite is true—but I know what I like.

Part of what I like is to eat certain things in a certain way.

I admit it’s a bit OCD, but it’s also something I’ve been doing since I was little and picked certain things out to eat first—I’m told I called them “beaks”— and I still do that today.

farrobowl2 I eat some variation on this combination every day.

When it comes to my daily hippie bowls, I always eat the veggies first, then the protein (chickpeas, for example) and then the grains. And even if I’m at home, I still use a plastic spoon for some reason that is decidedly unclear to me.

Much like the Ziploc bags I rinse and reuse, I’m pretty sure I’m common law married with a few of these spoons.

With a sandwich, I cut it diagonally and then eat the crusts before eating the smaller half first—something about saving the best part for last. The thought of picking up an uncut sandwich and eating it as is is foreign to me.

However, my avocado sandwiches are usually cut in half and then eaten open-faced with a knife and a fork in part because I’m not entirely confident I won’t end up wearing a piece of the thing if I didn’t.

avosandwich2

Apples are always cut up for the same reason, and if I’m eating anything that has some sort of layers—like a mini-Twix or a peanut butter cup—the outside edges are eaten first, then the top, then the rest.

I have at least three cups of my tea a day in one of two cups, and it has to be drunk with a small straw. This is also to ward off spillage, but also to ward off staining my teeth with the tea (you know, in case Hollywood calls.)

But I draw the line at drinking it with my pinkie finger up. After all, a girl must have standards. 

Like the blog? Buy the book.

So spill it (pun completely intended.) Do you have any weird food things?

And if food’s not your thing a) I will never understand the kind of person that you are but b) stay tuned later this week for my annual holiday poem. ‘Tis the season!

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28 responses to “Spoon Me

  1. We are disturbingly alike in our likelihood to spill and our usage of bowls for all foodstuffs. Also, I cannot abide an uncut sandwich.

  2. Thank you so much for this! Oh so many weird food things. Oh so many.

    I eat the same thing every weekday for breakfast and lunch. For breakfast I have 8 oz. of vanilla yogurt with flax seed. Lunch is 2 oz. of lunch meat, 2 oz. of cheese, and a piece of fruit. Usually apple or banana. I have to eat everything in order for lunch. All the meat, then the cheese, then the fruit. The apple has to be cut up but I can eat the banana right out of the peel.

    For dinner I have an animal protein and a veggie. Sometimes I’ll throw some quinoa or brown rice in there. I have to cut up all of my meat in to bite size pieces before I can take a bite of anything. I also eat things in order. All of one thing, then the next. I can’t eat one piece of pork chop then once piece of potato. No no no.

    If I’m eating at home I always eat off of a Fiestaware plate, or a pho bowl. And I always have a cloth napkin in my lap. If I have company I eat at the dining room table. If I don’t, I eat at my coffee table while watching tv or a movie. If I do that, I can’t sit on the couch. I have to get down and put my legs out straight under the coffee table. That way crumbs get on the table or plate, and none creep on to the floor or couch. I simply couldn’t bear that. Oh so many more weird food things. I’m just glad I got past eating my M&Ms from lightest to darkest. That always made people stare.

  3. you can risk teeth stain or wrinkles around the mouth (straws!). since we’re talking Hollywood I figured this is valid.

    my quirks are more around the prep of food (although I do eat pb cups AND twix the same way…), like having to wash each piece of my juicer before I can enjoy the juice. I save every cork from every bottle of wine we enjoy. chickpeas must be peeled. some chefs will break ONE piece of asparagus to find the sweet spot, then line the bunch up and cut. I break each one. *sigh*

  4. When I eat a caramel Milky way, I like to eat the chocolate off the top sides and bottom, and then bite off a chunk of naked caramel and let it just melt in my mouth!

  5. Food is totally my thing. And I eat super fast and with the table manners of a barbarian.

  6. If dripping/dropping burrito salsa on Target t-shirts was considered art, I’d be a modern day picasso.

    I’m a neat. careful eater, for a dude, but I clean up before during and after like a crazy anal retentive fool.

  7. I want that avocado sandwich, daily! Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie! Eating is sometimes an art form for us. And last bites take the cake. Say we have a salad. The last bite will include every ingredient, in small portions, of the salad stacked neatly and reverently consumed. We usually draw the other’s attention to the neat stacks too so they can be appreciated before they are gone.

  8. I’m a Best For Last girl. Soup? Broth, then noodles. Pizza? Pointy end, then crust, then middle. Sandwiches? Crust first. And speaking of those, I’m in a must-have situation with that avocado sandwich of yours (licks screen).

  9. Love all of it.
    My hubs can barely stand watching me eat a chocolate bar – they all have very particular procedures. And I count anything with medium sized bits (fries, peas, corn etc). It’s all very complex & if someone interferes with my process, there’s hell to pay.

  10. Ha, cute! My friend must eat one food at a time. Ie ALL the eggs, then ALL the hashbrowns, then ALL the toast.

  11. Don’t have any weird food things of my own, so I especially enjoy reading about other people’s culinary eccentricities, thanks for sharing!

  12. Ah, yes. See, in a mixed bowl like the one pictures, I take the opposite approach. Instead of eating one thing at a time, I try to have a little bit of each in every bite. Even even even. I become perturbed if there’s too much rice left at the end or not enough rice, etc. Kit Kats and Reece’s Cups – same – edges first. Doritos – cheesiest side faces the tongue. I could go on and on.

  13. I have a “texture” thing with food. I can’t eat anything fuzzy, like a peach, or a particular kind of grainy, like quinoa or buckwheat. So when I tell people that I’m not a complicated woman, I’m lying.

  14. I laughed out loud reading this! It’s like OCD meets Julia Child! (And I can TOTALLY identify! 🙂

  15. There is something very disturbing about you, which is that you are like me in so many ways. I often leave a mememto of my meal on my shirt or sweater. I also eat the same thing day after day without experiencing boredom. One life tip I may be able to offer you. I find eating with a spoon much safer than using a fork when it comes to transporting nourishment from bowl to mouth.

  16. Oops. Yes you did. There you are. I have no tips to offer you, but I’m still faintly cheered to know my habits are replicated by others

  17. What I don’t get is why apples always taste better when they’re cut up. Even better? Peanut butter on my cut up apples. That’s pretty much heaven.

  18. I wish I had half the stamina you do to eat neatly. My clothes suffer a terrible toll due to my clumsiness with food. I rarely buy white shirts because of it. There’s just no point.

    I do eat a lot of the same things over and over again. I go in spurts. It’ll be one thing for a few weeks then it’ll switch.

  19. I don’t consider myself a picky eater but I do have a few idiosyncrasies when it comes to food.
    -I can’t eat off red plates. my mom had 4 melamine plates when we were growing up. 2 white, which I loved, 1 yellow, which I could tolerate and 1 red, which I couldn’t use. Still avoid red plates. For some reason I felt it was bad luck or something.(I have red bowls myself, now, but that’s different…than red plates).
    -I won’t eat elbow macaroni in anything but Mac n cheese.
    -sandwiches must have an even distribution of toppings. For example, it can’t have 2 small pickles in the middle.

  20. I much prefer eating sandwiches that have been made by someone else.

    When I come to visit you (this WILL happen one day), can you make me an avocado sandwich exactly like the one in the photo?

    If you could, that’s be great.

  21. straw, wow, great idea, love that sandwich!

  22. This is my first visit to your blog and it turns out you’re my OCD doppleganger! (Well, not the avocado s’wich. In fact, I can’t stand Open sandwiches, for some reason. Also, not tea from a straw. But what a great idea!).

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