Take a Load Off

Are you sitting down for this one?

If you are, you’re probably doing it wrong, at least according to this ad I found in the back of a magazine last month.

squattypotty

According to the website—yes, I went to the website to see if this was a real thing—“It is Squatty Potty’s goal to change the way we poop, one ‘stool’ at a time.”

Doctors have deduced that “The ideal posture for defecation is the squatting position. In this way the capacity of the abdominal cavity is greatly diminished and intra-abdominal pressure increased thus encouraging expulsion.”

Enter Squatty Potty—and someone wearing white pants who looks really happy about encouraged expulsion.

squattyconcepts-01

But that’s not all!

“This sturdy, custom-designed stool allows for full squatting and semi-squat seated positions on your existing toilets. And, when it’s not in use, it slides conveniently out of the way under the toilet.”

Now I’ve had my fair share of “elimination issues” throughout the years as a result of IBS and the abuse I put my poor body through, so I’m not poo-pooing this invention at all. I say do whatever you need to do (safely) to literally get your crap done.

But because I’m currently feeling about as mature as a 12-year-old boy, I got a kick out of reading these testimonials:

“I now always have a complete elimination every time—something I rarely had before. I dropped a few pounds as well and my stomach isn’t bloated. (LOL – guess I was full of shit.) My Asian friend also told me that short people (and children) are more affected by the damage caused by not squatting. Makes sense because I’m a petite woman—only 5’3″.

Perfect testimony combining racial references, a groan-worthy pun and the overuse of “text” speak.

“Now with my knees up, I’m knockin’ poops outta the ball park! The only fiber I need now is already in this sturdy pressed wood stool.”

For some reason I picture the person who said this to be a someone like Cousin Eddie who would slap his knee and say, “Shitter was full!”

“I lived for a year in India with a hybrid squatter/sitter toilet in my home and got used to the ultra-natural elimination that comes with hunkering down. Ever since then, it’s been an effort (often comical) to get my feet up on walls, tubs, chairs, shelves–you name it. Finally, I can get comfortable in my own bathroom here in the U.S., and my poop time has reduced by minutes. No more waiting!

They were apparently the Spider-Man of shitting.

“My mother-in-law was convinced that it works and she bought us one for a Christmas gift. I was very stubborn and didn’t even want to try it out. It sat in my bathroom for about 2 weeks before I tried it! So I sat down put my feet on the SQUATTY POTTY and before I knew it I had already had a bowel movement. It was amazing! I sent a text to my mother-in-law praising her for such a great gift!”

Interesting talk at family gatherings, I image.

Anyway, this is just in time for the holiday season, people. You’re welcome.

Now go take a load off.

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38 responses to “Take a Load Off

  1. oh yes, we’ve seen that! JAmes wants one so bad! I’m debating. 🙂

  2. Alan Harper (Jon Cryer) from 2 and A Half Men TV show had a foot stool (pun not intended) that he used for this purpose

  3. In the category: So Weird It Has To Be Real.

  4. Oh, I did so need this laugh! Thank you!

  5. White pants after Labor Day? That’s just tacky.

  6. Well, that was interesting! lol

  7. Legit–my doctor told me to get one of these!

  8. Very few things leave me speechless… Hilarious!

  9. I am seriously getting this for this year’s exchange gift. I love you for this.

  10. Weird, but hey, if it works!!

  11. Um…..

    I have NO WORD for this one!!

  12. Looks like it might be kinda tough to take my laptop along for restroom breaks. Any thought on this?

  13. this was not a “waste” of a post, Abs. Knowing how to cop a squat while on the pot is important and a load of noncrappy information. This smells like a lot of research that’s I’m bound to not doo.

    ok…I’ll go punch myself in the face, now

  14. Is it wrong that I want one now?

  15. I’ve heard about using this Optimized Positioning to ease difficult postpartum business, but I didn’t know it was for people without blown-out, stitched up nether parts, too! I’m dying.

  16. “…before I knew it I had already had a bowel movement.”

    sounds dangerous.

    having worked for years with naturopathic docs, I can say these are indeed real. and that is as close as I’ll ever get to one.

  17. Love that coordinated turquoise look.
    (afraid to ask why she’s wearing wanna-be Native American moccasins for this…bound to be something about bares/bears in the woods….)

  18. Squatty Potty is no joke my friend! Ask Santa for one.

  19. Ha! I’ve heard of this, but I’ve never seen an ad for it before. That poor toilet model…. I wonder if she gets recognized?

  20. There is a perfect Yankee Swap gift if ever I saw one.

  21. ok this product is ridic. but its true. this is the ideal position for a good bm. i just squat on the seat. but i’m intensely flexible so it works.

    sorry, tmi. i’m just saying, the concept works.

  22. ok this product is ridic. but its true. this is the ideal position for a good bm. i just squat on the seat. but i’m intensely flexible so it works.

    sorry, tmi. i’m just saying, the concept works.

  23. Amazing! We got a press release for this about two weeks ago and thought about ordering in a sample. Until someone suggested you *could* just use a stack of phone books.

  24. I may have fallen over with the giggles.

  25. Ha! Yes, I had a philosophy professor once who used to talk about this in class. He used to dress in robes and straw sandals too

  26. Let me know how it works, and if you like it, I’ll get one too. NOT. ha ha

  27. I read something about this in Slate but now someone has come up with a product. Wow! I’d be pretty bummed if I got this for Christmas.

  28. Hahaha! I have used a $1 basket and tipped it on it’s side for years for my “poppin’ stool”. I also got a kick out of the petite lady at 5’3. She is TALL in my World. I’m not even 5ft!

  29. Real-life squattie potties (where the toilet is only a few inches tall) are the best/worst. They really do make it easier to get the job done, but you’ve never suffered until you’ve gotten the leg shakes from being in that crouched position for too long! 🙂

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