It’s time to once again play everyone’s favorite blog game—Word Search!
Okay, maybe it’s not everyone’s favorite game, but I like it and it amuses me so we’re headed for Round 3. If you’ve missed the first two installments, Word Search is basically just me sharing the most ridiculous terms that lead people to my blog in the past couple of weeks.
The usual conclusion is that people are seriously screwed up and if the fate of the world rests on these people conducting productive Internets searches, we’re all screwed.
It also makes me wonder what the heck I’m writing about if a search for “baby goat Fight Club” brings people here.
They obviously don’t know that the first rule of Baby Goat Fight Club is that you don’t talk about Baby Goat Fight Club. At any rate, here are the rest of the highly-suspect search terms:
- What would happen if a starfish and a turkey had a child?
- Quotes about people who think their shit don’t stink
- Thanks for reminding me how much I hate people and social interaction
- How do you get popcorn in your pants without resizing?
- Bend me over the washer and pretend
- How long has brown m&m been gone
- People talk about things they know nothing about on Pinterest
- Squirrel with an avocado cutter
- Peacock meets airplane
- I will pee on everything you love
- Save me from the annoying people
- How to cut out the penis bone from a raccoon (Note: what the hell?)
- Don’t date someone who wants to wear your underwear
- When your dog thinks it’s smarter than you and it is
- So I read your rant. Why do you insist on poking holes in me?
- I’m out of bed and dressed so what more do you want
- Look at that bitch just eating her cracker like she owns the place
But my favorite from this month wasn’t “Dear Abby, help me with loud sneezers in the office.” No, my favorite this month was:
Even if you have issues, I still love you
Because sometimes I need to hear that — just not from whoever searched “come here and let me wipe that bullshit from your mouth.”
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