Turkey Rhyme Time

I know most of you are busy doing Thanksgiving things and shopping and not reading blog posts from little ‘ol me, but I thought I would amuse myself by presenting to you a poem (and a small gift) of thanks, as illustrated by the incomparable Natalie Dee.

Because quite frankly, I’m thankful for her every day.

(clears throat and steps up to the podium…)

I’ve already published a Thanksgiving post,

But given this whole book ordeal.

I thought that I needed to say thanks again,

To those reading after their meal.

gravy-guzzler

Now that the turkey has seen better days,

And your stomachs are full of good food.

It’s time to remind you that shopping from home,

Can help out much more than your mood.

Remember that book that I told you about?

The one that I just threw together?

Amazon has it available now

And will ship it despite crappy weather.

Truth being told I’m not comfortable here,

Asking you to buy the book.

And tell all your friends and then write a review,

But those are the steps that I took.

you-wont-need-legs-where-youre-going-little-pie-dude

Because sometimes my pride gets put up on the shelf,

For things that are bigger than me.

Like animals needing a shelter or home,

So I reached out and what did I see?

People responded with comments and notes,

Or sent out that post in a tweet.

For someone not comfortable doing all that,

I was kind of knocked off of my feet.

A click of the mouse or a Tweet of a link,

And people were made more aware.

Not only of me and the book that I wrote,

But of animals needing more care.

And even if only a few of you guys,

Actually do buy the book.

Those few extra dollars will go to good use,

(And not to my hacked pocketbook.)

I promise my next post is not quite this lame,

And grandma will make an appearance.

There’s drama involving a fork stabbing claim

And a tablemate’s strange disappearance.

Yes, things will return to their once “normal” state

In the weeks and the posts up ahead.

But I’ll still try and urge you to buy up the book

And help keep the critters well fed.

(And undead, but that didn’t sound quite as rosy.)

We know holiday shopping is now in full swing

And a book is so easy to wrap.

But I won’t start becoming that whiny-ass girl

Who annoys everyone with this crap.

he-has-a-better-life-in-your-guts-now

So I’ll end this right now with a wish sent to you,

For a holiday great from the start.

On this day of gratitude I give to you,

A humble thanks straight from my heart.

As a small thank you, I would like to offer a free copy of the book—and possibly some of my chocolate pretzel treats—to anyone who leaves a comment and then tells someone else about the book and the post, either online or off.

You don’t have to tell me that you did. I trust you.

If you don’t want the book, no big deal and no hard feelings! I will send you a $10 Amazon gift card and a bag of pretzel treats that I licked and then rolled on the floor.

I’m kidding—about the health violations, not the gift card.

So you have until Sunday night to leave a comment here about anything—it’s like open mic night at the bar. In fact, feel free to recite a beat poem about holiday family dysfunction while we snap our fingers or bust out with your rendition of “Baby Got Back.”

Then while you’re still riding that adrenaline rush, go tell someone about how buying the book can save a kitten so I can quit being that whiny-ass girl.

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43 responses to “Turkey Rhyme Time

  1. Amazing wordssmithery

    Happy Pumpkin Pie and football day! Hope you and your mom have a great day. Im so proud of you for your book.

    Lance

    • Mom is actually having a nun over for dinner today, so if she gets drunk like she did last time, it could make for an interesting afternoon. Either way, enjoy your pie. I know you’ve been training for this day, so knock ’em dead!

  2. Tanya Ratcliff Graham

    I ordered the book 2 days ago! I can’t wait to read it 🙂

  3. Well said, fun poem! Love the gravy cartoon… and gonna download your book this weekend!

    Happy Turkey Day!

  4. Well, I have already told people –but I will tell more. And I planned to get your book right after I finish LITTLE BEE, but I’d love a copy.

    And Abby, I’d totally take your pre-licked pretzels. 😉

    Happy Thanksgiving! I’m off to boil and mash ‘taters.

    • I appreciate your support all the time Renee, not just for the book. If your random number comes up Sunday night, I promise not to lick your pretzel treats.

  5. I already bought the book.
    During my Eternal Rain Delay at the airport, I downloaded Kindle (for free) on my Android so I could pass the time reading your book and saving kittens rather than getting irresponsibly drunk while being the sole person responsible for 2 impatient kids in an airport.

    I laughed. I nodded. I was interrupted 400x for snack, I laughed again.

    I’m savoring it bit by bit over this oldish when I only get snippets of time to myself.

    Don’t pull my name out of any hat. I am more than happy to pimp your pet project (hahaha get it?!?!) out, and I hope you’ll do for me one day.

    You. Are. Welcome.

    Now bring on some old folks home stories. I live for them.

    • If you are randomly picked, I’ll send the Amazon card, the pretzels and a donut pillow. For you, I would do anything, my friend 😉 Working on the old people story, but we haven’t had many “funny” days lately. I take them when I can get them!

  6. This spam comment on one of my posts amused me almost enough to approve it, but instead I’ll share it with you…

    Today, I went to the beachfront with my kids. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She put the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is completely off topic but I had to tell someone!

    Happy Thanksgiving, Abby! As a fellow animal lover, your effort to help those in need makes me a little verklempt.

  7. Love the poem! I plan to order your book shortly:) Happy Thanksgiving sans turkey day!

  8. Totally told about your book while I was trying to buy mine on line and then internet crashed. Off to try again after getting kidlets to school. I’m in Canuckland so, yeah, we already did our turkey day last month (the way it should be – SHEESH). Enjoy your day

    • I love everything Canadian–mostly hockey players with the awesome accent, but also cool writers like you. But if you have a spare hockey players around…I’m just saying.

  9. Happy thanksgiving! I love these pics. But I have to say, this line: (And undead, but that didn’t sound quite as rosy.)

    sounds like zombie cats and dogs

  10. Congrats on the book Abby! I am happy to share your link and know someone I want to gift it to on Kindle for Christmas! Now go stuff yourself and watch some football.

  11. Even though I’m probably going to order like 5 of them, I’ll take my chances on winning one, and THIS ONE better be signed. If I win.
    Don’t make me fly to Michigan, I’ll do it!

  12. Your poems always make me giggle. Also, I agree with Jess – if I happen to win one, too, this one better be signed.

    Actually, Jess, I think we should fly to Michigan regardless.

  13. I also love your grandma stories. As a volunteer in a nursing home, I can relate (and not just about Bingo). Can’t wait to read the book.

  14. I just think the whole thing is awesome!!!!!!!
    Congrats! & Happy Thanksgiving!

  15. i can’t remember how i stumbled across your blog. but i’m glad i did. you make me laugh.

  16. Oh, Abby has Issues,
    I’m sure I’ll need tissues
    To wipe away the drops of salty water
    That fall from my eyes, just like they oughta

    But before you get all worried
    That your book might make me feel sullied
    You really should know
    That just like a por-no

    The tears are ones of laughter
    And couldn’t get much dafter

    ps: Sorry about the porno bit, couldn’t think of anything that rhymed.

  17. In fact, sorry about the entire ‘poem’.

    A poet I am not.
    But it was worth a shot.

    (Ooh, it rhymed).

  18. Best of luck with this. I’m off to Amazon to secure my copy

  19. Girl, look at you go with the poetry! I think you should totally Dr. Seuss your next book! This was amazing! And you wrote a book? I’m off to see what it’s all about, and will definitely tweet. Want the book! And go ahead, lick the pretzels, that won’t stop me from eating them: low carb diet. #imanidiot

  20. I’m always a big supporter!! I don’t know about the Tweeting though, I’m over 30ish and never did the Twitter….

    Happy Thanksgiving!

  21. I’d love to read your book! If I had any wit or creativity left after this week I would [insert here]. Playing pretend is fun.

  22. Love the poem. You are too funny. Got my books today. Excited to dive in. Will be sending a copy to Jon’s mom with some other goodies for Christmas. We’ll keep the book out there so people are seeing it. Next, I’ve got to go to Amazon and leave a rocking good review.

  23. Just got home from my Thanksgiving trip and I was excited to see that your book had arrived, Can’t wait to start it.

  24. I just finished reading the book.

    Hilarious and fun. I hope you’re making a mint!

  25. Awesome poem. I’m gonna hire you next time I have to write a poem for work (which strangely enough happens pretty often).

    • You get to write poems for work? I would love that, so hook it up next time you’re in a bind. I will totally ghost write for you (it would be an honor.)

  26. Very cool about the book. Making bloggers everywhere happy! Good luck with the sales!

    PS: The chocolate pretzels that you licked and then rolled on the floor? That might be considered a delicacy in some countries!

  27. Your blog makes me laugh. I’m sure your book would make me pee on myself. My couch demands that you stop being so funny.

    • Well when you buy it, let me know if you need advice on adult diapers, as I am quite knowledgeable in that area as well (because of grandma and the home, not because of my own issues, mind you.)

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