I’m looking for a synonym for “shittastic,” as I would like a classier way to describe my week and hate resorting to profanity to express my inner drama queen.
Who are we kidding?
This week has been shittastic.
Thank you, Survival By Design.
Thesaurus be damned, along with a positive blog post bestowing the many things I have to be happy about. I know they’re there, but this week, they’re under a pile of shit.
So my apologies to anyone who followed me this week and was exposed to these Tweets:
- Gas station cashier sneezed and stared into his hands. I will return to this moment when I have to quit laughing in inappropriate situations.
- I’m thinking five straight bad hair days actually adds up to one bad haircut. This does not please me.
- Fact: There’s not much that’s scarier than sneezing while driving through thick fog on a dark country highway at 6am.
- I walk the walk. I talk the talk. But today I mostly sit the sit and try not to stab people who won’t let me ignore them.
- I’m thinking a laugh track and someone flashing an "applause" sign whenever I do something would make this day better.
- Now crazy drunk neighbor lady has replaced her porch light with a red one for the holidays. Sending something other than a "holiday" vibe.
- You know what’s not awesome? Spending lunch on the phone with the bank b/c my card was hacked. Did not bring an umbrella for this shit storm.
- This much I know. Tonight will most certainly involve my yoga mat and either whining or wining, vinyasas or vino.
- Debit card hacked yesterday. Dead truck battery today. Who the hell did I piss off? (And thank you to those who pointed out that it was most likely my toaster.)
- For those keeping score, it was not a dead battery, It is a broken fuel pump. And expensive broken fuel pump. No car until Tuesday. Awesome.
So I tried being more positive, you know, that whole “you get what you give” thing:
- The coolest things about being a cartoon character would be wearing the same thing every day and never having to go to the bathroom.
- Million Dollar Idea: Find someone to create "Dancing With the Swiffer" or "CSI: Couch" so I can get a reality show.
- Starting a support group for people not obsessed with/using Pinterest. So far membership includes: me.
- I just released a ladybug back into the wild. Filling out my application for the Nobel Peace Prize as we speak.
- Business Idea: 1. Buy a wine tasting truck. 2. Park it in front of my house. 3. Sell samples to myself.
As you can see, I did make a valiant effort. Plus, I’m thinking crazy drunk neighbor lady’s “red light” might really be good for my wine truck idea. If you want in, let me know.
Anyway, on top of that crap there’s the normal work and family stuff I don’t talk about because we all have our things. I don’t have it harder than anyone else. In fact, you probably have it worse than me and I salute you.
But everyone has a breaking point.
Everyone is allowed to complain about things once in awhile. Frustrations are not the end of the world or life shattering, but at some point—usually when your car battery dies at 6am or you bite your lip for the 128th time in a row—you need to flip out.
And apparently I need to Tweet about it.
But I’m sure next week will be better, and if it’s not, at least my Tweets will make you feel better about your own situation. As for this weekend, I’m stuck at home without a car, so I’m thinking I’m might do a little more work on the business plan for that wine truck.
So far I still only have 1. Buy a wine tasting truck. 2. Park it in front of my house. 3. Sell samples to myself.
Actually, that looks pretty solid to me.
Here’s your chance to bitch about anything and everything without someone telling you that other people have it worse. What’s your gripe of the week/day?