The secret’s out-I pose with produce

This isn’t a big deal to anyone but me, but I actually posted a link to my last post on Facebook. Why is that weird? Because I hadn’t shared my blog with anyone in “real” life—even my mom.

Good lord, the woman took pictures of me dressed as a hippie and posing with asparagus and avocados in my living room without even asking me what the heck it was for. I told her in general terms, but haven’t showed her the finished product because my blog was on there.

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There were a couple reasons I kept the blog to myself for the most part, one of them selfishly being that I kind of liked having some place to go where I could vent without pissing off anyone that I had to face the next day after they read too much into something.

Another reason was that as much as I embrace myself in all my “issued” glory, I guess there’s a small part of me that’s still not OK with sharing where I’ve been or am trying to go. That’s ridiculous, as what makes me who I am is where I’ve been and how I’ve used it to strengthen my character. I am and always will be a work in progress.

However, the fact is that I hate the labels and don’t want anyone to think anything less of me for reading about my issues. I feel like a label and the fact I’m so thin is an external reflection of a weak internal state, which couldn’t be farther from the truth.

In other words, that self-consciousness is also ridiculous.

But lets be honest. It’s hard to admit that you have vulnerabilities and struggles, especially to those you interact with on a daily basis. But if there’s one thing that I’ve learned from the blogging community the past year, it’s that the best relationships come from complete honesty and vulnerability. These people know all my crap and like me anyway. Those are the only kind of people I would like to have in my life on a personal level.

So while I’m not vain enough to think that any of my Facebook friends/family will take an interest in my occasional ramblings, for me, it’s kind of nice to just put my issues out there and be honest.

It’s not that I was ever dishonest about anything, but this breaks down one of the many walls in my fortress force field of fickleness.

Anyway, if they choose, I want people to know me as I am and not how I think I should be. So if you’re new here, I indexed some of the highlights according to category one afternoon when I was bored. Whenever I get the urge, I write about food. I write about random observances. I write about serious things and then might follow it up by writing about cleaning the house naked .

Because despite my various degrees of awesomeness, I do have issues—we all do. But there is also a hell of a lot more to me than that and sometimes I have really cool stuff to say.

And, well, I pose with produce.

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We will return to our regularly unscheduled ramblings in the next post. You’ve been warned.

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10 responses to “The secret’s out-I pose with produce

  1. Kath (Eating for Living)

    Congratulations! I’m honestly convinced that being honestly yourself is the most important thing on the journey! 😀

  2. Oh, Abby. This rings so true on many levels. I remember the nervousness I felt when I first shared my blog link on Facebook. There’s so much personal stuff I share on the blog — things most people won’t talk about with their partners (weight, fears, emotions). I was afraid people would realize who I really am — like they didn’t already know I used to be obese and insecure. But, I now realize that I am who I am — whether people can appreciate that is their issue. Anyway, thank you for sharing this post — and your blog.

  3. I feel the same way about other people in my real life reading my blog. But then I take a step back and realize that I am not ashamed of my blog or of anything that I say on it. Like you, I have issues, but I am not my issues. I am me, just like you are you. And you are so right, the people that are worth it will love you for you. Issues or not. Blog or not. But let’s fact it, without your blog, I would never have met you. And that would be a sad, sad, thing.

  4. I just posted on my facebook account a few weeks ago. Mainly, to update my family what was going on with my dad. Its weird when people like my sister will pop in every blue moon and leave a comment. But I’ve come to terms with the “yep, I have issues” thing a little after I left treatment. My dad already told my whole family (it was hard to keep a secret, a twenty something year old girl doesn’t just disappear for three months). I think it puts people at ease sometimes. My high school friends are probably all “ha! its about effen time she came out with it!” cause I was pretty frail and in denial most of high school. Anyhow, props to your for putting you blog out there.
    PS, I like posing with cakes, mainly because I dont like cakes and produce doesnt stand a chance to be next to me with me not inhaling it.

  5. That’s great that you were able to share it with your family. I have yet to do that and I’m not nearly as open and honest on my blog as your are. I guess I like thinking of my blog as a journal that gets feedback, but I don’t want that feedback coming from my family. They give me enough already, haha. Maybe someday though. You’ve given me hope that maybe someday I’ll be ready.

  6. Your honesty is what I look forward to and appreciate the most about you (and your blog). And your witticisms, of course.

    I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that your mom took the photos for your calendar page and didn’t even ask why. My mom is the total opposite: she is always up in my business and it was impossible to hide my blog from her. Knowing that she reads it keeps some of my defense mechanisms in place and I haven’t gotten to the point where I can just say to hell with it and write whatever I feel like–good or bad. I think I will get there eventually…

  7. As a newbie, I was just struggling with what to do about this yesterday. I’ve told my sister, but that’s about it. It’s not that I’m trying to be dishonest or anything, but right now, it feels more like a journal. I’ll keep you posted 🙂

  8. I think a lot of people start blogging because it’s anonymous and the people that we are initially ‘talking to’ don’t know us in real life. After awhile though, the relationships between writer and reader develop into something much closer and it’s not really anonymous anymore.
    I don’t think I would have ever started blogging if I knew everyone in my daily life would read it or know about it… but now after blogging for a certain amount of time I really don’t care. Blogging has helped me become more comfortable with being open and honest with people, and I really like that about myself. It’s tough to put yourself out there.. but it’s worth it.

    (I’m not saying that I never have insecurities because I really do. I deleted over half of my blog recently because I just don’t want to be associated with the girl that I was when I was struggling to even piece together a decent dinner.)

  9. You’re such a strong, smart woman. I love reading your blog, it’s so personal and truthful at the same time 🙂

  10. Ah! I’m late to the game here- thank you so much for the link. I hope there are no weird carcinogens in asparagus when smoked. 😉

    I was nervous the first time I posted a link on my facebook page. I think it was kinda “this is me, take it or leave it”. Plus everyone forgets and no one really cares! I don’t think I got any new readers or anything. Even one of my best friends never bothered to read my blog when I told her about it. And she thought it was weird to ‘meet people off the internet’. Then again she doesn’t do FB or Twitter- she’s kinda in the dark ages.

    I’m so glad you are in the calendar! 🙂

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