Tag Archives: IAmPisspot

Breaking Through

“I was tied, but now unbound. My head is off the ground.”

I don’t have a lot of people that I’m close to, much more by choice than by chance. This wasn’t always the case, but after getting burned and disappointed one too many times, I built up walls and distractions to steel myself against ever feeling that way again.

“For a long time I was so weary. Tired of the sound, I’ve heard before. The gnawing of the night time at the door.”

But the thing about emotional walls is that they also keep you from feeling just about anything except numb. I’m okay with this most of the time, or at least I think I am until something happens and I’m reminded that while I can be okay with this, that doesn’t mean I have to be.

“Haunted by the things I’ve made. Stuck between the burning light and the dust shade.”

A good friend sent me a CD of some of her favorite music. I popped it in my truck on the way home and brick by brick, with each of the 12 simple tracks on the disc, the whole damn wall came crashing down.

“I said now I used to think the past was dead and gone. But I was wrong, so wrong, whatever makes you blind must make you strong.”

I pulled into my driveway and sat parked with the engine off and the music on. As I watched the squirrels hop from tree to tree, I did something I rarely ever do. I quit fighting it.

And cried.

“In my time I’ve melted into many forms. From the day that I was born, I know that there’s no place to hide.”

I’m not quite sure what “it” was that I was fighting. Not sadness over anything in particular, but rather a culmination of stress, of love, of loss…of life. Without distracting myself in an effort to feel, well, anything, I started to feel everything.

“Stuck between the burning shade and the fading light.”

There are times I worry so much about liking someone or something too much and having it taken away that I default to feeling too little or nothing at all.

I forget that most of the people that like me did so before I started trying to make sure it stayed that way, before I worried about what I said or did.

“Well you walk these lonely streets that people send. There are some wounds that just can’t mend.”

I forget that yes, I can be okay alone within the safety of my walls, but that doesn’t mean I have to be.  And while I know these revelations are usually fleeting,  it’s nice to have a reminder that I can feel emotion without feeling like I’m weak or broken. 

“I am free from all the things that take my friends. But I will stand hear till the end.”

That by opening up to people and showing vulnerability—to even just one person—I can gain so much more in the end. If I choose to, I can feel, well, everything.

“I was broken, for a long time, but It’s over now.”

Like the blog? Buy the book.

This rare display of emotion coincided nicely with the Studio30 Plus prompt this week:

It wasn’t what I expected.

Bloggers Do Cool Things

I was sitting at my desk this morning minding my own business and tweeting working my tail off, when out of the corner of my eye I saw a spider tip-toe across the carpet like Clara in the Nutcracker.

Alarmed, I did what any normal person would do and reached for the Febreeze I keep in my office cupboard (ironically, next to the Kleenex, which might have been more effective.) Despite a good three or four squirts, the eight-legged freak kept on booking through the Clean Linen shower, but then stopped a few feet away.

So did I, as quite honesty, I was impressed with both his gumption and the pleasant aroma of Febreeze.

Anyway, I can’t be sure, but I think he turned around and gave me the bird with his little spider leg. Apparently my attempted arachnid homicide did not sit well with him. He went on his way, and I can only imagine he sent out a bunch of Twitter litter about the skinny Polish chick that harshed his mellow with cleaning products this afternoon.

Whatever. At least now he smells fresh for the ladies.

My point is not that Febreeze is ineffective as an arachnid killer—although that much is obvious—but rather that I feel I should reverse my karma after the assassination attempt. And although I had another post ready to go up that’s a bit snarky and self-indulgent, that can wait a day or two so I can put some good vibes out there.

So with the holiday season in full swing, I will share with you a few of the cool things you can do to support some bloggers who are trying to put out some good vibes of their own. It’s a HUGE misconception, but bloggers aren’t just witty words and dangerously good looks. They also use those inherent attributes to give back, and here are some ways you can help.

Cool Things Bloggers Do That You Can Do Too

It goes without saying that you have already purchased my book, as I’ve sent out enough annoying reminders to do so, there’s a tab at the top of this page and a button on the side. But just in case you haven’t—and you know who you are, all you people—here’s another reminder that you should.

Oh, hi. Remember me?

After you buy my book, you will need a calendar for 2012 so you can put a big red heart or smiley face sticker on all the days I publish a post. You do that, right? Am I the only one?

Anyway, my girl Jules over at Michon Michon is part of the 2012 Blogger Body Calendar. This year’s calendar theme is: Survivor and Strength.

This year participants are showing off that survivor strength, not because they are all survivors, but because they all are supporters of every woman who has had to struggle against the violence. All proceeds will go Violence UnSilenced.

My friend Liz from across the pond at I Am Pisspot lost her mom to suicide 12 years ago and has since worked with a mental health charity to help others coping with the same thing.

So what is she doing now?

Being a runner, she’s running four races in four cities across Europe to raise money for the cause. If you’re interested in donating money, this link will take you to the official site. 

After you read my book, you can read Jayne’s from In Jayne’s World, as she is releasing a compilation of 19 essays from the past two years of her blog. Each month, she’ll be selecting a different group to receive a portion of the profits from “Suitable for Giving,” but I would just recommend that you put it in your Amazon cart now with the multiple copies of mine and an avocado cutter or two.

Finally, Ms. Holly at The Healthy Everythingtarian has teamed up with another food blogger to raise money for medical supplies for the Haiti Medical Mission of Wisconsin. If you would like to donate to that, this link will take you to the official site.

So as you can see, bloggers do cool things like raise money by writing books, posing in calendars, running races and supporting mission trips.

And, you know, we save spiders from impending death and body odor.

This list is in no way complete, but simply a list of the things that I have purchased or donated myself so far (damn you, spider karma.) If you have something you would like to include, feel free to add it in the comments!

For now, Buy the Book. Save a Kitten—or any of the other things above.