Tag Archives: guest post

Kate from “Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine” Has Issues

By now you know the deal. It’s Friday, which means I’m renting out this space to other writers who you should stalk so that I don’t look creepy doing it alone. Today we have someone I consider to be “Twitter Elite.”

What do I mean?

I mean she has more than 11,000 followers on Twitter. Yes, 11,000. I don’t have 11,000 of anything, other than possibly blog post drafts I’ve deleted or brilliant ideas that go down the shower drain the second I turn off the water.

Anyway, that number is impressive and well-deserved. Here’s Kate!

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Name: Kate Hall

Blog: Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine?

Where, what and why do you write?

I write (mostly) humor in the form of blog posts, tweets and memes. I guess I write to make people laugh and to keep myself sane. It’s probably healthier to say, “I’m going to blog or tweet about this,” than to get mad about. Although typically I still get mad, but it still makes for a good post/tweet. I try to write posts that are honest and funny that people can connect with. I just ended that sentence with a preposition, but I don’t know how to fix it.

Anyway, I write wherever I can find a place to sit with a notepad. It’s pretty random – in bed, at Barnes & Noble, at the park, in the car, etc. – occasionally at the computer.

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

I wonder if I have any Twitter or Facebook notifications on my phone?

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

Where to eat out for dinner. That was an issue the night I first answered this question, but not anymore. We ate Mexican food and had big margaritas. I forgot about that issue.

Three websites you visit every day.

Twitter, Facebook, my weather app on my phone. Does that count as a website?

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

Blowing bubbles off my tongue and juggling. I’ve vlogged myself doing both.

Favorite place to be?

Outside on a warm beach, sitting under a canopy of palm trees swaying in a soft breeze while I listen to the waves roll off the ocean and sip frozen raspberry margaritas. There, or in bed watching Netflix.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

Everybody should watch Netflix. It’s made my life calmer and more pleasant. I’m a happier person thanks to Netflix. It’s how I escape. Escapism is pretty awesome.

What TV show would you want to appear on?

That Wipeout show where the contestants run through the obstacle courses. That show makes me laugh out loud. I’d love to try it. I’d suck at it, but it would be fun.

Best and worst things I could find in your refrigerator right now?

Best: Strawberry margarita in a bottle.

Worst: Tomatoes that were overripe and were being attacked by fruit flies, so I put them in the fridge while I was gone over the weekend and now they’re even more disgusting and I should have just thrown them in the trash, but they were from my garden and I didn’t want to throw away something I grew because things I grow are like my “precious”…ya know?

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

You could ask: Do you have anything new you’re working on? Why yes, I do, Abby, thank you for asking.

I’m revamping my blogs so that I will have a landing page for everything I write/do. It will link to my three blogs: My humor blog (CanIGetAnotherBottleofWhine.com), my gardening with humor blog (currently at katewhinehall.wordpress.com, soon to be ITrytoGrowStuff.com), and a blog devoted to Twitter (soon to be BottleofTweets.com). All humor blogs, but with different foci. Is foci a word? I’m hoping to have this set up in the next week or so.


Your turn to play along. Since she’s the Twitter queen and Twitter is all about brevity, sum up your week in six words or less.

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Jen from “People I Want to Punch In the Throat” Has Issues & a Giveaway

It’s Friday! Another blogger is sharing their issues! Exclamation points!

Today it’s Jen from “People I Want to Punch In the Throat,” and given the name of her blog, it’s natural to assume she has issues.

If you’ve ever heard of the Elf on the Shelf, you’ve heard of Jen. If you’ve ever heard of “I Just Want to Be Alone—and if you read this blog, I’ve shoved it down your throat because I was ridiculously honored to be included—you’ve heard of Jen.

I could sit here and ramble about all her other books—including two new ones that are dropping this September and then in fall of 2015—but I’ll let you figure that out on your own because this post is already long and there’s a giveaway at the end.

Free stuff! Exclamation point!

So without further ado, here’s Jen.

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Name: Jen Mann

Blog: People I Want to Punch in the Throat

Where, what, and why do you write?

I write everywhere. I’ve been known to write in my car on the pickup line at school, I write in my bed, I write in my office. You name it, I’ve probably written there. I like to write on a laptop, so I’m always hauling a laptop around with me. A notebook and pen would be too simple for me. I much prefer to sit poolside with a hot piece of machinery on my lap. Plus, then people will stop and say, “Are you a writer?”

Why do I write? That one’s easy. I write so that I don’t kill. I write to vent my spleen. If I don’t write it down then I might literally explode. A wise blogger (whose name I can’t remember) once said, “If I don’t write it on my blog, then did it really happen?” When you have that kind of ego, then you have to be a writer. Plus, I’m not cut out for manual labor, so this writing thing needs to work for me.

(Editor’s note: Since she can’t remember the name of the blogger but appreciated the advice, let’s just pretend it was me. Moving on…)

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?

I need a nap.

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

Anything and everything back to school. We’re starting our second week of school and it’s been a nightmare. Everyone is exhausted, and my kids are crying every morning because they don’t want to get up. They whine that school is hard this year. Ha. You should see fourth grade spelling words: Art. Give me a break, Gomer.

We’re having a tough time getting back into the routine of checking homework, packing ah-may-zing fun and healthy lunches, finding clean clothes to wear each day and shelling out hundreds of dollars for new clothes, markers and glue sticks (NOT the purple ones!!), PTO membership and renting violins. Yes, I rented a violin this year. I am looking forward to the practices because I like to hear the sound of dying cats.

Three websites you visit every day?

Huffington Post, Jezebel and The Onion.

(Editor’s note: By “Huffington Post” of “The Onion” I’m sure she meant Abby Has Issues. Carry on.)

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

I can change a diaper using one hand while holding onto a squirmy toddler with the other.

Favorite place to be?

In my bed. Don’t get excited, Hubs. I like to be there alone. Sleeping.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

Citizens may key any car that isn’t parked properly between the lines.

What TV show would you want to appear on?

Daily Show with Jon Stewart. I’ve been watching this show since the beginning and I dream of one day sitting across the table from Jon. I’ll be so star-struck though so the interview will go terribly because I’ll just keep giggling uncontrollably and saying stuff like, “Oh my God, it’s you.”

Best and worst things I could find in your refrigerator right now?

Best would be leftover burrito from lunch. Worst would be leftover burrito from six months ago.

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

Where can I buy your new book, Jen? Amazon, of course!


And because she’s a giver, we’re also giving away one copy of “I Just Want to Be Alone” today to a random person who comments on this post answering the question below. The giveaway is open to U.S. residents with a sense of humor and a random winner will be drawn on Tuesday morning and notified via email.

Even if you have a copy of the book, play along. You don’t want to get on her bad side.

Who do you want to punch in the throat?

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zazzle

Deva from “My Life Suckers” Has Issues

First of all, thanks to everyone who had nice and encouraging things to say about my last post and the Zazzle store on Facebook (and in the imagined conversations I had with you in my head.)

I’ll remind you every once in awhile when I add new things, but I won’t be annoying because a) that’s annoying and b) I’ll probably forget. But I didn’t forget today is Friday, which means another blogger is sharing their issues.

Today we have none other than Internet video star Deva Dalporto from MyLifeSuckers, and by “Internet video star” I don’t mean in the Kardashian way.

No, while she’s too humble to brag about it, I will tell you she is the force behind the viral videos parodying songs like, “Let It Go” from “Frozen” and “Fancy” from Iggy Izalea, among others.

She’s pretty much a rock star.

I tried to get her to make a video of her replies to a polka medley or two, but no luck, so we’ll just have to settle for text. With that said, let’s roll out the barrel with Deva!

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Name: Deva Dalporto

Blog: MyLifeSuckers

Where, what and why do you write?

I write and make videos about my crazy life-sucking life as a mom. If I didn’t write about it, I would curl up in a ball and cry. And that would be pathetic.

When my kids aren’t home, I write at my kitchen counter because it’s close to the teapot. And I love tea. Like love, love tea. I probably should have been British. When my kids are home, I try to hide in my bedroom and work, but they always find me.

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

Five freakin’ fifty???? The kids couldn’t have let me sleep until six? It’s inhuman to wake someone up before six.

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

My adult acne. I mean REALLY! God must hate me. He couldn’t have given me a break between acne and wrinkles? Just a few Neutrogena-fresh years?

Three websites you visit every day.

Facebook. Er, Facebook. And, um, Facebook.

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

I load a mean dishwasher. I’m very proud of my dishwasher loading skills. I can fit in an amazing amount of stuff without anything touching. It really is a marvel.

And I’m very critical of other people’s dishwasher loading skills. Like when someone takes up the whole bottom row with a big bowl, I just shake my head and wonder WHY??? WTF is wrong with people? You can’t take up valuable real estate that should be reserved for plates with ONE bowl. I mean, do you KNOW how many plates you can get into the space that one big bowl takes up? Sheesh.

Favorite place to be?

In bed. Except I’m an insomniac so it’s kind of a torturous relationship. I hate being in bed when I can’t sleep and my mind is running a million miles an hour reminding me that I’M GOING TO DIE some day. Good times. But besides the insomnia part, I love being in bed.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

I would get rid of Standard Time and keep us on Daylight Savings Time. Standard Time is the devil. Who wants it to get dark at 4 pm? And adjusting to time changes with kids is hell on earth. Really, time changes need to go.

What TV show would you want to appear on?

Project Runway, except I can’t sew. I really just want to hang out with Tim Gunn and have him tell me to, “Make it work.”

Best and worst things I could find in your refrigerator right now?

Best is my Humbolt Fog Goat Cheese. I have been dairy-free for six years and the doctor just gave me the all-clear for goat cheese, so I’ve been indulging in a hunk per night. That’s OK, right?

Worst thing in my fridge would have to be that disgustingly moldy container of yogurt that I keep forgetting to throw out. But I just tell myself I’m educating the kids about fungi. They don’t get enough science in school these days so I’m just doing my part.

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

When is the last time you showered, Deva? Why, do I smell? I smell, don’t I? UGH. Oh, to answer your (my) question—I have no idea. Showering is a luxury I rarely afford myself these days.


Stink aside, go check her out after you share one of your issues: What’s the worst thing I could find in your fridge right now?

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zazzle

Paige Kellerman Has Issues

Today is Friday, which means another blogger will be sharing their issues, although I don’t know how she has time seeing as she has 4-year-old twins and a 2 year old.

(If you will recall, I can barely maintain my garden/horticultural hospice.)

She also has a best-selling book, “At Least My Belly Hides My Cankles,” and is working on the next one while still blogging, parenting and mixing the perfect Gin and tonic (presumably for her and not the children.)

Since she found a few minutes to class up this joint, I now present Paige Kellerman (who I can guarantee is much more attractive than the lame graphic I attempted to make.)

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Name: Paige Kellerman

Blog: There’s More Where That Came From

Where, what and why do you write?

I write humor that’s sometimes mistaken for writing that’s not funny. I work mostly in a notebook on my couch, but occasionally I’ll pretend to work on the computer and be on Pinterest instead. This is probably why most people refer to me as “The Next Great American Author No One Will Ever Hear Of.” My reasons for writing have always been pretty deep, mainly fame, fortune and being able to afford a personal chef so I don’t have to cook for my family one day.

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning:

Who’s breathing on me?

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

Right now, it’s probably the baby climbing in the tub and turning it on while I’m trying to leave your readers with something worthwhile.

Nope, never mind. He was actually throwing the entire new bottle of body wash in the toilet. I’ll be heading to the grocery store after this.

Three websites you visit every day:

Sadly, and without fail, Pinterest, Twitter, Facebook.

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

I went to an entrepreneurial camp when I was a senior in high school. I rode on a bus to Iowa where I learned how to make a business plan and open up a nightclub. I found that business plan in a box the other day. Every floor of the club was supposedly going to be made of glass and not result in some sort of tragedy. I think the point here is that I can make a really shoddy business plan.

Favorite place to be?

Home. I love to travel, but I’m happiest on my couch, reading and drinking.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

That’s a tough one. I think there should be something governing how long someone can wait for your parking spot. It takes me an hour to get three kids buckled in their car seats. I’m sorry, anonymous person idling in your Hummer.

What TV show would you want to appear on?

Hands down, Conan. I’ve wanted to meet him since I was a kid. If I ever make it on there, I’m giving you a shout out.

Best and worst things I could find in your refrigerator right now?

There’s wine and a bowl of strawberries I got all domesticated and cut up the other day. There’s also a Tupperware of baked ziti I wouldn’t open if I were you.

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

I wish you’d asked me how renovations on the house are going. Because I would’ve said, “They’re going really great, Abby. I just painted our crappy backsplash and now it looks a little less crappy. I’m really proud of that. Thanks for asking.”

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Brenna from “Suburban Snapshots” Has Issues

It’s Friday, so another blogger is spilling their issues.

Brenna is not only a mom, photographer, writer and Web designer, but she’s also kind of a big deal because she once danced and it went viral. I asked her to dramatically interpret the rest of this post through dance, but instead she just answered the questions.

Whatever.

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Name: Brenna Jennings

Blog: Suburban Snapshots

Where, what and why do you write?

I blog on my couch, but I publish on SuburbanSnapshots.com. I write about things in my life I think are relatable. I write because I didn’t have enough ways to ignore my family after 7pm. I started writing to keep my family posted on a move, and kept writing because it seemed to make strangers feel less alone, less crazy, and my audience seemed to have a good laugh. It was never my intention to have an audience bigger than my family or to earn an income, which is great, because I make about zero dollars from my blog. That’s an estimate.

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

“Does my husband want to have sex right now? And if so, how bad is my breath?”

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

Rape and guns. Not to get all heavy, but right now I have friends dealing with stuff that makes anything I could complain about in my life seem preposterous. But I see all this shit going on around women’s rights and gun rights and much of it is infuriating to me.

Three websites you visit every day.

Facebook, then probably some stupid Buzzfeed quiz, then my local paper.

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

I f*cking rule at parallel parking. (Editor’s note: That SHOULD go on a resume. When done correctly, it’s a beautiful thing. When done incorrectly, it’s still highly entertaining.)

Favorite place to be?

My mom has this big, bright room on her house that’s got a wood stove. Out the window in the morning and evening you can watch deer come out of the woods and eat. Maybe that’s not adventurous or exotic, but it’s hella relaxing.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

I was going to say I’d ban Internet trolls, but they are really entertaining. I mean, the best. My favorite is how their immediate insult is either something about you being a woman or being a liberal.

1. I’d ban hockey after February because seriously.

2. I’d ban the word “dongle” because it’s gross. Give me “moist” any day over “dongle.” 3. I’d make it illegal for Gwyneth Paltrow to talk unless she inhaled helium first.

(Another editor’s note: I like hockey, so…seriously. But the Gwyneth comment more than makes up for that. GOOP, my ass.)

What TV show would you want to appear on?

Jimmy Fallon, unless he made me go on a roller coaster. No way, man.

Best and worst things I could find in your refrigerator right now?

Best: the leftover Mexican skillet my husband made for dinner last night

Worst: I’m not sure what it is, but it’s covered in pink fur and I keep pretending not to notice it

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

Q. “What would you want people to remember you by?”

A. “Well, I hope my body of work doesn’t get eclipsed by some kid’s Washington Monument dildo.

And really, isn’t that what we all want?

Thank you, Brenna!

Now who will be here next week? (Hint: it’s not the creator of a Washington Monument dildo. I don’t think. I guess I’ll have to check.)

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P.S. If you don’t want to miss anything, be sure to subscribe here on the blog and/or follow me on Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest.

P.P.S. I had another visit over on Scary Mommy, this time talking about depression. The comments remind me why I write, so thank you much for everyone who read that post.

 

Kim from “Let Me Start By Saying” Has Issues

It’s Friday, so that means another blogger is spilling their issues.

Considering she has a massively popular Facebook page and writes everywhere from NickMom to The Huffington Post, you’ve probably seen her before. However, you’ve never seen her HERE, promising fruit, so buckle up and get to know Kim.

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Name: Kim Bongiorno

Blog: Let Me Start By Saying

Where, what and why do you write?

I write in a hermetically-sealed Lady Cave I created in my home. It is basically a cube of notebooks, old books, writing books, one zillion pens and pencils and scraps of paper I jot ideas on and toss in there whenever I pass by.

Unlike some organized people (what an adorable concept!), I don’t have a rhyme or reason to my writing. I’ve written a complete Young Adult novel and a partial Women’s fiction one. My normal schtick is humor–mostly parenting–but I kind of just do whatever comes to mind. It’s fun listening to all the voices in my head. Luckily I have a very calm-looking face, or else I’d have been locked up a long time ago. I don’t think I have any other choice than to be a writer.

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

Cripes on a cracker someone get me coffee RIGHT NOW.

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

The lack of soundproof walls in my home. I really need to work on that. Or for school to start sooner than later. Once of those things.

Three websites you visit every day.

1. Facebook, to see what’s going on in the world and hopefully read a new dirty joke that will make me laugh first thing in the morning.

2. IMDB, for my goal in life is to have as much useless Real Life information as possible stored in this little golden head of mine.

3. PicMonkey, where I make useful graphics for my blog or social media, as well as stupid memes I only share with friends because wasting time is why the Internet was created.

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

I can wiggle my eyes and do the splits. At the same time.

Favorite place to be?

At home on the couch in my office reading a real, physical book in the middle of the day during a quiet moment when my kids are out of earshot and hopefully not bleeding from the head.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

Free weekly massages and monthly pedicures for everyone, always. And capes would totally come back in fashion (I would wear a sparkly silver one–like, really bedazzled).

What TV show would you want to appear on?

I have a 3-way tie for SNL, The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon and Late Night with Seth Meyers–but mostly because I want to hang out in the writer’s room. I’d do whatever they told me to do on the show, itself, to make this happen. Seriously, anything.

Best and worst things I could find in your refrigerator right now?

Best is cookie dough. I can make magic if I have ready-made sugar cookie dough on hand. Worst is the petrified once-was-foodstuffs that are rolling around in the three drawers. It scares me too much to actually clean it. Please stop making me think about it.

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

What will you do when you’re a multi-millionaire author of a slew of best-selling novels? I’ll buy a compound somewhere really quiet with a book store on one end and massive spa on the other end where all my friends can come and write, relax and laugh together whenever they need a break. Oh! And we’d have stand-up comics appear every night to keep us entertained. And the menu would be the same as The Cheesecake Factory’s. That is a MUST.

And yes, there will be lots of fresh avocados to entice you to join me.


She knows me so well! Now go click her links and get to know her better, but not in that creepy “wiggle the eyebrows while you say that”-type way. She is a married woman. But regardless, there will be cookies.

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Lynn from “Nomad Mom Diaries” Has Issues

It’s Friday, so another blogger is sharing their issues!

Today we’re going international to visit Lynn from “Nomad Mom Diaries, a self-proclaimed “smart-ass American raising two prim princesses with her obnoxiously skinny Italian husband in Oxford, England.”

Oh yeah. And she’s also an, “I Just Want to be Alone”co-author with yours truly. But considering this is long distance, I’ll cut the chit-chat and just present Lynn!

LynnMorrisonphoto

Name: Lynn Morrison

Blog: The Nomad Mom Diary

Where, what and why do you write?

I write about my life and when that gets really boring and predictable, I write about fake lives that are having much more interesting adventures. I try and not disparage the husband too much, so when he does something particularly noteworthy I change a few names and slap a fiction label on it, but I’m pretty sure I’m not fooling anyone.

I write on my blog and over at BLUNTmoms and on HuffPo and Mamapedia. And, let’s be honest, also most anywhere else that will take me. As to the why, well that’s simple: I write to keep my head from exploding.

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

Where’s my phone? I’d like to say that this is because I use it as my alarm clock, but I think we both know that the real reason is because I am on Facebook before my eyes are even open.

What’s the one “issueor frustration annoying you the most right now?

I’m currently trying to understand why my husband decided to steal the toilet paper out of one bathroom to replenish the other, rather than getting a new roll out of the cupboard. He claims he didn’t want to wake up the dog, but I suspect it was really because he knew I’d be the next one to go in there. I’m not ashamed to say that I used a diaper wipe. No wait, I am ashamed to say that. Ugh, can I start over and we can pretend that all of this is fiction?

Three websites you visit every day.

Oh man, there is no way to answer this without admitting I have a problem. Facebook. Facebook. and Facebook. But listen, if I go down for this, I want you to know that you are partially to blame. If you could just be a little bit less ridiculously clever with your Facebook posts, I just might look at another website.

(Editor’s note: I promise I didn’t pay her to say that. You know that I’m too cheap for that.)

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

I once had, um, “relations” in a former vice president’s house. But not with the vice president because that would be icky.

Favorite place to be?

In my bed with my laptop in my lap. Oh look at that! That’s exactly where I am right now. Squeee!

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

Is it wrong if I say that the only thing I want is for my stuff to be MINE and for others to keep their grubby hands off of it? My side of the bed, my time in the potty, my dinner, my glass of wine, my chocolate chip cookies, my computer, my ipad, the list goes on and on. No, I don’t want to share dammit!

(Editor’s note: No, no it’s not wrong. Especially if we’re talking snacks.)

What TV show would you want to appear on?

I’d like to be on Dora the Explorer so I could smack her upside the head and say, “Listen up you little hussy, the m*&*f*&*ing map just told you where to go 2 minutes ago. It’s two measly stops from any A to any B in your world. Write it on your hand if you have so much trouble.” (Jesus, where did that come from? I clearly have some anger issues to work out.)

Best and worst things I could find in your refrigerator right now?

A half-eaten chocolate bar and most of a stick of butter. Don’t judge; tomorrow is grocery day.

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

I wish you’d asked me why everything is better with Nutella. I don’t know, but I’d like someone to ask so that I could have an excuse to go and eat a jug of it and see if I could find some food item that isn’t improved by a 1-inch layer of that hazelnut spreadable goodness.


See? She’s like an international delight for your cyber coffee. Be sure to check out her blog and her links. Who will be featured next week? You’ll just have to wait and see. (Amy Poehler, have your people call my people…that would be me.)

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P.S.  I created a new “Illustrated Issues” tab to the top of my blog where I added some of the most popular images from Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter. Enjoy!