I promise a “normal” post next time, but in honor of Halloween week, I present a corny candy therapy session.
Scene: Duncan Hines and Betty Crocker go for couple’s counseling, as their relationship has recently hit a Sour Patch.
Therapist: Betty, since you are the one who called me, how about we start with you. Why are you and Duncan here today?
BC: We used to get along so well and were totally sweet on each other. But as of late, I feel like he’s got his eyes on the Mounds of another, if you know what I’m saying. Specifically, that Red Hot Airhead Mary Jane that works in his bakery sometimes. I hear the Snickers when I walk in…
T: So you’ve been on a bit of a Rocky Road? Duncan, would you care to jump in?
DH: (Sigh) She’s always going Bonkers with jealousy any time I even look at a Chicklet or two. I’m loyal to her 100 percent and have never given her a Riesen to worry. In fact, I don’t know what I would do without her and our little Baby Ruth. That little Runt was born late last year.
BC: I would like to believe you, but you go out with those Goobers Mike & Ike every weekend and I’m not supposed to think you’re up to your old Twix and telling me Whoppers about where you’ve been? I’m left at home with the little SweeTart—and I love her, don’t get me wrong—but these Sprees of yours give me Good & Plenty reasons to be mad.
DH: I won’t sugar coat it. doc. All my life I’ve been sort of a Nerd. I finally meet a Smartie — a real Hot Tamale — and despite having a Chunky little Jelly Belly and being a bit of a Slo Poke, I somehow suckered her in. I never thought I would SKOR such a great lady in my life, but Now & Later I need to hang out with the boys. We’re the Three Musketeers!
T: Let me see if I can connect the Dots here. You two obviously love each other, but just have to spice things up s’more. Maybe Take 5 minutes to plan a Fun Dip or two in a spa.
BC: I guess you’re right and I’m just being a Cry Baby. Next Payday, we should take any Extra money and share a few Chuckles over a nice meal on 5th Avenue.
DH: Doctor, you’ve been a Lifesaver. Now Betty, come and give your big Sugar Daddy a Hug and a Kiss.
I have to do the requisite, “What’s your favorite candy?” and “What candy do you hate?” question for Halloween. Any perfect flavor combinations?
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