Tag Archives: blogging

The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva Has Issues

It’s Friday! Another blogger is spilling their issues, and seeing as I’m domestically disabled myself, it only makes sense that today’s blogger is here to help show me the way.

As you can see from the picture below, Susan actually puts curlers IN HER HAIR which makes her super fancy considering I’ve been known to leave the house with one still stuck in my head.

It happened once, okay? Let’s move on.

Anyway, I now present Susan—Mom. Blogger. Humorist.

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Name: Susan McLean

Blog: The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva

Where, what and why do you write?

Generally I try to stick to writing humor only and I’m coming to you live from Delaware. I started writing to keep my brain from atrophying when I quit my full time career to stay at home with a four year old, two year old and an infant.  They were really cute, but not much for conversation.

Before staying home, then transitioning into my current social media role, I used to be in corporate training. I created training materials, played system administrator (which was surprisingly a lot like Atari’s Space Invaders), and mostly practiced my stand-up and passed out lots of candy when I would facilitate classes in hopes of winning over the hearts and minds of my captive audience. (Seriously, they were captives. They had to be there).

Mostly you’ll find me writing for myself on my blog because when I actually have something that I think is funny, I like to make sure I’m getting full credit.  I’m also officially a Huffington Post Blogger, and every once in a while you’ll see me popping up someplace reputable like Redbook (seriously, that happened).

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

Plotting how and when I can drink my first cup of coffee.

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

My kids are getting older, smarter and they keep finding my best hiding places.  I’m worried they’ll find my stash of high-fructose, non-organic, GMO snacks soon that I’ll be forced to share.

Three websites you visit every day.

The Facebook, Pinterest and The Weather Channel.

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

I’m double jointed.  It’s not as sexy as it sounds.

Favorite place to be?

I like going to yoga, or as I like to call it, my “book club for one!” You see, when I “go to yoga” instead of doing classical yoga poses, I drive myself to Dunkin Donuts for a coffee and a snack then sit in my car for about an hour reading a book. I wish I had listened to people and done this sooner. Yoga is so refreshing.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

If I could take a swipe at the Internet troll population, I’d try to ban as many of them as I could from the Web in one day.

What TV show would you want to appear on?

I love the Walking Dead!  I’d make a great love interest for Daryl or I’d even settle for being a zombie extra. I’d also do unspeakable things to be on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. (Call me, Jimmy!)

Best and worst things I could find in your refrigerator right now?

Lots of fruits and veggies – and lots of cheese.  I special order my cheese from Vermont, not because I’m fancy, but because I’m lactose intolerant. Also, I’m intolerant of my lactose intolerance, so I searched high and low until I found a great naturally aged and lactose free cheese from Cabot.  I order about 15lbs at a time. Don’t judge.

Editor’s Note: I’m a vegan with OCD who will spend more time picking out a head of broccoli than picking out her clothes. I don’t judge.

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

I wish you would have asked me if I always looked like this and the answer would have been “no.”  I used to be fit and sort of fabulous.  Now I’m usually frizzy and frazzled.  I once had legs that were long and lean, but now that more accurately describes my breasts.  Whoever said “kids keep you young” must have never had them.


I’ll assume by “never had them” she means kids and that this isn’t another blogger taking a swipe at the fact that my chest is concave. Perhaps I’m projecting.

At any rate, do yourself a favor and go check her out after answering the following question:

What’s one snack that you hate to share and would hide from anyone else if you could? (We’ll pretend that you always share.)

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Kate from “Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine” Has Issues

By now you know the deal. It’s Friday, which means I’m renting out this space to other writers who you should stalk so that I don’t look creepy doing it alone. Today we have someone I consider to be “Twitter Elite.”

What do I mean?

I mean she has more than 11,000 followers on Twitter. Yes, 11,000. I don’t have 11,000 of anything, other than possibly blog post drafts I’ve deleted or brilliant ideas that go down the shower drain the second I turn off the water.

Anyway, that number is impressive and well-deserved. Here’s Kate!

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Name: Kate Hall

Blog: Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine?

Where, what and why do you write?

I write (mostly) humor in the form of blog posts, tweets and memes. I guess I write to make people laugh and to keep myself sane. It’s probably healthier to say, “I’m going to blog or tweet about this,” than to get mad about. Although typically I still get mad, but it still makes for a good post/tweet. I try to write posts that are honest and funny that people can connect with. I just ended that sentence with a preposition, but I don’t know how to fix it.

Anyway, I write wherever I can find a place to sit with a notepad. It’s pretty random – in bed, at Barnes & Noble, at the park, in the car, etc. – occasionally at the computer.

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

I wonder if I have any Twitter or Facebook notifications on my phone?

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

Where to eat out for dinner. That was an issue the night I first answered this question, but not anymore. We ate Mexican food and had big margaritas. I forgot about that issue.

Three websites you visit every day.

Twitter, Facebook, my weather app on my phone. Does that count as a website?

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

Blowing bubbles off my tongue and juggling. I’ve vlogged myself doing both.

Favorite place to be?

Outside on a warm beach, sitting under a canopy of palm trees swaying in a soft breeze while I listen to the waves roll off the ocean and sip frozen raspberry margaritas. There, or in bed watching Netflix.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

Everybody should watch Netflix. It’s made my life calmer and more pleasant. I’m a happier person thanks to Netflix. It’s how I escape. Escapism is pretty awesome.

What TV show would you want to appear on?

That Wipeout show where the contestants run through the obstacle courses. That show makes me laugh out loud. I’d love to try it. I’d suck at it, but it would be fun.

Best and worst things I could find in your refrigerator right now?

Best: Strawberry margarita in a bottle.

Worst: Tomatoes that were overripe and were being attacked by fruit flies, so I put them in the fridge while I was gone over the weekend and now they’re even more disgusting and I should have just thrown them in the trash, but they were from my garden and I didn’t want to throw away something I grew because things I grow are like my “precious”…ya know?

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

You could ask: Do you have anything new you’re working on? Why yes, I do, Abby, thank you for asking.

I’m revamping my blogs so that I will have a landing page for everything I write/do. It will link to my three blogs: My humor blog (CanIGetAnotherBottleofWhine.com), my gardening with humor blog (currently at katewhinehall.wordpress.com, soon to be ITrytoGrowStuff.com), and a blog devoted to Twitter (soon to be BottleofTweets.com). All humor blogs, but with different foci. Is foci a word? I’m hoping to have this set up in the next week or so.


Your turn to play along. Since she’s the Twitter queen and Twitter is all about brevity, sum up your week in six words or less.

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A Major Award

I have to admit that lately I haven’t been feeling that confident. But then one morning I looked at the number of staplers on my desk at work—two—and thought, “Abby, you lucky bastard. You’ve really made something of yourself.”

So with that said, I decided to think of other things that should earn A Major Award. Congrats to you!

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Not only remembering to put your reusable grocery bag in your car, but remembering to actually bring it in with you before you’re checking out in the store.

Spelling “definitely,” “vacuum” or “conscientious” right on the first try.

Actually using the OveGlove on your hand instead of grabbing the hot pan with the hand not wearing the OveGlove.

Making a list before going to the store and remembering to take it with you instead of coming home to be reminded about what you forgot to buy.

Realizing you’re out of toilet paper but finding you stocked an extra roll in the cabinet next to the toilet.

Getting less than 15 tissues out on the first pull from a new box of Kleenex.

Perfectly timing use of the automatic soap dispenser instead of putting your hand under there, waiting, pulling hand away and then having soap shoot out onto the counter.

Pumping gas and stopping on the exact dollar amount instead of spending an extra $10 trying to get it to stop on an even dollar amount.

Remembering the names of your neighbors and not just the names of your neighbors’ dogs.

Unpeeling a banana and getting all those stringy things off in the process (bonus points if you can rip a banana off the bunch without feeling like you’re ripping it away from its family, creating an orphan banana, of sorts.)

Dropping a piece of buttered/cheesy/messy toast and for once, not having the buttered/cheesy/messy side hit the carpet.

Not saying what you’re thinking out loud two seconds after your brain says, “Don’t say that out loud.”

Remembering to take out both trash and recycle on the same day.

Catching something as it falls off the table without knocking something else off the table.

Putting away the clean laundry on the same day it was washed.

When someone tells you, “Great question!” actually hearing their answer because you’re not busy congratulating yourself for asking such a great question.

And of course, for commenting below on what you deserve A Major Award for today.

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Rach from “RachRiot” Has Issues

Do you hate bras? Cooking fancy meals? People with no sense of humor? Then this Friday’s blogger sharing their issues—Rachael of RachRiot—is your new best friend/wine-drinking sister wife of sorts.

If you’re on Facebook, you need to join the tens of thousands who “like” her page so you can participate in not just her witty updates, but also:

White Trash Wednesday: A day in which Rach asks, “How often have you been whipping up a canned meat masterpiece and thought to yourself, ‘Golly, I just wish I could keep my sauce and meat from mingling!’ Well, aim that sack o’ sauce right here- wait, what? Um…because it’s WHITE TRASH WEDNESDAY!! Tear off that apron and join me for a cocktail and confess your latest “white trash” creation.”

Yes, that’s exactly what it sounds like. But seeing as I’m a vegan not interested in mystery meat creations, I choose to participate in:

The Sunday Saggeth: A day in which Rach encourages people to ditch the over –the-shoulder-boulder-holder and join her floppy flock: “It is our high holy day, it is THE SAGGETH. Let us honor this day and do what is right and just- keep yourself unburdened by bras as I have commanded. I raise my hands skyward as my breasts hang floorward. Shout freedom! Free at last!”

Preach it, woman. So without further ado—or a bra—I present Rachael.

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Name: Rachael Hebert Pavlik

Blog: Rach Riot

Where, what and why do you write?

I write humor, and according to my mother I’m very, very talented and have such a pretty face. I’m coming to you now from my secret lair, which looks a lot like my dining room table. Why do I write? Because my therapist is no longer returning my emails.

Along with my blog, I’ve written for Houston Family Magazine, Aiming Low, List Of The Day blog and also co-authored the best-selling anthology, “I Just Want To Pee Alone.”

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

F#ck you, daylight.

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

Right now? These underwear I have on. I won’t even call them “panties” because that connotes something sexy, and these draws are somewhere above my belly button, right around my rib cage. Sounds comfy (and sexy) but it’s not. It’s annoying. Maybe because I’m also wearing low-rise jeans. It’s a good look. Did I say sexy?

Three websites you visit every day.

Facebook, my blog (to see if magic literary fairies have written a blog for me as I slept — it could happen) and then, um…I usually Google something unspeakable. If anything ever happens to me, please erase my history and burn my laptop before the police come, OK? Thanks.

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

The uncanny ability to offend large groups of people with a single sentence. My best work is usually on a speaker phone while your kids listen in.

(Editor’s note: If my internal dialogue was on speaker phone, I would be totally screwed.)

Favorite place to be?

George Clooney’s summer villa on Lake Como, Italy

(Editor’s note again: See you there! We can plane pool, which is like car pooling but in a plane, obviously.)

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

I would do away with all restraining orders, because George Clooney is an overreactive paranoid freak sometimes. He’s so silly!

What TV show would you want to appear on?

Graham Norton or Drunk History, because duh. I’d also like to be one of Oprah’s gurus on Super Soul Sunday. Also duh.

Best and worst things I could find in your refrigerator right now?

Hmmm…I have an impressive collection of pepper jellies, some of them botulism flavor. The best? Booze, of course.

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

You didn’t ask anything about my boobs and I don’t feel they get the attention they deserve! Jeeze. They are real and they’re spectacular. Thanks for asking!

(Final editor’s note: I purposely didn’t ask about your boobs because you have boobs and I don’t and that’s probably why I have issues so THANKS FOR BRINGING THAT UP.)


At any rate, be sure to check her out and show her some love—or some wine. I think she’s partial to the latter.

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Jen from “People I Want to Punch In the Throat” Has Issues & a Giveaway

It’s Friday! Another blogger is sharing their issues! Exclamation points!

Today it’s Jen from “People I Want to Punch In the Throat,” and given the name of her blog, it’s natural to assume she has issues.

If you’ve ever heard of the Elf on the Shelf, you’ve heard of Jen. If you’ve ever heard of “I Just Want to Be Alone—and if you read this blog, I’ve shoved it down your throat because I was ridiculously honored to be included—you’ve heard of Jen.

I could sit here and ramble about all her other books—including two new ones that are dropping this September and then in fall of 2015—but I’ll let you figure that out on your own because this post is already long and there’s a giveaway at the end.

Free stuff! Exclamation point!

So without further ado, here’s Jen.

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Name: Jen Mann

Blog: People I Want to Punch in the Throat

Where, what, and why do you write?

I write everywhere. I’ve been known to write in my car on the pickup line at school, I write in my bed, I write in my office. You name it, I’ve probably written there. I like to write on a laptop, so I’m always hauling a laptop around with me. A notebook and pen would be too simple for me. I much prefer to sit poolside with a hot piece of machinery on my lap. Plus, then people will stop and say, “Are you a writer?”

Why do I write? That one’s easy. I write so that I don’t kill. I write to vent my spleen. If I don’t write it down then I might literally explode. A wise blogger (whose name I can’t remember) once said, “If I don’t write it on my blog, then did it really happen?” When you have that kind of ego, then you have to be a writer. Plus, I’m not cut out for manual labor, so this writing thing needs to work for me.

(Editor’s note: Since she can’t remember the name of the blogger but appreciated the advice, let’s just pretend it was me. Moving on…)

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?

I need a nap.

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

Anything and everything back to school. We’re starting our second week of school and it’s been a nightmare. Everyone is exhausted, and my kids are crying every morning because they don’t want to get up. They whine that school is hard this year. Ha. You should see fourth grade spelling words: Art. Give me a break, Gomer.

We’re having a tough time getting back into the routine of checking homework, packing ah-may-zing fun and healthy lunches, finding clean clothes to wear each day and shelling out hundreds of dollars for new clothes, markers and glue sticks (NOT the purple ones!!), PTO membership and renting violins. Yes, I rented a violin this year. I am looking forward to the practices because I like to hear the sound of dying cats.

Three websites you visit every day?

Huffington Post, Jezebel and The Onion.

(Editor’s note: By “Huffington Post” of “The Onion” I’m sure she meant Abby Has Issues. Carry on.)

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

I can change a diaper using one hand while holding onto a squirmy toddler with the other.

Favorite place to be?

In my bed. Don’t get excited, Hubs. I like to be there alone. Sleeping.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

Citizens may key any car that isn’t parked properly between the lines.

What TV show would you want to appear on?

Daily Show with Jon Stewart. I’ve been watching this show since the beginning and I dream of one day sitting across the table from Jon. I’ll be so star-struck though so the interview will go terribly because I’ll just keep giggling uncontrollably and saying stuff like, “Oh my God, it’s you.”

Best and worst things I could find in your refrigerator right now?

Best would be leftover burrito from lunch. Worst would be leftover burrito from six months ago.

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

Where can I buy your new book, Jen? Amazon, of course!


And because she’s a giver, we’re also giving away one copy of “I Just Want to Be Alone” today to a random person who comments on this post answering the question below. The giveaway is open to U.S. residents with a sense of humor and a random winner will be drawn on Tuesday morning and notified via email.

Even if you have a copy of the book, play along. You don’t want to get on her bad side.

Who do you want to punch in the throat?

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Practical Classes for Writers

It’s back to school time for most people, and while I value my college education, I can’t help but feel that the writing curriculum they provided didn’t necessarily prepare me for the real world.

Of course I took the basics for academic, creative and professional writing, but technical skills aside, they failed to address the more “realistic” aspects of being a writer.

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So with that said, I have proposed a few more practical classes that all aspiring writers should be required to take.

Textual Dysfunction

This introductory prerequisite will tackle the perennial problem of writer’s block and the five stages every writer will go through. Along with preparing the student for the emotional trauma of textual dysfunction, several creative writing exercises will be performed in an effort to facilitate creative expression — including how to explain to friends and family that your blog/novel is not based on them, even though it probably is.

Emotional Exfoliation

Learn to brush off those who don’t realize your obvious genius and hope your skin grows back thicker, because whether you’re a creative writer, a technical writer or a blogger (extra credit if you’re a blogger), you will get rejected many more times than not. Participants will learn to go from query and submission to dealing with the “nice no,” the “hell no” and the “what the hell do they know?” of rejection.

However, everyone is also asked to gather up their rejection letters to use for decoupaging a complimentary flask as part of art therapy offered as a follow-up course.

Narcissism in the Age of the Internet

Attendees will be given the tools needed to make their tweets fake trophy-worthy, their Facebook updates ring with confidence/insecurity and their selfies flattering in the light of the bathroom. They will also be given tips on how to buy fans/followers and Photoshop their profile pictures to an almost unrecognizable image.

Workspace Feng Shui

It’s important that writers create a comfortable environment when waiting for inspiration to hit. Learn to prioritize these tasks, such as what size Post-Its to write your to-do list on, where that plant looks best, color organization of pens, snack drawer replenishment and paperclip sculpture and art.

Professional Courtesy

Often writers are tasked with working in an office setting. In this course, students will learn the basics to avoid creating a hostile work environment, such as: never “replying all” to an email, both changing and replacing the paper towel roll and trash bag in the office kitchen and washing dirty dishes instead of placing them NEXT to the sink in hopes the imaginary maid will do it.

In addition, flashcards will be created with phrases like, “Weekend was great!” “Weather is wonderful!” “Can’t believe it’s Monday!” in an effort to cut down on generic coworker chit-chat.

Typo Trauma 101*

Play it off as funny? Run away and start a new life? Learn how to deal with the angst of finding a typo more than .5 seconds after something has been posted or published somewhere you can’t go back and edit.

*The support group will meet immediately after this session. Carbs will be provided.


Seeing as most writers are introverted attention hounds who just want to be left alone, graduation ceremonies would be held online where participants could submit their best work for a round of social media “likes” from the comfort of their couch.

Now that’s a class I could go for.

Here’s your homework: What class would you add to the list for your job?

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Deva from “My Life Suckers” Has Issues

First of all, thanks to everyone who had nice and encouraging things to say about my last post and the Zazzle store on Facebook (and in the imagined conversations I had with you in my head.)

I’ll remind you every once in awhile when I add new things, but I won’t be annoying because a) that’s annoying and b) I’ll probably forget. But I didn’t forget today is Friday, which means another blogger is sharing their issues.

Today we have none other than Internet video star Deva Dalporto from MyLifeSuckers, and by “Internet video star” I don’t mean in the Kardashian way.

No, while she’s too humble to brag about it, I will tell you she is the force behind the viral videos parodying songs like, “Let It Go” from “Frozen” and “Fancy” from Iggy Izalea, among others.

She’s pretty much a rock star.

I tried to get her to make a video of her replies to a polka medley or two, but no luck, so we’ll just have to settle for text. With that said, let’s roll out the barrel with Deva!

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Name: Deva Dalporto

Blog: MyLifeSuckers

Where, what and why do you write?

I write and make videos about my crazy life-sucking life as a mom. If I didn’t write about it, I would curl up in a ball and cry. And that would be pathetic.

When my kids aren’t home, I write at my kitchen counter because it’s close to the teapot. And I love tea. Like love, love tea. I probably should have been British. When my kids are home, I try to hide in my bedroom and work, but they always find me.

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

Five freakin’ fifty???? The kids couldn’t have let me sleep until six? It’s inhuman to wake someone up before six.

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

My adult acne. I mean REALLY! God must hate me. He couldn’t have given me a break between acne and wrinkles? Just a few Neutrogena-fresh years?

Three websites you visit every day.

Facebook. Er, Facebook. And, um, Facebook.

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

I load a mean dishwasher. I’m very proud of my dishwasher loading skills. I can fit in an amazing amount of stuff without anything touching. It really is a marvel.

And I’m very critical of other people’s dishwasher loading skills. Like when someone takes up the whole bottom row with a big bowl, I just shake my head and wonder WHY??? WTF is wrong with people? You can’t take up valuable real estate that should be reserved for plates with ONE bowl. I mean, do you KNOW how many plates you can get into the space that one big bowl takes up? Sheesh.

Favorite place to be?

In bed. Except I’m an insomniac so it’s kind of a torturous relationship. I hate being in bed when I can’t sleep and my mind is running a million miles an hour reminding me that I’M GOING TO DIE some day. Good times. But besides the insomnia part, I love being in bed.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

I would get rid of Standard Time and keep us on Daylight Savings Time. Standard Time is the devil. Who wants it to get dark at 4 pm? And adjusting to time changes with kids is hell on earth. Really, time changes need to go.

What TV show would you want to appear on?

Project Runway, except I can’t sew. I really just want to hang out with Tim Gunn and have him tell me to, “Make it work.”

Best and worst things I could find in your refrigerator right now?

Best is my Humbolt Fog Goat Cheese. I have been dairy-free for six years and the doctor just gave me the all-clear for goat cheese, so I’ve been indulging in a hunk per night. That’s OK, right?

Worst thing in my fridge would have to be that disgustingly moldy container of yogurt that I keep forgetting to throw out. But I just tell myself I’m educating the kids about fungi. They don’t get enough science in school these days so I’m just doing my part.

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

When is the last time you showered, Deva? Why, do I smell? I smell, don’t I? UGH. Oh, to answer your (my) question—I have no idea. Showering is a luxury I rarely afford myself these days.


Stink aside, go check her out after you share one of your issues: What’s the worst thing I could find in your fridge right now?

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