Tag Archives: blogging

Paige Kellerman Has Issues

Today is Friday, which means another blogger will be sharing their issues, although I don’t know how she has time seeing as she has 4-year-old twins and a 2 year old.

(If you will recall, I can barely maintain my garden/horticultural hospice.)

She also has a best-selling book, “At Least My Belly Hides My Cankles,” and is working on the next one while still blogging, parenting and mixing the perfect Gin and tonic (presumably for her and not the children.)

Since she found a few minutes to class up this joint, I now present Paige Kellerman (who I can guarantee is much more attractive than the lame graphic I attempted to make.)

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Name: Paige Kellerman

Blog: There’s More Where That Came From

Where, what and why do you write?

I write humor that’s sometimes mistaken for writing that’s not funny. I work mostly in a notebook on my couch, but occasionally I’ll pretend to work on the computer and be on Pinterest instead. This is probably why most people refer to me as “The Next Great American Author No One Will Ever Hear Of.” My reasons for writing have always been pretty deep, mainly fame, fortune and being able to afford a personal chef so I don’t have to cook for my family one day.

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning:

Who’s breathing on me?

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

Right now, it’s probably the baby climbing in the tub and turning it on while I’m trying to leave your readers with something worthwhile.

Nope, never mind. He was actually throwing the entire new bottle of body wash in the toilet. I’ll be heading to the grocery store after this.

Three websites you visit every day:

Sadly, and without fail, Pinterest, Twitter, Facebook.

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

I went to an entrepreneurial camp when I was a senior in high school. I rode on a bus to Iowa where I learned how to make a business plan and open up a nightclub. I found that business plan in a box the other day. Every floor of the club was supposedly going to be made of glass and not result in some sort of tragedy. I think the point here is that I can make a really shoddy business plan.

Favorite place to be?

Home. I love to travel, but I’m happiest on my couch, reading and drinking.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

That’s a tough one. I think there should be something governing how long someone can wait for your parking spot. It takes me an hour to get three kids buckled in their car seats. I’m sorry, anonymous person idling in your Hummer.

What TV show would you want to appear on?

Hands down, Conan. I’ve wanted to meet him since I was a kid. If I ever make it on there, I’m giving you a shout out.

Best and worst things I could find in your refrigerator right now?

There’s wine and a bowl of strawberries I got all domesticated and cut up the other day. There’s also a Tupperware of baked ziti I wouldn’t open if I were you.

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

I wish you’d asked me how renovations on the house are going. Because I would’ve said, “They’re going really great, Abby. I just painted our crappy backsplash and now it looks a little less crappy. I’m really proud of that. Thanks for asking.”

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How Being a Writer is Like Being a Parent

It’s no secret that the extent of my maternal skills is having a garden, and seeing as how I’m already tired of taking care of it after two months, I know that I’ll never have kids.

But most people I know do have kids, so it’s not like I’m a stranger to the toils and troubles that most parents face. Given what they say on a regular basis, I realized that being a writer isn’t all that different from being a parent at times.

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Deadlines are Seen as Suggestions

Writer: I send out an email that the deadline for copy is Sept. 1, and more often than not I’ll get an email Sept. 1 that says, “When is the deadline? Can I send it to you next week?”

Parent: Stating that bedtime is at 8 p.m. more often than not means negotiations start at 7:59 with, “What time is it? Can I just go to bed when I’m tired…three hours from now?”

Going Viral

Writer: This can be a good thing because something you wrote was seen by thousands of people on the Internet. On the other hand, it can also mean some of those people make it their mission to be crappy and (try to) make your life miserable.

Parent: Going “viral” means someone is sick and things literally get crappy, making your life miserable.

Everyone Gives You Advice

Writer: One “expert” says the best way to write is to research and plan it all out, while another “expert” says to just start writing and let inspiration guide you.

Parent: One “expert” says to plan out your child’s every movement, while another “expert” says to just let them be kids and make sure that they don’t maim themselves.

Note: Either way, someone will tell you you’re doing it wrong.

You Brag

Writer: After working hard on something you’re proud of, it’s natural to want to share it will ALL the land because everyone should love it as much as you do. However, everyone will not love it as much as you do, and at times you’re rather annoying.

Parent: After your kid does something no one has EVER done before—like started school, ate a snack or said something cute—it’s natural to want to share it with ALL the land because everyone should love your kid as much as you do. However, everyone will not love your child as much as you do, and at times you’re rather annoying.

Sleep is Never the Same

Writer: You lie awake in the middle of the night, worried that you will NEVER be creative again, or conversely, because you had a great idea that you absolutely had to write down.

Parent: You lie awake in the middle of the night, either worried about your offspring or because of your offspring waking you up to get them a glass of water they will forget that wanted a mere two minutes later.

Grammar Police

Writer: While you hate to perpetuate a stereotype, you at least mentally correct the grammar of those you’re around and people who know “there,” “their” and “they’re” get metaphorical gold stars every day.

Parent: No sweetheart, every time someone says, “I could care less” when they mean, “I couldn’t care less,” Santa Claus steals from cute kittens.

You Need Thick Skin

Writer: You’re rejected more often than not, and thick skin is required (as are soft pillows for when you bang your head on your desk in despair, hypothetically speaking.)

Parent: Kids hold nothing back. If you’re ugly or smell, they’ll tell you you’re ugly and smell. There’s nowhere to hide.


In both instances, there is often whining and wine, a sense that you’re usually underappreciated and that what you say is completely ignored most of the time.

But at the end of the day, you would do it all over again because the joys infinitely outweigh the pains. And if even one person loves what you create—even if that one person is only you—it makes it all worthwhile.

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My Life is Headline News

Needless to say, the closest I’ll come to having a reality show is if they’re looking to make a montage of someone walking into a room, forgetting why she went in there and walking back out a few times.

Considering the kinkiest part of my weekend was wrestling with the garden hose for 15 minutes, I’m not exactly making headline news with my adventures. But that doesn’t mean I can’t still provide you with some more headlines from my house.

Woman reenacts, ‘Eat. Pray. Love.’ minus the last two things

Chickpea dropped on office floor. Memorial services pending

Missed Connection: You were the hot shirtless jogger who said “hi.” I was the one who waved back with a bag full of dog poop. Look me up.

Group formed to mandate drug testing ‘Price Is Right’ contestants, claiming, ‘No one is naturally that excited about anything.’

Weather: High was 80 degrees. Low was eating a piece of broccoli that fell out of my shirt

Local dentist offers hygienists comfortable with silence for additional fee

On the next episode of ‘Naked & Afraid': Abby sees a spider in the shower

Invitation stating, ‘Regrets Only,’ sent note: ‘My hair throughout most of the ’90s.’

Chipmunk runs into leg, screams and runs away; Suspect assumed to be male, given victim’s history with the opposite sex

Studies show easiest way to get out of ‘Reply All’ email cycle is to toss computer out window and start a new life

Writer wins $2 on scratch-off lotto ticket, says ‘I promise not to let it change who I am.’

Trending in fashion: ‘I look okay enough to go to Walmart, but not to go to Target’

Woman uses kitchen shears to actually cut food and not open a box; offered Food Network show

Breaking News: Windshield not a force field of invisibility. People see you picking your nose

Motion to rename store ‘Bed, Bath & Beyond My Budget’ denied

Suspected tricks up woman’s sleeve confirmed to be just scented fabric softener sheet

Newest social media craze revealed: 1) Leave your house 2) Talk to real people

Analysts predict most effective retirement plan is cashing in swear jar on desk

Beauty Tip: Save 20 minutes on morning beauty routine by not having morning beauty routine

Compilation video from ATM security footage of woman rocking out in car sold to YouTube for pennies

For 1,356,305th week in a row, Saturday wins award for “Best Day of the Week”

Woman danced like nobody was watching. Got asked to leave store because ‘Scaring the other shoppers’

Writer pulls muscle in chest. No swelling. Great disappointment.

Your turn. What’s one headline from your life?

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Nicole Leigh Shaw Has Issues

Friday means another blogger sharing their issues!

Today is none other than the Ninja Mom herself, Nicole Leigh Shaw. So without further ado, I’m going to let her take over because, well, she’s a ninja. You never mess with a ninja.

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Name: Nicole Leigh Shaw

Blog: Well, that’s a bit tricky. I started blogging, publicly, as NinjaMomBlog.com. I still do. But, I’ve recently launched NicoleLeighShaw.com, because it turns out I’m not only interested in writing about mommy things. Who knew?

Where, what and why do you write?

Why? Because I’m an incurable egotist who likes the metaphoric sound of her own voice. That’s the truth of it. The shine I like to put on it is that I might have things to write about that are interesting to other people. This proves to be true, some of the time.

I write essay-style humor and internet-friendly humor and even mime humor. I derive a certain pleasure from making fun of mimes. In fact, the more humor you write, the more you realize there are particular punch lines you can’t let go of. Mimes feature more than they should.

Also, dead pet jokes. I write a lot of those. Particularly about the unflushability of certain pets, say, ferrets. You can flush a goldfish, not so a ferret. This amuses me. It’s probably a topic my therapist would like to hear more about, but for now I let it play out in my humor writing.

Specifically, I currently write for NickMom.com, WeAreTeachers.com, Moms.FortWayne.com (as well as their print incarnation), Swimmingly.com, Mamalode.com, InThePowderRoom.com, and have written for Fandango’s Family Room and I don’t even know where else but if someone owes me a paycheck, would you kindly pay me?

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

First thing? I’ve never noticed. Gosh, what would be a great answer here? “I think about how I can put out positive energy for the day and end each night as a better person.” The truth is that I probably think about the Keurig.

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

Professionally, I need a benefactor who will provide me a house-cleaning and babysitting stipend while I write. Not available on Craigslist. I’ve looked.

Personally, I have a nagging feeling I’ll have to initiate the sex talk with my oldest soon, because despite my telepathic messages “just ask me point-blank and I’ll tell you!” she seems to be waiting until her wedding night when I will be forced to tell her about things like “penetration.”

Three websites you visit every day.

NickMom.com, where I can see that all of my writer colleagues have been so very much funnier than I am.

Does Facebook count?

I’m not really good at consistency, truth be told. I visit different sites every day. I like Swimmingly.com lately, because the writing is sharp, and no I don’t mean my own writing, but sure, that too. I also like to hit up Medium, which is always loaded with thinky pieces. But, mainly, I use the Internet like a cat uses chopsticks.

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

I can contort my tongue into three little folds. I’m not the only one, but it’s not like there’s a ton of tri-fold tongues running around out there. I also have only one-and-a-half toenails, but I hardly call that a talent or an accomplishment.

Favorite place to be?

Home, mostly. Unless it’s filthy, which it usually is. So, someone else’s home.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

Well, there’d be very clear signs indicating that you can make a left turn on red if you’re turning onto a one-way road because that always makes me break out in nervous sweats. Turn, don’t? Wait for green? Why is this so hard?

What TV show would you want to appear on?

Can I pick none? Unless I can magically become a dancer with years and years of training, then I’ll be on “So You Think You Can Dance.”

Best and worst things I could find in your refrigerator right now?

All relative. Am I PMSing? Then the best thing in my fridge is cheese and dips for things, including more cheese. If I’m not PMSing, then it’s the veggies. I have a fair amount of veggies and fruits and also Greek yogurt, because if the current yogurt-marketing machine is to be believed, Greek yogurt cures everything from cancer to plantar warts.

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

I wish you had asked me if you could give me money. I would have said “yes.”

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P.S.  I have some good posts lined up for next week. If you don’t want to miss anything, be sure to subscribe here on the blog and/or follow me on Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest.

Kim from “Let Me Start By Saying” Has Issues

It’s Friday, so that means another blogger is spilling their issues.

Considering she has a massively popular Facebook page and writes everywhere from NickMom to The Huffington Post, you’ve probably seen her before. However, you’ve never seen her HERE, promising fruit, so buckle up and get to know Kim.

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Name: Kim Bongiorno

Blog: Let Me Start By Saying

Where, what and why do you write?

I write in a hermetically-sealed Lady Cave I created in my home. It is basically a cube of notebooks, old books, writing books, one zillion pens and pencils and scraps of paper I jot ideas on and toss in there whenever I pass by.

Unlike some organized people (what an adorable concept!), I don’t have a rhyme or reason to my writing. I’ve written a complete Young Adult novel and a partial Women’s fiction one. My normal schtick is humor–mostly parenting–but I kind of just do whatever comes to mind. It’s fun listening to all the voices in my head. Luckily I have a very calm-looking face, or else I’d have been locked up a long time ago. I don’t think I have any other choice than to be a writer.

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

Cripes on a cracker someone get me coffee RIGHT NOW.

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

The lack of soundproof walls in my home. I really need to work on that. Or for school to start sooner than later. Once of those things.

Three websites you visit every day.

1. Facebook, to see what’s going on in the world and hopefully read a new dirty joke that will make me laugh first thing in the morning.

2. IMDB, for my goal in life is to have as much useless Real Life information as possible stored in this little golden head of mine.

3. PicMonkey, where I make useful graphics for my blog or social media, as well as stupid memes I only share with friends because wasting time is why the Internet was created.

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

I can wiggle my eyes and do the splits. At the same time.

Favorite place to be?

At home on the couch in my office reading a real, physical book in the middle of the day during a quiet moment when my kids are out of earshot and hopefully not bleeding from the head.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

Free weekly massages and monthly pedicures for everyone, always. And capes would totally come back in fashion (I would wear a sparkly silver one–like, really bedazzled).

What TV show would you want to appear on?

I have a 3-way tie for SNL, The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon and Late Night with Seth Meyers–but mostly because I want to hang out in the writer’s room. I’d do whatever they told me to do on the show, itself, to make this happen. Seriously, anything.

Best and worst things I could find in your refrigerator right now?

Best is cookie dough. I can make magic if I have ready-made sugar cookie dough on hand. Worst is the petrified once-was-foodstuffs that are rolling around in the three drawers. It scares me too much to actually clean it. Please stop making me think about it.

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

What will you do when you’re a multi-millionaire author of a slew of best-selling novels? I’ll buy a compound somewhere really quiet with a book store on one end and massive spa on the other end where all my friends can come and write, relax and laugh together whenever they need a break. Oh! And we’d have stand-up comics appear every night to keep us entertained. And the menu would be the same as The Cheesecake Factory’s. That is a MUST.

And yes, there will be lots of fresh avocados to entice you to join me.


She knows me so well! Now go click her links and get to know her better, but not in that creepy “wiggle the eyebrows while you say that”-type way. She is a married woman. But regardless, there will be cookies.

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You Don’t Have To

There’s a lot of guilt and obligation floating around both online and off. And while you don’t have to believe a word that I say—trust me, I don’t always believe these myself—just for today, try.

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You don’t have to hide your quirks. They make you unique.

You don’t have to drink coffee, and if you do, it doesn’t have to be designer Arabica beans or a $6 latte from Starbucks.

You don’t have to love a certain food because everyone else seems to love it. You can if you want, but do it for you. Not for any other reasons.

You don’t have to check your phone right this minute. Remember how life was a decade ago? Whatever it is can wait.

You don’t have to be the best parent, spouse or friend, but you do have to be there when those people need you.

You don’t have to love yoga or CrossFit or running. Try to be healthy, but be healthy for you. We all need to find out what works.

You don’t have to like everyone and everyone doesn’t have to like you.

You don’t have to cook complicated meals with a lot of ingredients. Microwaves were made for a reason.

You don’t have to make Pinterest-worthy desserts. Bakeries are there for a reason, as are Betty Crocker and Duncan Hines mixes.

You don’t have to pin a damn thing.

You don’t have to hide your successes, but it’s far more impressive when others discover your charm without you having to tell them.

You don’t have to tweet a damn thing.

You don’t have to be mean to be funny. In fact, you don’t have to be mean at all.

You don’t have to love your job. You don’t have to hate your job. But you should do a good job when your name and your rep are attached.

You don’t have to tell everything you know because you have a spare minute.

You don’t have to undervalue your strengths or overvalue your mistakes.

You don’t have to hide your scars. They show that you have survived.

You don’t have to take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.

You don’t have to write a book. You don’t have to read a book, but if you don’t, you’re missing out.

You do not have to complain each time you’re annoyed, but silent gratitude feels rather wasted.

You don’t have to love being a parent all the time. You don’t have to feel guilty for that.

You don’t have to complain about being a parent all the time. Nobody likes a martyr.

You don’t have to write if you really don’t want to, and when you do, write for yourself.

You don’t have to compare yourself to others. You are you. That is enough.

You don’t have to be inspirational—life isn’t unicorns and glitter—but everyone has their own junk. Try and provide some relief.

You don’t have to click on the link and read through. In fact, you can log off.

You don’t have to make the bed, fold the laundry or clean every day. A house is meant to be lived in.

You don’t have to have it all figured out. Nobody does, and you don’t have to believe them if they tell you they do.

You don’t have to take the road others have taken. Just make sure the path is your own.

And most of all, you don’t have to be the exception.

You are worthy of happiness in your life.

You are worthy of laughter, good food and good friends.

You are worthy of love and support.

You don’t have to do it alone.

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P.S.  I created a new “Illustrated Issues” tab to the top of my blog where I added some of the most popular images from Facebook and Twitter. Enjoy!

Kelley from ‘Kelley’s Break Room’ Has Issues

It’s Friday, which means it’s time to showcase another fabulous blogger’s issues. I’ve even added a tab up at the top so you can catch up because I’m super fancy like that.

But today, it’s all about Twitter queen Kelley.

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Name: Kelley Nettles

Blog: Kelley’s Break Room

Where, what and why do you write?

Where: Many times I write my posts out using the app on my iPhone. It’s sort of a pain, but it allows me to write things out while I’m in the car at a baseball practice or having my 6-year-old shine my shoes or something. If I’m not writing on that, I use my laptop and write while I’m watching The First 48 or The Bachelorette. That means that I stop and start a gazillion times and then fall asleep with my laptop charring my thighs.

What: I write about random things that happen to me or random observations, everything from Chinese foot massages to being stuck in The Home Depot forever.

Why: It’s part of my Witness Protection Program Agreement. If I can write things up to lead people to believe that I actually live this life, they’re less likely to recognize me as the Russian lady who shoplifted over 1,429,302 KitKats by hiding them in MC Hammer pants in a period of one month back in 1991.

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

“I hope my 6-year-old found something to eat for breakfast.” My 9-year-old is a pro at getting a bowl of cereal made or heating up a Toaster Strudel, but he sometimes leaves his brother hanging. This is probably because my 6-year-old is a little high maintenance. “I WANT EGGS ON TOAST” (a fried egg over buttered toast.) He thinks he’s a pharaoh.

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

That it is the middle of the summer and I still haven’t done half of the things on my “summer to do list”. It’s all cleaning and organizing and decorating related. This is the ugly side of life.

Three websites you visit every day.

Get ready to fall asleep. I visit Facebook, Gmail and chron.com (the Houston Chronicle website) every day. I have to visit that last one so that I can stay on the up and up about which convenience stores have been robbed. The Dollar General really got it handed to them recently. (Pretty sure The Dollar General needs to go back to boot camp and learn how to protect himself from thugs.)

Favorite place to be?

This one is a tough one. On the one hand, I want to say my favorite place to be is at my grandmother’s house while all the family is around and we are laughing or reminiscing or at a table playing Scrabble with my dad or floating down a river with my husband and boys, but the truth is that I really like being in front of a fully stocked refrigerator and freezer with a bib around my neck.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

I would totally make it illegal to steal things out of people’s cars and I would also make it illegal to break into their houses. That mess has got to stop.

Hold on minute. That’s already illegal? Well, I’ll be…

Okay, um, I would make it illegal for people to lightly tap me on the shoulder. Ohhhhhhh, I can’t stand that. I need a firm pressing of the shoulder or I need you to take a few steps back while I get in my Kung Fu stance.

What TV show would you want to appear on?

SNL, SNL, SNL. The freedom to act the fool and make crazy faces all night while getting paid THE BUCKS is almost intoxicating.

Best and worst things I could find in your refrigerator right now?

You should’ve asked me this yesterday when I cleaned out my refrigerator after being gone a week. If I had cleaned it before we left, I wouldn’t have found some really old broccoli gettin’ his stank on. The best thing you can find is Noosa yogurt. I am so in love with it. It is the best yogurt ever. We may elope.

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

I was hoping you’d ask me what I was thinking of RIGHT AT THIS VERY MINUTE. I would have told you that I was thinking about my brick mailbox. It leans slightly to the left. I was having visions of it being programmed to sing “Come on, Eileen” any time someone got near it. It would be on a motion sensor. The little door that you lift up and down to put mail in the mailbox would be the mailbox’s mouth. This would then result in mail people throwing our mail into our front yard in disgust day after day.

See? She’s hilarious. Be sure to check out her blog and her links. Who will be featured next week? You’ll just have to wait and see. (Jimmy Fallon, have your people call my people…that would be me.)

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