Tag Archives: blogging

What I’ve Learned from Blogging

Posted on March 25, 2013 | 59 Comments

Someone asked me how long I’ve been blogging, and just like when asked what my natural hair color is, I kind of blanked out. But long story short, I would say three or four years.

Over that time I’ve come to learn certain things, like I rarely make a long story short and how to make a picture bigger than a thumbnail (this took two years, people.) And while I know it’s boring to write about blogging, I thought I would share a few things I’ve learned (the first one evidently being I can write about whatever I want to.)

WHAT I’VE LEARNED FROM BLOGGING

Why I Write

I write because I have to. It gets me out of my head and makes me feel productive and creative and useful. When I feel I have nothing to say, I get pissy. When I get on a roll, I get almost annoyingly cheerful. I feel emotion, which is rare, and that’s how I know it’s important to me.

I Can Be Funny

I’ve learned it’s okay to be confident and I think I can be pretty funny. While that will never lead to fame and fortune, I like knowing I make someone laugh or think—even if it’s only my mom. Hi, Mom!

People Are Awesome

I can connect with a bazillion awesome people that I would never have met otherwise, and honestly, you people save my life. I never really thought I “needed” people, but I do. And to those who say “online friends” aren’t real, I will counter with the fact that if cyber bullying can and does exist, so can cyber connections.

So there.

You Can Click Away

Not everyone will like you and you won’t like everyone else. You don’t have to tell everyone all your opinions. People will disappoint you. Their blogs will change, they will sell out or maybe you’ll just grow apart. Don’t take it personally, and don’t begrudge them for choosing their path—even if that path is really annoying and lame.

Social Media Can Rock

On one hand, it’s awesome because you can connect with the bazillion awesome people I mentioned above. When I promote a post, it’s not for validation—it’s because I think you might like it and I want to share. And I love my blog’s Facebook page and comments because people interact and make me laugh or think. Muah! Big cyber air kiss!

Social Media Can Suck

But on the other hand, holy hell with the requests for retweets and sharing and a constant barrage of all the things! It’s come to the point where the writing is no longer enough. Now it’s about getting read, no matter what is written, and getting tweeted, pinned, Facebooked, etc. by the greatest number of people.

The end some posts read like a totem pole with eight different icons of where you can find the blogger who is so busy writing and building a brand that they don’t have time to read your blog but be sure to read theirs, share the post and vote for them in a contest!

No thanks. I don’t understand Instagram, Redditt, etc. and YouTube has a video of a turtle eating a raspberry that I’m pretty cool with.

See “click away” point up above.

It’s a Hobby

I get that there’s a constant blogging popularity contest going on, but when it comes to aggressively pimping myself out, I’ll pass.

It would be great to be able to make a living doing something I love, but not at the expense of authenticity or what minimal sanity I have left. I read blogs I enjoy. I don’t read blogs I don’t enjoy, even if they’re “OHMYGOD the most connected blogger ever.”

At the end of the day, there are millions of blogs out there and only so many eyes to read them, with even fewer dollars to support them. If you’re in it for the money, good luck with that.

I Can Only Be Me

I can be naive. I can be vulnerable. When I can’t write I stress out a bit, but only because I want to entertain you. Or more likely because I  had to wear a “real” bra for more than five hours, which is probably the reason. Let’s be honest.

But long story short, I have issues. So do you.

I’ve learned that that’s more than okay.

Like the blog? Buy the book.

What have you learned from writing or reading blogs?

→ 59 Comments

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged , , , , ,

Your Life Lessons

Posted on February 21, 2013 | 15 Comments

I meant it last post when I said that if I’ve learned anything, it’s that you people are funnier, smarter and saner than me.

Another thing I’ve learned is that most people don’t come back to read the comments, and considering everyone should know to never try to brush a cat’s teeth—thank you for that one, Dana—I’ve compiled another list of life lessons as added by you guys on that Life Lessons post.

Enjoy (and check out their blogs if I linked to them.)

Your Life Lessons

Robyn: Never underestimate a young child’s enthusiasm for discussing bodily function in public. Also, never assume that the doctor will knock before coming in the room when you’re putting on your paper gown – change fast.

Fishducky: Don’t sweat the small stuff, and it’s almost ALL small stuff!

Crazy As Normal: 1) Double check the smart-ass reply you are sending via email is really going to just your friend and not “Reply All.” 2) You should always check and make sure you locked the door in a public restroom. 3) If you forget how many days are in a month, you can count on your knuckles.

Heather: From the wrapper of the Dove milk chocolate square I just ate while reading this post: “It’s ok to slow down”.

Basia: 1) Write love letters, and not just to a guy. To your friends, parents, old English teachers, yourself. 2) Never watch Criminal Minds when you’re home alone at night. 3) Pet a dog. Seriously, it’s 99 percent of the reason I still haven’t been locked up in the loony bin.

Estelle: No one is getting any younger and life’s end result is the same for all of us.

Hazlnutt: 1) Always use spell check and 2) It doesn’t matter if you are right.

Jacquie: Two permutations on a theme — Live and let live and don’t judge others lest you want to be judged by them. I know both are old, but there does seem at least to me for there to be some merit in them.

Alex: I’m just going to quote Kurt Vonnegut who is like, WAY wiser than me and who said, “God damnit, you’ve got to be kind.” I try to be, mostly, except for when I’m not. Still…good advice.

Counting Ducks: “The wisest man is often the one who moves the least.” Unless he’s sleeping or too fat, in which case the saying doesn’t work.

Gia: You can make delicious brownies. Just read the directions first. Measuring cups are your friends.

Liz: There is no advance without adversity.

Kim: 1) Swans hate children very much, and will attack them. 2) If you laugh at your brother getting attacked by a swan, you will get grounded. 3) It is much easier to judge someone and hate them, than listen to them and love them.

Jen: Don’t grab a goat by his horns. Also, never wear black hose with white shoes. It’s just bad.

Katie: 1) When you think something is a bad idea, it probably is. 2) Don’t be afraid to let go of a toxic friend just because you have known them for a long time. 3) Oh, and don’t expect to have a clean house when you have kids…it WILL not happen and you will just be disappointed.

Rach: There is power in looking silly and not caring that you do.

Phil: You got a brain, use it. Go outside and play – at least 10 minutes a day – no matter the weather (although if it’s flooding/ blizzard you might want to adjust that a bit?)

Theresa: You have to fall down to grow up.

Alison: I before E except after C or when sounded as A as in neighbor and weigh. Plus some other exceptions that they don’t have rhymes for.

Paige: If the Tupperware has been sitting in the back of the fridge for more than six months, cut your losses and throw it out. What waits inside is worse than most nightmares.

Carrie: Treating others how they’d like to be treated sometimes goes over way better than treating others as you’d like to be treated.

Julia: All you really HAVE to do is breathe—everything else is optional.

Eva: If the package says four servings, it probably means two.

I love you people.

The end.

Like the blog? Buy the book.

P.S. Feel free to add more to the list.

→ 15 Comments

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged , ,

I’m a Fixer

Posted on February 7, 2013 | 16 Comments

I’ve been trying to come up with some sort of introspective post for the past couple of weeks, simply to balance out the snark and also drain my over-cluttered brain.

However, I keep coming back to the same things I’ve written before, so instead I’ve been journaling and curling up in the fetal position on my couch, keeping warm with a blanket of professional and emotional rejection slips and cat hair.

But I also came across this post that I wrote right around this time last year. It struck a chord and fits things right now so accurately, that for the first time ever I’m reposting something (and promise my next post is lighter.) 

Maybe someone can relate.

I’m a fixer.

Home improvements aside, if I see something that’s off in any way I have the urge to try and make it better. But there are certain things I just can’t fix, and it frustrates me to no end.

When I was little, the fact that my mom was in a full body cast or gone for weeks at a time for surgery was completely normal to me. I thought the X-rays showing all the hardware in her back and neck were neat, and we had a kick-ass collection of braces and medical stuff to use when my friends and I played around.

But as I got older, I realized that despite the fact that she tried to keep everything normalized, my mom was in pain. All the time. She still is. The realization that there was nothing I could do to make it go away left me feeling helpless. All the time. I still do.

At some point you realize that things happen to you and happen around you that can’t be fixed.

And it’s not your job to fix them.

I bring this up because there seems to be a string of pretty crappy things happening to those around me lately, and it feels like every day I’m confronted with another story that proves we all have “something” that we’re dealing with that’s out of our control.

There’s no greater feeling of helplessness than to know that someone you care about is sick, financially strapped, in pain—physically or emotionally—or let’s be honest, dying.

I think a lot of people unintentionally ignore these things at times, not because they don’t care, but simply because they can’t “fix” them and have no clue how to react. Those who are sick or aging aren’t necessarily the same people we’ve known them to be, and selfishly, we want them to be the people they were before they got sick, before they got old, before they became so… mortal.

The realization that things will never be the same—and that you can’t fix it as such—is enough to make you stress yourself out in an attempt to save the world or conversely stay at home curled up in a ball, not dealing with it at all.

But just as much as you don’t want to deal with it, I can guarantee that the person who is sick or struggling doesn’t want to deal with it a million times more—but they do, often with courage and grace.

I think that in and of itself can be intimidating, the fact that you are lucky enough to be in a comparatively better position. The strength of those who aren’t can be inspiring beyond belief, but it can also make us question how we would be if faced with such a challenge.

It takes courage to face the unknown, but it’s much easier to do so when you’re on the right side of the coin, to be the one who has a choice.

But the fact is that as strong as they are or appear to be, they’re probably still scared. So we put the guilt aside for wanting them to be the people they were before they got sick, before they got old, before they became so…mortal—because at their core, they are the same people.

And you know what?

They know that you can’t fix things, and most don’t expect you to. They have no choice but to deal the hand they were dealt, and sometimes they just want you to hold that hand.

They don’t want to do it alone.

That’s one thing I—and you—can fix.

Like the blog? Buy the book.

→ 16 Comments

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged , , , , , ,

Perpetuating Stereotypes

Posted on January 31, 2013 | 90 Comments

Everyone blogs for different reasons, but like anything else there are certain stereotypes that exist. While they most certainly don’t hold true for everyone, there’s a reason the stereotype developed—because it’s true in one way or another.

So without further ado, I present my list of stereotypical bloggers.

Mommy Bloggers

Forget Bigfoot. The most elusive creature on the planet is a mommy blogger who never mentions wine—needing wine, drinking wine, cooking with wine so they can drink and eat the wine, etc.

They’ll tell you they’re doing all this drinking in sweatpants and dirty shirts because they haven’t had time to shower in three days. However, they have the time to take a picture of their dirty house/adorable children that make them lose their mind, blog about not having time to shower and then promote their daily blog post—which is usually some sort of infographic— on Twitter/Facebook 212 times a day.

They also run in a pack mentality, so beware. Do not incite the Mommy Blogger or say anything as I just did above. They will attack. Then drink wine.

The Apologetic Blogger

About 75 percent of this blogger’s posts involve him or her apologizing for not posting more often. At one point this blogger probably posted more frequently before life suddenly got in the way and blogging fell by the wayside.

Note: While readers might have been concerned, the world went on without your posts. No apologies for living your life.

Food Bloggers

Posts from these culinary paparazzi will start out with something like, “THIS just happened” or “Look what I made you!” followed by a picture of something they didn’t eat because it took them 57 tries to perfect the shot before plastering text of the recipe name over the image so people can “pin” it.

You might go there for a recipe, but you will end up with a 500-word backstory about the creation of the “best thing EVER” and 12 pictures of the dish in various stages of spilling before getting to the ingredients and reader comments about how they’re “drooling” and/or “licking the screen” and “trying to stab the picture with a fork.”

The Expert

This self-proclaimed guru will tell you how to succeed at blogging and social media despite any credible research, credentials or data to support their theories other than spending 10 hours a day online. They often sound like a used car salesman with SEO keywords and links back to other “expert” social media bloggers.

Don’t forget to tweet, Facebook and share all their posts.

Fiction Bloggers

A visit to this blog cannot be random/infrequent and still make sense, as they most often post pieces of whatever fiction they’re working on at the time. It’s like opening up a book to a random chapter and expecting things to make sense.

Thoughtful and endlessly tortured, these bloggers are always writing the Next Great American Novel and searching for “concrit,” or constructive criticism. They join various writing groups of people who are also writing the Next Great American Novel and together in gangs they will often solicit your vote for whatever contest they’re entering to help them become the author of the Next Great American Novel.  

Health and Fitness Bloggers

Even though health and fitness are the focus of the blog, it often seems like a cult. They have their own language that includes things like “WOD” (Workout of the Day) and “WIAW” (What I Ate Wednesday) and seem to sustain their energy for hours of strenuous exercise through protein pancakes, odd Greek yogurt concoctions (sent to them by sponsors) and “healthy” versions of things that in no way resemble the “thing.”

Note: You did not make “healthy” chicken nuggets out of rice. You made rice in the shape of a nugget.

They’re called “motivational” in the comments and prove it by posting endless inspirational posters and self-portraits and ending every conversation with a hashtag #fitfanatic #paleoprincess

Humor Bloggers

Easily distracted by shiny things, these neurotic bloggers excel in shorter formats like Twitter and Facebook where one-liners are easier to form than whole blog posts. However, they still blog to a) make people laugh and b) mask their disappointment and insecurity over never getting “discovered” or picked to co-write an episode of “30 Rock” with Tina Fey.

They’re frustrated, but they laugh to keep from crying. And a lot of them were probably dropped on their head as a kid. There can be no other good explanation. 

*Now remember that there are dozens of funny, rational moms who blog and talented food bloggers, for example. We’re generalizing here, people.

Except with the humor bloggers.

That part is mostly all true.

Like the blog? Buy the book.

→ 90 Comments

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged , , , , , ,

It’s the Little Things

Posted on January 27, 2013 | 27 Comments

We’ve all had those days when nothing monumentally bad happens, but yet there are a bunch of little things that simply make you want to absolutely lose your shit, so to speak.

so-not-funny-i-forgot-to-not-laugh

Big picture? They’re not a big deal.

Small picture in that moment? The straw that broke the camel’s back. The last thing you need. THE BIGGEST DEAL EVER!

Let’s begin, perhaps with someone overusing CAPITAL LETTERS and exclamation points!!!

Anyway, I love my hooded sweatshirts. When it’s freezing outside and I want to pretend I’m a turtle with the option to retract myself back into my shell, the hood serves as my delusional means of escape. Plus, it’s warm.

But there are times when the string of my hoodie will mysteriously disappear into the depths of the hood itself. Sound the alarm! Call in the rescue squad! This is a traumatic turn of events, as it will then require me to somehow try and manipulate the string back to the opening through the use of tweezers and profanity.

By the time I prove myself as a hoodie hero and restore balance to my universe through the miraculous string rescue, I’m exhausted and ready to retreat back into the comfort of my cotton cocoon. I think I should start a support group.

Let’s journey down to the other end of the clothing spectrum and the socks I’ve already shamed.

If you’ve ever worn snow boots outside, you know the scenario. You come in, try and slip your boots off and move on with your life and find that your sock has been swallowed up into the depths of the boot. Of course you discover this when you pull out your foot and step down into the pile of snow that your boot has just left on the floor.

The only thing that makes this situation worse is when you go to put your sock back on and discover you have a jagged little piece of toenail that gets stuck on a string inside of the sock, creating a painful, snag-filled scenario or a new hole in the sock and your sanity.

Sigh…let’s move on.

Like most people, I enjoy a hot shower. What I don’t enjoy is turning off the water of said shower, discovering that although I’ve just spent 10 minutes in the direct stream of water I’ve neglected to rinse out my shampoo and that I also forgot to put a new towel on the rack.

The cat is no help, as you know.

Then there’s this food situation, and for me, anything that involves food is usually a highly-serious “situation” not to be messed with. There’s nothing more disappointing than cutting into an avocado and discovering that it’s a) 50 percent pit or b) bruised beyond belief. This can apply to other fruits and vegetables as well, but it will usually only happen to the one item you were REALLY looking forward to eating at that exact moment.

Put down the sharp kitchen objects and slowly back away from the counter. It’s not worth it.

And while I could add a million and 12 different technology-related items to this short list, I will narrow it down to leaving a very long and insightful/witty comment on a blog only to be confronted with a captcha. Not just any captcha, but one that completely resets the page—erasing your comment in the process—every time you fail the captcha (one that looks like an impossible Rorschach test, I might add.)

Adding insult to injury? Having to look up how to spell “captcha” in order to complain about it. At that point, it’s the straw that broke the camel’s back. The last thing you need. THE BIGGEST DEAL EVER!

Just take a deep breath and retreat into your hoodie. Everything will probably work out—except that flipping captcha.

Like the blog? Buy the book.

→ 27 Comments

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged , , , , , , ,

Winter Wonder Word Search

Posted on December 26, 2012 | 13 Comments

Hello dear friends and readers!

I hope you had a lovely Christmas, Festivus, Hanukkah, Kwanza or regular old week in your worlds. Mine was lovely and very low-key and involved a “Too Cute” marathon on Animal Planet at my mom’s and a “No Reservations” marathon at home.

I asked for an electric can opener that I received, so that was exciting and another avenue in which I can probably maim myself in the kitchen. My mom cried at the donation to Muttville and new humidifier I got her and we did our annual holiday dance of, “You did too much” and “Just shut up and say thank you without being such a witch.”

It’s tradition.

Anyway, because most of you are still out celebrating while others of us are back at work—but mostly because I really have nothing else funny to say—I figured it was a good time to share another “Word Search” post in these parts.

To the uninitiated, I get some very random, often humorous yet disturbing search terms that lead to my blog. Sometimes I can tell which post might have led them there, but sometimes I’m completely confused.

For example, I’m not sure what it means that “midget goat porn” has shown up in the list, but I assume it’s not favorable for me. Actually, it’s not very favorable for whoever is Googling “midget goat porn.”

But without further ado, let’s begin (my notes in the parenthesis.)

Walking in a Winter Wonder Word Search

  • Gordon Ramsay yells at a girl about mashed potatoes that can kill you
  • Foods found in the freezer “sextion”
  • I’m stuck inside a snow globe with a gnome
  • Which one of my personalities offends you?
  • I’d rather sit in my bed without a bra on (Who wouldn’t?)
  • Skinny squirrel as an Elvis impersonator
  • I am Sylvia Plath in a thong
  • Homemade pellet gun traps for unicorns (Creative hobby, I suppose)
  • Look at that bitch eating her crackers
  • I find peace when I’m confused (I am a very peaceful person)
  • I’m allergic to stupidity so I break out in sarcasm
  • Good grammar is hot
  • Melissa Rivers looks like Steven Tyler (So, so true)
  • Hamsters using nunchucks (This needs to be a reality show)
  • I would exercise but it makes me spill my drink
  • Epileptic cardio machine (a very unfortunate typo on their part)
  • Jump into a taxi and yell “Mascara is evil!”
  • Squirrels at dentist’s office in race cars (Again, I need to see this)
  • At Christmas we sit around a dead tree and eat things out of an old sock
  • My pet raccoon has sneezing spells. What’s wrong with him?
  • The popcorn you make in your pants (ironically found under the search term, “things to be grateful for”)

Although I’ve never made popcorn in my pants and am pretty confident I never will, I am grateful for this blog and all of my readers who have become my friends—even weirdos who arrived here by Googling “Polish banana clips.”

Now it’s back to work and then opening every can in my house with my new electric can opener, giving thanks the creepy “Elf on a Shelf” is gone for a year and prying the cat off the ceiling after hiding the “Xtreme Catnip” Santa Paws brought.

‘Tis the season, my friends!

Like the blog? Buy the book.

 

→ 13 Comments

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged , , , ,

Step By Step

Posted on November 30, 2012 | 15 Comments

I hate when I overthink stairs.

It’s not that I’m incapable of general motor skills, but sometimes I neglect to literally take it one step at a time and end up with a bruised shin or my heart in my throat when that extra step isn’t there at the bottom or top.

Please. Like you’ve never done it.

But because metaphors sound fancy and I’m nothing if not fancy—isn’t life a little like stairs? Not in the sense that it’s a pain to clean with a Swiffer, but in that it’s a series of ups and downs and overthinking the most basic things can leave you tangled up or even in pain.

Let’s explore.

I’m sure I’m the only one who has noticed, but I haven’t been sharing quite as many serious and “introspective” posts as I used to. I’ve vented to (myself and) friends about my health and exercise issues, feeling stuck with my writing and work and just life, blah, blah, blah, but I haven’t published that here.

It’s not that I’ve given up on mindfulness or that my depression has magically lifted—let me assure you I haven’t and it hasn’t—but I started to think I was dwelling on things instead of looking for ways to dig out.

When I dwell and keep saying the same things I’ve said, it leads to getting stuck in the negative, withdrawing from reality and trapping me in an endless loop of questions without sufficient answers.

I’m not saying talking and working through depression or problems is bad—the complete opposite is true—and I still plan on writing about more serious things here and there because a) I’m selfish and need the support and it helps me find some meaning in my experience and b) if someone else can find meaning as well, then that makes it all worth my while.

Plus, I’m still an introspective thinker who overshares, so there’s that.

But instead of analyzing everything, I want to notice that it is what it is and then get on with my life.

My “issues” are still glaringly there, but it doesn’t feel quite as natural to dwell on them. Maybe it’s simply avoidance, but maybe I’m just getting bored with that crap and want a new story to tell.

Lately that story is lighter and fun, at least what I publicly show, and a few twisted minds keep encouraging me. Because of this, I’ve found myself feeling a little more snarky, a little more willing to laugh and admit that some things just might make me happy—even when the joy they inspire doesn’t immediately register. 

It’s not a cure, it’s not an answer to any of the questions I have and it sure as heck isn’t helping to pay any bills, but it’s better than just feeling stuck.

And it’s most certainly a positive step forward—one that I won’t overthink.

Like the blog? Buy the book.

My next post? Shower curtain liners. Prepare to have your mind blown.

→ 15 Comments

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged , , , , , , ,

A Thank You Note

Posted on November 15, 2012 | 28 Comments

I actually had another post ready to go, but you’ll have to wait a couple days to be mildly amused or disappointed. Why, you ask?

Because I realized it’s been almost one year since I released my humble little book, and decided to ramble reflect on the past year instead.

First of all, I want to thank each and every person who ever bought it, tweeted about it, sent me a note/picture about it or even used it as a coaster for beer. You have no idea how humbling it was when you did this, and I’m still amazed that anyone cares what I say.

But for those who don’t know the story, I didn’t self-publish this book to try and make money, as that is a laughable notion.

No, I wanted a collection of my words I could hold in my hand and give to my mom for a Christmas present. She’s my biggest fan, and I wanted to make sure that I didn’t accidentally delete my blog in a fit of frustrated rage and lose a compelling account of my Tooth Fairy campaign.

I also published it so I could share my crazy view on things and maybe make you laugh, smile or feel a bit more normal. I decided that if you invested a little bit of time and money into reading it, I would give a little bit of time and money back by donating all the profits to the local Humane Society.

You can read about all that over here, so I won’t rehash the whole thing.

All I can say is that a year later, I’m still proud I took the chance when I did. It was a lot of work, but seeing the look on my mom’s face when I gave it to her and when we got to deliver the goods to the Humane Society was priceless, as are the comments I still get today.

With that said, I can’t help but wonder what’s next.

The last year of blogging has taught me so much—about myself, about others, about writing, about life—but there are many times when I feel like maybe I’ve said everything I want to say. More often than not I’ll think, “I should blog about that!” only to realize I wrote up that post just last year.

After three years it gets hard to keep churning things out, but the reason I put pressure on myself is simply because I need something — something that makes me feel creative, makes me feel wanted, that connects me to people who feel the same way.

True, some days I want to delete the damn thing, and maybe some day that will happen. But for now, I still kind of like it and am sticking around for a bit.

And to answer the question I get once in awhile, yes, I’ve thought about doing another book. I think I’ve defined my voice and perhaps even stepped up my game since the last book came out. But I also feel like maybe that (sales) ship has sailed and I really hate self-promotion, which is kind of important with things.

Plus, I’ve already used the one picture I have for the cover on the first one, so there’s that.

Anyway, this whole long ramble is to sincerely thank you for your support this past year—not just with the book, but with the blog and with me as a person. I know readers and blogs come and go, and I am truly thankful for those who are with me today.

That’s as mushy as I get. Now it’s your turn.

Who do you think needs a thank you? I don’t care if it’s the inventor of the OveGlove (genius!) or the nice person who told you there was a fabric softener sheet sticking out of the ass of your pants. Let’s give thanks.

→ 28 Comments

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged , , , , , ,

A Season of Change

Posted on September 9, 2012 | 55 Comments

The quote below has always been one of my favorites, but until recently I never really put it much into practice.

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It’s one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it’s another to think that yours is the only path” ~ coehlo

This is where I tell you if you’re here for grocery cart drama or drunk nuns, you should probably skip over this post, as I’m going to philosophize a bit. If you choose to stick around, buckle up (and quit rolling your eyes.)

I’m making changes—not just empty, sweeping declarations — and it all comes down to one word:

Why?

Why am I doing what I’m doing? Why am I living a life that is full of disconnect between my authentic beliefs and the seemingly contradictory actions that follow? Why is my mind full of things that really don’t matter to me, but that I tell myself still do? 

555704_4426353217087_1577550058_n Insecurity can lead me to look outside of myself for guidance, validation and the way things have to be done. Heck, even when I look inside myself at times, I often smother the rational voice in favor of familiarity, distraction and ease.

Needless to say, this struggle is stressful and damaging. It’s been more than a decade of severe depression, exercise addiction and living each day waiting for the one answer that would change things, make things right, make me happy and content with my life.

It’s been a decade of survival, of “retreating into intellectualizing everything and just being a quiet observer of life rather than fully immersing myself in it,” as a wise woman once shared.

The problem is that through all my searching, I never found that “one” answer I needed, but rather the answers for somebody else. Trying to hold myself up to some conflicting standard I’ve imposed is really the source of my struggle and imbalance.

So I come back to the question of “Why?”

Why haven’t I let go of false assumptions, limiting beliefs and habits that don’t serve me? Why can’t I forget who I was yesterday, last year or a decade ago? Why can’t I let myself be the person I feel I should be? Well, I can and I will.

But in order for a new beginning, there needs to be an ending.

The old behavior —we all know what that is — must be faced and renounced. I have to cut ties with what no longer serves me other than causing me (self-inflicted) imbalance. But before I can let go completely, the way has to be paved for a new one. I want to feel relief at releasing that burden and experience it as the start of something new, not the loss of something important.

That all sounds fine and dandy, now doesn’t it?

Well, don’t kid yourself. Sure, the whole, “enlightenment and peace” package sounds great, but the “release the chains of exercise, mindless computer time, comfortable routines, isolation and basically everything you’ve come to know as an adult” thing sounds like a pain in the ass. As maladaptive as it is, I’ve become extremely comfortable with being uncomfortable.

But you know what?

My answers will always be out of sync until I start living an authentic life, until I surround myself with like-minded people and things that honor my (true) interests and not those of my ego. I’ve dipped my toe in in the past, but it’s time to jump in with both feet. 

And no, this isn’t going to suddenly become a vegan Buddhist blog completely void of sarcastic rambles and snark. I like to keep things lighter here, and plus, I’m a smartass. But there will be some changes on my end and I’m refocusing the time that I spend to align with the things I want healing and filling my body and mind.

I have a lot to say, and this is the place I can say it (not this post though, as it’s already ridiculously long.) I will still be here blogging as I forge this path of change, bastard groundhogs, vegan lifestyle, Buddha and spending the day watching nuns and seniors in wheelchairs dirty dance with an Elvis impersonator (spoiler alert: that’s my next post.)

Why?

Because what we resist persists, and I don’t want to resist anymore. Plus, I have issues. We all do.

Like the blog? Buy the book.

→ 55 Comments

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

Love Letters

Posted on August 27, 2012 | 28 Comments

We’ve all had those days when every piece of mail or email you open is a bill or reminds you that people are nothing if relentlessly tedious.

When those things happen, I know there’s always one place I can go to feel loved, to feel respected and cherished by those who might stop by my blog—the SPAM folder.

Or, as I prefer to call it, my Love Letter Vault.

comments

Sure, “HotSkillz97”  might not feel comfortable enough to comment using his real name, but I figure it’s more of a shyness issue and rather endearing, no?

Anyway, who couldn’t be happy when they open that folder and read a few comments like these (despite the cringe-worthy errors, printed as sent to maintain authenticity):

  • You’ve encouraged, Doug. Appreciative for the type words and phrases.
  • Fascinating publish. Thank you for making my day.
  • I have not a clue precisely what your existing about and I don’t agree with you at all. However hello! Anyway I am sincere! (It should be noted that this was left on my “About” post, of which they disagree.)
  • Really get pleasure from exposing it. It looks a lot like your present audience will far more than probably like much a lot more excellent articles.
  • Your jot down can be a superb kind of that.
  • Excellent goods from you, man. I have understand your stuff previous to and you are just too fantastic. You make entertainment and you still take care of to keep it smart.
  • You are my aspiration. I have few blogs and very sporadically run out from to brand.
  • Terrific paintings! This is the kind of info that are supposed to be shared around the web. Shame on Google for not positioning this submit upper! Come on over and seek advice from my vacuum! (I have to admit. This is a tempting offer.)
  • Fascinating goods, my lord! Within the outstanding words and phrases of a specific terminator…Illinois be back!

I can only imagine that some of these comments are left by the people who found my blog by searching with one of these terms:

  • Jack LaLanne’s crotch
  • How to tell my mom I need a bra (never had this problem…sigh)
  • Do squirrels use febreze in their trees
  • Avocados and parrot porn
  • Why do some senior citizens feel the need to be naked
  • Michael Phelps wearing plastic panties and a banana clip
  • Melissa Rivers looks like Steven Tyler (spot-on, by the way)
  • Can you get food poisoning from old ketchup packets (my grandma would say “no”)
  • Woman insists husband go commando
  • Picture of raccoon with a pair of panties
  • I’m not anti-social, I’m anti-stupid
  • Squirrel drag queens are handy things to have in your car

And finally, “Soon, my friend, it’s cocktail hour.” Yes, yes it is. I’m thinking that we should ask Doug from above. Maybe he’ll be encouraged to pick up the tab?

At any rate, within the outstanding words and phrases of a specific terminator…Illinois be back!

Like the blog? Buy the book.

→ 28 Comments

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged , , , ,