Meghan of “Clean Eats, Fast Feets” Has Issues

Today is the last Friday in my Blogger Issues series, and before I present today’s blogger, I want to thank everyone who has participated. This doesn’t mean I’ll never do these things again, but I’m going to take a break for a bit. Sorry, but you’re going to be stuck with only my rambles for at least the next few months.

But today I’m so excited to introduce you to one of my favorite food bloggers. You might not know this about me, but a majority of the blogs that I read are vegan/veggie/food/health related.

Go figure. 

However,  I also think that a lot of health blogs are full of crap and promote restrictive, fad lifestyles that are ridiculous and, well, full of crap. That’s why I enjoy Meghan, as she loves veggies but also loves cheese. She loves exercise but also loves rest. On top of all that, she’s funny, so you know that we get along well.

So without further ado, here she is!

Meg_&_the_Pretzel

That’s a pretzel. Carbs are my soul mate. 

Name: Meghan McCarthy

Blog: Clean Eats, Fast Feets

Give us a little bit of background about yourself in three sentences or less.

Yeah, about those three sentences…

Meghan is a number cruncher by day and a Blogging Ninjress by night. She lives in Cleveland, Ohio with her two felines and occasional Hubby. Her favorite activities include cooking, exercising, and farmers marketing. In her spare time, she enjoys making a mockery of sentence structure and twisting words and phrases to better meet her devilish needs and more closely align with her nefarious ways.

Meghan’s blog posts are virtual kitchen parties, music included, veggies always welcome. She’s been known to swear a holy crapton, and just recently saved the life of a budding young chipmunk. She’s a modern day Joan of Arc without the martyr part. Or the Saint part. Or the French part. Or perhaps the Joan of Arc part.      

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

For the love of all that is good and holy, Snooze!

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

My inability to crack the space-time continuum. As much as I try to squeeze this research into my days, I always seem to run out of yep, you guessed it, time. I blame the snooze button. 

Three websites you visit every day.

AOL because I’m retro or as I prefer to be known, The Original Hipster. Facebook, where I’ll be the first to admit I have a problem, and Weather.Com because windows are so ’90s.

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

I’m hypermobile, which means I can bend my body like a pretzel. I make Gumby look stiff.   

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

Inappropriate shenanigans make me happy. Therefore, I would deem all bananas should be consumed publicly. Bonus points for making and maintaining eye contact. 

You can only eat three foods for a week. What are they?

I’m a freaking food blogger. There’s no way I could limit myself to three foods for a week. Three types maybe: vegetables, cheese, fruit, potatoes, eggs…oh crap, I’ve blown it already.

The last thing you Googled? 

Swass, which Urban Dictionary defines as “a non gender-specific term used to describe the sweat found in and around a person’s ass crack.” You’re welcome. 

Given your blog name, I have to ask: What’s your favorite recipe post and your favorite fitness post and why?

Stuffed Artichoke Soup with Brown Rice & Asiago in part because it’s the bomb diggety, but really because I talk an awful lot about flatulence. To give you a little perspective, my opening sentence is “I ingest enough fiber on a weekly basis to keep a small horse in the bathroom for days.”   

 Vanilla Gorilla also known as the time my itty-bitty ass did a Tough Mudder. This post is the perfect combination of brute physical strength and raw mental determination, coupled with a side of story telling. I also inadvertently mooned the crowd, so there’s that.

What has been your most memorable recipe disaster?

Oh wow, where to begin, there’s been so many. I made homemade ravioli which resembled hockey pucks, zucchini fritters that tasted like blobs of flour, egg rolls that went right into the trash and brownies my brother’s dog wouldn’t touch, and he licks his own ass.  

(Editor’s note: She means the dog, not her brother. I think.)

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

You probably should have asked, “Why are you incapable of following instructions?” To which I would respond, “That’s a great question.”  

There you go! Whether you want to find a workout, a recipe, a laugh or a cute cat picture, I suggest you go visit her blog and Facebook page and show her some love.

Like the blog? Buy the books and cool things!

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P.S. Facebook has changed it’s reach AGAIN and only 5-10 percent of people are seeing my updates. To ensure you’re not missing a thing, add my Facebook page to your “Interests” lists, subscribe to my blog or follow me on Twitter.

The Seven Deadly Sins of the Parking Lot

No matter what your opinion is on shopping, there’s one thing we can all agree on — the parking lot is a paved hell. It should be simple. Park the car, get out of the car, go about your business. But there are always a few who go to the dark side and ruin it for everyone else.

Lust

Lusting after a closer parking spot turns many people into Parking Spot Stalkers so overcome with desire for your spot that they dedicate themselves to claiming it for their own. 

While the logic employed by the Parking Spot Stalker makes sense—a closer spot is often more desirable than one farther away— there can be a troubling gray area when it comes to their actions. If it’s dark out and you’re a woman being followed by a car creeping up behind you like Charles Manson in a Volvo, it’s safe to assume they’re not sightseeing and it’s hard not to feel as if you’re about to become a special on Dateline.   

And God forbid if you forget where you park and have to cut through across the lane to find your car, as they’ll think it was an intentional move on your part, speed past you with a look of disgust and be forced to park in a spot that’s a full 10 feet farther away.

Envy

When lust gets overtaken by blinding envy, you are presented with the Parking Spot Rusher. This driver is so envious of your spot that they don’t patiently keep a safe distance back, turn on their blinker and wait. No, along with blocking other people from passing, they keep creeping up closer and closer while rolling their eyes and sighing so loudly you can hear it through two layers of car window glass.

parking

This just in: The person in the parking spot cares more about trying to load a week’s worth of groceries into the trunk of their car before trying to strap a tired and cranky kid into a car seat than you finding a suitable spot at that second. Unless you’re going to get out and help them load up the car, just keep a safe distance back.

Gluttony

There are certain people who feel themselves to be above the laws of parking space lines and take up two or three spots. They presumably feel their vehicle is so pristine and important that the thought of the unwashed masses coming near it can’t even be entertained. You’re not a special snowflake. Color inside the lines.

Greed

While envy and lust can cause people to act out in pursuit of a prime parking location, it’s also up to the person who parked there not to let that position of power go to their head. When walking in a parking lot, it’s important to make your intentions clear. If you’re leaving and sense the parking lot stalker, a simple nod at your car will suffice to alert them that yes, you will be leaving.

If you’re going back into the store, shake your head so they can journey down the lot and continue to stalk someone else.

Sloth

The grocery carts have a home. The carts like to go to their home, which is clearly marked and not hidden in some cart corral cave accessible only through a series of security measures and secret handshakes. Moms who have to do their shopping with youngsters in tow get a pass—as long as they make an effort to put the cart where it won’t obstruct someone else’s ability to park—but for everyone else, laziness is no excuse.

A shopping cart left to run amok could possibly cause a great deal of damage and injury, not to mention those abandoned in empty spots will inevitably cause someone to pull halfway in before realizing the cart is there and angrily backing out, pissing off people behind them. Nobody wins.

Wrath

How many times have you been driving through a parking lot when out of nowhere some lunatic comes speeding at you from the opposite direction—ignoring the yellow lines and arrows painted on the ground— and nearly causes a head-on collision?

News flash: Just because you’re pissed your wife sent you back to the store for tampons doesn’t mean the rules of the road don’t exist when a trip to Costco is involved. Follow the yellow brick road, so to speak. The arrows are there for a reason.

Pride

They say pride comes before the fall, and this applies to pedestrians walking down the middle of the lane as if they have super-human pedestrian powers that override people in their cars trying to get past or around them. Pick a side—any side—and no one gets hurt.

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P.S. Facebook has changed it’s reach AGAIN and only 5-10 percent of people are seeing my updates. To ensure you’re not missing a thing, add my Facebook page to your “Interests” lists, subscribe to my blog or follow me on Twitter.

A Serenity Prayer for the Grocery Store

serenityprayer

As I walk through the automatic door, I will be calm and choose a grocery cart that will sufficiently carry my goods—not the small one that some other people jam to the brim on both levels because choosing a larger cart seemed too cumbersome.

I will gently wipe the handle with the provided disinfecting wipe, place it in the trash can and not on the floor with the others and proceed to the produce section.

Hmm…the wheel is wonky and OH MY GOD I JUST VEERED INTO A DISPLAY OF TRISCUITS AND EVERYONE IS LOOKING!

Deep breath.

Accept that they’re Triscuits and most likely already dry, smashed wheat in the box and remember it could have been worse, like glass jars or pop. I will courageously continue my journey, taking more time to pick out a head of broccoli and asparagus than I took to pick out my shirt, and then proceed to the rest of the store.

Great. This idiot is barreling down the middle of the aisle like a linebacker and refuses to obey the conventional commandments of a civilized grocery society. But some people never learn, and while I’m not above throwing a shoulder or putting my best foot forward to trip him, instead I will move to the side.

Karma doesn’t have an expiration date, my friend.

However, this container of hummus in my cart does and every second that I’m stuck behind this woman examining cans of soup like they’re a treasure map is a second that I’m nearing the date on my hummus. I’ll just swerve around and…of course. The other side is blocked by an employee with a cart full of boxes that he needs to stock.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Everything in good time, and by “everything,” of course I mean hummus.

My cart sufficiently filled with items that I can remember from the list I left at home on the counter-minus the three things they didn’t have in stock even though they’re on sale-I will make my way to one of the two open checkout lanes and hope I can break my streak of picking the one with the latest cashier-in-training.

Look at that! I’m second in line…behind a woman with 42 cans of cat food that need to be individually rung up and a variety of Lean Cuisine meals, all defrosting and blocking the UPC code to be scanned.  

That’s okay. No big deal.

I’ll distract myself with the magazines conveniently placed in the lane so I can flip through and not actually buy them. Let’s see: How to lose weight and gain friends, how to make recipes that will help you lose weight and gain friends, what celebrities have lost weight and gained friends. Oh yes, and Reader’s Digest.

Just breathe and don’t allow the incessant beeping of the 42 cans of cat food being scanned sear my brain and instead look to the other side of the lane—batteries, dog treats, lip balm and aspirin.

I think I might need that last one, because seriously? This woman is now debating two expired coupons and I’m about to just give her the 50 cents she would have saved in order to move this along. And is that…a checkbook? Now she’s going to write up a check?

Deep breath.

See? Now your groceries are being rung up and bagged and the light is at the end of the tunnel. Swipe the card, thank the cashier, grab the receipt and all 300 extra pieces of paper that get pumped out of the printer with it and head for the doors. Just steer your cart toward the car and…where the hell did I park?  

SERENITY NOW!

Well. at least there’s hummus.

For that, I’ll give an “amen.”

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P.S. Facebook has changed it’s reach AGAIN and only 5-10 percent of people are seeing my updates. To ensure you’re not missing a thing, add my Facebook page to your “Interests” lists, subscribe to my blog or follow me on Twitter.

Darcy of “So Then Stories” Has Issues

I will assume you’ve all caught up on your movie watching and are ready to spend the rest of your time reading the blog of the second to last blogger to be a part of my Blogger Issues series–Darcy of So Then Stories.

You can read the specifics here, but basically she’s lived all over the world, was taught French with a Southern accent, has worked everywhere from Fortune 500 companies to small entrepreneurial firms and doesn’t use real names when she blogs. 

That’s a sign that she has some good stories. 

Darcy Perdu

Name:          Darcy Perdu

Blog:              So Then Stories 

Where and why do you write?

On my yacht, in the nude, of course.

OK, the real answers:

The Where:  I write in my home office, in between juggling outrageous demands from my clients, coworkers and kids.  (Does “home office” mean that I participate in conference calls while still in my pajamas, eating ice cream, checking Facebook, and occasionally chiming in with a well-placed “very synergistic!” and “that’ll really resonate with our key demo!”  Why, yes.  Yes, it does.)

The Why:  One of my favorite things to do is pull up a bar stool and swap hilarious stories with my friends about embarrassing kids, exasperating coworkers, vexing relationships and the ever-perplexing public.  Each story reminds someone of a SIMILAR funny tale, so the stories and laughs just keep rolling. I wanted to create a site where I could share my bodacious blunders and funny stories – then encourage readers to post their RELATED stories so we can all entertain each other.  So I started SoThenStories.com – and I LOVE reading the comments on the blog – those people crack me up DAILY.

 First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

 Ryan Gosling, stop hogging the sheets! 

 Then I really wake up.  And have a moment of sadness ‘cuz I really miss that damn sheet-hogger.

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

It’s frustrating that my blogger buddies and I create such cool comedic/compelling content, virtually for free – for readers who enthusiastically follow our Facebook blog pages because they want to READ those posts – but Facebook only SHOWS our postings to a TINY percentage of our followers.  What the hell, Facebook?  So to all the awesome readers out there who enjoy blogs, please subscribe by email to the blogs – or mark “Get Notifications” on the Facebook pages of your favorite bloggers  so you can enjoy all the fabulous nonsense we post!   

Editor’s note: You know my feelings on this. Amen.

Three websites you visit every day.

German Dungeon Porn.  Swedish Dungeon Porn.  Cats Who Solve Mysteries. But when I’m on porn/cat overload, I visit Facebook, NetFlix, and lots of blog sites of funny bloggers, including Abby Has Issues.

Another note: I didn’t even pay her to say that (the porn part, not a mention of this blog.)

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

Admittedly lacking in culinary prowess, I nonetheless once asked my daughter what her favorite dish is that I make.  She hemmed and hawed, stalled and stammered, then finally said, “Well, you open a mean can of corn.”

So I guess that’s a talent I probably wouldn’t mention on a resume:  Expert Corn Can Opener.

Me again: Unless that was the job you were applying for. There might be a market—you never know.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

No bullies.  No wars, poverty, or illness.  No calories.  Ice cream for everybody!

 You can only eat three foods for a week. What are they?

1) Ben & Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Chunk paired with Baskin-Robbins Pralines & Cream

2) PF Chang’s Mongolian Beef & Chang’s Spicy Chicken & Garlic Snap Peas

3) Maggiano’s Lobster Carbonara featuring angel hair pasta, lobster, smoked bacon, snap peas & garlic cream sauce

*Please note snap peas figure prominently in two of the three meals.  HEALTH FOOD FOR THE WIN!

 The last thing you Googled?  

“Comparative penis sizes of populations indigenous to New Guinea vs. Trinidad.” But that might be a little TMI, so let’s go with “decorative bath mats at BedBathandBeyond.com.”

 What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply? 

Can I please send you $10,000 in small bills and craft a macramé potholder in your likeness? 

Why yes, yes you may, Abby.  How perfectly delightful of you.   My kitchen colors are white and green so please plan accordingly. 

So there you have So Then Stories! (See what I did there?) Anyway, go check out her blog and her Facebook page after answering the question below because no one ever answers the question even though sharing is caring:

Who is the celebrity you would never kick out of bed for spilling crumbs or hogging the sheets?

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P.S. Facebook has changed it’s reach AGAIN and only 5-10 percent of people are seeing my updates. To ensure you’re not missing a thing, add my Facebook page to your “Interests” lists, subscribe to my blog or follow me on Twitter.

Choose Your Own Adventure

Today I am going to boggle your mind with not one, not two, not three but FOUR different posts you should read, none of which are actually on this blog. 

Go figure. 

First, I’ve been over on Your Tango the past couple of weeks talking about:

Why I Don’t Wear Makeup (GASP!)

11 Problems Only Girls With Short Hair Understand

21 Problems Only Skinny Girls Understand (Yes, we have issues.)

And finally, the hilarious Kate Hall interviewed me for her fabulous “Hall of Tweets” blog that profiles huge, big, influential hilarious tweeters, which is why it’s a mystery that she asked to profile me. But regardless of my confusion, she DID interview me and you can hop on over and read about how I talk to myself in 140 characters or less on a daily basis. 

Abbyhasissues-button

Beyond the Bio: Interview with @AbbyHasIssues

So there you go. Choose your own adventure–hopefully all four of them–and I’ll see you back here on Friday. 

Like the blog? Buy the books and cool things!

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P.S. Facebook has changed it’s reach AGAIN and only 5-10 percent of people are seeing my updates. To ensure you’re not missing a thing, add my Facebook page to your “Interests” lists, subscribe to my blog or follow me on Twitter.

Must-See Movies for Winter…Kind Of

Back in September I introduced you to eight “new” movies that I felt you should be watching that fall. (I hear “It’s the Great Pumpkin Spice Latte, Charlie Brown,” was a big hit among the 18-34 crowd.)

Well, now that we’re well into a bitter cold winter, it’s time once again to remember that among the new releases with attractive people doing unrealistic things in situations that are resolved in two hours topping the charts, there are some other films being shown this winter that if given a chance, I’m sure would be a great hit.

Unbroken 2

No, this isn’t the epic tale of the Olympic track star who survived a plane crash in World War II, only to fight for his life against nature and eventually as a prisoner of war. 

This film instead follows a woman who unknowingly keeps several impressive streaks unbroken as she goes through her everyday life, such as picking out the grocery cart with the wonky wheel that will inevitably veer into a display of Triscuits, having the keys in the opposite pocket of the hand she has free and spilling something on the white shirt she attempted to wear.

streak

Will she eventually pick out a functional cart? Hit all the green lights while driving home with a full bladder? Join her for her epic adventures and see how she deals with adversity.

Why Waldo?

In this philosophical film, “Waldo” battles his social anxiety disorder and tries to find a reason for his existence.

In search of this answer, he makes public appearances, but only discreetly surfaces in large crowds of people and insists on wearing the same clothes each day—thick, black-framed glasses, red and white striped shirt, red and white cap. Eventually he becomes paranoid that people are constantly looking for him and wonders, “Why am I here? Why are they here? Why does low-fat peanut butter exist?”

The Belle Jar

In this dark Plath-meets-Disney film, Belle, a girl who is dissatisfied with life in a small provincial French town, becomes mentally unstable and develops delusional tendencies and troubling urges towards bestiality after her father is imprisoned.

Some of her best friends are household appliances that spend a majority of their time singing and dancing, and she is faced with the internal struggle of if she should marry and live a conventional domestic life or attempt to satisfy her ambition with a man under a spell because he couldn’t love.

Will she regain a tenuous grasp on sanity or will the “Belle” jar of her madness descend again at any time?

The Hundred Food Journey

While “The Hundred Foot Journey,” showcased the family of a talented cook who has a life filled with both culinary delights and profound loss, this tale is about a mediocre cook who has a life filled with hundreds of foods to help cope with her own journey of loss.

In order to procure said culinary delights, she must brave the grocery store multiple times a week, perfect her “serious” face when trying to sneak an expired coupon past the cashier and avoid the checkout line with the customer who insists on using every single square inch of personal space past the plastic divider, creeping up closer to her with their cart and sighing so heavily at the apparent lack of cashier expediency that it blows her coupons off the checkout stand.

After checking out, will she make the journey home without bruising her bananas? It’s a culinary “Choose Your Own Adventure” for the whole family.

Mild

In the sequel to “Wild,” in which Cheryl Strayed hiked the 1,100-mile Pacific Crest Trail by herself in an effort to recover from a recent life crisis, a 33-year-old unemployed writer trying to recover from her own life crisis faces a series of her own challenges.

While Strayed dealt with creating fire for meals and wild animals popping out unexpectedly, our protagonist risks life and limb to reignite the pilot light on her stove, the expected yet jolting release of the toast from the toaster, accidentally hitting the switch for the garbage disposal instead of the light and getting stuck in the neck of her sweatshirt.

 This inspiring tale proves we all have our own battles to fight.

Gone Girl

This is just me walking away really quickly any time someone calls my name out in public. It’s going straight to DVD.

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P.S. Facebook has changed it’s reach AGAIN and only 5-10 percent of people are seeing my updates. To ensure you’re not missing a thing, add my Facebook page to your “Interests” lists, subscribe to my blog or follow me on Twitter.

Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms Has Issues

You know how I love a good deal, so today you get two for the price of one in terms of bloggers spilling their issues! You also get the third to final interview in this series because I’m going to wrap this up at the end of the month and you’ll be stuck with just me again. 

But today—and the next two Fridays—you still get to indulge in a behind-the-scenes look at a blogger to keep on your radar. Well, two bloggers, but one blog. And a podcast, Sensible Moms Soundbites, described as “sensible parenting advice delivered with a light touch. We are your girlfriends on call, 24/7, for honest, funny chats about all of the things that matter to you.”

So without further ado, here they are!

Podcast_12_darkedges

Name: Ellen Williams and Erin Dymowski

Blog: Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

How did you two start blogging together? 

Ellen: Well, we met in prison. Or was it in the waiting room of our kids’ gymnastic class? It’s hard to remember because they both smell like feet. 

Erin: Anyway, one day, three years ago, we were talking on the phone and I said, “We should start a blog.” 

Ellen: And I replied, “What’s a blog?”

Erin: Fast forward three years and I said, “We should start a podcast.” 

Ellen: And I replied, “What’s a podcast?”

Erin: Apparently I’m the big ideas gal . .. 

Ellen: And I’m the one who only goes on the Internet when forced.

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning. 

Ellen: I am a January resolutions cliche. My first thought is “I have to put my Fitbit Zip on so my steps to the bathroom are recorded.”

Erin: Apparently we are a cliche that shares the same brain. I think of my Fitbit too!

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

Erin: I forget to put on my Fitbit until half of my morning is gone! While my Fitbit is my first thought, it is immediately trampled by worries of college scholarship deadlines, lesson plans, and angst over wondering if my mismatched sock bag will ever be sorted.

Ellen: I have to listen to the caterwauling about the “missed” steps. And the sock bag of shame.

Three websites you visit every day.

Recited in unison because remember, we share the same brain: 
Blubrry Podcasting Plugin Help Site because *sigh*.
Fitbit and My Fitness Pal because if you’re going to be a cliche, go all the way.

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume? 

Erin: Breaking websites.

Ellen: Not killing people who break websites.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

Erin: Why stop at ruling the land? I want to bend the laws of energy! No Calorie Double Fudge Mocha Whip Cheesecake for all!

Ellen: Did you just basically say “let them eat cake”? Anyway, I would decree that all tech help is free, instantaneous, and spoken in English, not tech-ese. Although it might be easier to decree that websites are not allowed to be broken. Actually, that law would only be for Erin.

You can only eat three foods for a week. What are they? 

Erin: A couple of weeks ago it would have been Sour Patch Kids, Diet Coke, and bread. Now it’s sadness, despair, and guilt.

Ellen: Mine are avocados, vegetable soup, and almond milk. Do I get extra credit on My Fitness Pal just for uttering that?

The last thing you Googled? 

Erin: “How to make organic, low calorie Sour Patch Kids from scratch using only the tears of doves.”

Ellen: “How to fix an RSS feed.” Because podcasting is all about the RSS feed. Or at least that’s what Erin’s sad doves told me.

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

Erin: “Can you get rich from podcasting?”

Ellen: “Why yes, yes you can!”

Erin: We felt like a fantasy question deserved a fantasy answer.

So there you have it! I’ve only listened to probably three podcasts in my whole life, but now I have the guilt of this post to go check theirs out and assume you all will go do the same—and check out their blog and Facebook page, of course. Oh! And humor me by answering this question: 

Your turn. If you could make any food completely calorie-free, what food would it be?

See you back here Sunday!

Like the blog? Buy the books and cool things!

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P.S. Facebook has changed it’s reach AGAIN and only 5-10 percent of people are seeing my updates. To ensure you’re not missing a thing, add my Facebook page to your “Interests” lists, subscribe to my blog or follow me on Twitter.