Ladies and gentlemen, “Veginem” will be back with an Ode to Asparagus in a couple of posts. But today we are going to honor the amazing avocado with a song I ask be sung to the “Eagles” tune “Desperado”).
Avocado, why don’t you come to your ripeness?
You’ve been out on my counter for so long now.
Oh, you’re a hard one,
I know that you got your reasons
But this isn’t pleasin’ me,
So get ripe right now.
Don’t you want to be enjoyed by me?
I’ll eat you if I’m able,
I know the sandwich route is always my best bet.
Now it seems to me, some other things
Have been laid upon my table
But I only want the ones that I can’t get.
Avocado, oh, I ain’t gettin’ no younger.
My pain and my hunger, they’re drivin’ me mad.
And freedom, oh freedom well, that’s just some people talkin’
Your purpose is being part of the food that I had.
Don’t you want to be used at my dinner time?
I’ll smash you up and make your flavors shine.
It’s hard to do when you aren’t ripe today.
I’m feeling all the hunger pangs.
And this feeling, it won’t ever go away.
Avocado, why don’t you come to your senses?
Come down from my counter, get on my plate.
It may be scary, when there’s a knife poised above you,
But you better let somebody eat you, before it’s too late.
Side note: If you do want to hurry along the “ripening” process, you can stick an avocado in a brown paper bag. I can vouch for that one.
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