‘Twas the days before Christmas, and all through my place.
Not an idea was stirring to share on this space.
My stocking was hung by the chimney with care,
(Which meant there would be no more dusting right there.)
And then there was me, wearing what I wear best.
Yoga pants, sweatshirt, well you know the rest.
When out from the driveway, I heard something clatter,
And turned to the window to tend to the matter.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear?
But a Lexus that made me ask, “Who the heck’s here?”
The lost-looking driver sped off in a fit,
And I knew those commercials were still full of shit.
Speaking of cars and a holiday ruse,
Those dressed up like reindeer that Santa might use?
The antlers on top and a red nose to boot,
Send mixed messages when drivers give the one-fingered salute.
“Freaking merge!” “Learn to park!” They all shout and they call!
‘Tis the season for road rage for those at the mall.
But back to the story of writing this post.
Even though all the readers are logged off, like most.
I thought I could write a more eloquent poem,
That centered on exploits from June, our old gnome.
But this year he’s tanked and refuses to eat,
Except numerous Vodka-filled candy cane treats.
I’m left on my own to come up with this stuff,
Something holiday-centered, sprinkled with fluff?
I had an idea of where things could be going,
In my head all the words just kept flowing and flowing.
But then in a twinkling, I heard in my head.
The prancing and pawing of something instead.
“Did I put back the Swiffer I used on the floors?
Of course I should check, and then clean out some drawers.
Perhaps now the shower could use a good scrub?
I’ll keep writing as soon as I clean out that tub.
And now the mirror’s streaky, so that gets cleaned, too.
What’s with my eyebrows? Let’s pluck one or two.”
My eyes looked quite tired, my hair still a mess.
My chest most resembling a flat iron press.
A shirt stained with hummus not hiding that stealth.
But I laughed when I saw it in spite of myself.
Then I remembered I wanted to bake,
There were cookies and candies I still had to make!
Once that was over, with treats wrapped up tight,
I had no more excuses to not sit and write.
“Okay, back to work.” I decided right then.
I resolved to see this post right through to the end.
But then laying the cursor aside of my lines,
I somehow clicked over to go back online.
To Facebook I sprang, and of course, then to Twitter.
As long as I’m there, e-mail too. (I’m no quitter.)
My train of thought suddenly derailed again,
I figured that yoga might help me feel Zen.
Down dog and pigeon and side planks galore,
I couldn’t help notice a string on the floor.
Out came the vacuum to suck up that stuff,
And at that point I figured enough was enough.
Clearly this poem wasn’t going that great,
A much better post would just have to then wait.
So I sighed and I shrugged and then turned on TV,
And crashed on the couch for a Food Network spree.
Now where was I going with this rambling spiel?
Oh yes, for you people I like a great deal:
May your holiday bring you much joy and delight,
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
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