Things That Are Better Than Shopping

This is the time of year when I get cynical and want to hibernate even more than usual. Why? Because after a week of people talking about how thankful they are, they trample each other in store lines to buy things that they don’t need.

But instead of focusing on the negative, I made a list of the simple pleasures that don’t cost a thing and are a million times better than standing in line at 4 o’clock in the morning.

Things That Are Better Than Shopping

Getting gas before the price jumps up.

Remembering my online passwords on the first try.

Finally being able to pee after having to hold it forever.

When people wave a “thank you” to me after I let them merge into my lane.

Baby goats. And sloths.

When everything I’m cooking gets done at the same exact time.

Being able to get a bunch of stupid little chores done while that food is cooking.

Heated car seats.

Having those stringy things on a banana come off with the banana peel.

Noticing the long lines at the grocery store but having a cashier open a new lane right when I get there.

Getting a card in the mail.

The smell of the bakery and the coffee aisle at the grocery store.

Having somebody else wash my hair.

Finishing a good book and knowing I have another book waiting that I can start next.

Seeing senior citizen couples holding hands.

Thinking the toilet is going to back up and then having everything flush down okay.

Sitting in a car that’s made really warm by only the sun.

Finding one more piece of (insert favorite food thing) in the cupboard when I thought it was already gone.

Hearing babies laugh.

Getting the Final Jeopardy question/Wheel of Fortune bonus round puzzle right when none of the contestants do.

Memorizing automated phone menu options so I can fly through the call.

Having an actual person answer the phone instead.

Pulling the crusts off my sandwich in one long complete piece without breaking before eating them first.

Sneaking through a public restroom door before it closes so I don’t have to touch the handle.

Starting a new piece of gum.

Having my arms full of something and picking the right pocket that my keys are actually in.

Carrying laundry in my arms from the basket without dropping even one sock.

The smell of toast.

Cleaning the lint trap of the dryer and pulling it off in one strip.

Noticing a beautiful flower growing in weeds or a barren plot of land.

Nodding to a stranger doing the same thing in silent understanding.

Finally sneezing after feeling the sneeze coming on for what felt like forever.

Getting to my destination exactly when my favorite song ends on the radio.

Drunk nuns (if you haven’t read it yet, click over here.)

Even if you are into shopping—no judgment, as I’ll assume you’re not one of the “tramples small children for TVs” people—what would you add to the list?

Need a holiday gift? Avoid the stores and buy the books!

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26 responses to “Things That Are Better Than Shopping

  1. Ha, those are very specific and very accurate fun things. I cope with shopping by doing it all on my couch.

  2. Love, so many of these made me picture and smile. Thanks for the slice of sunshine on the dreary New England morning :)

  3. Oh my god, that feeling of peeing after holding it forever is better than sex. True story.

  4. I think the smell of lumber may (MAY) beat the smell of the bakery and the coffee. I’m not sure, but it is a strong possibility.

    Loved your list. It’s like a sweet little list of gratitude that those hemp wearing hippies push out, only with less pretention and more simplicity.

    p.s. is pretention not a word?

  5. I found the second one especially amusing ’cause I couldn’t remember my password to get onto WordPress this morning to see how my own blog is going. So then I saw the email notification of your post, and at least my day isn’t a total loss!

  6. I agree with more of those than I care to admit. ;)

  7. Singing along with the radio, walk out of the room, up the stairs, down the hall, and back down again, and still be in sync with the song. THAT is good stuff.

    But as far as all that goes, I am a firm believer that having a root canal, ironing 100% cotton button-down shirts, getting my hair fried by sticking my finger in the light socket, tripping up the stairs, and burning my tongue on super hot burritos are all better than going shopping.

  8. So I did a thankful post today and am totally wishing I went your route instead. So much funnier and more creative.
    Some of these had me cackling loudly or nodding my head in silent agreement. Opposites attract and all that.

    How about managing to peel a clementine all in one go. Or realizing one of your favorite shows from a decade ago has reruns during the day.

    • Ooh! Yes! I have recently become re-hooked on Modern Family because they’re showing reruns of the first seasons now and well, baseball isn’t on for a few months.

  9. I loved this! I can definitely relate to each and every one! Clever to have thought of such cute,specific things that we all know and love.

  10. Ah, I’d forgotten about the drunk nuns! They are priceless. And let me say that ANY chance I can get to sneak through a public bathroom door without touching it is like a victory.

  11. Drunk nuns! Haha. I read the story. Hilarious. Otherwise, the old couple holding hands was my favorite. That always makes me smile.

  12. All of these things. Wonderful. The baby laughing gets me every time. Oh, and finding the car keys on the first try? It does not get better than that.

  13. Everything is better than shopping! Love your list, it’s so optimistic, and funny.

  14. Fabulous and funny list, Abby!

  15. The smell of wet pavement drying in the sun.

  16. wow. I feel like you invaded my brain. ALL of those are on my thankful list.

  17. I love this list!

    I am grateful when my fat pants start to feel loose

    Also I live in CA now and I miss a good thunderstorm! Whenever I go back home and I can feel one coming I get so excited and my family thinks I’m nuts!

    Thankful for Skype, so I can play hide and go seek with my 3 year old niece from 3,000 miles away and that is totally normal to her that hiding under the sheets of Mommy’s bed with Auntie’s head on the ipad is totally normal!

    • Great additions to the list! And I don’t think you’re nuts for wanting a good thunderstorm, even though I’m a huge weather wimp. Now if you were asking for snow? That would be a much different story…

  18. Love this! I am not known as a positive gal, more of a realist with a large heap of pessimism. But all of these make me realize maybe not as much pessimism as I had thought. Oh and the toilet one – YES! My kids leave me presents that clog ALL.THE.TIME. I am sooo happy when they go down!!

  19. I think the one about the phone – and having an actual person answer at a business is the BEST. Representative! Representative! God %$#& mother @%$#er!

  20. I love heated car seats. Oh yes, they are a pleasure. Shopping, for me at least, is not !. Senior citizens holding hands. I love that too, because it shows there is a quiet hope beyond the chaos. Very nice list of course. Who would expect anything different

  21. What a fabulous list! I love kissing the soft nose of a horse, or the feel of my Chihuahua huddled right next to my heart as I sleep. And the smell of fresh ground coffee when I first open the bag, and… and… Wow! What a positive post. :)

  22. Literally everything in this list: yes. (Except the ones that involve driving, cause I don’t know how.)

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