Added Value

I’ve heard it said that in order to “build your brand” and become a bighugeimportantblogger that you should always make sure that your readers are given every opportunity to know about every minute thing that you’ve ever done in your Internet life.

So even though I’m a tiny little peon in the blogging world, I figured it was verysuperimportant that I send out a newsletter to my loyal readers (Hi, Mom!) In it you will find a recap of things that happened “behind the scenes”—added value!


  • First we’ll take a look at the minutes recorded from the first executive “Abby Has Issues” post planning and self-promotional tour meeting. What’s that? I’m being told we neither recorded minutes nor held that meeting, so we can cross that one off the list!
  • Speaking of lists, it was proposed that changing a “to-do” list to a “suggestions to be considered” list could leave one feeling more optimistic. This was immediately approved and implemented.
  • There was an unfortunate incident involving the vacuum and a cat toy. Long story short, I’m not winning “Cat Mom of the Year.” In an effort to reverse any bad karma, I spent the better part of that night leaving inspirational notes around for the cat: “You WILL catch that red dot” and “Hairballs happen to everyone!”
  • There was also trauma when I found a pile of feathers under my feeder when I got home from work. Let this be a reminder to hug your wild birds a little bit tighter tonight.
  • An ethnic cooking demonstration was given in the kitchen, if by “ethnic” you mean “Cajun” and by “Cajun” you mean “burned.”On a related note, the smoke detector is in perfect working condition.
  • An evaluation of laundry on Sunday revealed another pretty big week for gray T-shirts and white sports socks, so keep up the good work!
  • In terms of relationship status, the last two things I’ve spooned were a pillow and a jar of sunflower seed butter. However, Hot Gym Guy, obviously smitten by the smell of garlic emanating from my pores, asked me if I, “was done with that bench.” I might be reading a bit too much into it, but I’m sending out wedding invitations next week.
  • Oh, and I also overheard a 20-year-old girl at the gym say, “I feel so old!” The crime scene is still under investigation, so if anyone asks I was here the whole time.
  • Things did perk up though when I saw a guy pushing a “pull” door several times. Instead of helping him, I said, “Never give up. Don’t let anyone tell you how to live.” He was quite an inspiration.
  • I celebrated a birthday and capped off the evening by going to the grocery store, because hey! It was my birthday! And because it was Thursday. I always go to the store on Thursday.
  • On the work front, it was business as usual. I made it until lunch every day without eating my lunch before lunch, so I would consider this week to have been a success.
  • However, my attempts to “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have” were frowned upon. Apparently showing up in a tiara and tutu isn’t quite what they meant. The policy has since been changed.

I think that pretty much sums things up—at least the most important points—so stay tuned for future updates! After all, you don’t want to miss a thing!

Like the blog?  “Buy the Books”

(I updated the tab to include the new best-seller, a book I’m totally mooching off the success of the other authors with. Thanks to everyone for their support!)

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28 responses to “Added Value

  1. I’m that guy pushing the “pull” sign… Do it all the time. Nice update! I especially enjoyed the tutu & tiara… We had a staff member show up in fishnets & wearing cat ears once… She obviously didn’t get the memo

  2. I think we share the same laundry basket.

  3. OH MY GOD, I smell of garlic at the gym too. Which is a shame, because there’s a Hugh Jackman lookalike I’ve been perving on hardcore but few people feel (or smell) as strongly about garlic as me.

  4. I can’t even tell you how nice it is to be crying this early in the morning! You made me laugh out loud four times in this post. I think I am annoying my coffee partner. If I just tell him, It’s Abby! He’ll probably be ok with it and not get huffy. The inspirational notes for the cat really got me. Hairballs happen to everyone. Oh yes they do.

  5. To show how fascinating we are, while on vacation the adults in my family had a huge debate regarding whether or not there are other nut butters besides peanut. Without Internet we couldn’t resolve the issue, but I now plan to use your post as proof that I’m right.

    • Are you kidding me? There’s almond, cashew, sunflower seed, pumpkin seed, sesame see, walnut, etc. There are a MILLION kinds of nut butters!

  6. Abby! Best freakin’ newsletter I’ve ever read. We are inspired, on the Hoombah, to compose our own, except that the paint is chipped on kitchen our cupboards and we may need to repaint a bit. Hell, that’s an entire series of newsletters right there, under our noses!

  7. I wish everyone wrote newsletters like this. EVERYONE.

  8. Old and whacked. Pull the door(choose your life don’t let it choose you encouragement).
    Tutus and grey laundry.
    Monday laughs accomplished

  9. happy birthday. possibly again, possibly I am a horrible friend.

    okay, not horrible at all, but absent minded? I hope I said happy birthday to you – I can honestly say I am so out of it I cannot recall :( it’s been another busy time right now, not that that is a good excuse.

    geez.

    Happy Birthday <3

  10. This is riveting! I cannot leave the edge of my seat. So, tell me more about this laundry . . . Did you use the gentle cycle? Did you dry on low heat? Were there dryer sheets involved? Come on, Abby . . . don’t leave your fans hanging!

  11. you had my never-ending devotion at kitty inspirational notes but the must die 20 year old and being proud of making it to lunch make me think that we may have been twins separated at birth!

  12. I did the door thing at the gas station the other day. Making it worse, the door didn’t even have a handle on the side I was trying to go through. I was basically pushing on a window. And the exit door was on the other side of the store. So once I figured it out, I had to casually walk all the way across the store and go out the right door as if nothing had gone wrong at all!

  13. I accept your value proposition and request quarterly reviews.

  14. How did I only just find this blog? LOVE it. http://www.top3listblog.com

  15. Enjoyed – my wife used to give me a “to do” list which was consistently greeted like an IRS agent on Tax Day. We changed the list to “projects that you can feel free to get around to because you are an incredible human being and totally awesome” and I find myself happy to do them.

  16. “I saw a guy pushing a “pull” door several times. Instead of helping him, I said, “Never give up. Don’t let anyone tell you how to live.” You made me spit tea on my keyboard. Actually I tried to stop the spit so it just sort of turned to a giant dribble. It was gross. Stop being funny.

  17. Only you could make the minutiae of daily life so freaking hilarious! Although I’m dying to know what happened to the cat and the vacuum. (Speaking of your cat, ever since you posted that pic of your kitty with the caption “teats for treats” that’s become a catch phrase at our house. Even my kids say it all the time. Which… makes us sound like total pervs. So, you know, thanks for that;))

    Happy Birthday to one of the funniest, wittiest and most astute bloggers I know!!

    • Thank you for the belated birthday wishes, and for the record, the cat toy just bit the dust–literally. Luckily she had another identical one so I just covered it in catnip and she was never the wiser…muah ha ha.

  18. I just hope it’s the Tigers v Braves in the series for baseball supremacy

    hilarious per usual, Abs

  19. Loved it! Love your writing! Thanks for another GREAT post girl!:)

  20. Abby, if your office isn’t using your talents to send out the company newsletter, they are missing out on a very valuable resource. If I had a million dollars, I’d start a business and hire you just to write my newsletter. I wonder what kinda business I can start up with 43 cents and some pocket lint….

  21. How is the cat responding to the inspirational notes? Tried that with my dog once. She ate one and puked it up in my husband’s shoe. I took it to mean she didn’t feel very inspired, though I don’t know if it was message or delivery she disagreed with.

  22. Thank you for sharing the little tidbits of your life. I feel 100% better now and wouldn’t even mind the traditional To Do list format. Rest assured, I will sleep better tonight knowing all this, especially the garlic part because it means I’m not alone.
    By the way, your cat will never forget the cat toy incident. He may forgive, but he won’t forget.

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