Be Kind, Rewind

I actually rented a movie a couple weeks ago. This is news because I have the attention span of a manic gnat with ADD and prefer just to watch TV shows that max out at an hour.

And going to a movie? It’s been years.

I judge a movie by whether it’s better than spending two hours watching a squirrel perform Cirque du Soleil moves on the feeder, a ballgame or a “Chopped” marathon on Food Network, and you have to admit that’s pretty hard to beat.

Plus, it doesn’t cost $10 or force you to deal with strangers loudly slurping their pop.

At any rate, because I’m old I can also say that I remember VHS tapes—those things that came before DVDs. When I was younger, my favorites to watch were classics like all the Rocky movies (I still know every word,) Troop Beverly Hills, Camp Cucamonga and Mariah Carey Live.

They were often for research purposes, as I would give elaborate concerts on the front lawn before organizing cut-throat games of the home-version “Double Dare” game show complete with plastic helmets with sticks to throw wet sponge hoops at.

I was a recreational pioneer, people.  

The first time I watched a DVD I remember being amazed that I didn’t have to “be kind and rewind.” Brilliant!

But I soon learned that while DVDs are convenient, there are certain things about them I detest. For one, they don’t always let you fast forward through the FBI warnings anymore, and second, they can skip.

There’s nothing worse than getting into a movie and having the damn thing just stop and the timer vacillate between two numbers before skipping 20 minutes ahead and ruining the flow of the show.

You can bet that after staring at the frozen screen, trying to “scan” back and forth and yelling a stream of words that would earn an “R” rating, I march back to the video store and get a credit on my account (for the $1 movie I rented for five days a year after it was popular.)

Wait.

There is something worse—if it’s an exercise DVD and Jillian Michaels suddenly sounds like she developed a stutter and you end up doing squat jumps for 3 minutes straight before realizing the DVD is just skipping.

Anyway, all of this is to say that I watched a couple movies that didn’t stink and avoided throwing my remote at the DVD player while cursing modern technology.

leyland

And considering baseball season is here, I’m good until October.

Like the blog? Buy the book.

What are the movies you always watched as a kid? I have a bunch, but I’ve already shared too much.

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25 responses to “Be Kind, Rewind

  1. We hardly even use our DVD player anymore. We mostly just watch everything online nowadays.

  2. Thank you. I effing HATE DVDs. Whatever you do, do NOT get Netflix by mail. MOST annoying free membership ever.

  3. Ahh, VHS. No skipping, but I can remember screaming over my brothers and sisters, “It’s not tracking. Why’s the tracking messed up? Someone get down there and fix it!” And then I’d end up fixing it because I’m a master of fixing tracking. The worst is definitely not being able to skip through previews on dvds. Ugh.

  4. I hate those M$%#@! F&^%$# squat jumps Jillian Michaels does and I will not do more of my fair share of that shit. I won’t even do my fair share.

  5. I remember when I was in high school, the friend who was the first to have a DVD player would throw DVD parties… which was awesome except for the fact that this group of friends tended to pick movies I had no interest in seeing and I was allergic to his cat so I’d come over and then be sick and miserable the whole time.

    As for these days, I’m so ADD that I can’t really sit through a TV show unless I have someone there to watch it with me to make sure I don’t wander off or reach over and shut it off… so movies are out of the question for me for the most part. I still have some DVDs of shit that I feel is important for me to be able to watch on a whim at any time, but otherwise… Netflix. We don’t watch many movies on it, but my boyfriend’s one of those people who needs to watch every television series as a marathon and it’s great for that.

  6. I grew up before VCR’s were a household staple, and didn’t have one until I was in college. We watched mostly classic movies from the 40′s & 50′s, My favorite being the Lucy & Ricky in “The Long, Long Trailer”

  7. The Double Dare home game! I think I’d blocked that out. There’s a chance I played that game while watching Troop Beverly Hills. You can’t be old because that would make me…oh wait. Crap.

  8. I have to admit I am a film or movie junkie. Almost anything will do, as long as its light on violence as this may interfere with the enjoyment of any accompanying snacks. As for the jumping, pausing or just stopping. Grrrrrrr

  9. Heh. You called it “pop.” You mid-westerners are wacky.

  10. Roadrunner and Coyote, Rocky and Bullwinkle
    Might as well get a real laugh?

  11. When I was a kid we didn’t have movies. We just watched the shadows on the walls of our cave as the saber-toothed tigers strolled past our fires. Fire. . .good. . .

  12. My only question is why why would you ever do workout tapes? Did you do so voluntarily? That’s just crazy.

    And you love baseball, so I’m hoping you’re a Cardinals fan, as all good baseball lovers are. Here’s my post about it in case you are.

    http://lisanewlin.com/2013/04/st-louis-cardinals-opening-day-busch-stadium/

    And I also miss the days of VHS, where you could push that little thing out so it wouldn’t be taped over. Those were the good ole’ days.

  13. I loved Troop Beverly Hills (“Beverly Hills, what a thrill!”) and I adored the Worst Witch. I still enjoy watching Tim Curry as the Grand Wizard at Halloween!

  14. I’m so happy that we have streaming video online. It drove me crazy every time a DVD would stick like that. I wanted to scream at the screen!

    • I cannot watch things online if I’m home, especially workouts. I need to SEE the instructor on the big screen and not my laptop. However, it would be much easier if I wasn’t so picky ;)

  15. Go Tigers! are you from detroit?

    • Grand Rapids! Are you from Michigan? I did live in Detroit for a summer though–directly across from Comerica Park. Good times! :)

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