I’m pretty sure the Pope and his posse could pull up behind me in the Popemobile at the ATM and I would still think they were plotting to mug me or judge me for taking too long to complete my transaction.
In my defense, I had never even used an ATM before last year. I have no idea why that was, but I have since remedied the situation and can say I’ve probably used one in an excess of two dozens times since that first jaunt. However, like most mundane activities, I can find something to complicate the situation.
Side note: In college I had a friend whose boyfriend would call it an “AT-EM” machine instead of A-T-M like a normal person. He wasn’t kidding either.
Anyway, a normal person would simply drive up to the machine, insert their card, enter in their PIN, complete their transaction, grab a receipt and move on with their life. In case you are new here, I’m not entirely normal.
While there are moments of ATM glory, there are also moments of shame and most of those moments look something like this:
- Drive up to cash machine
- Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine
- Set parking brake, put the window down, glance around to make sure no one is lurking nearby
- Grab purse and try to pry the debit card out of my wallet
- Find mint and get distracted by my good fortune
- Focus on card and then swear as it refuses to budge out of my wallet
- Turn the radio down—too distracting
- Precariously hang out of the window to insert card
- Attempt to insert card into machine
- Re-insert card the right way up
- Glance around again for would-be muggers
- Enter PIN
- Enter amount of cash required
- Press cancel and re-enter correct amount of cash required
- Back up the car again to retrieve an envelope for soon-to-be-delivered cash
- Retrieve cash and receipt
- Glance around again for would-be muggers
- Grab purse and place cash and receipt inside
- Look for another mint but find only disappointment
- Drive forward two feet
- Reverse back to cash machine
- Precariously hang out of the window to retrieve card
- Grab wallet again and shove card into the slot provided
- Silently memorize the facial features of the irate male driver/would-be mugger in line behind me
- Drive forward two feet
- Bath my hands in sanitizer
- Move on with my life
You see how exhausting this is?
No wonder I held off so long.
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I had never heard of a drive through cash machine before now.
You learn something new everyday.
The catch is that they don’t just give you money though. You have to actually have cash in the account. Bummer, huh? ;)
I am not entirely normal either, which is why I find you and your Blog so refreshing. I’m always shocked by how low my balance is, and keep thinking someone has hacked into my bank account, until I recall that couple of reckless spends which make sense of my lamentable lack of cash reserves. For some of us, a form of madness is our most loyal friend.
I once dropped my debit card. It went right under the car. I was parked so close to the machine that I couldn’t open the door so I had to drive forward while praying that the impatient driver behind me wouldn’t pull right in over my debit card.
You know that most people approach the ATM like you.. Right?? Lol.
I hate those things and damned if I don’t forget my pin constantly. I never feel ‘so blonde’ then when I a standing in front of that stupid screen and the drive up windows.. At the bank, at the pharmacy, at Burger King.. Just evil.. I swear they are convenient but they make everyone look spastic. ;-)
Xoxo
Finally, a reason to be happy I don’t drive! Even when going through the car wash, I could never alugn my car into the slots without having to bsck up 8 thousand times. And I totally love that you silently remember the face of the person behind you. Totally something I would do.
You know what I always do? Park the car too far away from the machine so I have to hang half of my body out of the window in order to punch in my pin #. And then notice the people in the car behind me laughing their asses off.
My mom will actually park and get out to walk to the ATM sometimes, simply because she’s little and drives a big Dodge Ram. Evidently our ineptitude is genetic.
You are a nut job and I love that about you! I can’t imagine a life without dipping into your craziness, and I say that with all the admiration in the world.
Funny. I once saw something about the difference between men and women when they pull up to an ATM. Hilarious. The last step for the woman was to drive two miles then release parking brake. :)
Ha! I’m generally a good driver and avoid the “female” stereotypes like forgetting to release the parking brake, but I obviously still have my issues ;)
I’m glad it was successful! And that you didn’t get mugged. Next time you should bring a sketch pad and some charchol so you can get make a detailed drawing of your potential mugger.
I try to exclusively use an ATM when I can, but refuse to use the self-checkout scanners at the grocery store. I say it’s because I don’t want those machines taking jobs from hardworking American cashiers, but in truth that’s not the reason.
You know what you call it when those robot food label swipers eventually create a Union? Skynet.
What is this “cash” you speak of?
When I lean out the window, I still can’t reach the machine, so I have to take my shoulder-seat belt off and THEN I can hang halfway out the window. I always wary about “muggers” around the ATM too!
Yup. Been there, done that. Every. Single. Time.
Thanks for the chuckle this morning! I’ve done several of those things myself!
Hilarious analysis.
Here you’d have to add: worriedly glance repeatedly at the large vehicle behind you that keeps inching closer and closer as the impatient driver screams you are taking too long with scary passengers threatening to come up there and show you how to do it.
Or then there’s the guy who suddenly appears with a gun by your window after you get the cash and demands you hand it over.
Banking is so much fun these days
Where the heck do you bank?!?
Not in certain parts/ a large part of Houston…but drive up windows are safer than going inside with all the armed robberies
So YOU’RE the girl I’m always behind in line!
My parents refuse to use an ATM card. Dad thinks if he owns one he’ll be held up and they’ll drive him to an ATM machine at gun point and make him withdraw all his money.
Hm. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you that scenario…
I do the same thing. I’m always panicking that I’m taking too long. And as a short person who doesn’t drive a giant car, I basically would have to lose my driver’s rear view mirror to get close enough without having to pull half my body out of the car.
Ah, I understand why things are changing with the ATM’s where I live, they’re Abby-proofing them for you- you get your card spit right back at you before you are allowed to key in your pin so you can’t forget it. You’re changing the world, one transaction at a time …
That sounds right to me – is there a faster way??? ;)
Em, I don’t see a problem, here. In fact, if I were behind you, I’d say to myself “now THAT’s how you rock an A T EM!”
I use ATMs but I’m always wary of the drive through ones after one of them ate my card. I guess that can happen at any of them but now I’m particularly suspicious of the drive through ones. I’m like you, I’m always looking around my shoulder to see if anyone is hovering. I try to use ones right in the bank or in the grocery store where there are lots of people around. That’s all I need is to be mugged at the cash machine.
I haven’t used an ATM machine in years… We belong to a credit union inconveniently situated in another state (yeah, I know) with no local branches (I know, I know) so I do all my banking online and if I need cash I just go to the grocery store and buy a pack of gum with my debit card. This worked perfectly until my kid needed $200 in cash for a ski trip (I KNOW) and I discovered that my bank has a cash/day limit… whoops.
What’s with the out-of-state banking? You sound like a rich casino owner with multiple “overseas” accounts. Very fancy!
With drive-up ATMs, I’ve always had the fear that a huge gust of wind will come through right as I’m grabbing my cash out of the machine and blow it right out of my hand, making it rain for the car behind me. (Of course, I never take out more than $40 at a time anyway and live in a town that doesn’t have drive-through ATMs … but in my imagination, I’m a big roller that lives for convenience).
I’m not a fan of drive-up ATMs either. I’m always convinced I will scrape my mirrors off if I actually pull up close enough to reach them!
I was always really great at being too lazy to realign the car and instead would undo the seatbelt and do my transaction half hanging out of my door. Pretty dangerous stuff. I understand your anxiety over the situation.
HA! I am totally with you on the, getting distracted by a mint, scanning for possible muggers, turning down the radio because it’s too distracting & scrubbing your hands with sanitizer, immediately afterwards.
During my stint living in America, I found lots of things very exciting. Drive-through cash machines was one of these things. The other was the amount of dead deer I saw on the side of the road. You Americans do everything bigger, even your road kill.