Winter Wonder Word Search

Hello dear friends and readers!

I hope you had a lovely Christmas, Festivus, Hanukkah, Kwanza or regular old week in your worlds. Mine was lovely and very low-key and involved a “Too Cute” marathon on Animal Planet at my mom’s and a “No Reservations” marathon at home.

I asked for an electric can opener that I received, so that was exciting and another avenue in which I can probably maim myself in the kitchen. My mom cried at the donation to Muttville and new humidifier I got her and we did our annual holiday dance of, “You did too much” and “Just shut up and say thank you without being such a witch.”

It’s tradition.

Anyway, because most of you are still out celebrating while others of us are back at work—but mostly because I really have nothing else funny to say—I figured it was a good time to share another “Word Search” post in these parts.

To the uninitiated, I get some very random, often humorous yet disturbing search terms that lead to my blog. Sometimes I can tell which post might have led them there, but sometimes I’m completely confused.

For example, I’m not sure what it means that “midget goat porn” has shown up in the list, but I assume it’s not favorable for me. Actually, it’s not very favorable for whoever is Googling “midget goat porn.”

But without further ado, let’s begin (my notes in the parenthesis.)

Walking in a Winter Wonder Word Search

  • Gordon Ramsay yells at a girl about mashed potatoes that can kill you
  • Foods found in the freezer “sextion”
  • I’m stuck inside a snow globe with a gnome
  • Which one of my personalities offends you?
  • I’d rather sit in my bed without a bra on (Who wouldn’t?)
  • Skinny squirrel as an Elvis impersonator
  • I am Sylvia Plath in a thong
  • Homemade pellet gun traps for unicorns (Creative hobby, I suppose)
  • Look at that bitch eating her crackers
  • I find peace when I’m confused (I am a very peaceful person)
  • I’m allergic to stupidity so I break out in sarcasm
  • Good grammar is hot
  • Melissa Rivers looks like Steven Tyler (So, so true)
  • Hamsters using nunchucks (This needs to be a reality show)
  • I would exercise but it makes me spill my drink
  • Epileptic cardio machine (a very unfortunate typo on their part)
  • Jump into a taxi and yell “Mascara is evil!”
  • Squirrels at dentist’s office in race cars (Again, I need to see this)
  • At Christmas we sit around a dead tree and eat things out of an old sock
  • My pet raccoon has sneezing spells. What’s wrong with him?
  • The popcorn you make in your pants (ironically found under the search term, “things to be grateful for”)

Although I’ve never made popcorn in my pants and am pretty confident I never will, I am grateful for this blog and all of my readers who have become my friends—even weirdos who arrived here by Googling “Polish banana clips.”

Now it’s back to work and then opening every can in my house with my new electric can opener, giving thanks the creepy “Elf on a Shelf” is gone for a year and prying the cat off the ceiling after hiding the “Xtreme Catnip” Santa Paws brought.

‘Tis the season, my friends!

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13 responses to “Winter Wonder Word Search

  1. I love how you love to be with your mother, and I can imagine your smile from here.

    Happy holidays, dear lady, here’s to another year of you brightening our lives, you truthsayer of the internet.

    Love you, and your no B.S. ways.

    xo

  2. I love it when you do these posts Laughing hardest and the epileptic machine, popcorn in the pants and I’d exercise but it would make me spill my drink

  3. I love the “allergic to stupidity” one! That is awesome. Although I’ve never made popcorn in my pants, it’s possible that it sounded that way on occasion, depending what I ate at the last meal.

  4. At least two of those I would proudly wear plastered across my chest. Allergic to stupidity, and exercise makes me spill my drink.

  5. That Elf creeps me the F out.
    The Sylvia Plath in a thong had me laughing.

  6. Please tell mom hello and Happy Holiday. I would like to hang out with her and make fun of you while you blogged about us. It’s a goal of mine.

    29 people have found My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog through the search “grunge parenting”. I should retire from the internets. It won’t get any better than that.

  7. Sounds like you had a very relaxing couple of days like we did. I pretty much completely checked out from the internet for the long weekend and it was good. The problem is that now it’s hard to get back into the swing of things.

  8. Does the electric can opener open the can all the way or does it leave about a half an inch so it can look like Popeye opened it? I like to open my cans Popeye style.

  9. Hi Abbie, yes Melissa Rivers does look like Steven Tyler. This is Clare’s mom and thank you for being there for her.

    • Hi Clare’s mom. Thanks for popping in. I love Clare and although I don’t write about my serious “issues” as much anymore, they’re still there and I can relate to what she’s going through. Thank YOU for being a rock that she needs. XO

  10. I don’t seem to get much in the way pf search engine traffic, so I caan’t offer up any gems from a personal collection. Despite all that my mind is still boggling at some of the enquires which lead some lucky readers to your Blog. Hope you had a good rest over the holiday

  11. Hi Abby! Came here after Cordelia gave you some Link Love. Christmas was good; lunch with family, got to catch up with my step-granddaughter and her boyfriend. She’s doing great guns in the Navy, although it meant she very nearly didn’t make it to her Mum’s wedding!

    I wonder, though: How can you have a “No Reservations” marathon? There’s just the one film, right? Or is it just that too much Aaron Eckhart as a love interest is never enough? :D

    Your posting actually got me fiddling with Google’s Webmaster tools to find out just what folks are searching for when they come to my site – and it looks like it’s “Android Netrunner.”

    It’s almost disappointing; all this other stuff I’m writing about living curiously, learning how to ride a scooter, interviewing folks for my podcast and over and over again this one article I wrote a few months ago about a card game I don’t even OWN is bringing folks in; it’s in the top six-to-ten results for “Android Netrunner” in Google!

    I ought to bite the bullet, actually BUY the game and write some actual-play articles…

    • Hi Rob! Thanks for stopping in. I love Cordelia ;) As for “No Reservations,” I was referring to the Anthony Bourdain show on Travel Channel. I didn’t know there was a movie with the same name!

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