Step By Step

I hate when I overthink stairs.

It’s not that I’m incapable of general motor skills, but sometimes I neglect to literally take it one step at a time and end up with a bruised shin or my heart in my throat when that extra step isn’t there at the bottom or top.

Please. Like you’ve never done it.

But because metaphors sound fancy and I’m nothing if not fancy—isn’t life a little like stairs? Not in the sense that it’s a pain to clean with a Swiffer, but in that it’s a series of ups and downs and overthinking the most basic things can leave you tangled up or even in pain.

Let’s explore.

I’m sure I’m the only one who has noticed, but I haven’t been sharing quite as many serious and “introspective” posts as I used to. I’ve vented to (myself and) friends about my health and exercise issues, feeling stuck with my writing and work and just life, blah, blah, blah, but I haven’t published that here.

It’s not that I’ve given up on mindfulness or that my depression has magically lifted—let me assure you I haven’t and it hasn’t—but I started to think I was dwelling on things instead of looking for ways to dig out.

When I dwell and keep saying the same things I’ve said, it leads to getting stuck in the negative, withdrawing from reality and trapping me in an endless loop of questions without sufficient answers.

I’m not saying talking and working through depression or problems is bad—the complete opposite is true—and I still plan on writing about more serious things here and there because a) I’m selfish and need the support and it helps me find some meaning in my experience and b) if someone else can find meaning as well, then that makes it all worth my while.

Plus, I’m still an introspective thinker who overshares, so there’s that.

But instead of analyzing everything, I want to notice that it is what it is and then get on with my life.

My “issues” are still glaringly there, but it doesn’t feel quite as natural to dwell on them. Maybe it’s simply avoidance, but maybe I’m just getting bored with that crap and want a new story to tell.

Lately that story is lighter and fun, at least what I publicly show, and a few twisted minds keep encouraging me. Because of this, I’ve found myself feeling a little more snarky, a little more willing to laugh and admit that some things just might make me happy—even when the joy they inspire doesn’t immediately register. 

It’s not a cure, it’s not an answer to any of the questions I have and it sure as heck isn’t helping to pay any bills, but it’s better than just feeling stuck.

And it’s most certainly a positive step forward—one that I won’t overthink.

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My next post? Shower curtain liners. Prepare to have your mind blown.

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15 responses to “Step By Step

  1. I’m choosing to be in that mode too. I’m constantly over thinking things and it’s not always healthy. Sometimes it’s all about having fun and enjoying the moment. No, it’s not a cure but there’s nothing wrong with helping the symptoms.

  2. We’re all selfish and need support, don’t feel guilty. I’m glad you’re finding joy. Even if you realize it the next day or the next week. Maybe delayed joy is like double joy or is that double luck?

    • I never feel guilty about reaching out, but at some point you have to choose to move on and shift your focus to some other things. I like trying to be funny. It gets me out of my head, even if most times it flops ;)

  3. It is a rare writer that can bring pathos and laughter in the same small space. Loved this post, Abby. It is what it is is one of my faves for pushing through my usual deliberating over complete effing nonsense. And for the love of the baby Jesus, please keep the quirky-snark coming. Some nuts like me really need that stuff. So I guess that makes me one of your twisted brood begging for more. Yay!

  4. I always enjoy your posts….serious or snarky! I’m looking forward to being blown away by shower curtain liners!

  5. Sometimes I just have to get down in the dirt and tell myself “In 50 years, we’ll be dead and this won’t matter anymore.” You’d be amazed what becomes funny after that. :) Great post!

  6. Will be hanging around for those shower curtain liners. Always a great read here!

  7. I overthink and it’s exhausting. I often think if I didn’t have a sense of humor I would be unbearable.

  8. I was reading an author foward to his book yesterday (Lee Child, The Killing Floor) and he was talking about how when he was deciding on the main character attributes that he wanted to incorporate into the main kind-of hero character, he decided that while the guy should obviously have feelings and reactions to them, he was just gonna have him look at his responses and tragedies and say huh, that sucked and I kind of feel guilty for being a shithead, and then he’s gonna move on. That resonated pretty well with me, since I think the whole attachment to every.thought.about.every.thought/feeling that passes through your head is pretty self defeating…typed as my anxiety meds kick in, ha ;)

  9. This sounds good to me! Sometimes the hardest thing to do is choose what you know is the best thing, and I find that’s especially true when trying to choose a more upbeat attitude over the bleak comfort of a deep funk.

  10. You know I’m your biggest fan.

    I adore your introspective writing just as much as your snarky posts.

    I understand the dwelling loops all too well. I also have a tendency to get stuck in them.

    “It is what it is”.

    I like that.

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