Get In Line

The other day I had the (dubious) honor of (inexplicably) injuring myself in a way that once again lacked an exciting story about badger wresting or wrangling up rogue grocery carts.

I have no idea how I did it, but coming down the stairs I heard a crack in my foot and was reduced to crawling/hobbling around for two days.

Again, the cat was not helpful in this situation a la Lassie in fetching me ice, but instead alternated exasperated glances between the catnip bag on the fridge and my skinny ass crawling around on the floor.

Noted, my furry feline friend, noted.

But that’s neither here nor there.

I had X-rays, it’s strained/overused and I’m moving on with my life, but working from home that first day reminded me of something: I don’t understand people.

Going through emails that morning—ice on the foot and tea in my cup—I turned on the Today show for what is apparently now six hours of viewing. Aside from drunk Hoda and corny Roker, they showed thousands of people camped out and waiting for the One Direction concert on the plaza—the next morning.

Some of these people had been camped out for four days.

FOUR DAYS!

These people—mostly young women—had been eating, sleeping and standing in line outside in the cold to hear a boy band from a view of the stage comparable to the view of Mars from my lawn.

A mom said she took her kids out of school for two days and held their place in line overnight while the kids went home to take a test. One girl from Pennsylvania said she got fired for missing work for two days.

To stand in the cold. In the street. To hear three songs from a band.

And then there are the “Twi-hards” who were reportedly camping out in L.A. for up to a week before the release of the final movie in the Twilight Saga series. I repeat, they were camping outside for a week to get tickets to a movie that’s done in two hours.

Do these people not know that the movie will be in theaters for months?

I’ll assume these are the same people that will camp outside Best Buy for two days and trample old women and children to buy a TV for $100 on Black Friday. Given the fact that I have an extreme aversion to the consumerism aspect to the holidays, these people—many of who spend the actual day of Thanksgiving camped out in a lot and not with drunk nuns—remain a mystery to me.

Perhaps it’s simply my lack of attachment to material things or my preference for indoor plumbing, warmth and sanity, but unless it was a vital organ primped and primed for transplant—or a new foot, as of late— I can’t think of anything I would camp out for days in anticipation of purchasing.

I suppose more power to them.

But you won’t catch me camped out for a concert or a discounted microwave any time soon. Call me a weirdo, call me cheap, call me boring—you wouldn’t be the first person to do so.

In fact, take a number. Get in line.

Like the blog? Buy the book. Save a kitten.

So spill it. What have you waited a ridiculously long amount of time in line for? A concert? A meal? A pre-holiday sale?

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45 responses to “Get In Line

  1. This just seems silly, because you can be warm and eating cookies in your living room as the cameras zoom in on the adorable (?) faces of the boy band. Or maybe I just don’t like camping.

  2. I’ve done the concert thing…well, sat by my computer to buy tickets pre-sale. But concerts are really the only thing I do for myself on a regular basis…

    I cant recall the last time I’ve been to a movie, btw

    • Sitting by the computer I can totally get. You’re inside. That makes a big difference ;) And I can’t tell you the last movie I went to…

      • I do go to concerts Early tho..usually because us country bumpkins like to tailgate or try to get the band to drink with us haha

      • The only time I waited outside for a concert was a bust… stood in line for like 5 hours, thinkin things MIGHT be orderly when gates open… no way in hell. it was like a running for the bulls. I doubt I’ll Ever do that again..

  3. Sing it Sister! I find that there are very, very few THINGS worth waiting for. I am okay with the outdoors and the cold, but the patience (or lack of) is my problem.

  4. melaniethesporklover

    I have never ever gotten this either. Hell, I am sitting in a heated office wearing a Snuggie. I loathe being cold, or too hot.

    I especially don’t get the waiting in line for a new electronic gadget or Elmo doll. I just don’t.

  5. Who the hell is One Direction? I hope that you can train your cat to fetch you useful items like a whisk you can throw at the stupid people on tv to help pass the time until you’re healed.

  6. I never, ever, want to attend a tween concert with my kid. If they ever insist, they have to accompany me to a Neil Diamond concert. Sorry about your foot :(

  7. Once I set my alarm to make sure I was awake and at my computer when concert tickets went on sale at 10am on a Saturday. That’s pretty much the most effort I’ve ever put in.

    I’ve stood in line at the DMV because there’s pretty much no way around standing in line at the DMV.

  8. Is it okay if I cuss here?!! LOL–WTF??!!! Is it really worth getting fired from your freakin’ job? WAIT–let me answer that one myself–must have been a terrible job, eh? And freakin’ Black Friday–did you read She’s a Maineac’s post on that today? It’s great. Oh! I just received your book–am so looking forward to reading it!!

  9. I absolutely hate lines, which is why I try to avoid anything with a Sears between November and February. Grocery stores are the worst because I spend more time running from line to line, comparing their length and the number of items each person has to somehow shorten my experience, than I actually would if I just chose a line and stuck to it.

    I love to laugh at people in lines, though. That’s a hobby I could get behind.

  10. I’m totally with you on this! I wouldn’t stand in line for either!

  11. Ugh, I would never camp out for something like that. Or go shopping on black friday. Ick. Lines and crowds are equally bad to me.

  12. Your posts always imply a sense of values and priorities which are very similar to mine. They are full of a sort of grumpy common sense, in my opinion at least, which has me nodding in agreement over my bargain basement breakfast cereal. But on this occasion my whimsical nods of agreement were brought to a juddering halt by your line “drunk nuns”.

    All thought processes stopped and my imagination was taken over by the sight of a large drunk nun lurching around and trying to jump the line for a One Direction concert. Very disturbing. On a more serious note, I am sorry to hear about your ankle, and I hope your cat’s nursing skills improve soon.

    • That’s why I felt the need to add a link to my post about the drunk nun. I don’t think she would wait in line for a concert, but wine? Possibly.

  13. I’m a cheap, boring, weirdo too. Camp for days to see a band? No way! No how! You’d be lucky to get me to stand in a line of more than 3 people before I gave up & went home.

  14. I stood in line for 3 hours at the DMV the day after my birthday to get my licenses renewed…It was horrible & smelly! Last week during the election I stood in line for over a hour to vote; it was horrible & smelly also! Needless to say, I don’t like lines and there is no way in hell that I would stand in line to watch some one hit wonder boy band or to see a movie that I can get from the redbox a few months later for only a buck & watch on my couch!

  15. Once I called into a radio show and actually WON Wham! tickets, only to have my mother tell me I was too young to go – no way. THAT IS A MOM.

  16. I happened across that very show yesterday and when I saw the throngs of people waiting to hear the band I thought someone REALLY famous was coming on. Then I noticed the average AGE of the people waiting and thought, Bieber. Unbelievable what some people will do. The worst part was, I had that damn song – Beautiful?- stuck in my head the whole day!!

  17. I once got a ticket for an Anne Rice signing for my birthday. I stood in line for over 5 hours just to get her signature. The signing was officially over before she finished the line, but she stayed until everyone who had tickets got autographs.

    When Ree Drummond (Pioneer Woman) published her first cookbook, I went to a signing, but there were too many people and I didn’t get her autograph.

    • I did wait in line for 2 hours to have my picture taken with the Stanley Cup when I was in college, but it was indoors. Plus, in my world, a book signing would be pretty cool–just not if it took five hours.

  18. I can’t think of anything I would want badly enough to camp out, but it is amusing to watch. On the other hand, my husband used to camp out for student basketball tickets when he was in grad school at Duke. He and his buddies had a tent, beer, and the works!

  19. I don’t understand it either. I’ve done Black Friday shopping before when my best friend is in town. But we get up at a normal hour (usually 8ish), go to breakfast, get coffee, and hit the stores around 10. It’s fun that way. Then we go to lunch and all is right with the world. No deal is so great that it can’t wait.

  20. What I find most interesting about the Twi-Hards camping out for a week is that they can pre-buy the tickets online a month in advance; my sister has had her tickets for a month and didn’t need to stand in any line at all.

    As for Black Friday, I avoid it at all costs. I stay snuggled up in my house, away from people and avoid driving anywhere.

  21. If you’re over the age of 25 and you camp out for anything, then you’re asking for and deserve misery.

    No one in my life, currently, does Black Friday. This is why I love them, so.

  22. I love the line “3 songs”. I have three nieces who seem to faint at the mention of these Karaoke teens.
    I want to see a band that can play instruments and sing more than 3 songs. lol

    p.s. I love your book Abby. I’ve been reading it slowly to savory it. ;)

  23. “to hear a boy band from a view of the stage comparable to the view of Mars from my lawn”

    That cracked me up. But you couldn’t PAY me to camp out for four days like that, unless by camped out you really mean the best suite at The Plaza Hotel.

    Also, why IS the Today Show on ALL DAMN DAY?

  24. Why would one stand in line for movie tickets in this day and age? Can’t you get that shit on Fandango way in advance? I suppose the answer has something to do with human interaction and camaraderie that this recluse bridge troll just wouldn’t understand.

  25. As you already know, only several weeks ago, I found myself queuing for 8 hours with my girlfriend, for the Kelly Clarkson concert.

    8 HOURS.

    Why did I do this?

    Because my girlfriend is OBSESSED with Kelly Clarkson and I was being nice.

    Would I do it again?

    Fuck, NO.

  26. I haven’t waited in that kind of line for years. I’m not sure there’s much of anything that has a line that’s worth waiting for like that, and certainly nothing that’s on sale on Black Friday. I’m really more the person who will pay extra to not wait.

    Any time I’m on the floor, my cat finds it EXTREMELY SUSPICIOUS. There’s a lot of oversight involved.

  27. I was just listening to the news and they were talking about people already camping out for Black Friday at Best Buy. Who endures that kind of suffering to save $10. Plus you can get anything in the store online probably cheaper and with free shipping. But I also will pay more in order to not have to wait. Crap — there’s always more money, but no one knows how much life they’re guaranteed.

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