How To Piss Off Mommy Bloggers

For the first time in a long time, I wanted to quit blogging tonight. That sounds dramatic and worthy of an eye roll, but it’s me we’re talking about.

Let me back up.

A couple of months ago the talented, extremely humble and ridiculously nice Jill Smokler of Scary Mommy fame agreed to let me put a guest post up on the weekly Society Posts section of her website. It’s basically a chance for people to offer a different perspective on parenting.

Ironic, I know, but go with it.

Anyway, I wrote a tongue-in-cheek post about why I don’t have kids and why parents should probably stop mistaking my general interest as an invitation to inundate me with hourly updates on baby bowel movements. Jill liked it, so we went with it.

If you know me, you know I’m snarky and sarcastic, but I’m never mean. These readers don’t know me, and while the comments on the post were fine, the result on the Scary Mommy Facebook page revealed that not only am I apparently mean, but I’m resentful, untalented, spoiled and selfish—among many other things.

Oh yes, and even though I didn’t title or format the post, they ripped on that as well.

I won’t go into the details, but it really, really got to me. Tell me to suck it up, that if I can’t take it I shouldn’t dish it out, but I had no idea that it would strike such a nerve.

But that fact is that I don’t have an issue with people disagreeing with me. I have an issue with the fact that my character is called into question.

Because while I might not be changing infant diapers, I have changed the diapers of my 90-year-old grandma and spent years dispensing care. 

Because while I might not be thrilled when a coworker repeatedly tells me that the world is ending because her toddler crapped his pants again, I am a good friend and listen—really listen—when people talk to me about whatever it is that they talk to me about.

I might “selfishly write about my veggie steamer and cat” as one person brought up, but I also donated all the profits from my book to the Humane Society, and just as kids are important to some, those things are important to me.

So while I admit that this sounds quite defensive—which it kind of is—it’s really more of a reminder to myself that I am many things.

I am a writer, a daughter, a granddaughter, a sports fan, a cat mom, a friend and someone who knows who she is.

What I am not is mean, resentful, untalented, spoiled or selfish, and I hate how the opinion of a few were suddenly causing me to think that way. I hate how I had a different post planned for this week, but started to wonder, “Is it selfish? Is it mean? Why the hell am I blogging anyway? What’s the point?”

The point is that not everyone will like me.

In fact, some complete strangers flat out hate me because I struck a mommy nerve and got their granny panties in a knot. But as a certain (scary) mommy blogger put it, “screw ‘em.” 

So I’ll brush it off, watch the ballgame and play with my cat tonight because she’s pissed I’ve ignored her while obsessing over this crap. Later I’ll selfishly post about accidentally walking outside without pants on and ranting about neighbor kids because that’s just what I do.

Well, that and piss off mommy bloggers.

Thanks for letting me vent.

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123 responses to “How To Piss Off Mommy Bloggers

  1. Oh, honey.

    I almost quit blogging two years ago, for this very reason.

    Don’t go.

    We need sanity like yours in this blogosphere.

    • Nah. I’m just ticked I wasted energy on this instead of stuffing catnip down the cat and chasing her around with a feather. Well, there’s always tomorrow…

  2. I worried about that post after I read it. I figured you might be in for some hatery stuff. ;P Seriously. The Mommy Wars must have been getting too dull for them. When I have been told that I am selfish for not wanting kids, I say, ‘Yep, I probably am. Good thing I found that out BEFORE I had a child. You didn’t figure out you were a jerk before you had yours.’ Ok, maybe I don’t say the last part but it puts into perspective how stupid it is to call someone selfish b/c the made a choice NOT to f-up a kid’s life as well as their own.

  3. Vent all you want, Abby. And as that wise mommy blogger said, screw ‘em. I LOVED your post, & I ADORE your snarky, sarcastic, and dry humor. If people can’t take a joke, they can’t take a joke, but being a mommy is not the end all and be all in life, and it’s not the only decision that an intelligent, beautiful, and talented woman like you can make for her life.

    • Thanks, Katie. This wasn’t a “woe is me” post, but rather a reminder to myself that I need to grow a pair once in awhile. I’m generally okay with things, but this one got to me. I’ll be fine, but lesson learned!

  4. First of all, you’re not allowed to quit blogging. And secondly, I do not think for ONE second you are ANY of those negative adjectives. You are an awesome friend, an extremely talented writer [seriously I envy you], and you’re a loving, giving, caring human being. Period.

    Please KEEP “selfishly write about your veggie steamer and cat” – because I LOVE your posts like that. No one brings the snarky and sarcastic like you do, Abby.

  5. Tongue & cheek is a concept that a lot of people don’t quite grasp.
    Especially if they’re lactating.

    … … wait for it… …

  6. Moms can be seriously vicious. Maybe it’s because we’re overworked and under-appreciated, haven’t had a good night’s sleep in years, and cant remember the last time we showered or pooped alone. Kudos to you for daring to test our limits, but dont be surprised when the mama bear claws come out…
    ps Dont quit!

  7. I’ve never understood how not wanting to parent is a selfish thing. It’d be a selfish thing if you HAD kids then didn’t want to parent (and I know many of those people…ahem) but choosing not to have kids isn’t selfish any more than choosing to HAVE kids is. They’re equal in my book. Choices.

  8. StoriesAndSweetPotatoes

    Have you noticed all the real internet-hate happens on Facebook? If those people had something real to say why couldn’t they put it on the actual site? I read the post, I liked it. It seems like most people liked but felt they shouldn’t or needed to defend their actions and the actions of other parents…which of course is their own issue. You’re such a mover and shaker Abby! ;)

  9. I am so sorry that happened to you. I wish I could say “Don’t take it personally” but how can you not? The mommy blogger crowd can sometimes be too defensive and not understanding of satire. I think that’s why not too many read me. That and I constantly threaten violence. But I, like you, am one of the nicest folks around. Your readers know it and you are wildly talented. Don’t give up. *internet hug*

    • Thanks. Jill was so awesome and it’s her website, so I never even figured her fans would be so, um, rabid. Silly me. Considering how defensive and protective I get of my food, I should have predicted the fangs would come out over kids.

  10. Abby, I am a mom and I blog, and I loved the post. Of course you and I blog with the same level of sarcasm. I hadn’t seen the Facebook page. Ironic, in a community that Jill developed to allow people to give voice to things they weren’t supposed to say about parenting, that this wouldn’t extend to people who choose not to parent and, ohmygod, maybe not put parents on pedestals. Keep blogging. I for one, want to keep reading.

  11. Abby: I love you. And I love your blog. Mommy bloggers can be vicious. You know what? This is weird (grinning) but who cares. When I was on vacation, I missed your blog. Yep. You’re funny as hell but you have a good heart. How do I know? I just do. And crikey. I have three kids of my own and God help us all if we piss off the Mommy Blogger Mafia. They are MEAN sister. So try to shrug it off (it will hurt tonight but not so much in the morning). And never, ever stop being you.

    • This is weird, but I missed your FB posts when you were on vacation. Thanks for your kind words. This post wasn’t a “cheer me up” thing or anything. Just more of a “what the hell is my problem?” thing. I’ll be fine. You people are awesome and I would never NOT be myself (for better or for worse.) ;)

  12. Haters mean you’ve made it. I know it’s hard not to take these things personally, but there is no world where everyone is going to like you. I got attacked because I said, “I’m not a breeder” once. I laughed my ass off. You are probably the nicest blogger I know.

    To make you feel better, a friend of mine’s shop was featured on Regretsy the other day and so many of the commenters called her a man, and said she was fat and shapeless, that I didn’t even have the heart to tell her she’s on there, even though she LOVES Regretsy. I am sure she’ll find it. I just didn’t want to be the one who said, “Hey, you’re on Regretsy today. Just ignore the mean stuff” ’cause I know how hard that can be. Hell, I had to pull down a profile on a dating site ’cause I couldn’t ignore the mean stuff.

    The day I change how I act, what I say, or what I blog, for fear of people thinking I am mean, is the day I slit my own throat. You say whatever you need to say. F*** whoever takes it wrong. And when I say f*** them, I mean shank them with a rusty sharpened spoon so they get tetanus. Now THAT was mean.

  13. Don’t quit writing! Wrong audience! Who cares! I stopped reading scary mommy’s blog a long time ago and similar blogs that take being a mom for granted by griping about having kids. I actually don’t mind if people brag about their kids and I find the discussing of eating placenta interesting from a nutritional perspective, but there’s something that really irks me when people go on blogs and facebook to complain about their kids. That’s taking it too far. If you have children you should respect them as individuals and not divulge all sorts of dirty laundry about them in public.

  14. You can’t quit blogging! I need other people who are not card-carrying members of the Cult of The Child around! It keeps me from stabbing my relatives when they ask me (again, and more aggressively and insultingly) why I refuse to spawn. Or my friend, who insists on minute-by-minute breast feeding updates (tandem, you know, because these kids are gonna be breast-feeding in college, I swear)! Or…!

    Seriously, though (okay, I’m serious about the rest, too, but roll with it), don’t let them get to you. The Child-Cultists are obnoxious and start foaming at the mouth as if they are being personally insulted that anyone dare to not also worship at the same altar. They’re just a bunch of petty, shallow, twits who think being bitchy at people on the Internet will somehow make their life choices better. Not worth the time spent being upset. You’re awesome and funny and a fantastic human being (srsly, the Humane Society thing? As a devoted kitty-mommy, this is SO HUGE). We love you, even if the cultists are jealous.

  15. Ugh. People need to learn how to respect that everyone is entitled to their own opinions without getting all worked up. Keep doing your thing, and if I don’t have kids we can take fabulous annual vacations together with all our extra money :)

  16. I’m with Scary—screw ‘em!

  17. they don’t know you and that’s okay, cause they are missing out! Youre character is genuine, it’s sincere, it’s kind. Sarcastic, yes. But it’s all about the person. It’s hard to translate over the a guest post and facebook. Just know you are loved… like tons! xoxo

  18. abyy i think you are hilarious, waste no more of your time fretting about the mommy haters, your post was tongue in cheek, but dead on true, and some people just can’t handle the truth. i didn’t get a mean feel from it at all. go play with that cat!

  19. I’m so, so sorry that you got the response you did. I thought the post was hysterical. Clearly, it hit a nerve. A well deserved nerve. I swear, sometimes I need a sarcasm font in my posts, too. :(

  20. Oh gawd. As a mom and a blogger, I say screw ‘em too. As a follower of Scary Mommy and Abby Has Issues, I beg of you to continue your sarcasm, quick wit and all things “non-mothering”…after all, I often live vicariously through you and your freedoms of wiping someone else’s bum junk for a living. Go obsess for me, would you please? I, with all seriousness, need it. <3

  21. You know, people say things online that they would never be so rude as to say in person. The pseudo-anonymity of the Internet emboldens people. Plus, some people just don’t have any sense of humor at all.

    None of them are worth your time. It’s hard to brush it off, but that’s really all you can do and keep your sanity. Just know you’re not alone. It seems like everyone gets unfairly and unreasonably attacked these days.

    I don’t have kids. I have dogs. We’re watching the NBA semi-finals tonight and later I’m going to blog about my passive-aggressive neighbor who cooks food that smells like dog diarrhea. :)

  22. Well, you could always look at it this way – you wrote something that sparked some real emotion! You got people thinking and then inspired them to put those thoughts into words. Unfortunately, that ended up being mean spirited comments directed towards a stranger (you). But that spurring emotion thing counts for something! Just think of how many people were pissed when Jonathan Swift suggested (satirically) that they eat their own children.

    And I hate to be a downer here, but I can’t have children, and I really wish people would stop insinuating I’m a lesser-than human being because I won’t experience the “joys” of parenting. It’s getting old.

  23. Your post was perfectly done.
    Funny, honest, advicey, and self-aware.

    Most of the harsh language came on Facebook, which I think is because those people picked up their cell phones to read Scary Mommy for something totally relatable while doing 10 other things, came across your post with no reference point and decided to take whatever their day dished out on them onto you because they were pissed you weren’t a mom sharing diaper blow-out war stories.

    What I think should matter to you is that many of us see you as a whole. Someone who will read topics you may not be totally keen on, because posts can be about a lot more than just their title. I talk about my kids and you still come around. Heck, I talk about my anus and you still come around.

    This blog world is about Give and Take. If commenters are thoughtful and genuine in their points, a conversation is started and everyone’s eyes are opened a little more. If commenters judge, attack, and close their minds, they lose out and the blogger questions her work. Not. Cool.

    Your post is getting shared a lot, and I hope some of those people who are questioning the nastier comments are coming by here to see what you’re really made of. Unless they were looking for a baby-hating asshole, they won’t be disappointed. Because you’re frigging awesome.

  24. Abby, those women who left those mean FB comments are ridiculous. As Jill said herself on her FB page: “Whoa, you guys, seriously? I thought it was a funny, snarky post. Thinking maybe we all need a drink? Not worth getting upset about.” Exactly. People need to lighten up.

    I find it amazing and sad that people feel emboldened through social media to be so mean and judgmental. Blech.

  25. I love you. That is all.

  26. you better not quit! i adore your sarcasm and for the people who dont get it or appreciate it…their loss!
    lady estrogen’s comment above is awesome btw

  27. Honestly, I think this is just a sign that you’ve “arrived.” So congrats!(?!?)

    If you have a wide enough audience, I don’t think you can really speak (write) your mind, even in a humorous way, without the potential to ruffle some feathers. This is because people can be really sensitive and a lot of people (a shocking number of people) don’t seem to be able to recognize humor, especially in the form of sarcasm.

    Reading such vitriol about yourself can’t be fun. When I get down about blogging it’s about not making much of an impression. But then I try to remind myself that although I don’t get a lot of comments, I also don’t get any hate mail. That cheers me up for a few seconds.

  28. Ugh, that’s so crappy! I didn’t read the post but if Scary Mommy herself liked it, then people need to back off. Sheesh. You’re never mean! People just like to project what they think you are, and attack that. Because they have nothing better to do.

  29. The Mean Mommy Mafia needs to get a sense of humor. I think of all the amazing things we could do as a society if women were actually supportive and a ton less judgmental of each other.

  30. Today was my first read of your blog. I loved the piece you did on why you don’t have kids. I have 1 child. She’s 22 now. I never felt the urge to breastfeed, other mom’s thought I was horrible. I didn’t cry when she started Kindergarten. Bad me I know…bottom line: I get so tired of people posting 75 pictures of last weekends sledding trip. 2 nice photos would do. I don’t want to hear sbout how SM (super mommy) made Chicken with a mango chutney glaze, roasted artichokes with a garlic & white wine reduction, and baked Alaska for dessert….

    We had mini corn dogs, Ore Ida french fries, and Oatmeal cream pie Little Debbies for dessert.

    Social Network sites are great, but I find that most people using them really need to get a clue.

    One last rant : To my artsy fartsy FB friend: Please stop posting 80 pictures daily of your homemade beaded jewelry … I work from home…I haven’t worn earrings since January ’08.

    Keep going girl! Yours is the one voice of sanity in all of this madness. Please don’t quit now.

  31. The Mean Mommy Mafia needs to get a sense of humor! I think of all the amazing things we could do if women were actually supportive of each other and a ton less judgmental.

  32. I just found your blog after reading your post on scary mommy’s page. I love your writing style and tone! Your sarcasm and dry sense of humor is what will keep me coming back. The women who made those comments are obviously jerks and someone needs to lay them one across the face.
    You are awesome, your blog is awesome and some moms just need to get laid.

  33. I find it ironic that people would call you selfish because you hypothetically don’t want to hear every detail of their children’s bowel movements.

    I do freely talk about dog shit all the time, but if someone doesn’t want to hear about it, I’m much more likely to think of them as a fancy prude than selfish.

    My point being that having a knee-jerk reaction and assuming that the person who’s tired of hearing about something you are passionate about is an uncaring selfish asshole precludes you from worrying about whether you ARE going on about one thing to the exclusion of everything else.

    Abby, you think hard about the words you choose and the things you say – I wish more people were “selfish” like you are.

    • The irony is very thick with this thing, that’s for sure, and you hit the nail right on the head. I wish more people would talk freely about dog shit, but I guess I’m glad they don’t, as then I would have to share you with even more people. I get territorial.

  34. . Abby don’t listen to these trifling women. They have nothing better to do than attack people on the internet for some small, thing. You are obviously a kind person who they do not deserve to know.

  35. Checked out your guest post and thought it was funny AND sweet but so true. What is fascinating is that so many of the responders either didn’t read it properly or read it through a prism of prejudice. Just goes to show, the act of reading is also an act of creative writing.
    Love how you handled the responses and the process you went through to whittle the negative out of you head and emotions. Abby, you rock!

  36. OK, you already know what I think and that is I’d rather give myself an appendectomy with a butter knife than listen to one more self-righteous cretin who happened to get knocked up because the dude wouldn’t wear a condom but, really? You are so far beyond this bullshit. Anything with a set of ovaries can produce spawn but caring the way you do? That’s special. That has meaning. F*&^k them. I want names and addresses- this will get ugly.

  37. I have not seen the particular nastiness on the facebook page you are talking about, but I know it well.

    Ivory Tower people who think being a mom is oh! unique and difficult and the only thing that can define you! yep, I bet it is amazing. I fully admit I am selfish, that is the reason I *choose* not to be a parent to more than a couple of wiener dogs. I have plenty of children in my life, I am not missing out. I don’t take it personally when mothers actually call me selfish, I take it personally that a mother is self righteous enough to judge me, and tell me I will regret it, or that I am not experiencing what I am made for (YES, this happened).

    I am in control of my life, and choose each and every thing I do – unlike those moms who “complain” about not showering for days, carting kids all over town, “complain bitch complain ha ha” about Every Little Thing relating to being a parent. poor things. you are so busy. you are so important.

    while many people mistake my choice as Not Liking Children, they could not be more wrong. I love kids, when they are properly parented. <– I will stop there. ;)

    • This is the comment of the day, as you said everything I have said here before. Thank you for your insight–and your Basil updates–as you know that we’re in the same (childless) boat. ;)

  38. Jesus H. Christ. I nearly had an anxiety attack just reading this. I have a slight terror problem when it comes to mommy bloggers… as in, I swear there’s something chemical to the female mind that happens that makes some people not understand humor once they pop out a crotchfruit. Always with the seriousness. Seriously.

    • I won’t lump them all together, as that would be entirely unfair, but there are a few people that are a wee bit oversensitive. Perhaps I’m being oversensitive as well, but if they are allowed to be pissed, I’m allowed to defend myself. Why always with the seriousness, people?

  39. Screw ‘em. I wish I could think of something profound to say, but I’m struggling (it’s early) so I’ll just stick with screw ‘em and keep doing what you’re doing.

  40. I’ve just emailed you, rambling about Eminem: (In the words of Eminem: ‘You have enemies? Good, that means you stood up for something’).

    I figure you’ll just go with it, because we’re friends.

    I’ll repeat what my sister just said (after reading your post). She’s a mum:

    “The mum mafia know they are guilty as charged. It hit a raw nerve”.

    Enough said.

  41. I’ve found that blogging has only made me stronger as a person. So when I hear negative stuff about my writing/dancing I automatically think they’re a boring douche. Which is totally different that when I would have thought before I started a blog. I have one particular hater who just can’t stop reading my stuff and telling me how she hates it. Which makes me think she’s a boring douche he really secretly likes me. Cause why the hell else would she stick around?

  42. Grammar Nazis, man alive.

    Keep your chin up cat-mom. The haters should take a joke, get off Facebook, and teach their kids how to deal with real problems (i.e. not humorous blogs.)

  43. As so many people have said, you are not allowed to stop blogging. Well, you are but we would all be sad. I’m so thrilled at the response to this post. The scary thing is putting yourself out there to the world. Sometimes that means you’ll tick people off. I have to wonder if these women who were so upset have anything better to do than write spiteful things. Obviously not. I think that says it all.
    You are a terrific friend! Hold on to that.

  44. Now you know why “kidfreeliving” rarely bangs the “kidfreeliving” drum. :) All press is good press – no worries!

  45. I knew this political correctness crap was going to be a problem eventually. But does anyone listen to me? People are so sensitive nowadays they seem to have forgotten that little thing called a “sense of humor”.

    “Screw ‘em” is right and probably the best advice for dealing with some people. Don’t let ‘em get you down.

  46. Did it ever occur to you that maybe you ARE way more unkind than you realize just as some moms are more annoying than they realize? You say that you’re introspective but haven’t considered the fact that you might actually be a bit of a douche as opposed to implying that the whole Mommyverse is just sensitive. And no, the fact that a few Moms agree with you means nothing. You need a thicker skin. If you’re going to go through life being a proud a snark machine OWN it and take what comes with it. Don’t say mean things then go on an apology tour talking about your grandma and cat like that changes anything.

    • I have considered that and come to the conclusion that a) I never said the whole Mommyverse is sensitive, but that the few who are give the rest of the awesome moms a bad name and b) I am not actually a douche, but rather someone who can poke fun and certain situations, but more often than not, poke fun at myself and move on. I am not unkind and did not going on an “apology tour,” as you imply. I own it…and two vegetable steamers, and I talk about my grandma and my cat because my life is empty without children to update my friends with 24 hours a day. I will proudly write about my grandma and cat because they’re funny and interesting and it’s my blog, so if it’s annoying, I invite you to continue on your own anti-apology tour back to the Mommyverse that you speak of.

      • Ahem.

        I’m just gonna stand up right now and say this, and it’s long overdue, not just here but across the blogosphere:

        Sure, tell me to get a thick skin but, you know, I already have one that’s thick enough. Will I get over the shit I hear? The name calling and the bullshit excuses and the straw men? Hells yes I will. It won’t ruin my life.

        But it will make me stop for a goddamn second. Being called a bigot, a c-word, another b-word, being told I cah-learly hate men – these things BOTHER me. They actually really do give me pause, they do hurt my feelings. I’m done pretending they don’t. And guess what? I think it’s a good sign that they do. I never want to be the person who gets called a man-hater and says “yeah, so?” I always wanna be the person those kind of insults sting – and that cause me to stop and say to myself “why would someone call me that? What have I personally done wrong here?” And, typically, the answer is nothing – and, typically, after some thought and some bitching I move right on.

        But it’s because I’ve actually thought about what people say to me, and actually been hurt by the insults. I’ve actually taken things to heart, checked in with myself, and considered another POV. The ability to do that, to feel that is, I think, far far more important than growing scales.

  47. You know your truth and that’s all that matters. The haters need to go into your “f*ck you” bucket. Then you flush that bucket down the toilet with all the other slimy, sloppy shit where it belongs. I’m tellin’ ya girl it sure makes ya feel good if you can visualize that whole scene.

  48. Abby, I haven’t read the post that started this whole firestorm – although I have children, I consider myself a human being FIRST and a mom SECOND. I am one of your biggest fans – just love you to pieces! I look for new posts on your blog every morning. I have never understood why people look down on those who choose to remain childless. Whenever I run into someone with that kind of attitude, I just have to ask: “Really? With all the problems in the world these days, you’re gonna get worked up over THAT?” Get a life!

    If you ever need any back-up with the mommy-hater crowd (or any other crowd for that matter – I’m always up for a good tussle), just let me know. My “Mama Grizzly Bear” claws are sharpened and ready for action. Nobody messes with our Abby. That ain’t gonna happen. No how, no way! Rawr!

    Sending you lots of warm fuzzies. Thanks for all the smiles, laughs, and food for thought you’ve given me. Looking forward to your next post!

  49. Oh my god- you know what is so crazy? I left a comment on your post on scary mommy that said something like “i’ll stop posting pics of my babies when people stop bragging about exercising.” I was obviously being sarcastic- I thought your post was funny and great. And then all these women started agreeing with me, and I thought “shit! I was being sarcastic!” Point being, sarcasm doesn’t always translate on the web.

    You don’t have to appeal to everyone. Just be fiercely you- and readers that appreciate you will follow. I get frazzled when people say mean things to me on my blog- so I just tell them to fuck off. It may not be very mature, but it makes me feel better. Ha! I wrote something this week that you will prob relate to

    http://guerrillamom.blogspot.com/2012/05/im-artist-and-im-sensitive-about-my.html

    Just because someone is offended, doesn’t mean they’re right. You got your blog posted and read on a hugely popular site. Don’t let all the bullshit that happened on the Facebook page (which I am going to visit now- I gotta see this) ruin that for you. You’re a great writer. Keep doing what you do.

  50. I’m amused that after all of this your retort is basically the same “if it’s so annoying don’t look” response that many have given regarding their child updates. All the best to you Abby. I don’t think you’re a bad person at all but I do think that a little empathy goes a long way. While I’m not guilty of the oversharing you described in your blog due to my rabidly private nature, I still maintain that the blog had no place on a site that claims to be a judgement free zone for mothers. Happy blogging.

    • Thanks for your respectful reply, but I will add that it’s Jill’s blog and the fact that she invited me to post says something about how the site SHOULD be a judgement free zone for mothers–and non-mothers. As I stated on the post itself, I don’t have a problem with children and enjoy being a part of the lives of the kids of my friends/family. What I do have a problem with is people taking me to task for not wanting the same thing or being quite as excited as them after numerous updates. I listen, I care, simply because that’s what friends do. But friends also respect my own choices and interests as well. While Scary Mommy might not have been the “ideal” place for that post, I thought empathy might be given as well. I was wrong. Lesson learned!

  51. I am a “fur mom” with cats and dogs, but I also want to be a mom one day. Parents, and mommiess (especially new ones) can be a biiiit unstable. Haters gonna hate, F*ck them. But some can be totally normal.

    I say when they inundate you with BABYBABYBABY, you follow suit with your cat. Most people get sick of pet pics (if they’re not pet people), and many people who do or don’t have kids get sick of other people’s kids. Not our kids (or pets), we don’t care.

    For example, I have a co-worker with a pet that she really does treat like a child. Like it has clothes to dress up and she throws the dog birthday parties. With cake.

    It’s not how I treat my pets, but I smile and say “awww” at her pet-child stories, then slowly go back to facing my monitor. I was polite, but really, your dog is not your kid. But then again, to each his own.

  52. It sucks when people take opinions and make it personal. I do hope you won’t let this experience deter you from writing, though, because you have a wonderful voice and your writing is a pleasure to read!

  53. Where have you been all my life?

    People can suck ass – and generally do. Those who have zero sense of humor are a complete waste.

    Hope you continue being fabulous online.

  54. The whole “you’re not whole until you have a kid and not having them makes you selfish!” thing makes me feel more violent and sad for our world than almost anything else. I’ve ranted about it in many places and it’s not entirely relevant here, but had to quickly say as much. Moms, and all groups of people who think they are the best for no reason at all, need occasional reminders that there are more important things in life than potty training. It’s just a fact. Everyone needs to be taken down a notch on the regular, and I guess both sides got that here. But the fact that you respond with dignity, respect and a calm manner proves that you are more capable of hearing criticism than most.

    • Thanks and much appreciated. I’m just annoyed that so much energy had to be spent on it, but it is what it is, and I didn’t want to let it just go by without bringing it up.

    • Amen to this. Amen Amen Amen.

      For being so “nurturing” mommy bloggers and crew seems to be the most vicious and hypocritical-what gives?

  55. Seems to me this Shikki chick doesnt have a clue. I may not know her (wouldnt want to), will never meet her (thank god) am old and handicapped, but i DO know that THIS mama couldnt be more proud of my little douche. Carry on Abs and like I always say, never change anything for anyone, but yourself. love ya scumbag!

  56. Abby, I think we may be from the same distant family tree :)

    • If that’s the case, you can totally have custody of the crazy uncle that goes dumpster diving and wanders around the beach with a metal detector (hypothetically speaking, of course.)

  57. I’ll trade your uncle for a great great grandpa who would send my great aunt to the store for left socks and plaid paint. I dumpster dived in college, kids threw out BRAND NEW things they didn’t want to schlep back home. My brother’s almost at the metal-detector stage at the beach…

  58. It may soothe you to read http://www.stfuparentsblog.com, and I mean this for reals as I am not a spammy anything. It a site dedicated to parents who overshare, or hijack others’ posts, or in general act horribly on Facebook in a way that any other person on any other topic would be chewed out. It makes me grateful my procreative friends don’t act like that. . .

  59. Girl, before I start this comment, I’d like to tell you exactly how many diapers I’ve changed this morning. Wait…no one wants to hear about that except other moms, fo realz. Like I told another blogger friend who got some hate mail, “If they aren’t talking about you, you aren’t relevant.” As writers, no matter if we agree with each other or not, we have to be willing to take the good with the bad. No one’s going to like all our work all the time, but the important thing is that we keep writing with humor and humility. Don’t stop blogging. And remember, some women just like to complain about stuff, and others are just sensitive because their toddlers just broke their fav necklace and spilled a gallon of milk on the floor. No worries…;)

  60. I just randomly came across your blog but first I’d like to say thank you. I read your whole post on scary mommy and I didn’t think it was mean or selfish. Even though I do want to be a mom SOMEday, my friends who are moms drive me absolutely nuts sometimes. They act like they are either the first woman on earth to ever give birth or (and this makes me shudder) they give you the “oh you aren’t a mom, you don’t understand” crap. Yes, being a mom is a hard job (some may argue it’s one of the hardest) but there are plenty of other childless women who work just as hard at their job. They think it’s perfectly ok to be 4 hours late to lunch (yea this actually happened to me) because it just takes sooo long to get kids ready! Take responsibility for your rudeness and quit blaming it on your kid lady. *whew* Haters gonna hate.

  61. Oh boy. FB users and mommy bloggers. What a perfect combination of obnoxious condescension and holier than thou whiny babies. Yep, I said it. I’m owning it, too. Send the emails my way, peeps.

    Don’t let the haters get you down. You do what you do, and unless you are being intentionally vicious or hateful, screw ‘em. That is all.

  62. Ok, I just read your post on Scary Mommy and LOVED it! I, too, have decided not to have children and most people look at my like I’m insane when I’ve mentioned this. Apparently the fact that I’m engaged and 30 years old means I should start popping babies out the second the vows have been uttered. Not going to happen.

    I actually love kids. My fiance has a son I love as if he were my own (most days) and I volunteer several hours a week teaching children with disabilities how to ride horses. Yet, the fact that I don’t want my own means I’m a kid-hater. Yup, I’ve been accused of that. I personally believe I’ll have MORE time to help OTHERS if I don’t have to focus on a kiddo of my own (other than the future stepson, who is 8 and fairly self-sufficient).

    So, in this time of my life when most of my friends are stay-at-home moms with 2-4 children, I realize I’m an outlier. But, it’s my choice and I wish people would just respect my decision; I’m not even asking them to approve or understand…just respect.

    In summary, thanks for your posts. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. Sorry this comment (rant?) got so long!

  63. Ok, so I read the post expecting it was over the top crazy or something and . . . really? Really, people? This causes us to tear others apart on the Internet? I’m baffled. Sorry you were personally attacked for sarcastically complaining about placentas. We don’t all have to agree, but seriously, can’t we play nice?

  64. Abby, I am a forty something mom who has friends who don’t have children, and we can go out and have lots of fun together. In fact, you remind me of one of my best friends who is childless and rescues chiwuawuas ( I don’t even know how to spell it). I recommended your blog to her, because I love it and I have your book, and she loves it, too. My rambling point is, you only offended those moms who have no other parts to their lives except being a mom. They thought that they had to sacrifice everything and now they are bitter. Sad…Keep doing what you love, girl.

    • Your friend sounds like someone I want as a friend, mostly because of the chihuahua thing ;) Thanks for reading and thanks for the recommendation. It means a lot!

  65. As a mom of two, I took no offense to your post. I think it’s crazy to be called selfish for not weaning to have kids. That’s just ridiculous. What would be selfish would be to have kids and not have your heart in it. That should suck for the kid. I respect when someone knows what they do and don’t want and why. Good for you.

  66. Huh, that article on Scary Mommy was how I found your blog, and I think you’re hilarious. I’m a mom – a pregnant one who way overshares stuff on FB to boot – and it was still funny! People need to lighten up and be able to laugh at themselves…

  67. I don’t Know you for a hill of beans and I think your awesome. If for no other reason your snarky like I am. But I think we both mean it in a light hearted laugh at yourself sort of way. It’s to bad others can’t see that.

  68. Abby, I”m a mom of four. I read mommy blogs. I read cooking blogs. I read political blogs and I read your blog. I read your blog because it’s funny as hell. I agree with Jill. Screw ‘em. Keep on with your awesomeness. Also, I don’t get the “selfish for not having kids” argument. What???? It doesn’t make any sense to me.

  69. Abby, cut yourself a wide swath around anyone identify themselves as a “mommyblogger.” Most of them are fucking nuts. I’m not talking about women who have children and happen to blog ot even blog about their children. I’m talking about those die-hard the cult mommybloggers. You know the ones… Just blow this off, girlfriend. It ain’t worth your time.

    • Oh yes. The swath is wide and I am over it. You win some, you lose some, you laugh at the people who can’t laugh at themselves. To each their own, and lucky for me, I have a wide swatch of pretty cool people ;)

  70. I can’t believe people took offense to that post! It could have been so much snarkier and still totally ok….people seem to have no boundaries on Facebook. Try being someone whose gone through a miscarriage and still be inundated with shit about other people’s kids….or people that complain constantly about their children. It’s annoying, and you have every right to write about. Like your other friend said, screw ‘em!

  71. So I read your guest post and find it extremely humorous that people got bent out of shape because of it. These are same people who display a picture of their toddler’s first turd in the toilet. True story. I couldn’t believe my eyes. What the hell is wrong with people?! Glad to hear you are working through this muck. You are fabulous, Abby! Keep speaking your voice. Your little army (of which, I lead) stands behind you and cheers you on… xo

  72. I really like your blog. I totally get where you’re coming from on lots of things – kids, single life, neuroses, humour etc :) I think it’s really important to have a voice like this in the blogosphere. you’re never mean or even controversial (in my opinion) you’re just being honest about your opinions – ones that loads of people in our demographic also share. so thank you for so nicely representing us.

  73. So, I read your post here, and then I read the original post. And then I read it again. Honestly, I don’t see what the controversy is. I expected much worse but…really people? If their skin were any thinner, they wouldn’t have any. My friend included me in a group text she sent of her daughter’s potty training success. Me: WTF? I don’t want to see that. Ever. Not on Twitter, not on FB, not via a GROUP TEXT! You keep doing your thing, and I’m glad I found you!

    • Yeah. The post itself was civil. The SM Facebook page is where their talons came out. However, it fostered good discussion and introduced me to a bunch of new people, so win!

  74. I swear, once someone pops out a kid, they turn into a total asshole.

  75. You’d think mommys would be nicer than the average person…I guess that’s not so.

    I went through a few similar experiences. It sucks to be hated and misunderstood by total strangers who don’t understand your sense of humor and call you names because of a personal disagreement. I’ve been there, and it just really kind of destroys your blogging spirit and your good will towards the humankind.

    I’m glad there are soooo many comments of support though! In our circle, you’re still cool as heck, Abby! Love you.

  76. You are under no obligation to defend yourself. I’m a mother and I thought it was hilarious (& true!). I can’t stand parents who over share and also think it’s disrespectful towards their children to divulge details of every moment.

  77. Hiiiiii… know I’m super late to this party. Apologies.

    I don’t know a SINGLE PERSON that won’t agree with the complaint, or laugh about how guilty they are, that moms can totally overshare. C’mon – there’s a whole website dedicated to it! (stfuparents.com – I think).

    That said – honey, I feel you. I thought my first post with the Good Men Project was HUGELY pro-man. And then it went up and the comments came in. It ruined my week! I spent HOURS just trying to keep up so that I could set people straight – which didn’t always work AT ALL. The names I was called and the things that were said… !!! Augh!!!

    The thing is, in that post, I used one word that set people off: “rape culture.” Did I go in naive to the intense response that term would illicit? Hells yeah I did. But – at the end of the day, people respond to a word, a term, a thought – without looking at the context. The fact that they do that isn’t your fault. Another thing? I’ve been repeatedly vilified in comments when I post at the GMP, yet I know I get a lot of traffic when I do, too – and no hate on my page. As the comments here tell you, sometimes it’s just the vocal ones who are upset, there is a larger majority who don’t want to yell and are right there with you.

    XOXO.

  78. Granny used to say that when people are miserable, they want everyone to be miserable and can’t stand it when everyone isn’t. Hey, We have 5 kids and several grandkids. I WAS so glad that ours grew up and moved out. I love my grandkids and do things for them that their parents don’t like, but who cares! I am not a baby sitter and made that clear up front. I just want them for the fun stuff and I’m not changing any more diapers…EVER!

  79. Ugh. Those people are silly. I’m glad you’ve kept going!

  80. Oh I have been here!! It does hurt. No other way around it. But kudos to you for dealing with it so well:)

  81. P.S. I’m only posting 2-line comments even tho I have SO much more to say on this ’cause the comment sys shuts me out if I go to line 3! Weird.

  82. (catching up on my reading, sorry I’m late)
    What is wrong with those people? (Oh, hanging out around the littles tends to rob people of vocabulary, but disengages brain also?…suspect some of them never put brain in gear, thus the problem?)
    Love that “cult of the child” comment. So real.
    You’ve got fans – so the laughs on them

  83. That post was so funny. Keep it up!

  84. kelleysbreakroom

    I didn’t know you went through all of that torture from those nitwits! I heart you just the way you are and think you are awesome. You are extremely talented, kind & funny. Boo on those cranky farts.

  85. oh god bless these mommies’ souls but they need to just leave the rest of us alone. I am married without children and also a very proud cat mama. i am constantly being asked if i’m pregnant yet and I feel like an alcoholic because i’m constantly drinking in order to almost show proof that I am not. I am surrounded by friends with kids and I’m frankly sick and tired of always hearing “But I have kids!” as an excuse to being a bad friend. For example, for my bachelorette I got major hell when I wanted an out of town party with my friends because my mother friends took this as me saying “fuck the moms”…..because I wasn’t allowing them the opportunity to go home at the end of the night because it was too far. Sorry for wanting to have a good time but remember I DON’T HAVE KIDS! This issue got so out of hand I ended up having to cancel my bachelorette and had a “bridal shower” in which my friends then brought their children who ran around the fancy restaurant causing a ruckus and people stared at us. I’ve been waiting to rant this out somewhere I was so upset! The worst part is nobody even thought anything wrong with the whole situation. Mothers are always wanted a little consideration for their situation…..maybe they should give us some as well?

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