This is Post Three of the 30 Days of Shamelessness Challenge—Eat. Whatever you want.
Anyone who has read this blog for more than a couple weeks (or looked at the header image of me smoking a stalk of asparagus) knows that food is something that has always had an important role in my life, for better or for worse.
Because of that, I have an issue with this prompt in the traditional sense, so I’m going to make it my own.
(Ahem…sorry, you had to know this was coming.)
By definition, “shame” is: a negative emotion, capacity to feel unworthy, state of disgrace or cause of regret. Those are powerful words to assign to something necessary for survival, but yet there’s still that association.
I eat a SunButter and banana sandwich a few times a week—no shame.
As I’ve said before, many Americans are just generally worked up about food. They’re told food can both protect them from and causes diseases, improve their minds or rot their brains, bring them pleasure or bring them pain. They are seduced by the loveliness of its aroma and multiple forms of “food porn” and then chastised when they actually indulge in something “sinfully” delicious.
For some people, eating is a nuisance and interrupts their regularly scheduled programming of daily life. It’s unimportant and simply necessary. For others, it’s a very powerful tool.
Standard lunch or dinner because it’s delicious, not just because I think I need veggies (well, and it’s easy as heck.) No shame.
It’s taken me a long time and a lot of work, but eventually I’ve reached a point where food no longer holds such power over me. When I’m dealing with daily stress and frustrations, I try not to turn to food as the fastest, easiest path to either pleasure and gratification or restriction and punishment.
In other words, I eat what I want.
Even if it’s a whole Amy’s Pesto Pizza at 9pm on a Saturday after a day full of three meals and a snack. Yes, this is a regular occurrence—no shame.
While I do long for more freedom with my thinking, I know I don’t ever want to be ambivalent towards my choices. I will never see eating as simply a nuisance that interrupts my regularly scheduled programming of daily life.
It will always be important and I’ll always carefully consider my options and allocate the time, effort and money to eat the foods that I truly prefer. Others may question my motivation, but in the end, I’ve been through too much and worked entirely too hard to let others influence how I feel about myself and my choices.
I actually crave huge salads, but I make sure to add in whole avocados and other ingredients to bulk the things up—no shame.
This isn’t an exercise in deprivation, self-harm or righteousness. The last thing I feel is deprived or restricted. It’s simply the way that I feel the best and it doesn’t even feel like a choice—it’s just me and how things are, how I want things to be.
So at this point, I do eat whatever I want with no shame—treats and all. While I most certainly have my moments—probably more than most people— the only time I ever regret what I’ve eaten is when I know it wasn’t what I really wanted.
I realize we all have different needs and wants, but we all also have the option to make the best choices for us—day to day and meal to meal. There should be no regret, as at that moment, it was what we wanted to eat.
No matter what, shame is not a side dish.
30 Posts of Shamelessness Challenge
those banana sammiches looks brilliant. I want three or four.
Those big salads of yours? With avocado? Eat them all the time. Recovering addicts, unite!
I’ve tried sunbutter but found that it sticks too much to the roof of my mouth, and I have a “texture thing” with food, so it’s a no go (and totally ironic since I don’t have the same complaint of almond butter).
I love that you are owning what you eat and choosing only to please yourself. It sounds like you’ve come a long way – good for you, lady!
I just discovered the best meal today (for dinner, shamefully): multigrain toast with mashed avocado and an egg over-easy on top. It is going to change my life. Thought I’d pass it on to another avocado fan! (wait, do yu eat eggs?)
I love it when you post photos of your food. I’m a dork like that, but keep it up. It gives me ideas.
I can’t eat peanut butter and almond butter is hit-or-miss with me, so sunbutter it is!
However, toasted Ezekiel bread with a whole avocado smashed up is consumed at least three times a week
http://abbyhasissues.com/2011/07/11/why-i-dont-have-a-cooking-show/
We could totally share a kitchen. I love everything you listed, and love the sentiment behind it.
The only thing I’m ashamed of consuming is diet soda. Its my crack. I know, I’m a terrible person.
Aside from diet soda, I think I’m ashamed sometimes that so much of my life has revolved around food. I know I’m better than that, and yet its part of the fabric of who I am. I guess that fabric might as well be a napkin cause I always need one….
I haven’t had pop in decades, but other than that, agreed and well said.
I’m still working on getting to a point where I feel comfortable eating what I want. I think that’s one of the toughest things I face in my recovery right now. I need more banana sandwiches in my life.
It’s a constant work in progress for me as well, but like everything, it’s day to day. And yes, everyone needs more banana sandwiches with nut butters.
I have never had sunbutter! I must change this ASAP.
And you should eat what you want. Your choices are healthy and responsible and if it satisfies you than that’s whats important
love your post! and trying to lose some shame myself. wondering if you’ll share your asparagus salad recipe pictured above? looks amazing! x
I sent you an email!
“the only time I ever regret what I’ve eaten is when I know it wasn’t what I really wanted”
That really makes sense and I think is a good description for my feelings on food. It reminds me of the time I bought a large beautifully iced sugar cookie. I looked forward to eating it all day. But it didn’t taste at all like what I’d expected. It wasn’t good. I think because I’d been looking forward to it all day and I didn’t have an alternative treat, I ate the whole thing anyway. That’s the kind of thing I regret food-wise. If the cookie had been as kick-ass good as it looked, shame-free.
I have no idea what sunbutter is. And I’m also addicted to caffeine-free diet coke (I know, why bother…I like the fizz!), so your news that you haven’t had pop in years blew my mind up.
Sunbutter is like peanut butter but made with sunflower seeds. I have a peanut intolerance (not an allergy, just big issues,) so it’s a great replacement and delicious. And no, I haven’t had pop since I was like, 10 years old. It was never a big draw for me growing up so I don’t even think about it. As for the cookie, I think I do that with a lot of things as well. Sometimes my expectations are sky high simply because I elevate a certain food to rock star status simply because I’ve deprived myself of it before. There’s no way it can ever live up to what I’ve imagined it to be, so I get pissed and regret. When you realize it’s just food–as delicious as it may be–it can take some of that pressure off. The cookie will always be there and technically you can eat it at any time. They’re not becoming extinct
Ah yes, makes sense on the sunbutter, thanks.
RE: cookie, I was at a basketball game at the time so there was no outlet to obtain a better cookie. Of course waiting until after the game seemed out of the question when there was a cookie in my lap, no matter how unappealing the taste was! But yes, cookies aren’t going extinct. Good point.
I forgot to mention how glad I am you mentioned the asparagus in your header. I pride myself on being observant, but somehow I never caught that. I always wondered what was up with the smoking!
I eat peanut butter almost daily. Love it! I also have no problem going for the chocolate cake on occasion. Everything in moderation. Moderation in moderation. You’ve got to live.
Amen, sister! I know that I’ve had issues with assigning too much power to certain foods in the past and I definitely employ the “it’s not going anywhere” mantra when necessary. I have noticed though, that as I get deeper into my 30′s, I’m less and less even aware of what people say when they see what I’ve brought for lunch (which I bring everyday, can’t help it) and don’t spend nearly as much time worrying or feeling guilty about food choices. And it’s a welcome reprieve!
My mom is continually amazed at the amount of avocado and tahini I ingest on a daily basis. I say the more, the merrier.
This is a great post and I love the last sentence
No shame in asparagus addiction. Amen?
But I do jive with what Eden said. My food obsession is something I carry shame for. Hopefully it will go away.
I’ve been fortunate in that I haven’t had to watch my weight during my life. Yet. And my cholesterol seems to be okay, so I can enjoy food without shame. I know a lot of people wrestle with food issues, which is really too bad. So much energy which could be better expended elsewhere.
Wow, Abby you’re awesome. I have salads for lunch 3 times a week and it’s a chore but I tend to think of myself as “fat” so I agonize about food and I hate that. I think I feel the way Oprah does about food, that’s it’s my friend and my enemy. I am always so impressed with people , like u, who can make it just friend and stay slim, trim etc. I think I love potato chips too damn much
But that’s the thing. There should be no shame involved with ANY food, as it’s just food, and shame is such a strong word to associate with something like that. If you like potato chips, rock the potato chips! Eat what you know is best for you and what you need to have, but allow yourself those chips without the guilt. It’s that food that fuels you and keeps you going for all the things that make you an amazing mother, wife, daughter, friend, etc. There’s nothing to be ashamed of and time spent agonizing is time that could be better spent on things that really matter
I’m not awesome by any means. I still have my struggles and still have a lot of weight to gain, so even if this posts gives the impression that things are awesome and always peachy keen, that’s not true. We all have our moments!