She will wake to buzzing alarm in her ear.
She will reach for her pill case, her water.
She will swallow to silence the noise in her mind.
She will sigh.
She will wish for mornings when the effort wasn’t great to simply swing her legs out of bed.
She will remind herself that things could be—have been—worse.
She will clean herself up and fight off fatigue as she makes her way into the world.
She will work, she will lose focus, she will try again.
She will smile and joke and she’ll charm those she meets.
She will wonder why she ever felt low.
She will work, she will lose focus, she will try again.
She will do her job well.
She will want to be somewhere, anywhere else, but there’s no place that she has to go.
She will try to soften her edges, to breathe deep, to focus.
She will search to find one thing to reel in her mood.
She will.
She will smile.
She will exhale.
She will make her way out of that world.
She will go and collapse in the comforts of home, her body and mind both exhausted.
She will try to shake free.
She will prepare for the next day and organize things.
She will feel too much or feel nothing at all.
She will slightly self-destruct in the ways she knows she can.
She will curse her tired body.
She will curse her tired mind.
She will curse their communal betrayal.
She will stop.
She will exhale.
She will answer her phone.
She will try to soften her edges, to breathe deep, to focus.
She will listen—not just hear—but she will listen.
She will be calm as she is through the good in the bad, emotions tamped down from the meds.
She will listen some more.
She will talk you down from the emotional ledge that she’s often jumped off of before.
She will remind you that things could be—have been—worse.
She will hang up.
She will be tempted.
She will slightly self-destruct in the ways she knows she can.
She will try to shake free.
She will write.
She will get lost in a world full of words and wonder why she ever felt low.
She will lose focus, she will try again.
She will curse her tired body.
She will curse her tired mind.
She will curse their communal betrayal.
She will stop.
She will remind herself that things could be—have been—worse.
She will smile.
She will set her alarm and refill her pills before falling back into bed.
She will close her eyes and sigh.
She will make her way out of that world.
She will fight again tomorrow.
She will.
I realize this is a slight detour from my usual posts, but that’s was the point. This week’s Red Dress Club prompt was a challenge to “take what you know out of your comfort zone. Switch it up. See where it takes you.” It took me to depressive fiction. Go figure.
I promise tomorrow’s post will be back to normal. In fact, it includes a cat with yellow hair.
You should write music. This feels like a song to me.
Oh! Oh! I can play guitar! We can tour the country as a family band!
As long as you cater the tour, I’m in. I think my years of off, off, off Broadway “Barbie & the Rockers” concerts and car karaoke concerts more than qualify me. Hook it up!
Abby, this is amazing. Really beautiful work. You should feel very proud of yourself. Every moment was crystal clear and the use of repetition was, as Jessica said, almost like a chorus in a song. It worked on every level and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Your comment–and all these–mean a lot, as this is one of those posts that IS out of my comfort zone. I don’t like feeling insecure with my writing, so as much as I hate to admit it, the comments give me a bit of confidence (and will stop me from just deleting this post.) Thank you for taking the time…
That would make a good song… but boy, sounds like you have a REALLY busy day tomorrow!
Not really…just that whole “work thing.” The yellow-haired cat post is already written
I’m not really a cat person, so I prefer these types of posts ; )
Kidding (meaning I like almost everything you write).
I have felt this way many times but yes, it always does end in a grateful smile: “She will curse her tired body. She will curse her tired mind. She will curse their communal betrayal. She will stop. She will remind herself that things could be—have been—worse. She will smile.”
very riot grrrl. Kathleen Hanna would be proud.
seriously, i like the cadence and clear lines. Once again, I dig your issues, fiction included.
LOVE this, just LOVE!
Awesome and inspiring.
That was truly great writing. It sounded great and all but You know what?
As I read it I listened..I didn’t just hear. And that is when the pen becomes the knive and well.. dang. That was deep. You cut into “a character” and exposed the innards.
(wow, why so carnal Missy? I have no idea.)
I wish I had the skills to follow some of these prompts.
“She will slightly self-destruct in the ways she knows she can.” I love this sentence. It really resonates with me. Remaining functional nearly all the time is brutal. It’s about keeping the demons in check. Every once in a while they escape. It’s just not letting them take over the psych ward so that you can stay on track.
I loved every word, it transported me even in it’s simplicity. I was engaged and interested in her.
wow.
Beautifully done and doesn’t feel strained or uncomfortable which is hard to do with something that reads almost like poetry. Lovely.
This is a piece i related to so much. Loved the way it is writen, great flow. I think I’ve felt and done all of it.
This was so nice to read. Poetry yes, but not awkward (the way poetry normally makes me feel – yes I’m odd that way).
It was a great to visualize the “she” in the piece. She could be so many of us …
I could really feel all those obligations in the reading of this.
I really, REALLY enjoyed this departure from the norm. As a former poetic devotee, it was literally music to my ears (eyes?) Beautiful lyricism, haunting repetitions…if we were at a poetry readings, I’d totally be giving you snaps for this one.
I personally would not at all mind another departure like this in the future.
It was beautiful. I felt like I was reading about a time in my life…. especially the “she will lose focus. she will try again.” That is signature ME.
from the red dress club and stopping by to say this is awesome!
I love the format, the emotion, the fact that you dug deep and revealed. Brave and beautiful? I can live with that.
I love this, and it’s totally a song. It’s got a refrain, melodic structure, and a bridge.
So, you say depressive fiction. I say Indie rock/singer songwriter gold. Anyway, thanks for playing along with the prompt!
The repetition is brilliant; I think that, in some ways, more than even the words themselves it tells the story. Her frustration, her constant up and down is completely real, easy to relate to. I feel for her as a character…and am able to glimpse the inside of her mind.
Brilliantly done. A great “out of your comfort zone” piece.
I love the repetition – and the strong, “she will” kept me reading the entire piece.
Totally be a killer song!
I love the repetition here. I think it shows the struggle to get somewhere that she can never quite get to. Really beautifully written!
I read this the day it was posted, but I couldn’t think of anything to say except “Wow.” So I kind of let it stew for awhile. This totally inspired me to write something for the prompt, so thank you.
I too found the repetition powerful. I also liked the hope I saw lurking in this.
“She will answer her phone.” That line actually made me laugh. God, how I hate answering the phone at work.
This really struck me because, really I’ve been having some days like this, and as you know, I love depressing fiction.
I think the way that you used repetition and tiny tasks really showed how this woman struggles to go the motions. Whether it’s pleasant or not we have all done this at some time. Every step is one foot in front of the other, and every tiny action has to be a goal or she will just fall down.
I like it.