I hold these truths to be self evident, that I love sleeping in the summer.
Well, I also love sleeping in the winter, spring and fall—I love sleeping—but I especially love sleeping in the summer. The windows open, a gentle breeze blowing through, the sounds of nature serving as a gentle lullaby—minus the occasional manic cricket cackle or crazy neighbor lady yelling at her dogs/hacking in her bushes, I consider summer sleeping quite possibly one of my favorite activities.
In fact, I actually think about these things mid-winter when I’m huddled in bed under blankets in the fetal position with the windows sealed shut and the humidifier/heater going full blast. The promise of summer sleeping—along with the promise of baseball season and fresh green beans— is what gets me through.
So imagine my displeasure every year around this time when my peaceful nights are no more, when I climb on top of the covers only to be jolted out of my meditative trance five minutes later by what is assumed to be either an apparent drive-by or carpet bombing.
I do not live in either a ghetto or a war zone, so that leaves one other option—pyromaniacs celebrating their independence from maturity and common sense by blowing shit up.
After all, what’s more American than purchasing illegal fireworks and lighting them off in the middle of the night—or even the middle of the day—the two weeks before and the two weeks after the Fourth of July?
I can answer that—just about anything.
I’m not anti-fireworks.
I’m not talking about the normal explosives people go downtown to see on the actual Fourth of July. (Although I’m not too into that either. At first I go "oooh, ahhh, pretty" then near the end when the dog is terrified and I’m tired from lack of sleep due to constant booming for two weeks prior to that day, I’m pretty much over it and feel ready for a Valium salt lick.)
I’m talking about the idiots that shoot off bottle rockets, M80s and firecrackers, the result of which could result in either the burning down of my house or torching of my sanity.
Along with the aforementioned noise pollution, pieces of the blasted things—actual litter— will be found throughout my backyard and neighboring streets for at least the next week.
Perhaps I’m missing something here, but I just don’t see the appeal of spending large amounts of money on things that go “boom” from a shady man on the side of a road in a striped tent blasting “Born in the USA” from his mobile home.
They want loud noises?
Keeping blowing shit up at 2am, causing me to wake up and hit the deck with “Gangstas Paradise” stuck in my head. If they stop over about one minute after this happens, not only will I give them loud noises, but I can guarantee that my language will be colorful as well (“oooh, ahhh, pretty” will not be included.)
I’m not suggesting people have to stick to sparklers, colored smoke bombs and those creepy snake things that completely ruin the sidewalks forever. All I’m suggesting is that they abide by normal explosive etiquette and keep the pyromania and possible arson with a sonic boom soundtrack to the weekend of the holiday.
After all, this is a holiday to celebrate certain unalienable rights—life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
In other words, a good summer night’s sleep.
**Just to update, the fountain is working once again and the sink drip has stopped. This is good not only for me, but also for you, as I won’t feel the need to share the exploits once again (until something else happens.)
I hate when people light fireworks – top five pet peeve, which is really saying something. I can sort of understand when its teenage boys, but grown adults? Makes me irrationally angry. A few summers ago, someone burnt down a house in my neighborhood…and still…..they go off every summer.
I am so with you! It sounded like bombs were going off in my neighborhood last night. One actually jolted me right out of bed! 4th of July weekend is fine but that is all. Freaking crazies!
In a small town, like mine, with nothing for kids to do, every 4th ends up being a night of firecrackers and other things going off. It’s never enough to keep me awake – that part is taken care of by our rich neighbors who host a 4th of July party and buy actual fireworks and shoot them off that night.
I admit that I do like fireworks. Like you said, they’re initially pretty and pleasing to watch, but after 20 minutes it gets repetitive and my options are to either A. be eaten alive by mosquitoes or B. smell like bug repellent and feel sticky, and then be eaten by fewer mosquitoes.
By the way, the Gangsta’s Paradise thing made me “lol” quite hard.
It’s expected on the actual Fourth of July. As for the past two weeks? Not so much
I dont get the explosive appeal either. I once had a boyfriend who tried to explain to me the joy he got from shooting potatoes out of a home-made potato gun. Huh??
I I actually like firworks, but I think you need a special permit in California to use them so we only get a few. Hence perhaps why I can tolerate them. And I thought you DID live in a ghetto war zone! I’m learning new things about you in every post.
I’m relieved about the sink. That was keeping me up at night.
I don’t mind fireworks. What I mind are earth-shattering explosions at 2am and bottle rocket shards on my windshield for two weeks. As for the sink, you would be surprised how many people have been asking me–hence, the update
Holy crap. It does sound like you live in a war zone. I’ve lived in a quiet rural area for so many years now and we don’t have much of that at all. The cowboys here would go kick the shit out of the offenders. On the 4th, there’s an organized fireworks display in town and I do love that.
Bottle rockets?!
I thought I had time warped to Baghdad last night….I could have used one of those Valium Salt Licks! Thank you Wal-mart for having fireworks on sale for the last month…I think my neighbors stocked up!
My mom’s house has similar issues with bottlerockets. She lives in a small town outside the city so that’s kind of how they celebrate. The crazy part is that they cut the funding for the borough’s fire work display five years ago and the problems got worse. I have to wonder how much money they are spending on police/cleanup for the rocket fest?
This annoys me, too. Every one of those fools who burns off a fingertip or lights his favorite pants on fire deserves it for waking me up outside that 4th of July weekend window of firecracker opportunity.
I sleep through earthquakes and couples screaming in the next room. I’m the ultimate sleeper. I can totally sleep through firecrackers.
What should be illegal is crying babies. For some reason THEY always manage to disturb by rightful sleep. Damn those pacifier-sucking creatures.
Did I just earn my passport to hell?
gah! sorry abby. someone in my realm was doin’ this last night too.
oh snap, 10pm i just heard it again. sunday night, RLY??? lol
I live in an area filled with law-breakers and pyros. For them, it’s Month of July instead of Fourth. AND there are fireworks after every Dodgers game. Sooooo annoying.
I feel with you – I’m *sooooo* sensitive to overstimulation, especially sounds. I like the beautiful colors, the audacious smell, and the gentle plopping of the kind of fireworks that does these things, but I honestly dislike the bomb kind of fireworks that just make noise and aren’s pretty or anything. Thank Goodness, this is only allowed on New Years Eve over here!
So I hope the fireworks are over now, and you enjoy a good summer sleep. Slummer sleeps are gorgeous, except when it’s so hot that you can’t find some.
Yeah, I’m not a fan of most loud things. I could probably do without fireworks. Even on the 4th I have to stifle my usual thought which is, when is this “show” going to be done?
I am totally digging my summer slumbering this past week. I hope you get some peace and quiet soon. If not, you are welcome to come and visit. There’s barely a noise up here!
AMEN … at least you do not live in an apartment complex (vex#1) next to a trafficky street (#2) and NOW they are tearing apart the major highway nearby. MAJOR construction sounds 9A-7P, 1A-5A. (#3).
All for $1,500 a month. Awesome.
Triple fail.
I feel your pain. Sadly, I recently taught my son about the glories of being technically correct. At our house (while dogsitting), it goes BOOM!!! arf, arf!, “But Mom, it technically isn’t even JULY yet. Those are for independence day!” Multiply by 400 and pray for tequila.
Tequila is the devil. I will pray for Vodka.
I am lovin’ this blog…but I now have “Gangsta Paradise” stuck in my head. Dammit.
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