A text I got from my mom last night might give you a bit of insight into my early command of authority:
“I was cleaning out some drawers of mine and found a note you wrote the Tooth Fairy. OMG. You were so direct and authoritative. Made me laugh. Then cry. Thank you for being a wonderful weirdo.”
I had to investigate.
On a little 3-by-3-inch piece of paper was the following, word for word, scratched out in pencil:
Dear Tooth Fairy,
Hello again.
You need to know that this tooth was really a pin in the butt! I could twist it all the way around!! It was a lot of work!!!
Please leave the money under my pillow and sign your name on the line below:
X_____________________________________
The pencil is on my desk. Please don’t use my purple pen. It’s my favorite.
Have a good night!
Let’s “workshop” this, shall we?
I like how I conveyed a sense of familiarity with the addition of “again” to my hello. Then I get right to the point, telling her the necessary information surrounding the situation and the effort I had put forth to extract said tooth.
I also think it was a nice touch the way I built up the emotion with progressively more exclamation points each time.
Then I rounded things out with the call to action and verification of her status —money under pillow, sign on the line, avoid purple pen—to clear up any confusion, before politely wishing her well on the remainder of her rounds.
Yes, I am a wonderful weirdo.
Yes, but a charming weirdo. Did you grow up to be a CEO because it’s hard to imagine you as anyone’s subordinate.
Asking to sign for the tooth transfer was also a very possessional touch. But you didn’t ask for the paperwork in triplicate…tsk tsk.
I was trying to be eco-friendly, even more than 20 years ago. Save the trees!
To bad e-signing wan’t a viable option back then. That would have been impressive.
De-lurking to say that I read your blog religiously and look forward to your posts so much. You constantly crack me up. I just had to comment on this post to say that this made my day! If I ever have children (God help me) I hope they are spunky like that =)
Nicole G
HA!
That was actually supposed to say, HA, you pip!
We definitely would have been little weirdo friends together
How much did you get for the tooth anyway?
Yes, it was a no nonsense no BS approach. Very straightforward, but polite. Very cute.
Your mom must have loved it.
I love the signature line. Would you NOT have accepted the money if the Tooth Fairy hadn’t signed? Personally, anyone can leave a dollar under my pillow and I’ll take it!
This is amazing. I love how you weren’t concerned at all that a complete stranger would be sneaking into your bedroom at night using your stationary.
Hahahaha!!!! That is the BEST! I love it. And I love your mom’s text too.
That was awesome! I have never heard of someone doing that before. Your commanding tone is just priceless.
Fairly new in these parts. Love this. Did you grow up to be a lawyer?
Ha. No, although it has been suggested a few times. I don’t like suits or lots of paperwork. Instead I just argue my points for free.
The best part is the signature line. It’s like you were a little lawyer, but not quite since you are polite and have manners
Hilarious. My grandma found some old letters I had written to my favorite TV stars back in the day, like Punky Brewster. Brought back good memories.
And no sampling the candies on your way out!
Serious about getting your quarter…
That is awesome. Just a signature line? No witnesses or anything?
A witness might want a cut of the profits.
Hilarious! I can’t decide which I like better: the letter from your childhood or you workshopping that letter now. Love how you’re very obviously the same person, only a little older.
Stopping by from TRDC.
I think you have a kindred spirit in my 6 yr old known affectionately as “The Goose”.
When she lost her first tooth last year she wrote a note to the Tooth Fairy demanding that her tooth be worth 5 dollars since that what her sisters got. She always aaked to know if her tooth would be used to build the tooth fairy’s house (from a book we had at the time) and what part of the house.
very funny Abby
Amazing, made me laugh! Well done!
the more I read you, the more I’m enchanted, you are a wonderful writer and your WIT is beyond compare.
I don’t think anyone has ever used “enchanting” in reference to me before, so you just officially made my week with this comment.
LOL, that is priceless! Just one more reason I really must go digging in my parent’s attic…who know what sort of blog fodder I could find
I found an old piece of school ‘art’ the other day – something I created aged 6. I had painted some clouds in watercolour with the whimsical text: “Clouds hold the souls of dead men”.
I think we definitely could have been friends.
I also once carried a dead squirrel in a box around my neighbourhood for the day. Just because I could and I thought it was a cool thing to do.
I’m not sure how you would have felt about that, I know you like squirrels, but I guess only when they are alive.